'A gentleman always pays for the first date'

Duggy747

*Wild generalisation*

Fights against sexism and for equality, dragging the old misogynistic world into a more modern one.





Expects men to be old fashioned and pay for their meals :pac:


Anyways, I've never been faced with the problem of coughing up for a meal on first dates. Usually come across women who pay their dues or at the very least get me back with a few drinks

MellowToast

dark crystal wrote: »

I bet she's happier....

she is always happy, it is easy to be happy when you have the brain of a child and you believe everything should be handed to you :rolleyes: I made the mistake of thinking someone older than me would be good for me. Turns out I can't date stupid.

ibarelycare

orchidsrpretty wrote: »

If the first date was to a restaurant I would expect the guy to pay for dinner and I would buy the drinks after, for a cinema date I would get the food and let him get the tickets.
I'm not old fashioned or anything but it's nice to be made feel treated especially on a first date if things are going well.

Does that not work both ways? What's so special about women that we deserve better treatment than men?

I'm not a feminist but this kind of bullshit really annoys me. Women have fought for equality for years yet there are still LOTS of woman who expect to be treated like princesses by men.

My boyfriend's housemate is one of these. She would not go on a second date with a guy if she had to put her hand in her pocket on a first date. She has been seeing this guy for a couple of months and he's paid for everything. What a sucker! I'd be mortified if a guy paid for everything on a date, I'd always insist on paying half. Once you get to know each other a bit more, I've no problem with the other person saying "I'll get this meal, you can get the next one" or anything like that.

stupidusername

These threads are always full of people sayin they'd do the just thing,and the reality is very different.

It kinda comes down to the chivalry v's equality argument.why think it's ok for someone else to pay for you? If we didn't go halves or roughly near to halves (not counting every cent) it wouldn't sit right with me.if I can't afford to do something I don't do it.

Katgurl

If he invites me out for dinner, I expect him to pay. It's romantic, chivalrous and attractive. I also expect him to walk me to my taxi for same reasons. If I go into the bar to meet him, I expect him to get me a drink or beckon the lounge staff so I'm not hanging around the bar, hold the door, help me with my coat, that sort of thing.

People here seem to think it's a ruse for women to get free things. Believe me, there is nothing pleasant about eating or drinking with someone you're not interested in so don't even entertain that.

If it goes to drinks after dinner I'll be paying for those. If it goes to a second date or relationship, I'll be footing the bill equally.

It's fun to get ridiculously dressed up (costs a lot more than dinner usually) for a dinner date, flirt all night and feel spoiled.

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

stupidusername

Katgurl wrote: »

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

Why?

later12

Katgurl wrote: »

People here seem to think it's a ruse for women to get free things. Believe me, there is nothing pleasant about eating or drinking with someone you're not interested in so don't even entertain that.

Don't think the feeling can't be mutual.

ibarelycare

Katgurl wrote: »

If he invites me out for dinner, I expect him to pay. It's romantic, chivalrous and attractive. I also expect him to walk me to my taxi for same reasons. If I go into the bar to meet him, I expect him to get me a drink or beckon the lounge staff so I'm not hanging around the bar, hold the door, help me with my coat, that sort of thing.

People here seem to think it's a ruse for women to get free things. Believe me, there is nothing pleasant about eating or drinking with someone you're not interested in so don't even entertain that.

If it goes to drinks after dinner I'll be paying for those. If it goes to a second date or relationship, I'll be footing the bill equally.

It's fun to get ridiculously dressed up (costs a lot more than dinner usually) for a dinner date, flirt all night and feel spoiled.

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

Why should you be the one to feel spoiled? Why shouldn't he get to feel like that? Being a woman doesn't make you automatically more deserving to be be romanced and spoiled. I hate this attitude that so many women have.

Jesus Wept

Katgurl wrote: »

If he invites me out for dinner, I expect him to pay. It's romantic, chivalrous and attractive. I also expect him to walk me to my taxi for same reasons. If I go into the bar to meet him, I expect him to get me a drink or beckon the lounge staff so I'm not hanging around the bar, hold the door, help me with my coat, that sort of thing.

