'A gentleman always pays for the first date'

JustCoz

Eroticfishcake wrote: »

Yes.

Pay half your way and don't be so miserable

Haha- fair enough! As I said it's nothing to do with money, I am actually very generous with money, it's the thought. Plus if you are going on a first date with someone you are weighing up their qualities with (in some cases) a future relationship in mind. If they demonstrate generosity it's a much better start IMO.
Just sayin' what a lot of ladies think!

smash

JustCoz wrote: »

Most girls want to feel that they are being treated like a lady on a first date and I think it's a nice tradition for the man to offer to pay. If the first date was dinner, I would offer to pay but would fully expect to be told to put my money away- it's not about the money, it's the sentiment.

Traditions can be nice, and most men will pay. But you shouldn't fully expect them to.

JustCoz wrote: »

If we went on to have drinks afterwards then a round situation is fine but I think he should buy the first round.

So after he buys dinner, you want him to buy the first round? Would you not rather that he looked at you as someone with a bit of independence who could say "well you got dinner, what are you having"?

JustCoz wrote: »

If they demonstrate generosity it's a much better start IMO.

Practice what you preach!

JustCoz

JustCoz wrote: »

Haha- fair enough! As I said it's nothing to do with money, I am actually very generous with money, it's the thought. Plus if you are going on a first date with someone you are weighing up their qualities with (in some cases) a future relationship in mind. If they demonstrate generosity it's a much better start IMO.
Just sayin' what a lot of ladies think!

and if you continue to demonstrate that meanness and sense of entitlement, it'll be a much worse start. or no start at all

Maximus Alexander

JustCoz wrote: »

Haha- fair enough! As I said it's nothing to do with money, I am actually very generous with money, it's the thought. Plus if you are going on a first date with someone you are weighing up their qualities with (in some cases) a future relationship in mind. If they demonstrate generosity it's a much better start IMO.
Just sayin' what a lot of ladies think!

Surely that goes both ways though, no?

JayRoc

Generally I would always have tried to sneakily pay for the first few dates at least, you know, the old "I'm just going to the jacks" thing while you nip to the register without her knowing.

But at the same time I would expect her to put up some resistance; I think I'd have been turned off pretty quick by a girl who didn't have the manners to make a genuine offer to go halves, without insisting to the point of it turning into an argument (which actually happened once).

This probably sounds a bit contradictory, but it's just how I was brought up, I guess.

I don't think I've EVER let a girl pay her way on the first date in my whole life, if I couldn't afford dinner for two I wouldn't ask someone out.

ibarelycare

JustCoz wrote: »

Haha- fair enough! As I said it's nothing to do with money, I am actually very generous with money, it's the thought. Plus if you are going on a first date with someone you are weighing up their qualities with (in some cases) a future relationship in mind. If they demonstrate generosity it's a much better start IMO.

Should it not work both ways? What about YOU demonstrating generosity? What about your qualities? A first date isn't just for a man to impress a woman and live up to her standards you know! Jesus talk about having a high opinion of yourself.

JustCoz

Maximus Alexander wrote: »

Yes, in my opinion.

I mentioned earlier that I would always insist on paying for the first date, but if I even got the hint that I was expected to or that you would judge me if I hadn't, then I would be majorly put off.

I don't know why, I suppose it suggests a certain type of attitude, like that the girl feels I am privileged to be on a date with her, or that she is too good for me. That sort of imbalance is certainly not the way to start a relationship in my book.

I definitely wouldn't give the impression I expected it, as I said I would always offer and if we went halves I wouldn't mention it but I would be disappointed.
And it's not because I think I'm so amazing that that I feel the guy is priviledged or anything like that. It's just a standard for a first date, if the guy pays it tells me he is a gentleman and I am not saying he needs to spend a fortune but a girl likes to feel like she is being looked after on a first date.

starlit

JayRoc wrote: »

I don't think I've EVER let a girl pay her way on the first date in my whole life, if I couldn't afford dinner for two I wouldn't ask someone out.

