How do I get him back?

Liam Byrne

Uriel. wrote: »

trick him / or drug him into sleeping with you one "final" time. tell him you are on the pill no need for condoms. Get pregnant and guilt him into staying with you. simples.

if you don't get pregnant the first time try again with the promise of some anal thrown in. can't go wrong

Sorry, but that's a horrendous post and not even remotely funny.

OP - hopefully you're not in an actual stalker mindset but bear in mind that you are in AH so you'll get lots of crap and downright sickening replies as attempts at humour/

hairyprincess

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Uriel. wrote: »

trick him / or drug him into sleeping with you one "final" time. tell him you are on the pill no need for condoms. Get pregnant and guilt him into staying with you. simples.

if you don't get pregnant the first time try again with the promise of some anal thrown in. can't go wrong

Sorry, but that's a horrendous post and not even remotely funny.

OP - hopefully you're not in an actual stalker mindset but bear in mind that you are in AH so you'll get lots of crap and downright sickening replies as attempts at humour/

No worries sir, I posted here for some humours replies to cheer myself up. Definitely won't be taking most of the 'advice' given.

Doc

hairyprincess wrote: »

No worries sir, I posted here for some humours replies to cheer myself up. Definitely won't be taking most of the 'advice' given.

So you’re not going to build a time machine then?

Liam Byrne

hairyprincess wrote: »

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Uriel. wrote: »

trick him / or drug him into sleeping with you one "final" time. tell him you are on the pill no need for condoms. Get pregnant and guilt him into staying with you. simples.

if you don't get pregnant the first time try again with the promise of some anal thrown in. can't go wrong

Sorry, but that's a horrendous post and not even remotely funny.

OP - hopefully you're not in an actual stalker mindset but bear in mind that you are in AH so you'll get lots of crap and downright sickening replies as attempts at humour/

No worries sir, I posted here for some humours replies to cheer myself up. Definitely won't be taking most of the 'advice' given.

Phew! Good to hear!

Pity a lot of the reply standards didn't oblige, though! :P

hairyprincess

I never thought AH would help me deal with something but it apparently has! Thanks everyone for your honesty and laughs here, I think its time I let this fish swim.....

working fool

Tell him U bought a strapon
And ask which end would he like to be on ?

ilovesleep

Send him a pair of your bloody period knickers in the post - obviously used, stained and unwashed.

davet82

no no no everyone... she needs to grab his attention, find a really tall building and ring RTE threatening to jump, nothing better than telling him and the world... that you really really are a big stalker

ilovesleep

Put a death notice up in the paper for yourself and send him a copy of the paper and death pullout pages with your name in it - dead!
He might phone you to see if you are dead or not.

MonkeyTennis

get him pregnant

hairyprincess

ilovesleep wrote: »

Put a death notice up in the paper for yourself and send him a copy of the paper and death pullout pages with your name in it - dead!
He might phone you to see if you are dead or not.

Should I answer?

davet82

MonkeyTennis wrote: »

get him pregnant

Might be easier if she gets pregnant tbh but i like your thinking

Snowie

hairyprincess wrote: »

Oh wise sages of boards, tell me what works with getting my ex back without him thinking I'm some sort of loony stalker.

why do you want to get back at your x

Your not that girl who dumps him then see's him happy and wants to get back at him because he's happy are you ? :roll eyes:

kylith

You don't get him back. It's finished. Get over it.

mikemac1

Hooking up with his best friend and indeed all his friends was the best advice yet

Guaranteed to drive him jealous

ItsNoAlias

The best way to a mans heart is through his stomach... Stab him there and he wont be able to get away! You can spend the rest of his life with him. Alternatively if you just cant bear to be apart from him, watch this handy How To film

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100157/

Katgurl

please god let this be a wind-up

he didnt dump you because he was scared of his emotions.

he dumped you because he wasnt into you anymore (or maybe ever).

He's just one person. Don't let it bother you - different strokes etc.

smash

You should get his name tattoo'd on your face!

working fool

Send him a scan of a baby
And a lotto ticket
Saying your a winner

It could be YOU ????

Call me after Fridays draw .

token101

Guill wrote: »

F**k all his friends and make him jealous. 100% fool proof.

That wouldn't make any man jealous!!!! That would just make you think they're a manky skank and he'll be delighted that he's shut of you!! He'll end up high fiving his buddies about how good/**** you were and you're going to be waaaay worse off! The next time you meet him/them together they're going to have the best craic ever taking the total piss out of you. Women can be bitches, but men can equally as be f***ing horrible. Take that from a guy whose seen his workmates do this to an unbelievably gullible girl at work.

old hippy

First of all, if you want real advice - don't post on AH, unless you feel the gibberish here will inspire you

He dumped you, you can't change his mind - only he can do that. In the end, calling/texting/emailing him etc will not endear you to him. The ball really is in his court.