People here seem to think it's a ruse for women to get free things. Believe me, there is nothing pleasant about eating or drinking with someone you're not interested in so don't even entertain that.

If it goes to drinks after dinner I'll be paying for those. If it goes to a second date or relationship, I'll be footing the bill equally.

It's fun to get ridiculously dressed up (costs a lot more than dinner usually) for a dinner date, flirt all night and feel spoiled.

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

He's dodging a bullet imo.

The justification that your clothes cost more than the cost of taking you for dinner is a humdinger.

Katgurl

stupidusername wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

Why?

I wouldn't find him attractive because then were just two mates going out for dinner (although we'd often treat each other as a gesture of whatever).

Why did he even invite me if he's not going to treat me? And if he can't afford it, go somewhere cheap. The Chinese restaurants on Parnell st are great.

And I like old fashioned manners. So if he doesn't have them, we are probably not going to make a good match.

Carlos Orange

stupidusername wrote: »

Why?

Scared she might end up paying her own way through life I guess. Men are supposed to be providers and all that.

stupidusername

Katgurl wrote: »

Why did he even invite me if he's not going to treat me? And if he can't afford it, go somewhere cheap. The Chinese restaurants on Parnell st are great.

And I like old fashioned manners. So if he doesn't have them, we are probably not going to make a good match.

So if you ever asked a guy out,you'd pay I assume? Or does being old fashioned not allow the woman to ask?

NuMarvel

Katgurl wrote: »

It's fun to get ridiculously dressed up (costs a lot more than dinner usually) for a dinner date, flirt all night and feel spoiled.

Guys want to feel this way too, ya know. Stop oppressing us!

Of course, for me, the whole "does the guy pay" thing is moot. On my dates, it's always a guy that's paying, be it me or him .

Katgurl

stupidusername wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

Why did he even invite me if he's not going to treat me? And if he can't afford it, go somewhere cheap. The Chinese restaurants on Parnell st are great.

And I like old fashioned manners. So if he doesn't have them, we are probably not going to make a good match.

So if you ever asked a guy out,you'd pay I assume? Or does being old fashioned not allow the woman to ask?

absolutely I would and do pay. I generally don't ask out for a first date though but that's more down to fear of rejection than tradition.

I would never rely on someone financially. But splitting bills 50:50 isn't romantic in the very early days.

Seomra Mushie

Nope, whoever asks for the date should pay, whatever gender. Imagine asking a fella on a date and expecting him to pay?

And the first date shouldn't be anything expensive, just coffee or a few drinks.

whatsamsn wrote: »

that whole "person who asks out, pays" is bull****. Thats BS spiel that using women say.

It is? And again, it is?

steve9859

The-Rigger wrote: »

He's dodging a bullet imo.

Not at all. It would never cross my mind to not pick up the full tab on a first date......even if I wasn't that into her and knew we wouldn't be dating again.

Don't worry Katgurl, chivalry isnt completely dead!!

Jesus Wept

Katgurl wrote: »

I wouldn't find him attractive because then were just two mates going out for dinner (although we'd often treat each other as a gesture of whatever).

Why did he even invite me if he's not going to treat me? And if he can't afford it, go somewhere cheap. The Chinese restaurants on Parnell st are great.

And I like old fashioned manners. So if he doesn't have them, we are probably not going to make a good match.

Maybe I can get on board with this Kat.
I can only presume you are a 1950's type housewife figure in the house so I have a few questions.

What brand of starch do you use for ironing a mans shirts?
At what time is dinner served each night?

I presume you dress up pretty before your man arrives home after his hard days slog, take off his shoes, fetch his slipper and pipe after leading him to his favourite armchair in the drawing room which you earlier prepared, dusting and lighting a fire.

I also assume that you know your place.

stupidusername

Katgurl wrote: »

I would never rely on someone financially. But splitting bills 50:50 isn't romantic in the very early days.

Isn't romantic? what is it about paying your way that detracts from the romance?

