Cheating

PrettyBoy

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Lots of undercurrents of anger going on in this thread.

I must be mad because the thought of falling out with my oldest mate because he cheated on his girlfriend once is ridiculous, I'm looking at this from the OP's perspective and saying what's best for him, not what's best for his mates or their poor, poor girlfriends...

Logical Fallacy

PrettyBoy wrote: »

I must be mad because the thought of falling out with my oldest mate because he cheated on his girlfriend once is ridiculous, I'm looking at this from the OP's perspective and saying what's best for him, not what's best for his mates or their poor, poor girlfriends...

You are putting yourself in the OP's position and saying what would be best for you in the circumstances.

Don't kid yourself.

PrettyBoy

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

You won't get a decent answer from a poster who is using the "you don't know" them argument to contradict himself without realising it tbh.

Well I'm not judging the OP, his mates or their GF's unlike a few people in this thread who will jump at the chance to hang anyone that's ever cheated without hearing the full story or knowing all of the details.

PrettyBoy

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

You are putting yourself in the OP's position and saying what would be best for you in the circumstances.

Don't kid yourself.

Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

How am I kidding myself?

Logical Fallacy

PrettyBoy wrote: »

Well I'm not judging the OP, his mates or their GF's unlike a few people in this thread who will jump at the chance to hang anyone that's ever cheated without hearing the full story or knowing all of the details.

Indeed, but you are ignoring blatant details like the fact that the OP doesn't seem to be comfortable enough with his best friends to tell them that he thinks what they have done is wrong.

Kind of raises some questions as to the basis of the friendship in fairness. I mean...I think you'd like to feel your mates could say just about anything to you that they felt needed to be said yeah?

I know i do.

With regards to moral justification for cheating...there are only really two reasons it happens, either a lack of respect for your partner or a lack of respect for yourself. Either one is a serious issue and your best friend should be able to sit you down and find out whats doing on to drive such behaviour.

PrettyBoy

MagicMarker wrote: »

If your best mates gf was cheating on him would you take your own advice?

That's a completely different scenario, what does it have to do with the OP's situation

Look, if the OP does interfere he will lose his 2 oldest friends, his 2 best mates. Why he has such a guilty conscience is beyond me...

MagicMarker

PrettyBoy wrote: »

That's a completely different scenario, what does it have to do with the OP's situation .

Oh right, so the whole not ''making his friends problems his own'' only applies when it suits you? If his friend cheats he shouldn't get involved but if his friend is cheated on then it's fair game?

PrettyBoy wrote: »

Look, if the OP does interfere he will lose his 2 oldest friends, his 2 best mates.

And you know this how?

Logical Fallacy

PrettyBoy wrote: »

How am I kidding myself?

Because you keep making attempts to dismiss others opinions and can't even spot that the very arguments you are making also dismiss your own.

You are telling other people they don't know enough about the scenario, yet then do on to give advice on the scenario. You tell people they don't understand the mechanics of the OP's relationships with people but then go on to offer advice based on your own assumptions.

It's just really flawed, terrible arguing.

Almost cringe worthy.

PrettyBoy

MagicMarker wrote: »

Oh right, so the whole not ''making his friends problems his own'' only applies when it suits you? If his friend cheats he shouldn't get involved but if his friend is cheated on then it's fair game?

Every situation is different, there's not a one-rule-for-all or anything like it. Closest thing to it is the phrase "Bro's before ho's" ...I'm not even joking, that's probably the best way to describe how I feel and it actually applies in both the OP's scenario and your hypothetical scenario.

SureYWouldntYa

OP here :L

Oh i forgot to mention, the 2 guys have both already cheated and the girls found out but done nothing. The 2 girls are crazy about the lads but not vice versa. They take their gfs for granted, and tbh dont deserve them in the slightest. They act like cocky arrogant *****, and one of their wittiest comebacks is "do u have a gf? no? then stfu".

PrettyBoy

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Because you keep making attempts to dismiss others opinions and can't even spot that the very arguments you are making also dismiss your own.

You are telling other people they don't know enough about the scenario, yet then do on to give advice on the scenario. You tell people they don't understand the mechanics of the OP's relationships with people but then go on to offer advice based on your own assumptions.

Really based on what the OP has told us, people involved are his 2 best, life long mates and 2 girls that he went to school with. Easiest option? Stay out of it, don't get involved in other peoples relationships, don't cause any hassle for anyone (including himself) and be about his own business. Nothing to gain from this but plenty to lose.

PrettyBoy

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

OP here :L

Oh i forgot to mention, the 2 guys have both already cheated and the girls found out but done nothing. The 2 girls are crazy about the lads but not vice versa. They take their gfs for granted, and tbh dont deserve them in the slightest. They act like cocky arrogant *****, and one of their wittiest comebacks is "do u have a gf? no? then stfu".

Well are the lads actually your best mates? Do you like them at all?

