'A gentleman always pays for the first date'

Carlos Orange

dark crystal wrote: »

In fairness, she was only talking about the first date, not her whole future relationship.

It was presented as an absolute disbar from pursuing a romantic relationship so I tend to think it goes deeper than just the first date.

Katgurl

smash wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

because I demanded it? I believe we are discussing invitation-based dates.

If he invites you and you say yes, then you expect him to pay. But you see, by saying yes, then he expects a ride... fair enough?

Hmmm... I know you're taking the pi$$ but... Definitely girls should not let guys fork out unnecessarily if they are definitely never intending going there. Although dunno what you'd be doing on the date in that case, that's just a drink with a friend which is a whole different dynamic.

Davyhal

What happens when girls date girls?! Two dudes go 50-50 always (well, from what I have experienced)

smash

Katgurl wrote: »

Although dunno what you'd be doing on the date in that case, that's just a drink with a friend which is a whole different dynamic.

How is it a drink with a friend? It could be someone you've just met... hardly a friend. And lets face it, if you're asked out then he wants to sleep with you. Otherwise he wouldn't ask you out!

Katgurl

bluewolf wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

because I demanded it? I believe we are discussing invitation-based dates.

Guys I really hope you are arguing on the principle here and in reality you don't ask girls out in the hope of getting her into bed, then when bill arrives, nod at her and tell her she has to pay an extra 2.70 because she ordered the prawns.

I am female so don't bother pulling the gender card on this one

Yes, demanded - I assume you don't ask guys out & treat them (am I wrong?) and you won't go any further if they don't fork out, so yes, it's pretty much demanding

I won't fancy them if they don't take me somewhere they can afford to pay, a coffee is fine, for the first date because I think it's bad manners to ask someone out and then split the bill.

I also won't fancy them if they swear, belch or carry on like an ape for the evening.

My last boyfriend was broke, I paid for nearly everything. So it's not about the money, it's about manners.

I don't know what you mean about pullin the gender card. You can behave whatever way you want or look for whatever you want in a bloke. I'm just explaining what I find attractive in a man and a certain amount of chivalry is one of the things I look for. Other people need money / looks / whatever, everyone is entitled to look for what they like in another person.

Jesus Wept

Davyhal wrote: »

What happens when girls date girls?! Two dudes go 50-50 always (well, from what I have experienced)

They skip out merrily without paying.

Davyhal

The-Rigger wrote: »

They skip out merrily without paying.

That's what I was thinking to be honest. Damn it, the sweet life of being a lesbian...

smash

Katgurl wrote: »

I won't fancy them if they don't take me somewhere they can afford to pay, a coffee is fine, for the first date because I think it's bad manners to ask someone out and then split the bill.

Right... so you're attracted to what they can afford rather than who they are!

Katgurl wrote: »

My last boyfriend was broke, I paid for nearly everything. So it's not about the money, it's about manners.

That contradicts everything you've said to be honest.

Katgurl

smash wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

Although dunno what you'd be doing on the date in that case, that's just a drink with a friend which is a whole different dynamic.

How is it a drink with a friend? It could be someone you've just met... hardly a friend. And lets face it, if you're asked out then he wants to sleep with you. Otherwise he wouldn't ask you out!

Jesus Christ I'm saying I dunno what the girl would be doing on the date if she had 100% no interest in considering sleeping with him ever, arriving, letting him pay, giving him wrong impression and leading him on would be pretty cr@p. If she was partially interested and then changed her mind (or vice-versa) that's a different story.

charlietheminxx

Snowie wrote: »

thats how it starts

4 hours later to very drunk people who don't really know each other that well have a drunken heart to heart and wake up in a strange place spooning with all the clothes on and a very awkward moment

I didn't realise we've dated

:P

Paparazzo

As a bloke I would pay if it was dinner. But if the girl expected it, there wouldn't be a second date.
If it's meeting in a pub it's hard to pay for everything yourself.

stovelid

Sure.

But if I pay, you put out.

stargazer 68

stovelid wrote: »

Sure.

But if I pay, you put out.