I genuinely don't get this attitude. I would never feel ok with someone paying for me,even with family.

Bigtoe107

References to old fashioned manners are funny, do people who want men to pay also want him to order their drinks, pull out their seat and decide what they will eat because these are also antiquated customs which can be described as "old fashioned manners"

For me personally if a girl didn't offer to pay half on a first date I would pay my half and then leave; knowing that I dodged the bullet

smash

If you're going to pay then you should at least accidentally on purpose drop a condom out of your wallet just so she knows she'll be paying her share later!

The Brigadier

I don't believe men and women are the same. Equal yes but different.

I believe in being a gentleman and would most certainly pay for a first date. I would also open a door for a lady, watch my language around her and all sorts of things like that.

Snowie

Katgurl wrote: »

If he invites me out for dinner, I expect him to pay. It's romantic, chivalrous and attractive. I also expect him to walk me to my taxi for same reasons. If I go into the bar to meet him, I expect him to get me a drink or beckon the lounge staff so I'm not hanging around the bar, hold the door, help me with my coat, that sort of thing.

People here seem to think it's a ruse for women to get free things. Believe me, there is nothing pleasant about eating or drinking with someone you're not interested in so don't even entertain that.

If it goes to drinks after dinner I'll be paying for those. If it goes to a second date or relationship, I'll be footing the bill equally.

It's fun to get ridiculously dressed up (costs a lot more than dinner usually) for a dinner date, flirt all night and feel spoiled.

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

You expect to this, you think a man would go to all that trouble, or a woman is bit much granted if id been seeing her for a couple of months then yea but first date which is really an interview... its a bit on the I read to many romantic books side of things..
Can we not like agree to have a casual informal chilled out time instead of what you described which made me sweat buckets and get anxious..

all you've described is materialistic things, that don't really matter, the important things are can you get on with the person... How a gesture is acted apon.

As a guy id be put of if a woman said that to me as first date 2nd 3rd 4th or even 10th.... It just seem very self-indulgent and all about you, which isn't the case...

because the most important things are and they are can you get on can you laugh do you get each others personality and can you respect the person for what they do and are you booth sexually compatible...

How ever i would pay on the first date wouldn't bother me at all...

Katgurl

The-Rigger wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

I wouldn't find him attractive because then were just two mates going out for dinner (although we'd often treat each other as a gesture of whatever).

Why did he even invite me if he's not going to treat me? And if he can't afford it, go somewhere cheap. The Chinese restaurants on Parnell st are great.

And I like old fashioned manners. So if he doesn't have them, we are probably not going to make a good match.

Maybe I can get on board with this Kat.
I can only presume you are a 1950's type housewife figure in the house so I have a few questions.

What brand of starch do you use for ironing a mans shirts?
At what time is dinner served each night?

I presume you dress up pretty before your man arrives home after his hard days slog, take off his shoes, fetch his slipper and pipe after leading him to his favourite armchair in the drawing room which you earlier prepared, dusting and lighting a fire.

I also assume that you know your place.

yeah of course, ribbon in my hair, don't bore him with the trivilaitiez of my day etc.

Lads we are talking about a FIRST DATE. And not the whole date (ie drinks after can be split) just not taking out the calculator when bill arrives in restaurant.


Is holding the door offensive too, I mean after all we are strong enough to hold it ourselves? What about complimenting her appearance, you really shouldn't bother until she notices and comments on every item you're wearing.

ibarelycare

Katgurl wrote: »

yeah of course, ribbon in my hair, don't bore him with the trivilaitiez of my day etc.

Lads we are talking about a FIRST DATE. And not the whole date (ie drinks after can be split) just not taking out the calculator when bill arrives in restaurant.


Is holding the door offensive too, I mean after all we are strong enough to hold it ourselves? What about complimenting her appearance, you really shouldn't bother until she notices and comments on every item you're wearing.

Would you be ok with knowing that a man in exactly the same position as you was earning more money just because he's a man?

