Facebook: Parenting for the troubled teen

nesf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU

One way to handle it I suppose.

Orion

The dad. The legend.

Tempted to move it to the Teens subforum though

nesf

Orion wrote: »

The dad. The legend.

Tempted to move it to the Teens subforum though

Preparation is important! People have what, at best 15 years to get that gun licence sorted...

Orion

Sure by then you'll be able to buy 45s in Spar. And laptops will be bulletproof.

nesf

Will they be lawnmower proof though? That is the question...

cynder

Saw that a while ago, tbh I think the dad had too many chores for the child, she sounds like a slave.. She acted out. To shoot the laptop well that's a bit Ott.

KittyeeTrix

I loved it!!!:D

Orion

grindelwald wrote: »

Saw that a while ago, tbh I think the dad had too many chores for the child, she sounds like a slave.. She acted out. To shoot the laptop well that's a bit Ott.

What? Make her own bed, empty and/or fill the dishwasher, sweep the floor and do her own laundry? That's not a hell of a lot of chores. She sounds like an ungrateful brat. Shooting the laptop might be ott but I can see where he's coming from.

He's still a legend

Justask

IMO he is way way over the top. Ok the child, as does every other child have chores and she moaned bout it as does any teen I know.

IMO all he is doing is
1. She is not to express her feelings
2. Make a show of her in front of her peers
3. Making her fear her father.

She is a teenager FFS they over dramatize things.
I thinks its wrong.
One thing is for sure she will never turn to her dad for advice or go to him if she's in trouble and needs his help.

cynder

From his video he sounds like a control freak rather than a loving father. I would love to see a psychologist view of him and his daughter, from what see wrote it could be seen as a plee for help.

Android 666

The guy is an asshole on every level. An IT worker with a good ole homespun Texas cowboy complex, who uses hollow point bullets (which are illegal in many states) in his handgun and shots his daughter's laptop for having the temerity to moan like every other teenager on the planet does. And now the guy is being held up as a hero?

paperclip2

To be honest I dont think the chore list that the daughter has is extreme. Its pretty much what my 16 year old lady has, emptying the dishwasher, making her own bed, doing her own laundry, wiping down counter tops, sweeping the floor. Hardly slave labour. The daughters remarks on Facebook were way out of line I thought. Her reference about 'the cleaning lady' I felt was very disrespectful as well as the attitude of entitlement all the way through. Expecting to be paid for doing her small part in keeping the home going! Maybe if she was asked to do something like paint a room or take care of a younger sibling for a week, then yes, a few bob might be in order but to empty the dishwasher. Please!:rolleyes:
I had a chat with my daughter about this and she felt that the daughter was well in the wrong. That being said I don't know if taking a 45 to the lap-top was the best way to go but I do think he would have been well within his rights to confiscate the lap-top and mobile phone.

Android 666

It's one thing for an emotionally immature teenager to have a fml rant on facebook about their first world problems on facebook - teenagers are going to rebel occasionally against their parents and if you ask me it's all part of the normal cycle of growing up and gaining independence. I'm sure I was a complete devil when I was in my teens but I came out the other side and on mature reflection I appreciate what my parents done for me.

It is another thing entirely for the 'mature adult' to publicly humiliate their child and destroy their child's property to prove some point of parental dominance. The relationship between parent and teenager can be fraught but is it really the best course of action to publicly be a bully and leave the daughter open to complete derision from her peers? Like I said, the guy is a total asshole and I see nothing to admire in his actions.

KittyeeTrix

My teenagers would know not to broadcast such a disrespectful rant about me on FaceBook.

I admire how that father was not afraid to let his daughter know in no uncertain terms how disrespectful she was.


I've told my teenagers that as they mature there will be times when they will consider me to be the most "annoying, unfair, uncool gobsh1tE on the planet and this is normal to think...........In fact, if they didn't think this about me at times then I'd be concerned that I wasn't doing my job as a parent of teens properly:eek:
However, they have been told to never let me hear them vocalise this to me as that would be unacceptable and totally disrespectful and there is no way that I will stand for it.