That's beside the point, even if you couldn't afford dinner for two doesn't mean you couldn't ask them out? There are dates you can go on for free!?;)

You can't buy love!?

ibarelycare

ibarelycare wrote: »

Should it not work both ways? What about YOU demonstrating generosity? What about your qualities? A first date isn't just for a man to impress a woman and live up to her standards you know! Jesus talk about having a high opinion of yourself.

nothing wrong with a high opinion and all but this is just pushing it

ibarelycare

JustCoz wrote: »

I definitely wouldn't give the impression I expected it, as I said I would always offer and if we went halves I wouldn't mention it but I would be disappointed.
And it's not because I think I'm so amazing that that I feel the guy is priviledged or anything like that. It's just a standard for a first date, if the guy pays it tells me he is a gentleman and I am not saying he needs to spend a fortune but a girl likes to feel like she is being looked after on a first date.

I've asked this numerous times on this thread and still haven't got an answer. Why should the girl feel like she's being looked after? Surely that's just demonstrating that women are the weaker sex? Why shouldn't the man feel like he is being looked after? Why does he have to be a "gentleman"? Why shouldn't the woman be a "gentlewoman" and pay for the date?

smash

JustCoz wrote: »

I definitely wouldn't give the impression I expected it, as I said I would always offer and if we went halves I wouldn't mention it but I would be disappointed.
And it's not because I think I'm so amazing that that I feel the guy is priviledged or anything like that. It's just a standard for a first date, if the guy pays it tells me he is a gentleman and I am not saying he needs to spend a fortune but a girl likes to feel like she is being looked after on a first date.

Nobody ever cares about how the guy wants to be treated

JayRoc

JustCoz wrote: »

I know this is an unpopular opinion with men

It's not. At least not among most of the lads I know.

Snowie

ibarelycare wrote: »

I've asked this numerous times on this thread and still haven't got an answer. Why should the girl feel like she's being looked after? Surely that's just demonstrating that women are the weaker sex? Why shouldn't the man feel like he is being looked after? Why does he have to be a "gentleman"? Why shouldn't the woman be a "gentlewoman" and pay for the date?

cause daddy treated hr like a little princess and she doesn't want to admit to it ?

Maximus Alexander

smash wrote: »

Nobody ever cares about how the guy wants to be treated

To be fair, most guys like to take charge. That's why whoever asked for the date would probably want to pay. It's the expectation that I have a problem with.

Eroticfishcake

Snowie wrote: »

cause daddy treated hr like a little princess and she doesn't want to admit to it ?

She should date her dad then

az2wp0sye65487

This is one of those questions that seems like it should be a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer at first - but on thinking about it, it's actually a tricky subject!

I voted 'No' simply because the question was whether a man should be expected to pay...

There are a couple of things to consider though:

1: Who invited who out? Generally it's the fella asking the girl out. He's the one making the effort because he's obviously interested in her... buying dinner etc. is just another way of showing you're a decent sort.

2: Why go somewhere / do something that's going to cost you more than you can afford, and then give out about it afterwards?

Personally, I think there's far too much emphasis placed on money, and who pays for what. If 2 people like each other and are getting on well - then what difference does it make who buys dinner etc.

The whole 'No, I'll pay for my half' attitude from wimmens here can become just as tiring as the 'if she doesn't offer to pay, that's it!' attitude from some of the fellas! Just go out, enjoy yourselves, and stop worrying about who pays for what?!

Snowie

Eroticfishcake wrote: »

She should date her dad then

:eek:
You sick demented pervert :pac:

smash

Maximus Alexander wrote: »

To be fair, most guys like to take charge. That's why whoever asked for the date would probably want to pay. It's the expectation that I have a problem with.

