Living next door to a toilet

TeddyTedson

I live next door to a toilet and it's absolutely disgusting. I'm about to go to bed now soon, so there will be total silence while I'm getting to sleep. Then just as I'm drifting off someone next door will slam the door and start having a late night crap. I can hear all the grunting and horrible sounds it's absolute horrendous. They might be in there for over 20mins too.
How do you even bring something like this up with someone? "Oh by the way could you stop taking noisy long ****es at 1AM in the morning please"...:rolleyes:

I've considered getting ear plugs but a lot of pressure builds up or something in my ears then and I get a throbbing pain.
I just can't seem to win.
Anyone else ever have this issue.
At least it's not as bad as when I lived in an apartment briefly where many mornings I was woken by the people next door banging off the headboard. I'll try record it maybe later and upload the sound file so you can hear how loud it is.

drunkmonkey

I'd say you can nearly taste what they had for tea.

Sweet dreams:D

senorwipesalot

Disgusting.Hope you washed your hands before posting.

billymitchell

While they are taking a shíte in the jacks, you go in and take a dump on their bed! That'll learn them

Johnny Foreigner

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I live next door to a toilet and it's absolutely disgusting. I'm about to go to bed now soon, so there will be total silence while I'm getting to sleep. Then just as I'm drifting off someone next door will slam the door and start having a late night crap. I can hear all the grunting and horrible sounds it's absolute horrendous. They might be in there for over 20mins too.
How do you even bring something like this up with someone? "Oh by the way could you stop taking noisy long ****es at 1AM in the morning please"...:rolleyes:

I've considered getting ear plugs but a lot of pressure builds up or something in my ears then and I get a throbbing pain.
I just can't seem to win.
Anyone else ever have this issue.
At least it's not as bad as when I lived in an apartment briefly where many mornings I was woken by the people next door banging off the headboard. I'll try record it maybe later and upload the sound file so you can hear how loud it is.

Karma.

John Doe1

have you considered self-immolation?:)

Pacifist Pigeon

Poor Teddy, poor, poor Teddy.

My name is URL

Then just as I'm drifting off someone next door will slam the door and start having a late night 'crap'. I can hear all the grunting and horrible sounds it's absolute horrendous. They might be in there for over 20mins too.

Go take a shit on the parent's bed while they're busy bumpin' uglies in the loo

Jesus Wept

I have a sofa bed that you are welcome to, surprisingly comfy.

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

Karma.

What a shit post.

tvercetti

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I'll try record it maybe later and upload the sound file so you can hear how loud it is.

This has legendary thread potential if you actually record him or her.

Archeron

The house on one side of me is in a different estate, so at a weird angle. One night, I was outside my house and somebody in their en suite let a fart akin to an anal version of a barney gumble belch. Me and a mate burst out laughing, and then heard laughter coming from the toilet as well. It was a beautiful moment as we shared a laugh with somebody we'd never even seen.

jimthemental

Thread title mislead me, I thought you had no toilet and had to sneak into other peoples in order to relieve yourself.

bobbytables

If you don't know them or don't care, loudly cheer them on, drum on the wall & burst in to applause when they flush. Half the battle is letting them know you can hear them, the rest is up to your creative genius.

But yeah if you want to upload the sounds, no doubt someone will remix it in to the next funky meme feat. OMG cat.

DEFTLEFTHAND

You really just have to be forthright in these situations because its an intolerable instance to have to endure on a nightly basis.

So what I'd do would be just to give a rap on the wall or door and say something like Keep it down in there will ya. The person will most likely be embarrassed but I'm sure they won't do it again or even raise the issue with you in the morning.

Badgermonkey

Reminds me, I miss Flutt's ability to convey toilety tales of colonic evacuation in a prose that was an odd mix of Hunter S. Thompson meets PG Wodehouse.

