'A gentleman always pays for the first date'

ibarelycare

strobe wrote: »

Ahh c'mon now IBC, that's a little unfair. I jumped on the first post she made too but she seems to have clarified a little. She's not saying her sex has to be bought. I think she's just saying that the guy offering to buy the dinner for her would be something she'd find endearing or whatever and if she was already into him it'd clinch the deal, so to speak.

Lot's of people find different things a turn on and if the guy buying the dinner makes her feel desirable or appreciated or what have you, well I can understand that.

Of course I think she seems to do some odd extrapolations from that and views a guy not buying the dinner to indicate he doesn't desire or appreciate her as much as she would like (which most women would find a bit of a turn off, let's be honest.)

Forgive the amateur pop psychology and no offense meant by this at all Katgurl, but it sounds like that might stem from some self esteem issues on your part, maybe, whereby you need the re-assurance of the act of the guy buying the meal to help convince you he does desire/appreciate you enough and perhaps take the lack of that gesture overly personal. So maybe look at that, if I'm in the right ball park.

All IMO etc.

If any woman gets turned on by a man buying things for her then that speaks volumes tbh!

ibarelycare

stupidusername wrote: »

I know where you're coming from IBC but I don't think you're going to get anywhere here.

Since I gave my original answer i've gained a boyfriend,and while I split everything to begin with,i'm rapidly becoming broke,because of how much we do stuff,and he has a good bit of money,as well as thinking very little of spending it on things he wants,so it's moved on to being uneven. I still pay a chunk,but if he wants to go to dinner and I can't afford it,he might say he'll pay. I don't expect it,i'm used to living within my means,and would be fine with staying in.so if he quite wants to go out and i'm sure he doesn't mind paying,we'll go.

It's the first time i've not been with a student,and I have to say it's nice not to have to worry about money so much.

I don't see the problem in an established relationship at all. I'm sure most people have helped support their partners at some stage or another.

Katgurl

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

I'm presuming you're male but if not please correct me. Have you ever gone on a date with someone when it's been leading up to sleeping together and you pick her up and take her to dinner and when she arrives she's clearly gone to loads and loads of trouble with her appearance and you've chosen the restaurant and booked it and planned where to go for a drink before - after? And then you discover she's gone to loads of trouble and effort with everything and it's kind of an occasion for you both?

Yes ok it shouldn't be expected that the guy should have to pay, i do see your point on that but under particular circumstances it's really really nice. And romantic. And it makes all the girls efforts feel appreciated.

And if he can't afford a restaurant go to a tapas bar or somewhere / anywhere he can afford.

He has probably put a lot of effort into his appearance too so wouldn't it be nice if you paid especially because in your scenario he has done all the leg work and planning while you washed your hair and put on make up and nice clothes?

Hilarious. No I'm not into metrosexual type guys, I like blokey blokes in general so I
can't imagine waxing etc is high on their list of stuff.

But if he invited me and picked the restaurant and I've gone to that much trouble I'm only going to offer to go Dutch. And I have noticed men mainly like paying for a dinner date probably because they are not idiotic enough to book somewhere they can't afford.

Do you also find it offensive that women don't offer you their seat?

dark crystal

ibarelycare wrote: »

If any woman gets turned on by a man buying things for her then that speaks volumes tbh!

Don't you like having things bought for you - it's a lovely gesture.

Besides, this thread was originally about paying for the first date, not being in a relationship where the guy buys everything all the time.

ibarelycare

dark crystal wrote: »

Don't you like having things bought for you - it's a lovely gesture.

Besides, this thread was originally about paying for the first date, not being in a relationship where the guy buys everything all the time.

Yes of course I like things being bought for me, but I'd never think "Oh he just bought me something nice, I'll have sex with him in return!"

stupidusername

ibarelycare wrote: »

I don't see the problem in an established relationship at all. I'm sure most people have helped support their partners at some stage or another.

Yeah,different from the OP,but related,just thought i'd throw it in as a contrast to my original post on it.

I Heart Internet

OP - No, a man shouldn't be expected to pay for a first date but invariably is.

I've been thinking recently (bitterly tbh) that SOME women have it very easy - I'm thinking of people I've met who coast through life, their father has paid for everything up to the point they get married and then, once married, they have a man to take up the slack.

TBH I think it puts an awful lot of pressure on men to "provide".

It's a discussion for another thread perhaps.

Katgurl

ibarelycare wrote: »

strobe wrote: »

Ahh c'mon now IBC, that's a little unfair. I jumped on the first post she made too but she seems to have clarified a little. She's not saying her sex has to be bought. I think she's just saying that the guy offering to buy the dinner for her would be something she'd find endearing or whatever and if she was already into him it'd clinch the deal, so to speak.

Lot's of people find different things a turn on and if the guy buying the dinner makes her feel desirable or appreciated or what have you, well I can understand that.