Also, the girls in this case have been through it all before and evidently haven't learnt a thing, they have only themselves to blame for going back to two lads that they knew cheated on them.

stupidusername

PrettyBoy wrote: »

Also, the girls in this case have been through it all before and evidently haven't learnt a thing, they have only themselves to blame for going back to two lads that they knew cheated on them.

do you think that means there's no point in telling them?

Logical Fallacy

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

OP here :L

Oh i forgot to mention, the 2 guys have both already cheated and the girls found out but done nothing. The 2 girls are crazy about the lads but not vice versa. They take their gfs for granted, and tbh dont deserve them in the slightest. They act like cocky arrogant *****, and one of their wittiest comebacks is "do u have a gf? no? then stfu".

My earlier theory that your mates sound like tools is getting stronger and stronger.

I'm pretty sure it would stand up to peer review tbh.

PrettyBoy

stupidusername wrote: »

do you think that means there's no point in telling them?

No, I didn't say that. All I'm saying is that the OP should not involve himself and be the one to tell the girls that their BF's cheated on them....again. What happens if he does? The lads want nothing to do with him because he ratted them out, the girls say "thanks so much, you're such a good friend!" and then they'll get back together with the lads a few weeks later, leaving the OP looking like a fool.

Anyone disagree with what I'm saying?

stupidusername

PrettyBoy wrote: »

No, I didn't say that. All I'm saying is that the OP should not involve himself and be the one to tell the girls that their BF's cheated on them....again. What happens if he does? The lads want nothing to do with him because he ratted them out, the girls say "thanks so much, you're such a good friend!" and then they'll get back together with the lads a few weeks later, leaving the OP looking like a fool.

Anyone disagree with what I'm saying?

I know you didn't say that, that's why I was asking. but in your response that's pretty much what you did say.

PrettyBoy

stupidusername wrote: »

I know you didn't say that, that's why I was asking. but in your response that's pretty much what you did say.

Not really? I'm just saying the OP shouldn't be the one to tell them. Read my last post for reasons why he shouldn't. If someone else wants to speak up then leave them to it.

stupidusername

PrettyBoy wrote: »

Not really? I'm just saying the OP shouldn't be the one to tell them. Read my last post for reasons why he shouldn't. If someone else wants to speak up then leave them to it.

so you're saying not so much that they shouldn't be told, but that he shouldn't tell them because of the potential fall out? ok I get ya. well in this situation I'd almost agree.

meoklmrk91

Don't tell, however wrong it is don't tell and I am saying that as a girl. It is a thankless job and you will come out the worst end of it. Especially as both girls know that they have cheated before and gone back to them. Most likely outcome, you loose your two best friends and they get to keep their gfs.

While it might seem like the right thing to do, you have to think about yourself first and foremost. And on that note, they don't really sound like stand up guys and you do so I would seriously take a look at whether or not they are worth being put in this kind of position for.

PrettyBoy

meoklmrk91 wrote: »

Don't tell, however wrong it is don't tell and I am saying that as a girl. It is a thankless job and you will come out the worst end of it. Especially as both girls know that they have cheated before and gone back to them. Most likely outcome, you loose your two best friends and they get to keep their gfs.

While it might seem like the right thing to do, you have to think about yourself first and foremost. And on that note, they don't really sound like stand up guys and you do so I would seriously take a look at whether or not they are worth being put in this kind of position for.

This girl speaks the truth.

cheekita

It wouldnt be worth the hassle of being known as being a sh!tstirrer by everybody you know because if you tell these girls then thats exactly what will be said about you!

PrettyBoy

People in this thread starting to talk a bit of sense now!

stupidusername

PrettyBoy wrote: »

People in this thread starting to talk a bit of sense now!

You say that because people are agreeing with you,but it'd be a pretty boring discussion board if everyone agreed on everything

PrettyBoy

stupidusername wrote: »

You say that because people are agreeing with you,but it'd be a pretty boring discussion board if everyone agreed on everything

It would indeed, I was just pointing out the turn that the thread has taken. I also get a sense of satisfaction in knowing that I was right all along :pac:

Nailz

Well, OP, you are quite clearly disgusted at what your best friends have done, it all depends on how much you value all four of the people involved as your friends. If you want to look at it from the point of view that may retain your current circumstance with this group of friends without any harm to their attitudes towards you, then you should mind your own business and stay out of it. Getting involved in **** like that is the opium of inter-social relations.

Pdfile

i sometimes cheat on my right hand and **** with my left.

Galwayguy35

Its best to say nothing. 2 guys i work with are married and are serial cheaters. They are around my age and both are having affairs with girls in their early 20s. Do i think they are lowlifes, yeah i do but bottom line is its nothing to do with me and no matter how long it takes these guys do get found out eventually.

Ficheall

So if I became friends with the good people of AH, the majority of them wouldn't tell me if my OH cheated on me? Thanks a bunch, folks.

Pdfile

Ficheall wrote: »

So if I became friends with the good people of AH, the majority of them wouldn't tell me if my OH cheated on me? Thanks a bunch, folks.

no, but i'd send ye pictures of me riding him/her ( videos cost extra ) :cool:

later12

MagicMarker wrote: »

Oh reaaaalllyy..... So, if the OP came on here and said his best mate's girlfriend cheated on him, would you be saying the same thing?

