Changing your name when getting married

mikemac1

I've never seen in AH, sure we'll give it a go

Was quite a while ago but a lady in work got married, asked me the lowly team leader [all the stress and workload of management but none of the perks and pay ] to get her name updated.

No bother, email to HR, another to lads in IT and it's updated, brand new email address.
I think the IT lads said something about turning it off and turning it back on again

So another lady came back from her honeymoon, I asked will I do the same and I got slapped down and put in my place :eek:
Some ladies have strong opinions on this issue.

Would you insist your wife takes your name? As a wife would you just take it as the done thing thing that you will? Or maybe that sounds like something that is too traditional and forced

And following on would you give your children these double barreled names which seem to becoming common? Or does that sound an awful idea?

A few things to think about anyway,

I've done my best with the poll, don't flame me over it

44leto

Hilliary Rodham Clinton,

She kept her name till her hubby went for the prez.

I know irrelevant to this thread.

Giselle

mikemac1 wrote: »

Would you insist your wife takes your name? As a wife would you just take it as the done thing thing that you will? Or maybe that sounds like something that is too traditional and forced

I'd probably take my (fictional) husbands name, its a nice tradition and although it has its roots knee deep in sexism and chauvinism I don't think those factors apply anymore, mostly. I know some girls feel their name is intrinsic to their sense of identity, but I'm not one of them.

If his name is something like Dick or Sidebottom, maybe not.

I'd never inflict a fake double barrel on my kids, as a family it would be nice to share a single name.

I wouldn't be too impressed with any man who tried to insist on it though, its not his place to enforce or insist on it.

starlit

Oh dear....nothing wrong with changing the name at work like that under consent from the employee.

I would have no problem changing my name to be honest as my surname is quiet unique though but too long a surname and a mouthful!

Anyways I be happy to change my surname...if I want to do it I will If I don't so what. I don't know if I want a double barrelled name don't think that be an option for me. But I might depending on what surname I be changing too. Though probably wouldn't inflict it on my future kids on it though with a double name! whether or not i get married at all is another question if I even want too but might get married don't know until I meet that person....

Though still wouldn't expect my future husband to insist I take his surname! Should be my choice at the end of the day!

Caraville

If I ever get married I'll take my husband's name- I like the idea of us having a common name that recognises that we're a family, regardless of whether we ever have children or not.

As for children, I would never inflict them with a double barrel name. I absolutely hate them. If they choose themselves when they're older that they want to have them then fair enough, but I just prefer one name.

PrincessLola

Nope, keeping my own last name.
(If future husband has a problem with that than hes marrying the wrong person lol!)

Not that I judge people who don't, but thats my decision.

Also, my mother kept her last name when she married and we never felt less of a 'complete family' because of it, so that argument is just stupid.

Neyite

I know a lot of married women who still use their maiden name in work, but outside of it they use their husbands surname.

Makes sense if your CV and professional qualifications are all in your maiden name.

I'd be happy to do it that way. No double barrelled for me.

marketty

I've always wondered what happens when two people with double barrelled surnames have kids, do their kids get all four surnames? Or two from the top and whatever you're having yourself carol?

Seachmall

Wouldn't particularly care what the missus did. Double-barrels are out of the question though.

jaja321

Would keep my own name, should I ever get married. Can't really see why I would change it.

Caraville

PrincessLola wrote: »

Also, my mother kept her last name when she married and we never felt less of a 'complete family' because of it, so that argument is just stupid.

I'm not saying you'd feel like less of a family (I have friends I would count as being practically family and we'll never have the same surname) but what I'm saying is I like the fact that by having the same surname it's instantly recognisable to outsiders that we are a family unit.

Really doesn't make that much of a difference I know, but to me I'd just like us all to have the same name. So long as it works for each individual family though that's all that matters- I know that for a lot of women keeping their name is not so much a feminist stance but more that they're either the last in their family with that name or else it's just handier for work to keep their maiden name.

southsiderosie

Neyite wrote: »

I know a lot of married women who still use their maiden name in work, but outside of it they use their husbands surname.

Makes sense if your CV and professional qualifications are all in your maiden name.

I'd be happy to do it that way. No double barrelled for me.

This. I'm getting married in a few months and I'm keeping my surname for professional reasons. The kids can have his surname. I think he is a little disappointed, but he understands, and he calls me by his surname anyway.

Dudess

I'd change it for some stuff, not others.

southsiderosie

Also, what's up with the poll options? There doesn't seem to be any room for joint decision making.

later12

Why is there no option for "there is no reason for a woman to change her name at all"? If my wife said she wanted to change her surname after we got married I'd probably be more bewildered than impressed. It is something that I'd consider should have gone out the window at the start of the womens' movement.

As it happens, all the boys in my family took our Mums name. What a family chooses to name their children is an entirely personal thing; some names just sound ridiculously long if they were to be double barreled, and they can't exactly keep having barrels added to them through the generations, so that your grandchildren might be taking four surnames.