Of course I think she seems to do some odd extrapolations from that and views a guy not buying the dinner to indicate he doesn't desire or appreciate her as much as she would like (which most women would find a bit of a turn off, let's be honest.)

Forgive the amateur pop psychology and no offense meant by this at all Katgurl, but it sounds like that might stem from some self esteem issues on your part, maybe, whereby you need the re-assurance of the act of the guy buying the meal to help convince you he does desire/appreciate you enough and perhaps take the lack of that gesture overly personal. So maybe look at that, if I'm in the right ball park.

All IMO etc.

If any woman gets turned on by a man buying things for her then that speaks volumes tbh!

Buying THINGS?! Are you girls for real? It's something to eat. It's not like I'm filling the pockets of my mink fur with diamonds. And I never said I'd sleep with someone because they bought me dinner, are people out there who actually have that low opinion of themselves? I said if things are headed that way it's nice to make a really big effort and feel it is appreciated by a bit of thought and generosity.

Anyway it's not a dealbreaker. It's just very nice to be on the receiving end of.

An ex was a student, stoney broke but he had a car when I didn't. I nearly always ended up paying but he always came and picked me up and he cooked for me a few times too. I suppose I should have declined because let's face it, I have legs for walking and i know where the kitchen is.

john why

What if its 2 gentlemans on a date

ibarelycare

Katgurl wrote: »

Buying THINGS?! Are you girls for real? It's something to eat. It's not like I'm filling the pockets of my mink fur with diamonds. And I never said I'd sleep with someone because they bought me dinner, are people out there who actually have that low opinion of themselves? I said if things are headed that way it's nice to make a really big effort and feel it is appreciated by a bit of thought and generosity.

Anyway it's not a dealbreaker. It's just very nice to be on the receiving end of.

An ex was a student, stoney broke but he had a car when I didn't. I nearly always ended up paying but he always came and picked me up and he cooked for me a few times too. I suppose I should have declined because let's face it, I have legs for walking and i know where the kitchen is.

Sorry, that post wasn't referring to you in particular, I was just responding to strobe saying that everything finds different things a turn on and I was referring to women in general. But if you do find a guy buying you dinner a turn on then I think that's wrong :P (Although I know that's not what you're saying)

I know you never said you'd sleep with someone just because they bought you dinner but you DID say you'd change your mind about sleeping with them if they didn't buy you dinner!

stupidusername

john why wrote: »

What if its 2 gentlemans on a date

Or two women! :eek:

Katgurl

ibarelycare wrote: »

dark crystal wrote: »

Don't you like having things bought for you - it's a lovely gesture.

Besides, this thread was originally about paying for the first date, not being in a relationship where the guy buys everything all the time.

Yes of course I like things being bought for me, but I'd never think "Oh he just bought me something nice, I'll have sex with him in return!"

eh... Congratulations on not being a hooker in that case

ibarelycare

john why wrote: »

What if its 2 gentlemans on a date

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mywA6FPT0W0

ibarelycare

Katgurl wrote: »

eh... Congratulations on not being a hooker in that case

Thanks. Congratulations on being one?

Katgurl

@IBC I did not say I would change mind about sleeping with them but it might take the date excitement out of it and I just might not feel like it.

I know I'm not on same wavelength as all girls, I love going on dates, I'm not into hooking up in bars or clubs, I like someone to take my number, phone, schedule a date, get to know each other, make an effort on a one-to-one basis before integrating him into other parts of my life. Lots of girls prefer more casual arrangements, hang out with mutual friends quite early on etc, that's fine but I genuinely get a kick out of traditional style old-fashioned dating and i find it charming for man to hold the door, buy dinner etc.

I have always been financially very independant, often forking out for my friends and always paying my own way the irony is depending on a man for money would be my personal hell, that's why being treated to dinner on a fairly 'important' date feels such a treat. Certainly getting a 'free meal in a restaurant' that I could afford anyway is not on the agenda.

john why

stupidusername wrote: »

john why wrote: »

What if its 2 gentlemans on a date

Or two women! :eek:

Or two gentleman dressed as two ladies

Katgurl

ibarelycare wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

eh... Congratulations on not being a hooker in that case

Thanks. Congratulations on being one?

Oh get a grip. Seriously. If the price of a meal is such a huge deal to you perhaps you should rethink your career choices.

stupidusername

john why wrote: »

Or two gentleman dressed as two ladies

Jesus. The bill would never get paid

ibarelycare

Katgurl wrote: »

Oh get a grip. Seriously. If the price of a meal is such a huge deal to you perhaps you should rethink your career choices.

I'm not being serious :rolleyes: Perhaps I should have added a "" smiley to my post because I was confused about your comment.


FWIW (I don't know why I'm bothering) the price of a meal has absolutely nothing to do with what we're discussing.

Cheeky_gal

I wonder if all those Yes votes are from women

And all those No votes from men?

It would make sense

strobe

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

I wonder if all those Yes votes are from women

And all those No votes from men?

