Pocket Money - How old is too old?

oOjimbobOo

I have a child who turns 19 at the end of the month. I give them €40 per month pocket money. They are in college and they are still waiting for their grant to come through thanks to a combination of information requests by the VEC and delay in returning the information. I had intended to stop the pocket money when they turned 18. I told them recently that I would stop it at 19 as I would have expected their grants to be paid by then and all hell let loose. I have told by others that I am a soft touch. Is 19 too old to expect pocket money from a parent on a low income?

Offy

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

I have a child who turns 19 at the end of the month. I give them €40 per month pocket money. They are in college and they are still waiting for their grant to come through thanks to a combination of information requests by the VEC and delay in returning the information. I had intended to stop the pocket money when they turned 18. I told them recently that I would stop it at 19 as I would have expected their grants to be paid by then and all hell let loose. I have told by others that I am a soft touch. Is 19 too old to expect pocket money from a parent on a low income?

One of my children is in college, I give him €80 a week pocket money. I guess its different for everyone. My son is also waiting on his VEC grant to be decided on. Even when its is decided on I will still give him pocket money until he is qualified and gets a job. He is my kid and its up to me to look after him no matter what his age is.

Lola92

I stopped getting pocket money at 15 when I got my first job. Seriously you are giving your 19 year old adult child pocket money??? I could understand a small loan to tide them over until grant comes through but I would be expecting it back. Are they living with you rent free, washing done, dinners etc. too?

hoodwinked

i would say stop the pocket money when they get a part time job,

but then all my family get part time jobs at 17, 18.

by 19 i would personally never expect pocket money, nor will i give it to my daughter when she is 19, if she is out of work or in need of money i will help her depending on what its for, if its for rent/college i would just give it to her, if its for lunches/drinking in college i would lend her the money to be paid back when she can.

Pov06

I think whether you give them pocket money or not depends on the circumstances of their income.

If they haven't got a job and can't get one(times are pretty hard especially for under qualified people), why not give pocket money? After all they might need it more.

munstergirl

€40 a month pocket money is only €10 a week, or €1.42 a day, wouldn't even pay a bus fare.

Hopefully your kid will get a job part time, but i would keep paying it till they finish college.

Poor kid turns 18, right i'm not supporting you financially anymore. That what it sounds like anyway.

Ophiopogon

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

Is 19 too old to expect pocket money from a parent on a low income?

Yes 19 is too old to expect pocket money.

I stoped getting pocket money at 14 when I started babysitting and odd jobs. But saying that I was never asked for rent if I wasn't in a full time job and at times when I was struggling my dad would buy me my bus ticket for the month.

So depends on what else he doing, there is jobs for students so does he have one and the pocket money is topping him up?

What does he think about getting the pocket money?

implausible

In fairness, €40 sounds like a very reasonable amount to have as discretional income per month. I presume that s/he is living at home and getting bed and board. I'm also presuming that s/he has tried to but can't get a part-time job.

Where else is the young person to get money from, when the grant hasn't come through?

I see no issue with it OP, unless your child is unwilling to find work. In fact, I'd think I should congratulate you on raising a child who can live on that amount, while some of his friends are spending their grant or parents' money on going out and clothes.

The Lovely Muffin

I was never given pocket money as such when I was younger, but if I had any money left over from my lunch from I was allowed to keep it rather than hand it back and put it towards the next day's lunch money, that said, I was lucky if I had €2 left over.

I was in college last year and was getting the B.T.E.A and again wasn't given any pocket money, if I was stuck for a few euros or something (my payments didn't always go in on time) then my mother would lend me the money and when I got paid then I'd pay her back. My mother is also on a low income.

If I had a child who was still waiting for their grant to come through, I'd help them out whatever way I could, even if I hadn't much money, I'd still help them financially as much as I could.

If it's a case of giving them money for new clothes/nights out etc, I wouldn't do it, that said, since I was 16/17 I have been buying my own clothes anyway.

I would help them out until their grant comes through OP and when it does come through, you could ask them to pay you back.