Perhaps I should have made it clearer I was being sarcastic... I agree that if you ask someone out to dinner then you should pay, because you're the one inviting. But this stuff of not offering, and expecting, and being disappointed is a bit much. Especially expecting him to pay for the first round too. :mad:

ibarelycare

Maximus Alexander wrote: »

To be fair, most guys like to take charge. That's why whoever asked for the date would probably want to pay. It's the expectation that I have a problem with.

Exactly. I love a man to take charge and to feel "looked after" but I definitely wouldn't have a sense of entitlement about it and I draw the line when it comes to being looked after in the financial sense. Not because of feminism of any sort, purely down to manners, decency and respect.

JustCoz

smash wrote: »

Perhaps I should have made it clearer I was being sarcastic... I agree that if you ask someone out to dinner then you should pay, because you're the one inviting. But this stuff of not offering, and expecting, and being disappointed is a bit much. Especially expecting him to pay for the first round too. :mad:

But it's a "round" you'll get him back I wouldn't expect him to pay for all my drinks.
The reason I thought I'd post is because this came up with a group of girlfriends recently and the majority share my opinion. Like I said before I know it's an unpopular opinion but I'm entitled to voice it, the OP did ask.

Maximus Alexander

JustCoz wrote: »

But it's a "round" you'll get him back I wouldn't expect him to pay for all my drinks.
The reason I thought I'd post is because this came up with a group of girlfriends recently and the majority share my opinion. Like I said before I know it's an unpopular opinion but I'm entitled to voice it, the OP did ask.

Hey it's only a bit of banter. I don't think anyone is slating you for it. You don't come across as a cow at least.

smash

JustCoz wrote: »

But it's a "round" you'll get him back I wouldn't expect him to pay for all my drinks.

So why not start the round then considering he just bought dinner?

starlit

Buying a round for you does not mean much! Even supplying drinks for you does not mean anything either...you might be in or you might not be in!

cynder

Tbh. I'm a bit old fashioned in this area. I do believe if the man asks the woman on a date he should pay on the first date. my husband did this with me all those years ago, 14 years ago.... And he won my heart, I will be bringing up our sons to do the same. Give the lady their jacket if she is cold, open doors for her, the whole hog.

However with my daughter I'm telling her not to expect that nice behaviour and to be independent and not to depend on or need a fella....

smash

grindelwald wrote: »

I do believe if the nan asks the woman in a date

What kind of sick porn do you watch?

Eroticfishcake

Connor Flaky Sheepskin wrote: »

Personally, I think there's far too much emphasis placed on money, and who pays for what. If 2 people like each other and are getting on well - then what difference does it make who buys dinner etc.

The whole 'No, I'll pay for my half' attitude from wimmens here can become just as tiring as the 'if she doesn't offer to pay, that's it!' attitude from some of the fellas! Just go out, enjoy yourselves, and stop worrying about who pays for what?!

It's a first date, they may not be getting on well. It makes a difference as there are people claiming they expect the tab to be picked up by the guy. Where is this sense of entitlement coming from, split the bill and then there is no sense of obligation afterwards.

The 'attitude from wimmens'...the use of this phrase is what's becoming tiresome.

strobe

I think the statement 'A gentlemen should always pay for the first date' is bullshit obviously.

Sometimes I'll pay for food or drinks or cinema tickets etc but it has nothing to do with any nonsense notions of chivalry. I don't just do it on first dates, or just on dates, or just with women even... I went to the cinema with my brother a few weeks ago and grabbed something to eat afterwards, I paid for the tickets and the food... 'cause I happened to be the one to reach the counter first both times. I never really put too much thought into it tbh. I went for a couple of pints with someone I did some work for a few days ago and he paid for the drinks. Meh... it's just what people do innit?

Having said that if I got the impression that a girl I was out with was deliberately imposing upon me to pay, or just sitting on her hands all night waiting for me to go into my pocket constantly I'd find it a pretty big turn off...

...and if I overheard a girl I was seeing say the below...

