Thursday 'Uns

MonkieSocks

I saw my ex-wife walking towards me in the street today,

Not wanting to stop and chat to her, I quickly pretended that I was talking on the phone.

She walked straight up to me and said,

"You're just pretending to be on the phone, aren't you?"

"Hold on a moment," I said to my pretend caller.

"No, I’m not. What makes you think that I’m pretending?"

She said, "You’ve got your thumb in your ear and your little finger on your lip."

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Bloke in a nightclub sees an ugly girl at the bar, he walks up to her and ask,

"Have you got a pen?"

She looks up, smiles and says "Why, yes I do".

"Well" says the bloke, "you'd better fook off back to it, before the Farmer finds out that you're missing!"

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I said to my doctor "I’ve badly bruised my penis in a surfing accident".

He said "did you fall off your board?" I said "no, I had to shut my laptop quickly"