Thoie

I didn't qualify for grants and never managed to find a part time job during college terms (I'd generally get summer jobs). My parents kept giving me a monthly allowance through college which was based on the cost of a monthly ticket, lunches and a small amount of discretionary spending. I was very grateful. If they had told me they were stopping it at a certain age I'd have been worried and upset, but would not have thrown a tantrum about it.

I suppose it comes down to how well you can afford it. My parents were thankfully able to afford it without having to resort to eating catfood. If, for example, you're unemployed, then it's a bigger chunk of your income.

If I was in your situation, and could afford it, I'd continue the allowance through college, and even help with setting them up for the first month or so when they find a job. If they're lucky enough to get a decent job straight out of college, there'll still be the first month until you get paid, with travel and food costs during that time, plus having to get new clothes for work.

If you can't afford it, talk to them about student loans to cover living costs, and help them work out an appropriate budget, explaining the difference between beer and mobile phone money, versus food and travel costs.

CIARAN_BOYLE

No matter what I'd give your kid bed and board through college. After that whether he gets a grant is dependent on your income so if he gets the grant grand, if not I would try to give him pocket money similar to what he would get from the grant.

Thats my opinion (as a college student). Also encourage him to get a job, either part time or what I try to do work full time during the summer and budget to make that cover discretionary spending for the year.

username123

I stopped getting pocket money at around 14 years of age, as soon as I started getting babysitting and odd paid jobs. I got a proper pid part time weekend job at age 15 and never looked back. I never really got an official amount of pocket money anyway so it was always in my best interests to work.

I dont think it teaches people financial good sense to keep giving them pocket money as adults. Anyone I know who got given money by their parents past mid teens are the very same ones who got burned massively with ridiculous credit habits in the boom because they didnt know the value of money.

Its hard to learn how to stand on your own two feet when someone is propping you up all the time.

oOjimbobOo

Like a number of others I didnt get pocket money growing up, but if I needed anything it was bought for me. I started working at 16 and handed up 33% of my earnings while I lived at home.

I dont begrudge him the money - what I do have a problem is that he has become reliant on it. I know that he has been looking for a job, but had no luck. Every once in a while he will ask for a few bob to go to watch a St Pat's match or go for a few drinks with friends, which I have no problem with.

My eldest child is like me in that she too started work at 16, so I stopped paying the pocket money then. There was no problem. She is going through college now, and apart from €200 she needed towards her course materials she has asked for nothing more.

I wanted to treat them both equally, that they got the same growing up. My eldest wasnt aware I was still paying pocket money to their brother until I mentioned it in passing recently and she said that I should cop on.

There is no-one in my immediate (large) family circle who share this predicament. Most of my siblings stop paying pocket money to their children around the age of 16 - 18, it how we were all brought up, and it appears that we all follow the same basic rules.

Neyite

It really depends on the grant amount to be honest.

My parents were far from a soft touch but they topped up all our grants while we were in college. We would not have survived otherwise. We tried our best to get part-time work where possible, but in an exam year Dad insisted that we didnt work in order to hit the books more.

If they are still classified as your dependants due to being in full time education I would not begrudge them a tenner a week.

oOjimbobOo

munstergirl wrote: »

€40 a month pocket money is only €10 a week, or €1.42 a day, wouldn't even pay a bus fare.

Hopefully your kid will get a job part time, but i would keep paying it till they finish college.

Poor kid turns 18, right i'm not supporting you financially anymore. That what it sounds like anyway.

Its how my siblings & I were brought up, and its exactly how they bring up their children.

oOjimbobOo

Ophiopogon wrote: »

Yes 19 is too old to expect pocket money.

I stoped getting pocket money at 14 when I started babysitting and odd jobs. But saying that I was never asked for rent if I wasn't in a full time job and at times when I was struggling my dad would buy me my bus ticket for the month.

So depends on what else he doing, there is jobs for students so does he have one and the pocket money is topping him up?

What does he think about getting the pocket money?

