Petty people

sunflower27

A really big personal peeve. My flatmate is petty - as in very petty.

Something I noticed not long after he moved in is that while I will wash his cup/plate utensils up when doing mine, he would never wash my cup, say, if it happens to be sitting near the sink. He will wash all his tuff and leave my cup.

It has progressed. Now he only puts the things he has washed up away, so if there is anything else dry that he didn't use, that is left.

So I have become very vigilant now about always washing my stuff and drying it immediately and putting it away. I noticed yesterday there were two plates dried that had not been put away. I know they aren't mine as, as I said, I put mine away immediately.

So this morning I look and guess what - one is put away and the other is sitting on the dryer thing.

How long will it sit there I wonder... days? weeks?

He is a grown man, not a kid and it isn't like he is too busy as he is always here (and in fairness, if you are putting away one plate wouldn't you just do the other?).

I am holding my ground - that plate is not mine and it is staying. I have lived with a few other flatmates in the past few years and this has never been an issue

BBDBB

so his pettiness has made you equally petty

thats the way to show him!

Sauve

I'm genuinely delighted for you that this is all you've got bothering you right now. Go you.

sunflower27

Oh shaddup, it isn't all that is bothering me (I wish). But usual AH repsonses I suppose

Toby Take a Bow

You both clearly think the plate was used by the other person. I'd say it will stay there until one of you cracks, possibly him killing you in your sleep.

Plazaman

I'm petty...... oh wait I thought you typed pretty

Never mind, carry on.

Mr.Crinklewood

Is he called Tom?

sunflower27

Toby Take a Bow wrote: »

You both clearly think the plate was used by the other person. I'd say it will stay there until one of you cracks, possibly him killing you in your sleep.

I won't crack. Honestly, I'd never think anything of washing up what is there to be washed up and never did until I noticed for weeks and weeks I was doing his stuff and he didn't wash an extra cup or teaspoon if he didn't use it.

sunflower27

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

Is he called Tom?

No . Looking forward to seeing how this pans out (pun intended!)

seanmc1980

i lived witha russia guy who was like this. among other annoying habbits. u just have to suck it up and be the bigger person, they will not change no matter home much u highlight it or make fun of them,

sunflower27

seanmc1980 wrote: »

i lived witha russia guy who was like this. among other annoying habbits. u just have to suck it up and be the bigger person, they will not change no matter home much u highlight it or make fun of them,

No, I don't mind it so much, it is a nice plate - looks OK as a 'feature' piece.

Sauve

OP when did you last make him a sandwich?

Zebra3

You've already lost.

You've sunk down to his level.

My advice is to move out (or if you're the landlord tell him to leave).

token101

Sounds like you've reached an impasse. You need to up the tempo of the feud. What you'll need: a paper bag, a lighter, and some high grade dog ****.

inagoodway

when he is gone to the shops smash the plate with a sledgehammer

sunflower27

Zebra3 wrote: »

You've already lost.

You've sunk down to his level.

My advice is to move out (or if you're the landlord tell him to leave).

I haven't sunk to anything. I did enough of his washing up, I am merely not doing anything like that anymore. :cool:

chin_grin

Nope.

whatdoicare

Just throw the plate out the window- it's someone else's problem now!

stupidusername

This is so weird sunflower,my housemate is kinda the same.we do our dishes separate and i've always put away my stuff,but he never puts away his.so I stopped putting away mine,so when the dish holder gets too full he'll put away some of his,assuming he thinks the rest are mine.

But the real thing thats getting to me,and this is crazy,he'll use a glass or fork or something and leave it beside the sink,away from both our dish piles,and it'll stay there until the next day,when he'll then move it to my dishes. He must be forgetting its his! If it wasn't hilarious i'd be bothered! Still don't know what to do,i'm hardly going to say it to him,cause of how petty it is but wtf is wrong with him?

shedweller

OP, maybe he got stung before and now only washes his own stuff?

My mrs rented with a few girls once and they started putting her cup in the top shelf of the overhead cupboard. My wife is not that tall so it was a brief problem. Brief because she left the flat and left them to their pettiness!

sunflower27

Yes it is weird, I mean there must be a thought process involved when putting away dishes -'oh, I will leave that one, I didn't use that'.

Yeah, well, he did use it and I am not touching it. I won't throw it out the window as it is part of a lovely set. But it can stay there.