Guess you are single!

stovelid

Dovies wrote: »

Guess you are single!

Aye.

Virgin too.

Katgurl

smash wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

I won't fancy them if they don't take me somewhere they can afford to pay, a coffee is fine, for the first date because I think it's bad manners to ask someone out and then split the bill.

Right... so you're attracted to what they can afford rather than who they are!

Katgurl wrote: »

My last boyfriend was broke, I paid for nearly everything. So it's not about the money, it's about manners.

That contradicts everything you've said to be honest.

no no no no. They should choose somewhere they can afford, a
coffee or anything at all is fine, it doesn't need to be expensive.

Yeah my last boyfriend was broke and I ended up picking up the drinks / cinema tab because I always booked them in advance or insisted on getting them especially when I copped he was skint as he lost his jo shortly b after we met.

The first time we went out though, he took me to a Thai place and paid for dinner and walked me to my taxi afterwards. It was a nice thing to do.

Katgurl

Katgurl wrote: »

I won't fancy them if they don't take me somewhere they can afford to pay, a coffee is fine, for the first date because I think it's bad manners to ask someone out and then split the bill.

Do you ever ask a guy out and pay for them?

My last boyfriend was broke, I paid for nearly everything. So it's not about the money, it's about manners.

You insist it's not about money but then insist you won't go out with them if they don't pay

swimming in a sea

bloke here, I'd say yes to paying. To be fair over the years I've noticed women spend some amount of money on beauty products getting ready for dates, so they have already contributed a lot of money to the date before the dinner even arrives,

so unless you are a bit of a nancy boy(have your own make-up expenses) then pay for dinner

dark crystal

bluewolf wrote: »

Do you ever ask a guy out and pay for them?

I think she stated earlier on in the thread that she doesn't ask guys out due to fear of rejection, more so than anything.

dark crystal

dark crystal wrote: »

I think she stated earlier on in the thread that she doesn't ask guys out due to fear of rejection, more so than anything.

but it's ok for her to reject them if they don't pay enough i suppose

oh well
i'll never understand so i might as well drop it

Katgurl

bluewolf wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

I won't fancy them if they don't take me somewhere they can afford to pay, a coffee is fine, for the first date because I think it's bad manners to ask someone out and then split the bill.

Do you ever ask a guy out and pay for them?

My last boyfriend was broke, I paid for nearly everything. So it's not about the money, it's about manners.

You insist it's not about money but then insist you won't go out with them if they don't pay

Yawn. Read my posts again. Yes I ask guys out and pay for them. I generally don't ask them out for the first date but that's more fear of rejection as I said already.

It's not about the money it's the gesture. And it's not about them as people, it just kind of takes date aspect out of it if all finances are being divided ruthlessly. So I don't care if it's just a coffee, it's the "hi, you look nice, what are you having?" or "sit down there, let me get you a drink" that makes it feel like a date instead of just meeting a mate.

smash

swimming in a sea full of trout wrote: »

I've noticed women spend some amount of money on beauty products getting ready for dates, so they have already contributed a lot of money to the date before the dinner even arrives

No they haven't, they invest in this anyway!

hairyprincess

A few months ago I started seeing this guy, first date was drinks, I bought one, he bought one etc...The next date we had we went for a meal, his words, and I quote "do you want me to get this". Now bearing in my mind, he had stayed in my house the night before, I cooked for him and I had drove him on 50 mile round trip as he had to pick up something - apparently my car was nicer :rolleyes:. So I was shocked when he said that, like what was I supposed to say! After all the running around I had done with him and him staying at my house, yes I fully expected him to pay. So I said that we would split it. Needless to say I didn't continue seeing him for much longer.

Another guy I dated paid for every meal we had, which was about five. He absolutely would not let me pay, and believe me I tried. I did however get to pay to buy a few drinks. That kind of made me feel bad though. I would have preferred if he paid one week, and I paid the next.