ABajaninCork

I had to use my married name to get a PPS no. The Welfare Office wouldn't let me use my maiden name for some reason, but now understand they were wrong to insist on married name.

But DL, Insurance, and bank accounts still in my maiden name as I never bothered to change them over.

Not bothered what people call me TBH. I answer to both names. Just DON'T ADDRESS ME AS MS!!! It really grinds my gears.:mad::mad:

Miss X or Mrs Y will do...

mikemac1

southsiderosie wrote: »

Also, what's up with the poll options? There doesn't seem to be any room for joint decision making.

case by case basis is joint decision making

later10 wrote: »

Why is there no option for "there is no reason for a woman to change her name at all"?

I could have put in a hundred options and it would not have been enough

joshrogan

Most double barreled names look horrible.

saa

I took my mothers second name and I am not taking my fiances second name and my children will be double barrel and can take whatever name they want when they're old enough.

But I've never really gotten that "done thing" thang.

Cedrus

No poll option for a man to change his name to his wifes'?
Of course, the only option to do this in Ireland is by deed poll and then you'll get treated with suspicion every time you apply for anything that requires a birth cert.

mikemac1

Ah ffs, the last time I start a thread with a poll

Yiz are upsetting me

44leto

I would change my name just to get rid of outstanding bills.

Miss Fluff

I'm getting married in May and he's got such a gorgeous surname I couldn't not take it! For work and professional purposes I will probably keep my birth surname but for everything else I will be Mrs......! Double barrelled names are a no-no for me.

Feeona

I'll probably change my name to Fiona. The double barrelled e is getting on my tits.

Cedrus

mikemac1 wrote: »

Ah ffs, the last time I start a thread with a poll

Yiz are upsetting me

We're only shlaggin

I used to work with a rabidly nationalist frenchwoman who was upset and embarrassed that she had a polish surname, she then married an english guy with a french surname.

xflyer

My wife kept her name when we got married. It was a non issue for me. I do think she might have changed if it wasn't for the fact that all her sisters kept theirs.

The result is that sometimes I get called by her name, which I never bother to correct. The kids have my name, the only thing I would have fought over. We couldn't do double barrelled as both names start with H and are quite long. It would be ludicrous.

One other issue is that she has the same first name as my Mother. She wouldn't like to have the Mother in law's name! On the other hand my sisters all changed their name when they got married even though they're generally quite stroppy and feminist. They like to tease my wife when they send letters to her using my name.

The only person who doesn't like it is my Mother. But she's old fashioned.

dxhound2005

Double barrelled might not be the best idea sometimes.

http://www.locksleynet.com/2010/05/27/when-not-to-double-barrel-your-name/

later12

Cedrus wrote: »

rabidly nationalist frenchwoman

A good example of the Redundant adjective. I've never met a non-rabidly-nationalist Frenchman or woman:)

AnonoBoy

When I get married I'm going to change my name to Xavier Hernandez Charles Meatfather III.

Niles

If a Murphy-Doyle marries a Byrne-Doyle, then their offspring should go by the surname Murphy-Byrne-Doyle².

mattjack

Mrs Mattjack goes by a double barrelled name since we married.Her maiden name was Sammich.













My surname is Maker....


















Mrs Sammich-Maker.

later12

Niles wrote: »

If a Murphy-Doyle marries a Byrne-Doyle, then their offspring should go by the surname Murphy-Byrne-Doyle².

Edit: ah i see what you did there.

I'd go with Murphy-Byrne(Doyle²), myself.

gcgirl

PrincessLola wrote: »

Nope, keeping my own last name.
(If future husband has a problem with that than hes marrying the wrong person lol!)

Not that I judge people who don't, but thats my decision.

Also, my mother kept her last name when she married and we never felt less of a 'complete family' because of it, so that argument is just stupid.

Plus a million

WindSock

I wouldn't be arsed changing unless it was really cool like Megatron. I don't mind what name the childers had. Unless it were Cornelius.

coup1917

double barrel names are an embarassment full stop...
amazing how many would consider having one although they wouldnt inflict the kids with it......!!!

Giselle

WindSock wrote: »

I wouldn't be arsed changing unless it was really cool like Megatron. I don't mind what name the childers had. Unless it were Cornelius.

Corneluis Megatron would be the coolest name ever. EVER.

mikemac1

With a double barelled name the neighbours will think we are Protestants :eek:

Ellis Dee

It reminds me of a headline in the Leinster Leader (a Naas weekly) years ago: "Prosperous man marries Clane woman.":D

If the Marriage Act in Ireland was anything like legislation in Scandinavia, couples getting married could either keep their original surnames, both adopt one or other or hyphenate them (either Clane-Prosperous or Prosperous-Clane). The children's surname would then be whatever the parents decided from that menu, but all siblings would have to have the same surname.:)

I remember this being thrashed out about twenty years ago, and it was surprisingly controversial, but now it's sorted.:cool:

Eric Cartman

giving your kids a double barreled name is just inviting bullying really, it might help them get into trinners though

hondasam

Yes I changed my name, was called by my maiden name recently which was weird.

