How honest should you be when dumping someone?

username_x

i told my ex he was a rebound, he did not take that well...

token101

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

Are you f***ing serious?? Unless it's going to end with a gangbang with her friends and you, any girl that even suggested that without handing over the money would get laughed at and told to '**** off' by anyone with any self respect. Even then I'd be skeptical about someone expecting me to queue up at the bar while her and her friends go relax.

Cleaning? Unless it ends in the ride, you're getting rode. Even then I'd be half heartedly sweeping stuff under cupboards.

44leto

token101 wrote: »

Are you f***ing serious?? Unless it's going to end with a gangbang with her friends and you, any girl that even suggested that without handing over the money would get laughed at and told to '**** off' by anyone with any self respect. Even then I'd be skeptical about someone expecting me to queue up at the bar while her and her friends go relax.

Cleaning? Unless it ends in the ride, you're getting rode. Even then I'd be half heartedly sweeping stuff under cupboards.

Yeah its a case of someone treating you the way you let them.

wilkie2006

mattjack wrote: »

Sounds like you miss her..still thinking about her OP

God, no way. I just thought of her this afternoon when I read another thread about who should have to pay on a first date.

In fact, I was delighted after I broke up with her. During the dumping conversation I had this going through my mind...

dermiek

kfallon wrote: »

Your username is giving me all sorts of bad mental images!

Can see the break up line now, "it's not you, it's the hairy gee" :P

Having a hairy gee is not a good enough excuse to break up with a woman.

:pac::pac::pac:

Hollypop

She sounds like a bitch. Do it quickly. Bit of truthfulness will do her no harm. Let us know how she takes it.

wilkie2006

Hollypop wrote: »

She sounds like a bitch. Do it quickly. Bit of truthfulness will do her no harm. Let us know how she takes it.

Ah, this was a few yeas ago. She took it very fcuking badly. Oh well

Elmer Blooker

Tell her that you love her madly and want to spend the rest of your life with her.
She'll be gone in about two seconds!

Hollypop

Oops. Sorry. New to this. She sounded like the type of girl that would take it badly alright. You're well rid.

nottherealdeal

Disappear off the face of their earth....

Delete their number, delete them as your fb friend, unfollow them on twitter...
Ignore them publicly and never talk of them again......

Works best on the nice ones

lesserspottedchloe

I have to say my advise would be to sugar-coat the hell out of it..I get on well with all(not that many!) of my Ex-Boyfriends and they're really nice guys with the exception of one complete ****wit who also could've done with 'reading a few books and watching the news to knock the corners off his ignorance'..I was only seeing him for a few months and in that time he had insulted ALL my friends, upset my family by ruining my brothers 30th birthday party, pissed all over my house in one of his MANY drunken stupors, Almost got me fired-twice and generally just made an absolute tit out of himself (and me) daily.

He caught on to my growing disgust rather quickly and started to threaten me with all the lies he was going to spread and he then totted up the price of all the milk and food I used while over at his place-deciding that I had used him. He became even more condescending and insulting towards me which felt like crap.

I prolonged the inevitable for a few weeks because he had done such a stellar job in disguising his true character for a while and I was still in shock. I was also quite young, insecure and afraid of him too be honest.

The realisation that I was still madly in love with somebody else gave me the courage to finally dump him..and he went NUTS!

I was straight with him-told him he had an alcohol problem, borderline personality disorder and was an emotionally abusive dick as far as I was concerned.

..He then called up to my mothers house and terrified her-he was roaring at my tiny little mammy in a drunken rage about how all of my family were snobs and complete psychopaths and I would never find happiness-I would go through my life destroying others. He made her cry and then he took a spin down to where a few of my friends lived and did the same to them-only this was exactly what they were waiting for and he barely escaped alive.

For the next TWO YEARS he alternated between begging for forgiveness and spreading the most hateful lies about me..he then met somebody new (oh joy!) and moved on to doing the same to her.

Moral of the story-don't give them ammunition-let them live out there existence without your insightful offerings on the condition of their sanity!

I literally had to duck under the bar one night when I thought he was going to spot me-he gives me the creeps big time.

apologies for the rant!

BBDBB

run

and dont look back

44leto

Use technology its so easier.

I m brkng up wit U

C U

Soz

ScumLord

The only way to answer your question is to get back with her and then break up with her again the following day being brutally honest. Then you can gauge the reactions and maybe get her to fill out a short survey. To be completely thorough you should follow up with another short survey in 3 months just to see if the brutally honest approach had long term benefits.

Pacifist Pigeon

I'd speak my mind, then I'd puncture one of the tyres on their car, or just break something special I gave them.

BBDBB

44leto wrote: »

Use technology its so easier.

I m brkng up wit U

C U

Soz

or

Im brkng up wit U

coz U R a aunt

(damn that predictive text!)

V Eight

44leto wrote: »

Just lie
Nobody wants or likes the truth.

Yeah but is that true?