It would make sense

Would only make sense if you hadn't read any of the thread at all.

K-9

Katgurl wrote: »

If he invites me out for dinner, I expect him to pay. It's romantic, chivalrous and attractive. I also expect him to walk me to my taxi for same reasons. If I go into the bar to meet him, I expect him to get me a drink or beckon the lounge staff so I'm not hanging around the bar, hold the door, help me with my coat, that sort of thing.

People here seem to think it's a ruse for women to get free things. Believe me, there is nothing pleasant about eating or drinking with someone you're not interested in so don't even entertain that.

If it goes to drinks after dinner I'll be paying for those. If it goes to a second date or relationship, I'll be footing the bill equally.

It's fun to get ridiculously dressed up (costs a lot more than dinner usually) for a dinner date, flirt all night and feel spoiled.

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

Katgurl wrote: »

Thank you for your support Paddy.

Sorry to redrag this old thread but it's been on my mind.

I have reconsidered my original stance as when I thought back over my many dating highs and lows I realised I didn't hystorically expect men to pay for the first date. The first date is pretty casual, usually drinks and that tends to be rounds. However I think it's nice for him to go to the bar and get the first round in. I've noticed most of my male friends do that anyway for their female friends, the drinks get bought back anyway, it's just a gesture. If it's cinema I think it's nice for him get tickets and I do food or viceversa. (I still don't think whip out the calculator 50:50 is sexy though.)

Where I do like to be treated however is when it has moved to the 'we are officially dating I'd like to take you out to dinner' stage. This is my abso favourite date, the first proper invited out to dinner date, it's pretty established you're into each other, it's an excuse to get super dressed up, lingerie, heels, the lot, flirt outrageously and end up in bed afterwards.

Now before everyone starts roaring at me again I accept that the man shouldn't be EXPECTED to pay for dinner. Likewise the woman shouldn't be expected to put out. But with me, usually this is around the time when it happens. And I find the whole old-fashioned dinner date, being treated, being dressed up etc very hot.

But I am ONLY speaking for myself and a particular stage of the seduction process that I like. So shoot me.

Ah, that's slightly more nuanced than the, "if he doesn't pay, he'll never get to sleep with me".

Hilarious thread btw.

Katgurl

ibarelycare wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

Oh get a grip. Seriously. If the price of a meal is such a huge deal to you perhaps you should rethink your career choices.

I'm not being serious :rolleyes: Perhaps I should have added a "" smiley to my post because I was confused about your comment.


FWIW (I don't know why I'm bothering) the price of a meal has absolutely nothing to do with what we're discussing.

ok perhaps not you but people are going on about 'having things bought for them' and 'exchanging sex' etc. If I was any type of gold-digger I'd like to think I'd be doing a better job than putting out for a bowl of pasta.

I think it's a nice gesture. Not everyone shares my opinion, some people think it's sexist so I'm not holding it as an absolute as I may inadvertently overlook a nice bloke who disagrees with me in this case.

But it definitely is nice behaviour and all my friends (male and female) would take it almost as a given at that stage of the relationship.

So I'm wondering why people are becoming so bitter and suspicious.

Noreen1

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

I wonder if all those Yes votes are from women

And all those No votes from men?

It would make sense

I'm a woman, and I voted "No!"

Cheeky_gal

strobe wrote: »

Would only make sense if you hadn't read any of the thread at all.

Oi, you, smarta**, I read through a few pages and they're all either flirting, talking about cats or talking about make up, nothing at all to do with the thread ha

strobe

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

Oi, you, smarta**, I read through a few pages and they're all either flirting, talking about cats or talking about make up, nothing at all to do with the thread ha

Read closelier.

Katgurl

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

strobe wrote: »

Would only make sense if you hadn't read any of the thread at all.

Oi, you, smarta**, I read through a few pages and they're all either flirting, talking about cats or talking about make up, nothing at all to do with the thread ha

I think there was something about a warridobe with lots of subsequent nodding at Dudess and TV3's Take Me Out, a reality dating show with contestants who represented all women in Ireland.

That may have been another thread though.

LittleBook

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

I wonder if all those Yes votes are from women

And all those No votes from men?

It would make sense

Actually, I suspect plenty of men have voted "yes" and I know plenty of women have voted "no".

Poll needs genders

Cheeky_gal

LittleBook wrote: »

Actually, I suspect plenty of men have voted "yes" and I know plenty of women have voted "no".

Poll needs genders

Genders would be good

I voted Yes. But that's only for the first date.

Every date after that is 50/50 or whatever.

I just like "tradition" of the first date! Oldskool

stupidusername

I voted no.

it's funny how in this instance 'tradition' is seen as romantic, and kept around as long as it suits women.

booboo88

Its not expected but thats not to say it wouldnt be appreciated, but I wouldnt write someone off if they didnt.

corktina

hey, if they are paying, I'm starting going out with them. (only once each though)

Oh sorry, thought this was the stingy thread.