Gods speed Sir, wherever you are.

eth0

I have a toilet inside my house. Jaysus can you imagine the torment I must go through

and next door is another house with a toilet inside in it. as well as actual people who use the said toilet.

you should count yourself lucky that next door is merely a stand-alone toilet

TeddyTedson

eth0 wrote: »

I have a toilet inside my house. Jaysus can you imagine the torment I must go through

and next door is another house with a toilet inside in it. as well as actual people who use the said toilet.

you should count yourself lucky that next door is merely a stand-alone toilet

Are you ****ting me?

frozenfrozen

Following thread with interest in said recordings.

Seren_

The-Rigger wrote: »

I have a sofa bed that you are welcome to, surprisingly comfy.

no safo bed is as comfy as the one in my house. It's awesome.

OP, my room is next to the bathroom too, but for some reason I can never hear anythinfg (which is good). 0aybe move your bed to an opposite wall or something?

FatherLen

everytime you hear them taking a dump late at night play a song, preferably one you wouldn't hear often so it would be memorable. only play when they are taking late night dumps but play the same song everytime. they will eventually spot the pattern and realise you know what they're up to and it might deter them to be so loud.

woodoo

That sounds pretty s**t

Jesus Wept

Your Text Here wrote: »

no safo bed is as comfy as the one in my house. It's awesome.

OP, my room is next to the bathroom too, but for some reason I can never hear anythinfg (which is good). 0aybe move your bed to an opposite wall or something?

pics/gtfo...

phasers

Doesn't everybody have a bathroom near their bedrooms? Is there no wall between you and the toilet?


/get one of them white noise machines and play gentle sounds of the rainforest or something.

antodeco

There's nothing better than vacating your bowels with a decent noisy nut loaf at 1am. If size and speed are accurate, the resulting mushroom cloud splash can half wash you, saving plenty of washing time, so you don't need to sway in a standing slumber, after using your night energy to crack a diamond.

TheZohanS

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

Karma.

:rolleyes:

Teddy you're going to have to kill one of your housemates and take their room...

TeddyTedson

phasers wrote: »

Doesn't everybody have a bathroom near their bedrooms? Is there no wall between you and the toilet?


/get one of them white noise machines and play gentle sounds of the rainforest or something.

I actually had something like this for sleeping before and it was great. Played gentle drum beats, a crackling fire, the sea, crickets. Amazing. I really must get this again.

boomkatalog

I had a room beside a toilet too before, in college.

Always woken up Wednesday mornings to the sound of someone vomiting

(Hangovers, not eating disorders)

Splashy

Jesus Wept

phasers wrote: »

Doesn't everybody have a bathroom near their bedrooms? Is there no wall between you and the toilet?

Many do but noise levels vary depending on the ****ness of the build quality, in Ireland we it ranges from 'Not as **** as I would have thought' to 'Teddy's predicament'.

antodeco wrote: »

There's nothing better than vacating your bowels with a decent noisy nut loaf at 1am. If size and speed are accurate, the resulting mushroom cloud splash can half wash you, saving plenty of washing time, so you don't need to sway in a standing slumber, after using your night energy to crack a diamond.

Did Flutt change his name?

TeddyTedson

I remember in my Grandads house having to walk outside to take a poop. It was actually a much better system than we have now. I would go out in to the cold and into the little room trying to find the light late at night. The cold would really get business done and dusted asap. Also you don't have anyone elses smell of ****e floating around the house. We should go back to this IMO.

RonMexico

Get a copy of Exodus by Bob Marley. Every time someone is pinching off a few logs play the part where sings - "Exodus, movement of Jah people.". Repeat as necessary.

antodeco

The-Rigger wrote: »

Did Flutt change his name?

Think of it as an ode to his work

Stripey Cat

I heard a story of a guy who shared a house in London where his tiny bedroom was basically just a partitioned off area of the bathroom.

The bathroom had been pretty big originally, so the landlord had built a wall and stuck a room with space for bed and a wardrobe in it. It was a very thin partition though, so you could hear and smell everything that went on in the bathroom.

