How honest should you be when dumping someone?

wilkie2006

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

SEPT 23 1989

Brutally honest

gcgirl

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

Wow I apologise for the sisterhood there she sounds like a right twat
Personally I would just say its not working out and exit

Rasmus

Be honest, but not needlessly bitchy.

kfallon

She sounded like quite the catch!!! :pac:

lastlaugh

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

Well if I was ever slapped I'd be telling her to F*ck right off straight away.

Seachmall

You're dumping them and probably never going to see them again (or are unlikely to).

No need to be a cunt about it, but be firm and honest as well.

"It's not you, it's me... I just can't fucking stand you".

See, best of both worlds.

candy-gal1

OP fair play for getting her out of your life, sounds like a complete bitch just wanting someone to do whatever she says, no matter what, and a really big liar too :eek: karma should come knocking!

yep, being completely honest to why you dont want to be with them anymore is the best way to go imho, otherwise its just confusing tbh

if your breaking up with someone you were in a serious relationship with then also just say it if youve cheated on them or whatever, its a whole lot easier in the long run, i mean your going to hurt them/make them angry anyway so just get everything out there is what i think, and certainly dont lie and say dont worry i never cheated on you at all, if you did :rolleyes:
maybe just try and sugarcoat it a little if needs be, but lying is just going to end up in more hassle down the line id say.

btw ive never broken up with anyone, so far, ive either been broken up with or its been a very mutual thing, im just speaking from experience and what i would like to happen, if it had to.

smash

"I'm boning your sister"

kfallon

Tbh her levels of geebaggery (I made up a new word :pac:) are only matched OP by your levels of stupidity for having any kind of relationship with this person!

I hope you learned your lesson!

starbelgrade

When your dumping an ex-partner, just make sure you add plenty of ballast to the sack, otherwise they tend to float to the surface very quickly.

Mickey Dazzler

Sure you might as well have kicked her in the clunge for good measure.

IvySlayer

lastlaugh wrote: »

Well if I was ever slapped I'd be telling her to F*ck right off straight away.

Slap me and I don't deserve it, I'll be slapping right back, man or woman.

And to the OP, honesty is the best policy, always.

Underdraft

I'd say there's no point. I've found people like that generally don't take criticism well (actually they don't even take it at all) and just turn the whole conversation back on you making out like they're fine the way they are and that any fault you may have found with them was precisely because you don't know how to behave 'correctly' in society (ie their way).

Plus why would you want to help such an individual anyway with constructive criticism? Let them find out they hard way, by getting beat down day after day by life.

wilkie2006

gcgirl wrote: »

Wow I apologise for the sisterhood there she sounds like a right twat
Personally I would just say its not working out and exit

Cheers

It's gets even worse though; for about three weeks after we broke up she pretended she was pregnant :eek:

wilkie2006

kfallon wrote: »

She sounded like quite the catch!!! :pac:

If you're interested, she's probably single

lastlaugh

wilkie2006 wrote: »

Cheers

It's gets even worse though; for about three weeks after we broke up she pretended she was pregnant :eek:

You should have pretended you had AIDs.

TheZohanS

If she was that bad I say feck her, why the hell should you bother your ass giving her any criticism at all.

A simple "it's not me, it's you" would suffice.

She's somebody else's problem now.

IvySlayer

smash wrote: »

Fcuk it

"I'm boning every female member of your family"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfPvnjJKuzc

Reminds me of this

kfallon

wilkie2006 wrote: »

If you're interested, she's probably single

You need to turn on your sarcasm detector Wilkie

wilkie2006

Rasmus wrote: »

Be honest, but not needlessly bitchy.

Where's the line between honest and bitchy lie though? I mean, I think that my rant was pretty harsh but would have been honest and - if she ever wants another boyfriend - pretty necessary.

GASMANN

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

pics/gtfo

Snowie

i'll be honest its not you its me...

starbelgrade

wilkie2006 wrote: »

Where's the line between honest and bitchy lie though? I mean, I think that my rant was pretty harsh but would have been honest and - if she ever wants another boyfriend - pretty necessary.

Not necessarily. Some people go for partners who treat them like lap dogs. You see it all the time and for all intents & purposes, both people who willingly partake in a dominant / submissive relationship like that can be perfectly happy.

crystalmice

Honesty is generally the kinder policy IMHO..seen far too many friends absolutely wreaking their heads trying to figure out why someone dumped them because they were give some half arsed, unintelligible reason..it might hurt more at the time but people move on faster of they know why; it's just as quick and can't be overanalysed if you just admit its cos they annoy you/don't have anything to talk about/no longer fancy them/want to try it on with someone else rather than the usual generic 'it's just not working but for no exact reason' rubbish
And if the problem isn't too ingrained in the person, they might just learn from it for the next relationship
Though in your case, she sounds too far gone for that to have been any use

pragmatic1

Depends on how much of a cnut you are. Its better to tell gentle little lies.

wilkie2006

Originally Posted by kfallon View Post
She sounded like quite the catch!!!

wilkie2006 wrote: »

If you're interested, she's probably single

kfallon wrote: »

You need to turn on your sarcasm detector Wilkie

Haha. I think you might need to fine-tune your sarcasm detector

kfallon

hairyprincess wrote: »

You could have blasted her with piss

Your username is giving me all sorts of bad mental images!