He lives at home and cant find work. The €40 basically is to top up his mobile every month.

hattoncracker

Never got pocket money really when I.was.growing up.. €5 a week Maybe! I am in college now, pay my own rent.. I would hate asking my mom for money but I get paid monthly so if she loans it to me I always transfer it back to her when I get paid.. Theres been a few times I've had to move home for a month at a time due to illness, I paid part of the bills and paid half the money towards a new tv for her.

My sister lives at home and she always cleans the house, drives my mum places and even bought her a new suite of furniture. My sister went to college in the north so she couldn't get a grant, so she helps out now.

It's the way youre raised I think. OP, help your child all you can, once they get a job they will help you out and pay you back.. It's an investment in your child's future, no matter what age. They'll help you out when they can.

Thoie

username123 wrote: »

I dont think it teaches people financial good sense to keep giving them pocket money as adults. Anyone I know who got given money by their parents past mid teens are the very same ones who got burned massively with ridiculous credit habits in the boom because they didnt know the value of money.

Its hard to learn how to stand on your own two feet when someone is propping you up all the time.

Based purely on my own experience, I'd disagree. While we were propped up with an allowance, it wasn't a free for all. The money was lodged in my account at the beginning of the month, and that was it. I had to plan my spending during the month, taking into account long/short months - same as I do as an adult. I never got into bad credit habits, because I was expected to budget and plan, and continued to do so.

oOjimbobOo

Offy wrote: »

One of my children is in college, I give him €80 a week pocket money. I guess its different for everyone. My son is also waiting on his VEC grant to be decided on. Even when its is decided on I will still give him pocket money until he is qualified and gets a job. He is my kid and its up to me to look after him no matter what his age is.

You are a very supportive parent, no doubt. I would assume that your parents done much the same for you when you were young. Unfortunately, not everyone is in a position to be as financially supportive as yourself.

Even if I was in the position to be as supportive financially I would still follow the same path. Its how I was raised. Stand on my own two feet and make my own way in the world.

Ophiopogon

Judging from your other thread, money is an issue so tbh eeven if it is only 40 a month I would talk to your son and tell them that you cannot afford it.

He's 19, he is not a child...I'm sure he could find a job that would at very least earn him the 40 a month.

Offy

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

You are a very supportive parent, no doubt. I would assume that your parents done much the same for you when you were young. Unfortunately, not everyone is in a position to be as financially supportive as yourself.

Even if I was in the position to be as supportive financially I would still follow the same path. Its how I was raised. Stand on my own two feet and make my own way in the world.

As it happens my parents didnt help me when I was in college and thats why I help my children. I decided that I didnt want the same relationship with my children that my parents have with their children.
At the end of the day my son is only 17, he hasnt got a grant, yet. He doesnt live at home since starting college do the €80 covers his rent and €40 a week for food. He uses skype for phone calls and on occasion I top up his allowance for ESB, etc. If he get the grant I will cut his allowance in half but I'll still help out when he needs it.

iguana

I stopped getting pocket money once I got a regular babysitting gig and out of my babysitting money I gave my younger brother's pocket money out of that in order to lift a small financial burden off my parents. I worked all through college, about 30 hours a week in Dunnes and I also had a number of regular babysitting gigs, so I could pay for whatever I wanted, save to move after I graduated and pay board at home. I always knew my parents would help me anyway they could if I really needed them but as an adult they certainly didn't owe me anything, least of all a social life.

I think that giving a 19 year old pocket money is utterly nuts when you can't afford it. He has bed and board with you for free and is lucky to not be expected to pay his way as an adult really should.

username123

Thoie wrote: »

Based purely on my own experience, I'd disagree. While we were propped up with an allowance, it wasn't a free for all. The money was lodged in my account at the beginning of the month, and that was it. I had to plan my spending during the month, taking into account long/short months - same as I do as an adult. I never got into bad credit habits, because I was expected to budget and plan, and continued to do so.

I had to plan my spending, but before I planned that I had to plan my funding!!! I learned how to rely on myself, both for the procurement and budgeting of money. Handy skills going forward.