Shenshen

mikemac1 wrote: »

I've never seen in AH, sure we'll give it a go

Was quite a while ago but a lady in work got married, asked me the lowly team leader [all the stress and workload of management but none of the perks and pay ] to get her name updated.

No bother, email to HR, another to lads in IT and it's updated, brand new email address.
I think the IT lads said something about turning it off and turning it back on again

So another lady came back from her honeymoon, I asked will I do the same and I got slapped down and put in my place :eek:
Some ladies have strong opinions on this issue.

Would you insist your wife takes your name? As a wife would you just take it as the done thing thing that you will? Or maybe that sounds like something that is too traditional and forced

And following on would you give your children these double barreled names which seem to becoming common? Or does that sound an awful idea?

A few things to think about anyway,

I've done my best with the poll, don't flame me over it

I still have my maiden name, but I will eventually change it. The reason I haven't done so yet is that neither my husband nor I are Irish nationals, so getting it changed requires additional paperwork and at least 2 trips to embassies in Dublin, and we simply haven't got round to that yet.

The reason I'm going to change it is not tradition, but the simple fact that his name is simpler. My name is weird even in my home country, and rather long. His name is English, and simple and common enough so I will never ever have to spell it again.
If that wasn't the case, I'd keep mine.

I figured that since I was the one asking him for his hand, bowing to tradition in this is just the practical thing to do

Galwayguy35

Interesting thread. Where i live all my friends and neighbours have taken their husbands name when they married. No double barrell names either. Wonder is there a city/rural divide on how women feel about this issue?

Shenshen

Caraville wrote: »

If I ever get married I'll take my husband's name- I like the idea of us having a common name that recognises that we're a family, regardless of whether we ever have children or not.

As for children, I would never inflict them with a double barrel name. I absolutely hate them. If they choose themselves when they're older that they want to have them then fair enough, but I just prefer one name.

Why not ask him to take your name?
Some friends of mine did. The main motivator seems to be whose name is shorter and simpler.

gcgirl

mikemac1 wrote: »

With a double barelled name the neighbours will think we are Protestants :eek:

Hehe lol

Niles

later10 wrote: »

Edit: ah i see what you did there.

I'd go with Murphy-Byrne(Doyle²), myself.

Yeah that sounds more mathematically accurate.

If Murphy-Bryne(Doyle²) marries a Byrne-Doyle, then should their name be Murphy(Bryne²)(Doyle³)?

Other possibilities to think about are Flanagans marrying Hannigans.

Or if a Southern marries a West.

Novella

Ellis Dee wrote: »

It reminds me of a headline in the Leinster Leader (a Naas weekly) years ago: "Prosperous man marries Clane woman.":D

If the Marriage Act in Ireland was anything like legislation in Scandinavia, couples getting married could either keep their original surnames, both adopt one or other or hyphenate them (either Clane-Prosperous or Prosperous-Clane). The children's surname would then be whatever the parents decided from that menu, but all siblings would have to have the same surname.:)

I remember this being thrashed out about twenty years ago, and it was surprisingly controversial, but now it's sorted.:cool:

I don't get it. Prosperous and Clane are places, not surnames?

Dudess

Flanagan-Hannigan is an awesome name!

annieoburns

I married latish is life and kept on my maiden name for work/prof. contacts. But both my christian and surname are quite common and another person of exact same name was part of same organisation. My husbands surname was less common so I changed it eventually and certainly anything to do with kids I was "Mrs ....."

As for double barrelled? well some sound quite nice and 'lift' the plain one to better sounding name so each on its merits. From a genealogical point of view, it is nice to see a name continue that might otherwise disappear. My mother named her son with her maiden name as his middle name lest it disappear as my grandfather was only one of his siblings to pass on the name and then had three daughters! So my brother has an odd second christian name but again makes it unique.

Yes hate Ms .... just leave out any prefix.

whydoibother?

I'm always Ms. rather than Miss. or Mrs. It's absolutely nobody's business whether I'm married or not. Writing one of the latter two serves no purpose other than satisfying nosiness. I would never change my name but each to their own.

ABajaninCork

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I had to use my married name to get a PPS no. The Welfare Office wouldn't let me use my maiden name for some reason, but now understand they were wrong to insist on married name.

But DL, Insurance, and bank accounts still in my maiden name as I never bothered to change them over.

Not bothered what people call me TBH. I answer to both names. Just DON'T ADDRESS ME AS MS!!! It really grinds my gears.:mad::mad:

Miss X or Mrs Y will do...

what's wrong with ms?

i wouldnt mind changing to his i suppose
nothing i ever got massively hung up on
but if i do switch, to pick hypothetically, it'll be ms -my first name- smith, not mrs john smith :mad:

Andromeda_111

I changed my surname to my husbands after I got married. I had no problem with it at all. I didn't feel like I was losing any part of my identity, in fact I felt that we were united as a 'mini' family, name 'n' all.
Besides, his surname was much nicer than mine.
The topic was discussed not long after we got engaged, he never insisted upon it and I never had a issue with it so it was the natural option for us I guess.