But for the first date I think the man definitely should pay, although I would offer to split it. Especially if you knew there was going to be no second date

tiny_penguin

On the first date with my OH we just went for drinks - he insisted on paying for the first 2 and tried to pay for the third but I just got up from the table and went to the bar myself and bought them. Since he initiated the date I did expect him to pay for the first drink out of politeness but I had fully intended on going for rounds. On our second date we went for dinner and we split the bill (it was split about 65-35 he paid more, again him insisting) and we went into rounds on drinks after. Ever since then everything has been pretty much 50/50 - there has been times that he has treated me to a dinner out (usually paid for in advance with a city deal voucher) and I have done the same for him. When we eat in I do all of the cooking but he insists on splitting shopping bills with me. I mean we are not counting pennies to make sure everything is evenly shared - but these things usually work themselves out and its as close to splitting as you can get.

I do think its nice if the person who initiated the first date offered to pay (and I would if i ever initiate) - however I would not accept the offer and would pay my way unless he was extremely insistent. But I would always be sure to pay for something on a first date even if it is not 50/50.

smash

hairyprincess wrote: »

A few months ago I started seeing this guy, first date was drinks, I bought one, he bought one etc...The next date we had we went for a meal, his words, and I quote "do you want me to get this". Now bearing in my mind, he had stayed in my house the night before, I cooked for him and I had drove him on 50 mile round trip as he had to pick up something - apparently my car was nicer :rolleyes:. So I was shocked when he said that, like what was I supposed to say! After all the running around I had done with him and him staying at my house, yes I fully expected him to pay. So I said that we would split it.

Did you put out? :pac:

later12

hairyprincess wrote: »

yes I fully expected him to pay. So I said that we would split it.

ARGHHHHHHhhhhhh

Why do women do this?

Saying one thing and thinking another Why didn't you just say yes?:pac:

ibarelycare

hairyprincess wrote: »

But for the first date I think the man definitely should pay, although I would offer to split it. Especially if you knew there was going to be no second date

Why do you think the man should definitely pay???

Davyhal

ibarelycare wrote: »

Why do you think the man should definitely pay???

Because men make money... Women make babies and dinner...

smash

ibarelycare wrote: »

Why do you think the man should definitely pay???

She's hairy. Some men pay for that kinda thing!

hairyprincess

ibarelycare wrote: »

hairyprincess wrote: »

But for the first date I think the man definitely should pay, although I would offer to split it. Especially if you knew there was going to be no second date

Why do you think the man should definitely pay???

Because I'm old fashioned. I want to be woed. Man hunter gatherer, woman make babies and dinner

hairyprincess

smash wrote: »

ibarelycare wrote: »

Why do you think the man should definitely pay???

She's hairy. Some men pay for that kinda thing!

They really do!

JupiterKid

What century and what decade are we in now? Oh yes, the 2010s. Not the 1930s.

I say if she's willing to put out then you're willing to go Dutch. Except if she is a total scorcher - an exception may be made for that...

maiden

I think its nice if the guy offers to pay, but I would be def a 50/50 kind of girl and insist on paying half, I wouldnt feel comfortable letting someone pay the full bill!!

Saying that its been so long since Ive been on a date, Im not sure what the done thing now

Gummy Panda

hairyprincess wrote: »

Because I'm old fashioned. I want to be woed. Man hunter gatherer, woman make babies and dinner

Grok club woman, drag to cave for snu snu!!

smash

JupiterKid wrote: »

What century and what decade are we in now? Oh yes, the 2010s. Not the 1930s.

But she still lives in "a cottage on a hill beyond a river beside a tree"

Professey Chin

I always try & pay. Probably(definitely) too often

seamus

I've never actually gone on a "date" where you're going for dinner or whatever with someone who's a stranger. So I can't say from experience as to what I have done.

On principle, the man paying just cos he's the man is complete horse****, but if I was a single man with blue balls I would probably be happy to part with whatever it takes to get make the lady happy and get her into bed.

Guy goes out on a date, that's pretty much all he's thinking - "What will it take to get this girl to let me bone her?". That's why chivalry will never die.

JupiterKid

I think that it's polite to offer to pay for a first meal on a first date but after that, if you're the one doing all the paying then you're being taken for a ride.