Don't have any expectations; remember the good times but don't dwell on them and let them dictate your behaviour.

smash

Shag this guy ^^^^^

old hippies and Hairy chicks go hand in hand!

Snowie

any one feeling some waynes world nostalgia :pac:?

Gummy Panda

Just buy a vibe

cynder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHOf3s70w-c

Take advice of this guy...

token101

hairyprincess wrote: »

Pml. I want to be with him forever and ever but he don't want me so maybe revenge is a good idea.

How did you come to that conclusion?

Anyone

Tell him you understand, but you would just like to remain fúckbuddies.

old hippy

smash wrote: »

Shag this guy ^^^^^

old hippies and Hairy chicks go hand in hand!

Thanks but I've had my fill of vengefull folk!

ihsb

hairyprincess wrote: »

Because I think he does but he's scared of his emotions. I dunno maybe I should give up

I spent 2 1/2 years waiting for a man that I thought was scared. I am now in a happy relationship with a new man. I see the ex from time to time and he says that he still loves me but doesn't want a relationship.

Now I don't want him back anyway but if I were you I would try and heal your wound and then when you can, move on. He will always be scared about something.

Capt'n Midnight

First of all you'll need to get a Blue Mini ...

Raditub

let it go..he's not scared!!! Move on show him you have no interest...then he might want you back aterall Men want things they cant get!

Gmol

Buy a baby doll and start showing up in places where you know he'll be. Don't get too close, adopt a position at the corner of his eye, holding the doll upright by the hand. When he looks make sure to hide.
This is foolproof and he will realise his mistake and come straight back to you

leonidas83

offer him a rim job, there really popular with guys these days, or just lick his balls instead;)

stupidusername

Raditub wrote: »

let it go..he's not scared!!! Move on show him you have no interest...then he might want you back aterall Men want things they cant get!

hmm.... no they don't, that's women.

instead of moving on to show him you've no interest, just move on!

ilovesleep

Gmol wrote: »

Buy a baby doll and start showing up in places where you know he'll be. Don't get too close, adopt a position at the corner of his eye, holding the doll upright by the hand. When he looks make sure to hide.
This is foolproof and he will realise his mistake and come straight back to you

Wear a nursing bra and take out your breasts to feed the doll.

cloptrop

get him a rabbit, then break into his house and boil it.

ToddyDoody

Try not to scare him anyway, factoid is men cant perform when sacred (women when angry)

stupidusername

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Try not to scare him anyway, factoid is men cant perform when sacred (women when angry)

uh, wrong

LH Pathe

simples, you take that back.

lassoo n hogtie the fuk I'll be waitin with the van

ToddyDoody

stupidusername wrote: »

uh, wrong

??

stupidusername

ToddyDoody wrote: »

??

women can't perform when angry?

ToddyDoody

As in angry with you (not just angry generally)

stupidusername

ToddyDoody wrote: »

As in angry with you (not just angry generally)

mmm... still

RichieC

Has anyone stated the obvious yet and suggested riding his best mate?

stupidusername

RichieC wrote: »

Has anyone stated the obvious yet and suggested riding his best mate?

i'm not sure. but it's a good idea. riding his dad might be better.

Pdfile

stupidusername wrote: »

you don't. it's the mans job to do the chasing if he's not interested, feck him

people who say this **** are never in a good relationship; situations like this can be walking on egg shellls some cop onn is needed op.

cloptrop

Just get a new boyfriend and slowly turn him into your old boyfriend. Dress him like him spry him with the same aftershave get his haircut like him . Teach him to make love like him . Soon the line of whos the old boyfriend and whos the new boyfriend will disappear . It is then safe to pay an austrian hitman to get rid of the old boyfriend and steal his passport, an addressed letter or two to his address . You can then get your new boyfriend to open bank accounts in his name and live in his house and discard his old family for your ex boyfriends one.
I hope this helps , good luck and godspeed.

westies4ever

hairyprincess wrote: »

Because I think he does but he's scared of his emotions. I dunno maybe I should give up

http://youtu.be/sCWvVSE0WMk

simples - time to build a bridge :cool:

stupidusername

Pdfile wrote: »

people who say this **** are never in a good relationship; situations like this can be walking on egg shellls some cop onn is needed op.

hmmm, just because you say it, doesn't make it true. I like a guy to do the chasing (as nature generally has it) what's wrong with that?

round tower huntsman

hairyprincess wrote: »

Oh wise sages of boards, tell me what works with getting my ex back without him thinking I'm some sort of loony stalker.

anal.