They know to go to their room and have a good rant and rave with the disrespectful language (as long as I don't hear it) and when they've calmed and can speak calmly and respectfully................this goes for me too then we discuss what the issue is and resolve it as best for all of us concerned

Android 666

KittyeeTrix wrote: »

My teenagers would know not to broadcast such a disrespectful rant about me on FaceBook.

I admire how that father was not afraid to let his daughter know in no uncertain terms how disrespectful she was.

How do you know they haven't written a rant about you on facebook and blocked you from seeing it? This is what the daughter done. She wrote a childish rant about her parents that I'm guessing only her friends could see and they only reason it was discovered is because the father had a snoop at her facebook page while he was on her laptop upgrading software. Now, I'm not condoning what the daughter did but I can understand it's all part of the process of growing up. The way to deal with her indiscretion was to let her know how and why she was being disrespectful and banning access to her laptop or phone for a period of time as punishment. Oh and the important part, do it IN PRIVATE!

Anyone who thinks that a guy broadcasting to the world how disrespectful his daughter is and then shooting up her computer with hollow point bullets is admirable needs to have their head examined.

nesf

I think you need to put this within the context of the place it's coming from.

1) Guns are fine, shooting things is fine there. I don't agree with this but there you go. If it was this guy in the UK or Ireland he'd be using a lawnmower or reversing over it in the car. Either way it's a destroyed laptop, that he's using hollow point bullets is just something that makes us uncomfortable for cultural reasons.

2) Respect thy parents is a far bigger deal in the southern US States. This is closer to beating the living **** out of your younger sibling than badmouthing your parents in this country. You might not agree with this but it's why his reaction is so severe.

3) It's remarkably dumb to bad mouth your parents like that on Facebook after getting caught for something similar before. Doubly dumb if one of your parents is a tech head. I'd be extremely disappointed if my kids did something this naive.

4) Really, that's not slave labour. By any stretch of the imagination.

5) I don't think anyone is holding him up as a hero here.

KittyeeTrix

Android 666 wrote: »

How do you know they haven't written a rant about you on facebook and blocked you from seeing it?

I would know because I am facebook friends with both my sons (aged 15 and 17)

Anyone who thinks that a guy broadcasting to the world how disrespectful his daughter is and then shooting up her computer with hollow point bullets is admirable needs to have their head examined.

She disrespected her father in a public manner and got some consequences.....End of.
In some countries she would have been grounded, in others she may have been caned but in this household her laptop was destroyed. She wasn't injured except for perhaps her feelings but in my opinion to take a youngsters phrase....."Don't dish what you cant' take"!!:)

cynder

nesf wrote: »

I think you need to put this within the context of the place it's coming from.

1) Guns are fine, shooting things is fine there. I don't agree with this but there you go. If it was this guy in the UK or Ireland he'd be using a lawnmower or reversing over it in the car. Either way it's a destroyed laptop, that he's using hollow point bullets is just something that makes us uncomfortable for cultural reasons.

2) Respect thy parents is a far bigger deal in the southern US States. This is closer to beating the living **** out of your younger sibling than badmouthing your parents in this country. You might not agree with this but it's why his reaction is so severe.

3) It's remarkably dumb to bad mouth your parents like that on Facebook after getting caught for something similar before. Doubly dumb if one of your parents is a tech head. I'd be extremely disappointed if my kids did something this naive.

4) Really, that's not slave labour. By any stretch of the imagination.

5) I don't think anyone is holding him up as a hero here.

Does she not have to work at the clinic and mix the fertiliser (but daddy doesn't go into that), as well as all the bits n bobs around the house, she was venting, hell if she didn't vent she would explode.

She feels like a slave so best option for daddy is to address that, rather than shut her down like a control freak and shoot up a laptop.

If you were having a bad day wrote on facebook about it and your husband came in and smashed up the computer because he didn't like what you said would that be acceptable? HELL NO!

