Pocket Money - How old is too old?

Moonbeam

Storminateacup wrote: »

Wow I'm 23, fiancé and a child of my own and my daddy still gives me pocket money.

*confused mod*

Is this meant sarcastically or do you mean he gives you a few quid here and there?

oOjimbobOo

confusticated wrote: »

I don't understand what you mean by this, does he consider it as your money?

No just that he dosent count a grant as income

Offy

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

No just that he dosent count a grant as income

My son thought the same way until last christmas. I sat him down and had a very open and frank talk with him. I pointed out that if he wants to look at the grant as 'drinking money' then I wouldnt support him any more. They have to grow up at some point.

cee_jay

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

He lives at home and cant find work. The €40 basically is to top up his mobile every month.

I would consider €40 a month a fairly high amount to be topping up by when someone else is paying for it.
Perhaps you could consider reducing the amount you give him if you don't feel like you could stop completely? Maybe down to €20 - with meteor he could give free any network texts for that topup for the month.

To be honest though, throwing a tantrum over the thoughts of you stopping the pocket money was very childish, and if he is not used to earning his own money, perhaps he has no appreciation for how hard you work for it?

Storminateacup

Moonbeam wrote: »

*confused mod*

Is this meant sarcastically or do you mean he gives you a few quid here and there?

Me amd my fiancé were both worming full time (til like last week), we have enough money to live comfortably but my dad does not believe us when we say that, last month he lodged the entire months rent into my account and when I explained I didn't need it, he told me not to be silly, when I explained rent had already been paid anyway, he said well get yourself something nice then. He'll pay my car tax, insurance, health insurance ect basically any large expense I have, he insists on covering it, doesn't take no for an answer.

I'm not sure why he does it

mikeyboy

Dunno how it is/was for anyone else but I started working (part time) at fourteen so didn't get pocket money from then on and when I left home to go to college I had a grant and a job so it wasn't an issue then either although it seems to be harder for students to get a job now than it was then so I guess the pocket money is more likely to be a necessity.
As far as how much money should be handed in at home, I gave a half of my wages when I was living at home. A friend at college who was living at home handed up his entire grant and wage from which his parents gave him enough for his weekly bus fare, any immediate expenses such as books, fees etc. and twenty cigarettes. He had no social life whatsoever.

Moonbeam

Storminateacup wrote: »

Me amd my fiancé were both worming full time (til like last week), we have enough money to live comfortably but my dad does not believe us when we say that, last month he lodged the entire months rent into my account and when I explained I didn't need it, he told me not to be silly, when I explained rent had already been paid anyway, he said well get yourself something nice then. He'll pay my car tax, insurance, health insurance ect basically any large expense I have, he insists on covering it, doesn't take no for an answer.

I'm not sure why he does it

That is sweet but not really inline with the op's question;)

Storminateacup

Moonbeam wrote: »

That is sweet but not really inline with the op's question;)

Sorry!! I know I just meant I wasn't being sarcatic!

BostonB

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

...Is 19 too old to expect pocket money from a parent on a low income?

Yes.

Especially for a mobile. No-one needs to spend €40 a month on a mobile, especially if they've no money. If they earn it doing chores thats different, or you want to give the a gift now and then off money, and you can afford it.

RedXIV

I never got pocket money really. I could work my ass off for jobs around the house etc and "earn" what I wanted/needed but I didn't get a regular installment of anything until I started working at 15. And I ended up putting myself through college as well (bar them bailing me out once as a 21st birthday present). I do think it was easier to get a job back when I was in college (I had 3) but surely even 2 days a week would top his money up three times more than what you are giving him? My brother works weekends in Tesco's, been there long enough now that a weekend is worth over €200 to him.

Penny Dreadful

RedXIV wrote: »

I never got pocket money really. I could work my ass off for jobs around the house etc and "earn" what I wanted/needed but I didn't get a regular installment of anything until I started working at 15. And I ended up putting myself through college as well.

Me too. My parents never gave any of us pocket money. If we needed copies, pens, pencils, etc for school and clothes they bought them for us. Anything additional we wanted then we worked for.
From the time I was 12 I had babysitting jobs and that money was mine to do as I wanted with but there was no getting away with spending it all on rubbish and then coming looking for money for a new top of something.
In college I paid my own rent, bought my books etc, by working two to three jobs at a time during the summer holidays and saving the money earned. I also worked at the weekends too.
I think it very strange that anyone would continue to give pocket money to their adult children.

confusticated

For people saying he could surely get a job for even a couple of hours a week - he really might not be able to find one. When I was looking most places wanted someone full-time, or more flexible than I could be with college. They also can pick and choose who to hire, so a 19 year old with no experience who can only work weekends and after 6 say hasn't got much of a chance put next to a 25 year old with 4 years experience even who can work any hours at all.

I got lucky, but had 3 years experience in retail, and I think that helped a lot!

OP, sorry, I might be a bit dense here, but you said he doesn't see it as income, what on earth does he see it as? For me, the grant is meant to support people who can't afford college to get through it - so 90% of the grant should be going to you as his parent to support him (food and lodging etc.). That's just how I see it.

marknine

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

I have a child who turns 19 at the end of the month. I give them €40 per month pocket money. They are in college and they are still waiting for their grant to come through thanks to a combination of information requests by the VEC and delay in returning the information. I had intended to stop the pocket money when they turned 18. I told them recently that I would stop it at 19 as I would have expected their grants to be paid by then and all hell let loose. I have told by others that I am a soft touch. Is 19 too old to expect pocket money from a parent on a low income?

