Stressed in work- advice please

stressedinwork

Hi, im going as a guest for this thread but basically i have been working in the pharmaceutical industry for over 3 years now and when i started i was trained in by two women in my team who i quickly disliked for their nasty and bossy attitudes, they have sneered at me, disrespected me and gossiped about me on a few occasions, and when i started i was too quiet and unassertive to speak up and if i had the bit of confidence which i have now i could have put them in their place back then but 3 years on, i now have no work relationship with them, I dont even salute them in the corridor and we plain dont like each other. My team leader i think picks up on this tension and tries to delegate work where we dont mix as much as he can.

My problem is i cant seem to let go of the hatred i have for the two of them when i see them boring on about their sad lives (they talk about NOTHING else but their children and how drunk they get) and it sometimes interferes with my work in that i can barely stomach being in team meetings with them as their bossy attitudes and habit of bringing everything back to themselves infuriates me. Even now my opinions dont matter at all and when i raise an issue or opinion in the group they sneer or look very bored, their disrespect makes me mad. I should say that i get along with the other 4 members of group just fine and the job is a very good one with great money and conditions so im aware i should just chalk them down to experience and focus on the positive but the hatred is getting me down and i cant exactly report them for how they treated me a few years ago and my manager seems to like one of them a lot (not romantic, he just listens to her and takes all her opinions on board) and all the while im trying to just move on as an employee and do the best i can but every time i lay eyes on them the hatred overwhelms me..

Has anyone ever had this problem and if so how did you move on from it, im open to any advice as its affecting my attitude and health at work.

Mrs OBumble

If it's affecting your health, then I'd suggest seeing a counsellor (get your GP to recommend one, if you don't have any links to find a qualified professional one yourself).

People are allowed to have sad pathetic lives. Or at least lives that you think are sad and pathetic. (They probably think the same thing about your life 'cos you don't have alcohol in the same way they do!)

They're not allowed to bully you, though, and it sounds like your T/L is trying to manage this, but perhaps failing in team meetings.

Some folks here will advocate that you take it up with the T/L and / or HR to get and get the other people's behaviour changed. And maybe there's merit in doing that - though you may get a certain reputation if the others in the workplace believe it's not a major problem.

Personally, I recommend trying to change your own reactions first, before going down the "bullying" route (unless, of course, the other person's actions are illegal).

Immaculata

It's very unfortunate and very stressful for you that you and these two women don't get on. I'm sorry to hear about it.

It does sound like they have treated you disrespectfully, from what you say, but to be completely frank, it also sounds like the amount of rage you feel towards them is getting a bit overwhelming. From your point of view, they sneer at you and they bring every subject back to themselves, plus they are heavy drinkers and really very boring conversationalists. And I understand that it's difficult to deal with all of that, that it p*sses you off, and that it shouldn't be like that.

If you feel that these women are bullying you or harassing you, then I'd strongly recommend that you go straight to HR or your supervisor and see about getting that dealt with through the usual channels. Because, it goes without saying, no one should be bullied or harassed, and you deserve a work environment free of that kind of thing.

If it's more a case of you feeling really angry with these two women because they put your back up a bit, then it might be more fruitful to consider getting some counselling to help you deal with the stress it causes. It's reasonable to dislike, even to strongly dislike, someone when they sneer at you. But it's not good to hate people because it's so stressful to be hating someone that it can do dangerous things to your blood pressure.

Bear in mind also that it's possible that you might be misunderstanding them. Maybe them having weird sneering looks on their faces is just boredom and nothing to do with you. Maybe they don't give your points in meetings much attention because (I assume) you're younger than them, newer in the job, and were trained by them. Maybe their boring conversations don't include anything you'd find of interest because they think their lives wouldn't have anything in common with yours and you wouldn't have any interest in talking with them in the first place. I'm just saying, it's possible that what you see as disrespect is simply being from a different generation and having a whole different way of communicating. The fact is no matter where you work, there are going to be people who you like and people who make you want to run in the opposite direction. So it's really a question of managing that.

Talk the situation over with your HR department, and hopefully you don't have to have much contact with these women in future. I hope your work life improves and becomes much less stressful.

stressedinwork

^ Thanks for the replies, people. I guess about 60% of the problem comes from me not handling my intense dislike of these two women and the other 40% from their genuinely rude and self-obsessed attitudes at work, where all opinions have to be from them and they think that they can run the group because they are there a few more years than me. I will not even bother with them unless they speak to me in the future as i have more self respect than to try and befriend people whi dont like me and take the piss out of me.

My boss i think knows by now i dont like them and they dont like me so i dont even have to work one on one with them on a daily basis which is a great thing and the only time i hear them is in weekly meetings or else around the lab where they insist on sharing their dull life stories with anyone stupid enough to care. From now on if i hear any nasty comments or they do or say anything which i consider harassment im writing it down along with the dates and bringing in to attention of my manager. Problem is her is a typical weak male manager who wont tackle women (especially as we are all in a union) but i will do it anyway just to say i gave it a go and if that doesnt work i will have to go down the route of HR.

Thanks for your help people.