And just because the husband was raised in a southern sate does that excuse his actions? NO.

The guy to me is a control freak and the daughter was venting like all kids do. If the dad was such a good dad he wouldn't have a daughter venting on face book. She would have approached him with it.

In this case the apple doesn't fall far from the tree... The both seem to like publicly humiliating each other yet the girl is immature a child, the dad???

cynder

KittyeeTrix wrote: »

I would know because I am facebook friends with both my sons (aged 15 and 17)



"!!:)

The reason the dad found the facebook message is because he logged onto the dogs account and the daughter was friends with the dad and mom but blocked all family and church friends from seeing that post and only that post she forgot to block the dogs face book page.

So your kids could be blocking you from seeing certain posts and you wouldn't know even though you are friends with them.



I however have my daughters password so i can access her account to see her posts, even ones she has blocked me from seeing (but she hasnt blocked me from seeing any posts).

Android 666

nesf wrote: »

I think you need to put this within the context of the place it's coming from.

The cultural context of this doesn't make it anymore acceptable to me. You don't excuse intolerable behaviour on the grounds that it's common in a different country, do you?

nesf wrote: »

1) Guns are fine, shooting things is fine there. I don't agree with this but there you go. If it was this guy in the UK or Ireland he'd be using a lawnmower or reversing over it in the car. Either way it's a destroyed laptop, that he's using hollow point bullets is just something that makes us uncomfortable for cultural reasons.

Okay so you think I might find it more palatable if he ran over it with a truck? Hell no, what he's done is the actions of a common thug and what message do you think it sends out to people? 'You mess with me and I'll **** your stuff up!' Juvenile and dangerous in the extreme.

nesf wrote: »

2) Respect thy parents is a far bigger deal in the southern US States. This is closer to beating the living **** out of your younger sibling than badmouthing your parents in this country. You might not agree with this but it's why his reaction is so severe.

She was in the wrong as I have said but the way to deal with it is in private. His display of public bravado in humiliating his daughter is moronic in the extreme. He's an even bigger kid in this scenario if you ask me.

nesf wrote: »

3) It's remarkably dumb to bad mouth your parents like that on Facebook after getting caught for something similar before. Doubly dumb if one of your parents is a tech head. I'd be extremely disappointed if my kids did something this naive.

This isn't about the father being tech savvy, this is him snooping on her facebook while he was on her laptop. And yes, it was undeniably dumb on her part but guess what? A lot of teenagers do extremely stupid things.

nesf wrote: »

4) Really, that's not slave labour. By any stretch of the imagination.

I never said it was. It's a pretty petty piece of moaning but not unusual by any stretch of the imagination.

nesf wrote: »

5) I don't think anyone is holding him up as a hero here.

The dad. The legend.

I loved it!!!

I admire how that father was not afraid to let his daughter know in no uncertain terms how disrespectful she was.

There some of the quotes posted on here about him.

patwicklow

Wow a bit harsh doing it in public and putting it on her fb wall i can see wheres hes coming from on chores etc i was working week ends in a garage and few hours after school in a butchers and i was 13 so can see teens have life so easy now a days and its want,want,want.

KittyeeTrix

grindelwald wrote: »

The reason the dad found the facebook message is because he logged onto the dogs account and the daughter was friends with the dad and mom but blocked all family and church friends from seeing that post and only that post she forgot to block the dogs face book page.

So your kids could be blocking you from seeing certain posts and you wouldn't know even though you are friends with them.



I however have my daughters password so i can access her account to see her posts, even ones she has blocked me from seeing (but she hasnt blocked me from seeing any posts).

I have all of their passwords as well from previously.

That's my point, they know they can have a moment where they don't agree with what I say but they have more respect and cop on than to ever post such a message like this young girl did on FB.

They know me and at 17 my eldest knows that this girls father was tame in comparison to how I'd react......Honestly, I'm all for allowing teenagers grow and develop but there is no way in my house that that disrespect would be taken. They know this and they are not willing to test it with me.....