In fairness, at 19 it should be the other way round. You need to put your foot own as it is the only way to teach the 19 year old the real value of money. You should set a family budget and let them know how much it costs for bills and food. The bggest mistake my mum and dad did with me was to install a sence of value of money in me or my siblings. We were not spoilt but it would have better training for adulthood if the purse strings were cut. Once they get the grant, they should be making some kind of contrabution to the household. And if they get a job, they should do the same. They wont thank you for it now, but in the future they will realise you did the right thing. Good luck

nesf

I didn't really get regular pocket money until I went to college. Before that I funded stuff and helped pay for bills whenever I was working. I didn't qualify for a grant though in college and had to live away from home (if I'd gotten the grant I'd not have gotten much/any money). I don't think age comes into it as much as circumstance does. If the kid has no income, I don't think it's unreasonable to help them out. Equally, I don't think it's wrong for the kid to start contributing to bills when they get a job either.

ash23

I never got pocket money.
I got a babysitting job at 13/14 and a part time job at 15 (full time during school holidays).
My parents dropped me to my college digs just before I turned 17, paid my first week rent, handed me £20 and that was that. I had to get a job and I worked 3 evenings a week and every weekend while I was in college.

I'm not saying they were right, because that was very hard and for a long time I was quite bitter about it because I saw my friends getting their rent and bills paid for them while I was effectively shoved out the door.
I am probably too independent now and hate asking for help.

But I don't give my 9 year old a set amount a week either. I buy her what she needs and she asks for things she wants after that and I decide whether or not it's worth getting.
In time I'd prefer to give her money when she needs it as opposed to a set weekly amount. I just think I'd give her the fiver or tenner on a saturday, it'd be gone on saturday night on hairbands and lipgloss and on monday she'd want money for something she just found out about ( a disco or whatever).

As for college, it depends on my own finances as I'm far from flush at the moment but I will help her with what I can. However if she is living at home then that will be my part done as far as I'm concerned. If she can't get a job she can earn her keep around the house by cleaning, making meals if she's home early etc while I'm in work.

OP, if your son is a good lad and he'd do anything you ask and is helpful and co-operative around the house, then a tenner a week is fair enough (although the grant should be enough if he's got food and board so I'd stop the pocket money then). However if he's moody and useless and doesn't help out around the house I wouldn't be long about putting a stop to subbing him.
Only you know if he deserves to get the pocket money or not.

Bride2012

I stopped getting pocket money at 14 when I started babysitting then I got a part time job at 16. I think that the €40 a month is fair but I would be conscious to get your child to do some household jobs for it too. One night cooking, some kitchen cleaning etc..

marley123

I was given €50pw during the college yr to cover bus, food etc..

I also worked Part time & during mid terms/ summer hols as I lived at home used to give my mum €70pw to help towards bills..

miss no stars

Having support from parents while in college can make a world of difference. 40 a month, say 20 of that goes on mobile phone credit. That's 5 euro a week left. Which wouldn't have come close to covering my photocopying and printing costs when I was in 3rd and 4th year of college!

Look, if money's as tight as it sounds like it is, hopefully he'll get his grant. Then it needs to be figured out how much he needs to hand over to help cover the cost of his food etc. What genuine costs does he have associated with college? He'll need a portion of his grant for that, plus a little money to buy things that make life just that bit better than "just surviving". Such as a bar of chocolate or cup of tea on days where he's tired and about to head into a tough lecture.

There are so many people here going on about how inappropriate 40 euro a month is to give a kid towards their day to day expenses while they go through college. Fair enough, ye managed it without any help. Not everyone can get jobs these days. The jobs simply are not there.

His son is trying to further his education, this will hopefully lead to a better financial position down the line than if he dropped out and got a job now. I'm sure he's grateful for the money. And like it or not, the OP brought him into this world and it's his duty to make sure he's ok. If he stopped the pocket money I doubt he'd be ok. I'm not even sure how he can get to and from college (unless he lives close enough to walk/cycle) on that sort of money.

Having a tantrum-like outburst is far from mature, but reads to me like he's stressed enough about money as it is. If 40 a month can be found to help him out while he's waiting on a grant, then no doubt that 40 euro is actively helping him get a better degree than if he didn't have it. I would chat to him about the grant being to cover the cost of living, not to be used as drinking and entertainment money.

To me the bottom line is, 40 a month is keeping him in college and letting him focus on studying and not financial stress. If he gets his grant, then the pocket money should end and a lot of the grant should go towards contributing at home. If he doesn't, what's he going to do without the money? How is he supposed to cope? I'd believe it if he says he can't find a job, I know lots of people with degrees and varied experience in different sectors, available for all hours of work, who can't get a job.

oOjimbobOo

The €40 is solely for mobile top up and to get to see a match or two each month. He gets seperate payments for bus fares and has borrowed money to purchase materials needed for his course. When he gets his grant he will be expected to give his mother 33% to help towards the house.

nesf

oOjimbobOo wrote: »

The €40 is solely for mobile top up and to get to see a match or two each month. He gets seperate payments for bus fares and has borrowed money to purchase materials needed for his course. When he gets his grant he will be expected to give his mother 33% to help towards the house.

That all sounds very reasonable. Contributing some of the grant towards the house is perfectly acceptable given that many students need to pay rent and all food bills out of it normally.