Yes - the best the OP can do is urge and advise.

The logical equivalent of 'stepping in' in the case you're suggesting would not be urging or advising, but going over to the girlfriend's house and telling her "it's over" on behalf of the guy who she cheated on.

Abi wrote: »

You confessed earlier on in the thread that cheating was something you had done. I have some very strong views against it, but hear me out. While you seem apologetic for what you did, and sorry for your loss, why would you defend it know what it cost you?

I'm not defending it at all really, I think cheating is terribly cruel thing to do. It's not just the ending of a relationship that can hurt, but the disrespect shown toward the other person in the relationship, and the fact that it can be slap in the face to their confidence in themselves when treated in that way.

But while i think this is an awful thing to do, I think loyalty to one's close friends trumps a debt of honour to friends' girlfriends, or lesser friends. Being a good friend to a good friend means you stick by your mate even when he is being a dick; friendship is not supposed to be a fair-weather affair.

Again the OP is not entirely powerless in this situation. Friendship also means you respect and listen to your friends' advice, and he can try to resolve the situation from within his friendship with these guys. But going directly to the girlfriends, in spite of what has been done to them, is a big No in my opinion. How could these guys ever have any trust in the OP again? Girlfriends and boyfriends will come and go, but the trust and the bond of a close friend is not something that should be broken off for something that is a good deal more transient.

SureYWouldntYa

All has been sorted
One of the new girls posted on the lads walls on facebook, she didnt know he had a gf. Everyone seen it and long story short the two lads are now single

Dr. Manhattan

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

All has been sorted
One of the new girls posted on the lads walls on facebook, she didnt know he had a gf. Everyone seen it and long story short the two lads are now single

Ah Facebook, is there nothing it can't do??

Defiler Of The Coffin

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

All has been sorted
One of the new girls posted on the lads walls on facebook, she didnt know he had a gf. Everyone seen it and long story short the two lads are now single

LOL! The hand of karma has descended from the clouds and bitch-slapped the 2 boyos across the face. You're off the hook! Get some doritos and go party like it's 1995!

MagicMarker

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

All has been sorted
One of the new girls posted on the lads walls on facebook, she didnt know he had a gf. Everyone seen it and long story short the two lads are now single

Err, and this isn't being posted in YLYL why exactly?

St.Spodo

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

All has been sorted
One of the new girls posted on the lads walls on facebook, she didnt know he had a gf. Everyone seen it and long story short the two lads are now single

He friend-requested a girl with whom he had a one-time thing when he had a girlfriend? The daft eejit.

Not condoning it, they got what they deserved.

PrettyBoy

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

One of the new girls posted on the lads walls on facebook, she didnt know he had a gf. Everyone seen it and long story short the two lads are now single

Another After Hours happy ending! Good job everybody, looking forward to hearing the next relationship dilemma involving five transition year students :pac:

Logical Fallacy

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

All has been sorted
One of the new girls posted on the lads walls on facebook, she didnt know he had a gf. Everyone seen it and long story short the two lads are now single

lol, tools and dumb.

Perfect combo.

dan dan

If both men and of course ladies are looking toward finding life partners then they are both obligated to meet and date as many partners as possible to fulfill their quest for a perfect life partner.

When they finally decide on a person who fills all their criterion then they propose. On being accepted they now are obligated to that partner and the word cheating comes into play.

KyussBishop

Wow, lol; the backlash against even the idea of informing the girls. It's interesting, how just the idea of informing, seems to be viewed as much worse than the cheating itself. Do some people actually view it this way?

In a situation like the OP's (before it was resolved), I'd say weigh the risks of informing, and if comfortable with them, tell their girlfriends. If the OP's friends turned on him, then they aren't worth knowing anyway.
Whatever way that might have ended up, it would probably have been bad for everyone; their gf's deserved to know though, but nobody could fault the OP for deciding to avoid the potential fallout.

The "mind your own business", ehm..."bro's befoe hoe's" etc. comments are (imo) kind of defending the cheating (making out informing as being worse than the cheating itself).
If the people cheating get informed upon and found out, fúck 'em they deserve it; if anything, informing on them if facing big personal risks doing so, requires a lot of courage and is commendable.

philologos wrote: »

The acceptability of cheating is key to whether or not the OP will intervene. The idea that the OP shouldn't do anything about it implies that cheating is acceptable, and should be ignored. I personally don't believe that to be true, so perhaps I'm working on a different assumption to other posters.

The more and more people are willing to ignore this or stand idly by, the more and more the concept that cheating is OK is encouraged in society.

Absolutely; as another poster said, there is a certain amount of complicity in keeping silent as well. However, that said, if the personal risks of informing (anonymously too) are too great, a person can't (imo) be faulted for staying away.

CrazyRabbit

Ficheall wrote: »

So if I became friends with the good people of AH, the majority of them wouldn't tell me if my OH cheated on me? Thanks a bunch, folks.

Rest assured that I would tell you...even if it wasn't true.