Because I never got handed a penny I didnt work for I also learned how to save for something I wanted and feel like I earned it, which I think is a skill that has been lost somewhere along the way in this country in recent years (not related to your post Thoie).

OP I hadnt realised that money was an issue in the house, definitely discontinue giving him money unless he really needs it for something, he needs to try and find something to earn a few quid himself.

oOjimbobOo

Ophiopogon wrote: »

Judging from your other thread, money is an issue so tbh eeven if it is only 40 a month I would talk to your son and tell them that you cannot afford it.

He's 19, he is not a child...I'm sure he could find a job that would at very least earn him the 40 a month.

While money is an issue, in this instance I wanted to get feed-back from others on what age is the right age to stop pocket-money. I had told my son a few years that if he had no income I would continue to pay him this small amount every month. Another problem is that he does not consider his student grant as personal money.

oOjimbobOo

Offy wrote: »

As it happens my parents didnt help me when I was in college and thats why I help my children. I decided that I didnt want the same relationship with my children that my parents have with their children.
At the end of the day my son is only 17, he hasnt got a grant, yet. He doesnt live at home since starting college do the €80 covers his rent and €40 a week for food. He uses skype for phone calls and on occasion I top up his allowance for ESB, etc. If he get the grant I will cut his allowance in half but I'll still help out when he needs it.

My son is living at home and studying in Dublin, so the €40 he gets was just for his mobile top-up.

confusticated

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

While money is an issue, in this instance I wanted to get feed-back from others on what age is the right age to stop pocket-money. I had told my son a few years that if he had no income I would continue to pay him this small amount every month. Another problem is that he does not consider his student grant as personal money.

I don't understand what you mean by this, does he consider it as your money?

Can't help you much on this I'm afraid, I haven't got pocket money since I was 12 I'd say, when I started babysitting. My parents pay my rent and give me food money though while I'm in college, during the summers that I lived at home I gave them a portion of my earnings. I'm 22, my brother is 19 and is the same, though he got pocket money til he got a part-time job at 16.

liliq

I got "pocket money" from my parents during college terms between the first christmas in college until I finished my undergrad at 23.
I didn't qualify for a grant, despite being "financially independant" before college. I worked part time all during college, full time in the summer, except for the last semester in my final year. Part time work covered bills, most food, social life, clothes etc. Summer work covered registration etc. for the following year. My pocket money covered my rent, some food, plus a bit, which I usually kept for months where we had to get oil etc. I was very lucky my parents had the means to support me so much. If I took it for granted I reckon I would have had my bubble burst fairly sharpish though!!
It definitely depends on personal situation.

Ayla

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

My son is living at home and studying in Dublin, so the €40 he gets was just for his mobile top-up.

Personally, I would feel that 19 is too old to be getting any sort of allowance/pocket money. You're already providing room/food/utilities, and he's not contributing to any of that presumably?

I don't buy the whole "he can't find a job" argument...like it or not there *are* jobs out there for those willing to take them. Has he tried all the local convenience shops/petrol stations/restaurants/etc? Crap work, no doubt, but for a few hours' work a week he can earn his own mobile top up money. Either that or he doesn't need the mobile - life did exist before them. :eek:

OP- if you can't afford it, and he's not giving anything in return, it seems like your son's getting it easy here.

(this coming from someone who never once got an allowance & was working casually outside of the home from the age of 12, part time by 16 and full time through college & summers). I earned & maintained academic scholarships that paid 3/4 of my tuition/room/board/books and my folks financed the rest. No such thing as a free ride at our house

Moonbeam

I think when he finishes college then he is too old.
I presume you still get childrens allowance for him while he is in college?
Encourage him to get a job or at least look for one but while he is still in college I would throw him a few bob when he needs it.
Then again if you buy his clothes and books etc and he has some other income I think that is enough.

Lola92

Just to add - there is no longer Child Benefit payments once the child reaches 18, regardless of whether or not they are in full time education. This applies also to secondary school. My brother is in 6th Year, 18 since November and my Mum doesn't get anything for him any more.

Storminateacup

Wow I'm 23, fiancé and a child of my own and my daddy still gives me pocket money.