Anyhow, I'm a gay guy. So how does it work for us? :-/

GO_Bear

Hella no, meet me half way,

Equality is a bitch ain't it !

candy-gal1

tbh its always nice to have the guy pay for the first date, but its all about who does the asking i agree with that, paying for the first date within reason though.
As in if a guy asks you out to movies/dinner or something like that and said to meet up for a coffee/drinks beforehand then its only right to pay your own way or go 50/50 for the coffee/drinks at least.
wherever he asks you out to, then its nice if he pays.

imho its all up to the individual, i wouldnt fully expect a guy to pay for everything on a first date, but if it ended up being 50/50 for everything then id have no problem doing that but it really wouldnt. and hasnt, felt like a date tbh.

if you ended up really liking each other and it turned into something serious down the line then thats when paying your own way/going 50/50 is expected and right. thats what relationships are for, not first dates imho, but thats just me.

any first dates ive been on, the guy has paid, and sometimes 2nd dates the guy would insist on paying, but id always try to get in a round of drinks or something, just because id feel bad otherwise

MsLaura

Depends on hot hot the guy is. If he's below 6'1", we wouldn't be on a date anyway.

If he's above that height and he ain't hot, he's paying and not getting sex until the third date.

If he's tall and hot, I've no problem splitting the bill and spreading my legs :P

Snowie

hairyprincess wrote: »

Because I'm old fashioned. I want to be woed. Man hunter gatherer, woman make babies and dinner

want him to bang stones together and jump around in distress when he see's fire too?

smash

MsLaura wrote: »

Depends on hot hot the guy is. If he's below 6'1", we wouldn't be on a date anyway.

If he's above that height and he ain't hot, he's paying and not getting sex until the third date.

If he's tall and hot, I've no problem splitting the bill and spreading my legs :P

Everyone welcome our latest troll.... MsLaura.

give her a nice round of applause!

Snowie

MsLaura wrote: »

Depends on hot hot the guy is. If he's below 6'1", we wouldn't be on a date anyway.

If he's above that height and he ain't hot, he's paying and not getting sex until the third date.

If he's tall and hot, I've no problem splitting the bill and spreading my legs :P

well its good to know you have a wide smile!

MsLaura

smash wrote: »

Everyone welcome our latest troll.... MsLaura.

give her a nice round of applause!

I'm guessing you fit into the first category of guys

wilkie2006

In the past, I never really had a problem with paying for everything on a date but then I started seeing this (retrospectively) horrible, stingy girl who never, ever put her hand in her pocket. It was almost funny how tight she was with cash. I'm sure she just had a selfish nature, but I've always wished I hadn't set that precedent in the early days.

smash

MsLaura wrote: »

I'm guessing you fit into the first category of guys

You assumed that because I think you're a troll?

MsLaura

smash wrote: »

You assumed that because I think you're a troll?

I did psycology for a year in collage. Ever hear of projection? you say I am a troll, but seeing as your bitter and jealous about whom i sleep with, I'd imagine it's you who resembles the troll.

smash

MsLaura wrote: »

I did psycology for a year in collage. Ever hear of projection?

Yes, I've heard of that. You know the meaning of the word troll right?

In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

So considering it was your first post on boards, I'd say you were trolling.

MsLaura wrote: »

you say I am a troll, but seeing as your bitter and jealous about whom i sleep with, I'd imagine it's you who resembles the troll.

Bitter and jealous about who you sleep with... :pac::pac::pac:

Please, I couldn't care less who you sleep with!

Maximus Alexander

As a man, I would pay for the first date, but would not like to be expected to pay for it.

What I mean is, she should be willing and intending to pay for her half.

Paparazzo

MsLaura wrote: »

Depends on hot hot the guy is. If he's below 6'1", we wouldn't be on a date anyway.

If he's above that height and he ain't hot, he's paying and not getting sex until the third date.

If he's tall and hot, I've no problem splitting the bill and spreading my legs :P

Why do I have an image of opening a well done toasted cheese sandwich in my head?