Katgurl wrote: »

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

...you wouldn't see me for the trail of dust and big Back To The Future style streaks of fire I'd leave behind me. Very immature and skanky attitude imo... (no offense)

JustCoz

Maximus Alexander wrote: »

Hey it's only a bit of banter. I don't think anyone is slating you for it. You don't come across as a cow at least.

Thanks, I actually can be quite nice I just think sometimes girls are afraid to say what they actually think about this because lads don't like it, but I'm purely voicing what a lot of girls think.

smash wrote: »

So why not start the round then considering he just bought dinner?

Ok point taken, I suppose if the drink was first I think it's nice if they guy takes charge and goes to the bar to order the drinks, but if he's just paid for dinner I would offer to buy the first drink.

doovdela wrote: »

Buying a round for you does not mean much! Even supplying drinks for you does not mean anything either...you might be in or you might not be in!

Haha! Ok no I'm really not one of those people, I always get my round in

cynder

smash wrote: »

grindelwald wrote: »

I do believe if the nan asks the woman in a date

What kind of sick porn do you watch?

Fcek this phone.... Sure you know I meant man, it's fixed now...

Katgurl

@strobe happily it's an Internet forum so you presumably don't know if we've ever dated. If we were out as per your invitation, the bill came, I offered to pay, you nodded and gave me my amount due, I'd smile and pay. You wouldn't hear me say anything of the sort. But unfortunately I would find it a turn-off as I consider it bad manners after inviting me out, which I find very unattractive.

So as I said we could well stay out on the beer or become friends but as far as anything more was concerned, that ship would have sailed.

The OP asked a question I answered it honestly. I am not speaking on behalf of all women, some but not all share my opinion. Different strokes and all that.

ibarelycare

Katgurl wrote: »

@strobe happily it's an Internet forum so you presumably don't know if we've ever dated. If we were out as per your invitation, the bill came, I offered to pay, you nodded and gave me my amount due, I'd smile and pay. You wouldn't hear me say anything of the sort. But unfortunately I would find it a turn-off as I consider it bad manners after inviting me out, which I find very unattractive.

So as I said we could well stay out on the beer or become friends but as far as anything more was concerned, that ship would have sailed.

The OP asked a question I answered it honestly. I am not speaking on behalf of all women, some but not all share my opinion. Different strokes and all that.

So if you decided to stay out on the beer and had a brilliant laugh with this person, you had a great connection, amazing chemistry...you wouldn't consider anything happening between you just because he took you up on your offer (note: didn't ask you) to pay half the bill? I feel sorry for men on the dating scene if there are more women out there like you.

hmmm

Man up and pay the full bill without making a fuss about it. God almighty, we've raised a generation of girly-men.

If she offers to pay half, she's a keeper (but still pay the bill yourself).

Katgurl

ibarelycare wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

@strobe happily it's an Internet forum so you presumably don't know if we've ever dated. If we were out as per your invitation, the bill came, I offered to pay, you nodded and gave me my amount due, I'd smile and pay. You wouldn't hear me say anything of the sort. But unfortunately I would find it a turn-off as I consider it bad manners after inviting me out, which I find very unattractive.

So as I said we could well stay out on the beer or become friends but as far as anything more was concerned, that ship would have sailed.

The OP asked a question I answered it honestly. I am not speaking on behalf of all women, some but not all share my opinion. Different strokes and all that.

So if you decided to stay out on the beer and had a brilliant laugh with this person, you had a great connection, amazing chemistry...you wouldn't consider anything happening between you just because he took you up on your offer (note: didn't ask you) to pay half the bill? I feel sorry for men on the dating scene if there are more women out there like you.

I'm sure there are exceptions but I can imagine the great laugh but not the great chemistry after such a scenario.

It's not an 'if' - there are plenty more women like me out there.

Plenty that think differently too but as I said, different strokes.