Can see the break up line now, "it's not you, it's the hairy gee" :P

TheZohanS

crystalmice wrote: »

Honesty is generally the kinder policy IMHO..seen far too many friends absolutely wreaking their heads trying to figure out why someone dumped them because they were give some half arsed, unintelligible reason..it might hurt more at the time but people move on faster of they know why; it's just as quick and can't be overanalysed if you just admit its cos they annoy you/don't have anything to talk about/no longer fancy them/want to try it on with someone else rather than the usual generic 'it's just not working but for no exact reason' rubbish
And if the problem isn't too ingrained in the person, they might just learn from it for the next relationship
Though in your case, she sounds too far gone for that to have been any use

Aye but if you tell the other person why it didn't work out and it's pretty much their fault you're giving them a stick to beat you with. You can end up getting drawn into an argument that's not worth it.

In my opinion, in some cases, it's better to break up with the person, then say nothing and just walk away.

44leto

Just lie
Nobody wants or likes the truth.

wilkie2006

kfallon wrote: »

Tbh her levels of geebaggery (I made up a new word :pac:) are only matched OP by your levels of stupidity for having any kind of relationship with this person!

I hope you learned your lesson!

It was a fairly short-term thing, just a few months.

I certainly have learnt my lesson though! :pac:

Overheal

Trying to make lies to spare someones feelings is the worst thing you can do. Actually, it can be a total mindfcuk. Don't.

flanders1979

She must have been a great ride to tolerate all that crap

Katgurl

What were you doing going out with her?

Anyway in answer to your question, you probably should have given it to her straight apart from the read more books observation.

Nothingbetter2d

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

you dated my ex?? but in all seriousness just be honest as to why your dumping her..

Raditub

Be totally honest.. i found lying to somebody about your motives will always lead to problems and eventually its gonna come back to bite u in the ass!

stupidusername

most people probably don't really care as to why they're being broken up with. I would, and many would want to know, but she doesn't sound like the type.

Riddle101

Brutally honest, even if you must be blunt.

"I'm sorry but you've gained a bit of weight lately, and i'm afraid of how big you might get if I stayed with you, so i've decided I don't want to be in a relationship with you. Don't judge yourself too hard, i'm just not into fat chicks. But at the end of the day we're both at fault. Goodbye"

stovelid

Ambiguous enough to squeeze in a few months of booty calls afterwards.

mattjack

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

Sounds like you miss her..still thinking about her OP

careymary

I went out with a guy who was seven shades of crazy, when we broke up I was so tempted to say so much stuff to him, not in a hurtful way but just saying these are the facts of it, but i knew deep down I would only aggrevate him and cause myself unnecessary hassel, as he would be the type to freak out and make my life hell.
So I guess for me its about judging if its actually worth it for you to say all this stuff, you have been through enough & sometimes its best just to draw a line under it!

yupyup7up

I'd have rode her and turned off my phone for a couple of weeks.

IrishEyes19

Broke up with someone just the once, but I was honest about it and explained I just didn't feel it could go anywhere, awful to say to someone.. It was really hard to say the truth, but I really didnt want the hassle of getting calls, texts down the line asking to get back together or why I had ended it when everything was going so great :rolleyes: Plus Id prefer for both parties to get on with their lives. Not fair on him either to wonder why it ended without a fair explaination.

on the otherside, I was dumped before with a half arsed explaination and god only knows I wish he had told me the truth from the start, because cue many months later, of him wanting to meet up after nights out, and calling when he was emotionally down, I believed he still had feelings. I abruptly learnt the truth later, when I couldnt take it anymore and asked for the umpteenth time, possibly a little agressively after all the crap he put me through and I was told quite firmly what he thought :rolleyes: though at times I should question my own sanity for putting up with such a d....head in the first place

So yep. Getting the absolute truth from the start is so much more beneficial. Saves a lot of post drama and if the person doesnt want any hassle, well theres a such thing as number blocking ect...........

honestly is the best policy imo

blatantrereg

Depends on how shallow the reasons are and how violent/hysterical the dumpee is.

TiGeR KiNgS

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

This post is the definition of whipped.
I mean:

You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).

She took you for a ride OP.

Dohnny Jepp

Be honest, be short and be concise. Dont have loads of long reasons.

one bullet to the head as opposed to ten in the chest

bonzodog2

You can be honest without being nasty. "Hey, this isn't working out and I don't want to see you anymore" rather than "You're a cnut, burn in hell biatch !"

reera82

"Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you"

John Doe1

Get her to dump you "Honey, you know the way i said im into dogs, well im really into dogs"

44leto

Listen, its not you its me

Now fkuc off out off my life I have met someone prettier.

starlit

As honest as you can be.