We have a great relationship but they know the boundaries and respect is one of them. this is a 2-way thing in my house. I wouldn't dream of disrespecting them to their friends or anything so I expect the same in return

I have a friend on FB who has a son in my eldest's class. I'm constantly reading messages about how awful her son is and the funny thing is that my son agrees with her. :eek:

Of course, it's different rules for different houses but this works in our house and it's generally a really peaceful zone in comparison to other households with Teenagers!!!

cynder

patwicklow wrote: »

so can see teens have life so easy now a days and its want,want,want.

Cant paint every teen with the same brush!

Some teens have ***t lives. You dont know what goes on behind closed doors, no one does...

Squiggler

He bought her the laptop, he spent time and money upgrading it and she'd been warned before about inappropriate posting on facebook.

Her list of chores is nothing to the contribution I was expected to make to the household at the age of 16. I also worked part-time and used that money to buy computers or anything else of that nature that I wanted. I would never have "ranted" like that about my parents.

We make far too many excuses for bad behaviour from teenagers these days - no wonder so many people in their 20's and even 30's and beyond still haven't grown up and learned to take responsibility for their own lives and actions.

Sounds like he and his wife agreed the course of action which was to effectively permanently revoke her laptop priviliges, and to do it in style.

The way some people are reacting you'd think they'd beaten her, locked her in her room and then starved her for days.

cynder

KittyeeTrix wrote: »

I have all of their passwords as well from previously.

That's my point, they know they can have a moment where they don't agree with what I say but they have more respect and cop on than to ever post such a message like this young girl did on FB.

They know me and at 17 my eldest knows that this girls father was tame in comparison to how I'd react......Honestly, I'm all for allowing teenagers grow and develop but there is no way in my house that that disrespect would be taken. They know this and they are not willing to test it with me.....

We have a great relationship but they know the boundaries and respect is one of them. this is a 2-way thing in my house. I wouldn't dream of disrespecting them to their friends or anything so I expect the same in return

I have a friend on FB who has a son in my eldest's class. I'm constantly reading messages about how awful her son is and the funny thing is that my son agrees with her. :eek:

Of course, it's different rules for different houses but this works in our house and it's generally a really peaceful zone in comparison to other households with Teenagers!!!

TBH i dont think my girl will ever need to vent like that. She talks to me, i dont hit the roof and we have a good relationship.

To me he must be an utter control freak to make her vent like that and for him to post it on youtube.

Others see it as shes a little snob and needs to learn her place. Again i dont see that, the man i saw on the you tube video isnt someone who induges her and spoils her rotten.

cynder

Squiggler wrote: »

He bought her the laptop, he spent time and money upgrading it and she'd been warned before about inappropriate posting on facebook.

Her list of chores is nothing to the contribution I was expected to make to the household at the age of 16. I also worked part-time and used that money to buy computers or anything else of that nature that I wanted. I would never have "ranted" like that about my parents.

We make far too many excuses for bad behaviour from teenagers these days - no wonder so many people in their 20's and even 30's and beyond still haven't grown up and learned to take responsibility for their own lives and actions.

Sounds like he and his wife agreed the course of action which was to effectively permanently revoke her laptop priviliges, and to do it in style.

The way some people are reacting you'd think they'd beaten her, locked her in her room and then starved her for days.

Ever heard the term you as young as you feel,

At 11 i was withdrawn from school, made work at home, cook roast dinners, clean up, hoover, dust, mop, do the gardening (also in the rain) help dad with car engines (also in the rain) so on so forth, at 14 i got a full time job, had to pay my parents rent and food money as well as house chores, at 16 i left home, full time job paid my own bills, and grew up.

Did i feel like a slave? yes i did.