Hollypop

If a guy asks me out for dinner I'll let him pay. I'd offer to pay half but if he wanted to pay that would be fine. I'd be buying the drinks for the night though. Don't think it's fair for women to expect the guys to pay for everything. Id ask him out for dinner the next time and pay. Take it in turns. It's easier that way.

kingtut

Katgurl wrote: »

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

With that attitude I would certainly never end up with a girl like you. On a first date I will always pay in full however I'd be offended if the girl did not offer to at least pay her half (to which I would politely refuse).

To me a girl with your attitude is not interested in the man but in what she can get for free or done for her. I'd run a mile if I ever met someone like that :pac:

kingtut

Noreen1 wrote: »

That way, the fellas don't get used by would-be gold diggers, and the ladies aren't expected to go back to his place to "reward" him for taking them out.:p

I can't say I'd ever expect anything buy paying for everything on a first date :eek::eek::eek: believe it or not I'd run a mile if I thought the girl was that easy in the first place

c_man

'A gentleman always pays for the first date'

Depends. Is he on the dole? :pac:

nottherealdeal

This is a tricky one...
I,m female and I suppose I am an old romantic at heart and wouldl ike to believe chivalry is alive and well...( does coughing up a days wages though count as chivalry..I dont know??) Anywho I would like to think the guy would at least offer to pay, and I would like to think I would offer to split the bill.

Often it works out that he will buy cinema tickets, I'll buy food (and with extortionate overpricing of cinema food these days I end up paying more :I !!) or he'll pay for the meal and I will buy him drinks after...

Also I think it boils down to who asks who out. If he asked me out I would definetly expect him to offer to pay. Likewise if I asked him out I would offer to pay!

44leto

I have never paid for a date I have always went Dutch and I was never shy about letting the other person knowing its 50/50

But lately I'm so gagging for it I would gladly suspend my self respect.

Dr.Silly

nottherealdeal wrote: »

This is a tricky one...
I,m female

post should have stopped there

strobe

Katgurl wrote: »

@strobe happily it's an Internet forum so you presumably don't know if we've ever dated. If we were out as per your invitation, the bill came, I offered to pay, you nodded and gave me my amount due, I'd smile and pay. You wouldn't hear me say anything of the sort. But unfortunately I would find it a turn-off as I consider it bad manners after inviting me out, which I find very unattractive.

So as I said we could well stay out on the beer or become friends but as far as anything more was concerned, that ship would have sailed.

The OP asked a question I answered it honestly. I am not speaking on behalf of all women, some but not all share my opinion. Different strokes and all that.

Well someone wouldn't have to come out and say it. I just meant if I got the impression that that was how their mind worked it would be a massive turn-off... and to be honest it is usually very obvious when that is a girls personality...

Similarly I was just giving my honest opinion on the topic posed (wasn't meant to come across as me being personal). But like you say Kat, different strokes and all that. I do personally think it's a pretty childish kind of attitude to have but sure what you happen to find (un)attractive is no ones business but your own.

Katgurl

kingtut wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

But if you split the bill on first dinner out, yes I'll offer to pay and yes I will hang out with you for the evening and quite possibly end up friends but there is no way in hell we will be having a sleepover. Ever.

With that attitude I would certainly never end up with a girl like you. On a first date I will always pay in full however I'd be offended if the girl did not offer to at least pay her half (to which I would politely refuse).

To me a girl with your attitude is not interested in the man but in what she can get for free or done for her. I'd run a mile if I ever met someone like that :pac:

How do you know you haven't already dated me? Read back on both our posts - I'd offer to pay, you'd refuse, we'd both be happy. Things would continue and you'd like the fact I am most certainly not out for what I can get and am definitely interested in the man - good manners being one of the traits I admire. Also, never in a single row or breakup with an ex have I ever been accused of that. I've earned more money and subsequently paid for more than nearly all of my boyfriends.

As an aside if 'being out for what I could get' was an objective of mine (which it is NOT) I'd be aiming for a lot more than a free meal or a few drinks.

ihsb

Maximus Alexander wrote: »

As a man, I would pay for the first date, but would not like to be expected to pay for it.

What I mean is, she should be willing and intending to pay for her half.