His flatmates understood the situation, and tried not to use the toilet when he was in his room.

One night he brought his girlfriend home, and early the next morning woke up with a very strong need to, as the Christian Brothers used to say, empty his bowels.

He fought it for as long as he was able, but, eventually he knew he was going to have to take a dump. She was half awake now, but he just couldn't face going behind what was really just an inch-thick wall and doing something that would strain the romance of their relationship, to say the least.

What could he do though? Run to the pub on the corner? Not open. Wake her up and get her downstairs under some pretext? Knock on a neighbour's door? He was going crazy wondering what he could do.

Eventually he got up as quietly as he could, and went downstairs to the kitchen. There, he spread newspapers on the floor, did what he needed to do, and then rolled up the newspapers and took them to the bins outside. He washed his hands very carefully in the kitchen sink, went back to bed, and never told his girlfriend.

The story was told to me as an illustration of the difference between men and women.

iguana

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I actually had something like this for sleeping before and it was great. Played gentle drum beats, a crackling fire, the sea, crickets. Amazing. I really must get this again.

You can download those noises and play them on your computer/mp3 player. I have a bunch of wave sound files and I play them on my ipod in a speaker dock all night. It blocks out a lot of noises that I'd never sleep through otherwise.

Badgermonkey

boomkatalog wrote: »

Always woken up Wednesday mornings to the sound of someone vomiting

Still preferable to Jeremy Kyle & Homes Under the Hammer

Jesus Wept

antodeco wrote: »

Think of it as an ode to his work

You have done him proud imo.

TeddyTedson

iguana wrote: »

You can download those noises and play them on your computer/mp3 player. I have a bunch of wave sound files and I play them on my ipod in a speaker dock all night. It blocks out a lot of noises that I'd never sleep through otherwise.

Great site here,
http://www.soundsleeping.com/
It really does help a lot. Right, I'm off to bed!! Probably wake up before 5 but oh well, what ya gonna do.

stupidusername

you need to find a way to upset their routine. mess with their breakfast so that their pooing needs to be done then instead, or take note of the exact time every night and make sure the bathroom is otherwise engaged at that time for long enough so they'll not even bother checking if it's free at that time, and they'll go somewhere else or get into going at a different time.

AnonoBoy

I live next door to a house myself.

Mickey Lover

While we were waiting to move into our house we had to live with the in-laws for about a month. Our bedroom was next to the jacks.

Had recently lost my Mam so was very down and not sleeping and would usually spend most of the day in bed. One morning I woke up laughing out loud having no clue why, then cue the father in law like the phantom raspberry blower next door - sometimes you just gotta laugh

wilkie2006

On a slightly related note:

Why do poos taper?

Because otherwise your arse cheeks would close with a clap sound.

TeddyTedson

Pacifist Pigeon wrote: »

Poor Teddy, poor, poor Teddy.

You've returned?

Gummy Panda

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I'd say you can nearly taste what they had for tea.

Sweet dreams:D

Haha

That's just mean

later12

I shared a room with at least one other guy for about 20 years of my life, and I have lots of brothers. I think I'm pretty immune to bodily noises now. I hardly even notice them.

I think that's why I do that thing where I piss really loudly when I take a whizz, you know, lots of splashes,none of that 'on the bowl' malarky. It used to piss off my girlfriend really badly. Sometimes I just forget that people don't want that kind of noise around... so maybe just try telling your housemate how you feel. If you make a joke about it, ribbing him gently about it, he'll get the message and stop doing it, if he's reasonable.

And the reason I know it's a he is because girls only use toilets to put on their make-up and fix their hats, obviously.

Mike 1972

TeddyTedson wrote: »

"Oh by the way could you stop taking noisy long ****es at 1AM in the morning please"...but a lot of pressure builds up or something ....and I get a throbbing pain. .