You know the first time i wanted to kill myself was at age 8, my mom and dad had left the house and me and the brothers had a long list of stuff to do, they went outside as they couldn't give a dam about the chores so i had to do them all (as i always did and they knew i would, otherwise we would have been beaten), while i was washing up i took the the sharpest knife i could find and stuck it to my the soft bit between the ribs i pressed it as hard as i could, couldn't break the skin, i was in tears crying and pressed the knife against the wall and pushed my body against it, it hurt like hell so i gave up.

All this because at age 8 i felt like a slave, unloved. Every day chore after chore after chore, left home alone to complete chores before they got home...

I never once disrespected my parents i was to scared to, to sacred to tell anyone what was going on, death was the best way out, took me to age 15 before i downed 54 tablets, and 3 days in ICU before they realised i hated my life.

Do i empathise with the girl, of course i do.

Squiggler

While I feel very sorry for you grindelwald I don't think that this girl is living the life you lived. If she was she would never have had a laptop to post on facebook in the first place.

Failing to teach teens responsibility, the importance of behaving maturely and that life is about consequences to your actions is doing them no favours.

I know lots of adults who were spoiled and indulged teens, they're not nice people. They struggle in relationships, they struggle to deal with everyday life, to keep jobs and to make friends. Their parents indulged them right out of having a happy life.

There is a middle ground. Destroying a laptop you bought for your kid because she's abusing it and using it to abuse you... that doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

Android 666

Squiggler wrote: »

We make far too many excuses for bad behaviour from teenagers these days - no wonder so many people in their 20's and even 30's and beyond still haven't grown up and learned to take responsibility for their own lives and actions.

Obviously if they'd had their laptops blown up by their dads, they'd be solid citizens now…

I just don't understand how humiliation and vandalism can be seen as effective parenting.

nesf

Android 666 wrote: »

The cultural context of this doesn't make it anymore acceptable to me. You don't excuse intolerable behaviour on the grounds that it's common in a different country, do you?

Define intolerable. I'd consider permanently taking a privilege away from a kid as being acceptable. That he did it in a way for dramatic effect doesn't change this. If it was truly her laptop and she'd bought and paid for it herself with money she'd earned from work I'd agree with you but if it's a laptop she has because of her parents' largesse then it's their's to take away and do with as they please.

That's what this comes down to. That he destroyed it publicly is neither here nor there really, it was either his to take away from her or not. If it was his, he can do what he wants with it.

cynder

Squiggler wrote: »

While I feel very sorry for you grindelwald I don't think that this girl is living the life you lived. If she was she would never have had a laptop to post on facebook in the first place.

Failing to teach teens responsibility, the importance of behaving maturely and that life is about consequences to your actions is doing them no favours.

I know lots of adults who were spoiled and indulged teens, they're not nice people. They struggle in relationships, they struggle to deal with everyday life, to keep jobs and to make friends. Their parents indulged them right out of having a happy life.

There is a middle ground. Destroying a laptop you bought for your kid because she's abusing it and using it to abuse you... that doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

Im not saying she lived the life i have, i dont think too many out there have lived the life i have. And i no way and i looking for pity, the older i get the more open i am about it, but it will always be a part of who i am.

I dont like the dads controlling nature. I dont like what he did, shooting the laptop and humiliating his daughter. If the girl feels she a slave that needs to be addressed.

Thankfully with the childhood i had im able to give my kids a better one, and i at the same time get to relive my childhood (off to see the muppets in an hour) But when someone thinks their a slave and not being listened too it strikes a cord with me, others think she is a spoilt rich kid. At the end of the day no one knows what happens behind closed doors.

Android 666

nesf wrote: »

That's what this comes down to. That he destroyed it publicly is neither here nor there really, it was either his to take away from her or not.

The fact that he done it so publicly is the crux of the matter in my opinion. It was designed to humiliate her. Yes, she publicly moaned about her parents but lets factor in that as a teenager you're going to be a bit immature in your actions. This man is the adult and should have dealt with it in a mature manner. If you feel her actions warrant her laptop being taken off her completely, fair enough but do your disciplining in private. Don't be a jackass and shot the laptop up like your Lucky Luke. It's idiotic in the extreme.