Exactly! I will always reach for my purse and offer to split but if he asked me out (and seeing as I never ask a guy out as a general rule) then he should pay. Obviously if you carry on dating then it should get more even but I want to be wined and dined.

Now obviously some women take the piss and get the most expensive things on the menu... that isn't cool.

Frank Black

If I was on a first date with a girl I would definitely pay.




In cash, cause the wife checks the credit card bills.

BlueSmoker

I apologies, I read as far as page 13 of this thread, and I believe alot of people have missed the point a little.

I think people think a successful first date is equal to how much a person iswilling to spend eg the success of it is based on a monetary value.

Well really the success of a first date is more about mutual respect and interest in the other person.

I've being going through some of my first dates, some I paid full whack for, some I paid nothing for, some I paid half for.

Out of all of those there was a 50/50 mixed bag out of successful first dates and unsuccessful (successful first date means both of where interested in a second date).

I never even thought of it until I read this thread,

Of course if I asked anyone for a coffee/lunch/Dinner eg friend, colleague, business friend (would you like to have .....?) I would pay. If I suggested we catch up over coffee/lunch/dinner it would be split 50/50 on average.

I just think some people are over/possibly under thinking this first date stuff

az2wp0sye65487

Eroticfishcake wrote: »

Connor Flaky Sheepskin wrote: »

Personally, I think there's far too much emphasis placed on money, and who pays for what. If 2 people like each other and are getting on well - then what difference does it make who buys dinner etc.

The whole 'No, I'll pay for my half' attitude from wimmens here can become just as tiring as the 'if she doesn't offer to pay, that's it!' attitude from some of the fellas! Just go out, enjoy yourselves, and stop worrying about who pays for what?!

It's a first date, they may not be getting on well. It makes a difference as there are people claiming they expect the tab to be picked up by the guy. Where is this sense of entitlement coming from, split the bill and then there is no sense of obligation afterwards.

The 'attitude from wimmens'...the use of this phrase is what's becoming tiresome.

But there's an element of manners to it as well. If you ask someone round to your house for dinner you obviously go to a lot of effort... You might splash out a little extra for some specia ingredients or whatever... If you end up not getting on with them you'd hardly try to charge them for what you made them! It's the same principal.

Myself and the o/h bought 4 tickets to an event recently, we asked a couple we know to come with us. There was no mention of money etc. and I'm glad - as it would have just been awkward. It's just manners, and nice to do something nice like pay for a meal or drinks or whatever.

Now it would be slightly different if the person was blatently using you for free meals / drinks and there was obviously no spark...

Oh, and I only used the term 'wimmins' in keeping with the AH tradition. But my opinion on the attitude stands!

RainbowRose81

There is very very few gentlemen in Ireland so the poll title needs to be rephrased.

There isn't much 'men' either as opposed to spoilt little boys. Most Irish guys would be afriad of their own shadow, they are not men at all.

whatsamsn

RainbowRose81 wrote: »

There is very very few gentlemen in Ireland so the poll title needs to be rephrased.

There isn't much 'men' either as opposed to spoilt little boys. Most Irish guys would be afriad of their own shadow, they are not men at all.

bitter much? :pac:

Marty McFly

RainbowRose81 wrote: »

There is very very few gentlemen in Ireland so the poll title needs to be rephrased.

There isn't much 'men' either as opposed to spoilt little boys. Most Irish guys would be afriad of their own shadow, they are not men at all.

Please ease off on the charm, with talk like that youll have every man in Ireland swooning over you.

The King of Moo

RainbowRose81 wrote: »

There is very very few gentlemen in Ireland so the poll title needs to be rephrased.

There isn't much 'men' either as opposed to spoilt little boys. Most Irish guys would be afriad of their own shadow, they are not men at all.

While a refreshing change from the bitter anti-women posts you sometimes find on AH (not so much in this thread), that's an incredible over-generalisation, and just as bad.

In what way are almost all Irish men spoiled and cowardly?
And why?