LOL

marcsignal

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I live next door to a toilet and it's absolutely disgusting. I'm about to go to bed now soon, so there will be total silence while I'm getting to sleep. Then just as I'm drifting off someone next door will slam the door and start having a late night crap.

I've considered getting ear plugs but a lot of pressure builds up or something in my ears then and I get a throbbing pain.
I just can't seem to win.
Anyone else ever have this issue.

yeah, my flatmate listens to Radio Nova as well :mad:

later12

Stripey Cat wrote: »

I heard a story of a guy who shared a house in London where his tiny bedroom was basically just a partitioned off area of the bathroom. ..
The story was told to me as an illustration of the difference between men and women.

That reminds me of the story (possibly urban legend) of a girl who went back to her date's place with him at the end of the night. All goes great, they have an evening of wild, passionate lovemaking. Next morning he wakes her up before he leaves for work, and tells her to let herself out whenever she wants. Just pull the door out behind her. Off he goes.

So the girl gets out of bed and wanders about the house for a bit. Then she feels the need to take a huge dump, which she promptly does.

But there's a problem. Because the poo was soo heavy, it just won't flush. What can she do? No amount of flushing will shift it! She can't just leave it there. He'll never want to see her again.

So -- ever so carefully -- she gets a plastic bag, and gently manipulates the poo into the sack. She then takes it back to the bedroom and puts it on the bed while she brushes her hair and gets dressed for college. She gathers up all her things, walks out of the apartment, pulls the door behind her, quite satisfied with herself. And then the horrible realisation dawns on her.

She has fogotten her sack of shit -- she has just left a steaming, massive poo on the guy's bed. :eek:

Presumably the guy thought she was a total fruitcake for doing such a thing, and neither one ever tried to contact the other again.

TeddyTedson

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Great site here,
http://www.soundsleeping.com/
It really does help a lot. Right, I'm off to bed!! Probably wake up before 5 but oh well, what ya gonna do.

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

sandmanporto

Move out then!
Or if you have the same landlord report her/he/them.

midlandsmissus

Stripey Cat wrote: »

I heard a story of a guy who shared a house in London where his tiny bedroom was basically just a partitioned off area of the bathroom.

The bathroom had been pretty big originally, so the landlord had built a wall and stuck a room with space for bed and a wardrobe in it. It was a very thin partition though, so you could hear and smell everything that went on in the bathroom.

His flatmates understood the situation, and tried not to use the toilet when he was in his room.

One night he brought his girlfriend home, and early the next morning woke up with a very strong need to, as the Christian Brothers used to say, empty his bowels.

He fought it for as long as he was able, but, eventually he knew he was going to have to take a dump. She was half awake now, but he just couldn't face going behind what was really just an inch-thick wall and doing something that would strain the romance of their relationship, to say the least.

What could he do though? Run to the pub on the corner? Not open. Wake her up and get her downstairs under some pretext? Knock on a neighbour's door? He was going crazy wondering what he could do.

Eventually he got up as quietly as he could, and went downstairs to the kitchen. There, he spread newspapers on the floor, did what he needed to do, and then rolled up the newspapers and took them to the bins outside. He washed his hands very carefully in the kitchen sink, went back to bed, and never told his girlfriend.

The story was told to me as an illustration of the difference between men and women.

Imagine if she had come downstairs.

later12

^^^I was really hoping that was going to happen in the story.

Priceless if the girl arrived downstairs to see your man squatting over the kitchen floor taking a dump, like a cat in a litterbox. How could you even explain that? I'd say she'd be down the street before he even had time to wipe:pac:

cocoshovel

Sleep with some ambient sound in your room that wont disturb you, yet blocks out all the other sounds.
I sleep with my pc on and the fans are fairly loud on the new one I built so it blocks out nearly every sound outside my room to some extent yet doesnt disturb my sleep at all. Infact I slept a few weeks ago with it off and was disturbed several times by outside sound, I dont think I could sleep without it anymore.