Frank Black

Katgurl wrote: »

If I go into the bar to meet him, I expect him to get me a drink or beckon the lounge staff so I'm not hanging around the bar, hold the door, help me with my coat, that sort of thing.

Coats are not complicated pieces of machinery - anyone who needs help removing a coat has problems.
My 2 year old has even figured out how to do this.

smash

Katgurl wrote: »

I wouldn't find him attractive because then were just two mates going out for dinner (although we'd often treat each other as a gesture of whatever).

Why did he even invite me if he's not going to treat me? And if he can't afford it, go somewhere cheap. The Chinese restaurants on Parnell st are great.

And I like old fashioned manners. So if he doesn't have them, we are probably not going to make a good match.

No chance of a hand job under the dinner table then?

i pay half or if it was something like cinema, he gets tickets i get food, that kind of thing
if they insist on paying and i know they can afford it easily enough i'll accept but prefer to at least get them a drink or something


have to say i really don't get viewpoints like katgurl's... it's nice to be spoiled, yes, but expecting it as a given on a date and refusing to ever see them again unless they pay for everything, well, that's getting into princess territory

Why did he even invite me if he's not going to treat me?

Do you ever invite them and treat them? because if not that argument is going ot get you nowhere

Jesus Wept

Katgurl wrote: »

yeah of course, ribbon in my hair, don't bore him with the trivilaitiez of my day etc.

Score. Expect a formal invite in due course for an evening of lavish regaling. :cool:

Carlos Orange

smash wrote: »

No chance of a hand job under the dinner table then?

I think traditionally that takes place in the car on the way home.

Katgurl

It's not the money aspect. It's the gesture. Like offering to pick her up before the cinema or walking her to her bus-stop.

One of the best dates I ever went on - I was swimming in town and he suggested meeting me afterwards. When I came out he was waiting with a coffee and croisssants for both of us - we hung out in the park for the afternoon. If he'd just had coffee for himself it would have lost it's romantic edge.

smash

Katgurl wrote: »

It's not the money aspect. It's the gesture. Like offering to pick her up before the cinema or walking her to her bus-stop.

One of the best dates I ever went on - I was swimming in town and he suggested meeting me afterwards. When I came out he was waiting with a coffee and croisssants for both of us - we hung out in the park for the afternoon. If he'd just had coffee for himself it would have lost it's romantic edge.

You watch too many chick flicks!

dark crystal

psinno wrote: »

Scared she might end up paying her own way through life I guess. Men are supposed to be providers and all that.

In fairness, she was only talking about the first date, not her whole future relationship.

Katgurl

black francis wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

If I go into the bar to meet him, I expect him to get me a drink or beckon the lounge staff so I'm not hanging around the bar, hold the door, help me with my coat, that sort of thing.

Coats are not complicated pieces of machinery - anyone who needs help removing a coat has problems.
My 2 year old has even figured out how to do this.

that's the whole point, it's not necessary, it's nice.

Katgurl

Katgurl wrote: »

It's not the money aspect. It's the gesture. Like offering to pick her up before the cinema or walking her to her bus-stop.

One of the best dates I ever went on - I was swimming in town and he suggested meeting me afterwards. When I came out he was waiting with a coffee and croisssants for both of us - we hung out in the park for the afternoon. If he'd just had coffee for himself it would have lost it's romantic edge.

that's completely different to them forking out for a whole possibly expensive dinner because you demand it
you're not even saying you'd buy him drinks as thanks, only that you'd split them

Sindri

Women have va jin aaas.


I think that solves this problem.

Gummy Panda

Girls who pay 50/50 or something along those lines are the ones worth going out with. Generally always nice

smash

Sindri wrote: »

Women have va jin aaas.

You sure about that? I thought it was a vagina!

Jesus Wept

Katgurl wrote: »

It's not the money aspect. It's the gesture. Like offering to pick her up before the cinema or walking her to her bus-stop.

One of the best dates I ever went on - I was swimming in town and he suggested meeting me afterwards. When I came out he was waiting with a coffee and croisssants for both of us - we hung out in the park for the afternoon. If he'd just had coffee for himself it would have lost it's romantic edge.

Coffee and croissants? After swimming?!
He should have had a bunch of hang sandwiches, king crisps (or meanies) and taeeee.

later12

Sindri wrote: »

Women have va jin aaas.

smash wrote: »

You sure about that? I thought it was a vagina!

Guys come on, we're all grown ups here.

The technical term is fanny.

Katgurl

smash wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

It's not the money aspect. It's the gesture. Like offering to pick her up before the cinema or walking her to her bus-stop.

One of the best dates I ever went on - I was swimming in town and he suggested meeting me afterwards. When I came out he was waiting with a coffee and croisssants for both of us - we hung out in the park for the afternoon. If he'd just had coffee for himself it would have lost it's romantic edge.

You watch too many chick flicks!

Maybe he had! He is french though so perhaps therein lies the difference.

smash

Katgurl wrote: »

Maybe he had! He is french though so perhaps therein lies the difference.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38ZtP2D0PE0

Gummy Panda

later10 wrote: »

Sindri wrote: »

Women have va jin aaas.

smash wrote: »

You sure about that? I thought it was a vagina!

Guys come on, we're all grown ups here.

The technical term is fanny.

It's Gee :mad:

smash

Gummy Panda wrote: »

It's Gee :mad:

Look, if we're getting all politically correct here, lets just call it her box!

Katgurl, is box ok with you?

dark crystal

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Girls who pay 50/50 or something along those lines are the ones worth going out with. Generally always nice

I would always pay my share on future dates, or indeed pay the whole thing if I suggested a place and he was skint. That's what an equal relationship is all about.

However, on a first date (presuming the guy asked me and not the other way round) it's the gentlemanly thing to do to at least offer to pay in my opinion. I would be more than happy to pay for the drinks afterwards.

Katgurl

bluewolf wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

It's not the money aspect. It's the gesture. Like offering to pick her up before the cinema or walking her to her bus-stop.

One of the best dates I ever went on - I was swimming in town and he suggested meeting me afterwards. When I came out he was waiting with a coffee and croisssants for both of us - we hung out in the park for the afternoon. If he'd just had coffee for himself it would have lost it's romantic edge.

that's completely different to them forking out for a whole possibly expensive dinner because you demand it
you're not even saying you'd buy him drinks as thanks, only that you'd split them

because I demanded it? I believe we are discussing invitation-based dates.

Guys I really hope you are arguing on the principle here and in reality you don't ask girls out in the hope of getting her into bed, then when bill arrives, nod at her and tell her she has to pay an extra 2.70 because she ordered the prawns.

Frank Black

Katgurl wrote: »

that's the whole point, it's not necessary, it's nice.

Yeah, I'm actually all for helping a lady remove her clothes.

later12

katgurl wrote: »

Guys I really hope you are arguing on the principle here and in reality you don't ask girls out in the hope of getting her into bed...

Sweet, innocent Katgurl.

smash

Katgurl wrote: »

because I demanded it? I believe we are discussing invitation-based dates.

If he invites you and you say yes, then you expect him to pay. But you see, by saying yes, then he expects a ride... fair enough?

Katgurl

Katgurl wrote: »

because I demanded it? I believe we are discussing invitation-based dates.

Guys I really hope you are arguing on the principle here and in reality you don't ask girls out in the hope of getting her into bed, then when bill arrives, nod at her and tell her she has to pay an extra 2.70 because she ordered the prawns.

I am female so don't bother pulling the gender card on this one

Yes, demanded - I assume you don't ask guys out & treat them (am I wrong?) and you won't go any further if they don't fork out, so yes, it's pretty much demanding

Snakeblood

Katgurl wrote: »

because I demanded it? I believe we are discussing invitation-based dates.

Guys I really hope you are arguing on the principle here and in reality you don't ask girls out in the hope of getting her into bed, then when bill arrives, nod at her and tell her she has to pay an extra 2.70 because she ordered the prawns.

Do you ever ask anyone out? Do you offer to pay in that situation?