I used to put his stuff away whenever I was up earlier for work (which granted is most days). To think knowing all that he would levae one lone plate that he thinks he didn't use is so petty - it is worth letting him know I have noted it.

Stupidusername - I hear you, it is laughable. I bet the plate is still there this evening. He will take another plate out of the cupboard to use before he touches the one on the drying rack.

sunflower27

shedweller wrote: »

OP, maybe he got stung before and now only washes his own stuff?

My mrs rented with a few girls once and they started putting her cup in the top shelf of the overhead cupboard. My wife is not that tall so it was a brief problem. Brief because she left the flat and left them to their pettiness!

hi there

I don't know about that, as I had no problem washing up his cup, plate whatever, when doing my own - and putting them away. I did it without thinking, but recently I would go into the kitchen and see his washing up done and my coffee mug left sitting all alone unwashed and I think, oh, maaaaan, would you not have just washed it?

Fair is fair. If I was as petty and left his cup there then I would understand him not doing mine, but I didn't behave that way. It isn't something I ever thought about, till now.

shedweller

I just remembered. I rented with a few lads and they were a bunch of alcos i can tell you! Anyway, there was a shortage of bog roll all the time so early on i just brought home a few for the bathroom. Suffice to say they got used up in jig time! But never replaced! So i bought some for myself and locked it in my room. Few days later there is a pile of old newspapers beside the toilet and a few unflushable scraps in the toilet.........jaysus! So i went off and bought a huge bale of toilet roll and left it in the bathroom. Now something interesting happened; it must have been a big enough event to register in their heads because they gave me a few pounds towards it! They were ok about it too. There was no pettiness either, just drunken absentmindedness i think!

sunflower27

shedweller wrote: »

I just remembered. I rented with a few lads and they were a bunch of alcos i can tell you! Anyway, there was a shortage of bog roll all the time so early on i just brought home a few for the bathroom. Suffice to say they got used up in jig time! But never replaced! So i bought some for myself and locked it in my room. Few days later there is a pile of old newspapers beside the toilet and a few unflushable scraps in the toilet.........jaysus! So i went off and bought a huge bale of toilet roll and left it in the bathroom. Now something interesting happened; it must have been a big enough event to register in their heads because they gave me a few pounds towards it! They were ok about it too. There was no pettiness either, just drunken absentmindedness i think!

Oh gawd, newspaper. They'd have been walking around with newsprint on their @rses.

I know I am not a petty person. All the cleaning products in the house I buy. I will just throw the washing up liquid/bleach etc in with my stuff when doing a shop and not think about it, but really, something like this has made me think enough is enough.

I also take out the rubbish almost all the time as well. It takes a few minutes so I don't mind, but this has really made me open my eyes.

Being petty takes thought!!

SuperGrover

Petty nonsense like this always escalates.

I was letting a couple of rooms in our house a few years back. The only 'rule' outside the usual was - you use a cup / plate / pot / whatever, you wash it as soon as you're finished using it and put it away, so the next person has a clean slate and does the same.

One bloke didn't like the idea, so he didn't get to move in.

Worked a treat with the tenants we had.

sunflower27

SuperGrover wrote: »

Petty nonsense like this always escalates.

I was letting a couple of rooms in our house a few years back. The only 'rule' outside the usual was - you use a cup / plate / pot / whatever, you wash it as soon as you're finished using it and put it away, so the next person has a clean slate and does the same.

One bloke didn't like the idea, so he didn't get to move in.

Worked a treat with the tenants we had.

There is only two of us and there are plenty of plates. He doesn't leave dirty dishes lying around. I will give him that. If he did I'd have said something. You don't need to wake up to a stack of dirty dishes etc and I wouldn't leave the kitchen in that state either.

I think it is just in his personality make-up.

CardBordWindow

Take every piece of crockery and cutlery, and throw it in the bin. That way, neither of ye can be petty about who washes/drys/puts away what!

sunflower27

CardBordWindow wrote: »

Take every piece of crockery and cutlery, and throw it in the bin. That way, neither of ye can be petty about who washes/drys/puts away what!

God, how insightful. Am surprised no-one else thought of that.

kfallon

If ANYBODY leaves a dirty plate/cup/cutlery in my sink I will go into their room in the middle of the night and shite on their bed!!

Biggest bugbearer of mine ever!!!

inagoodway

inagoodway wrote: »

when he is gone to the shops smash the plate with a sledgehammer

i was going to say this

that or leave his dishes in his bed

or say "let's do a dish washing rota yeah? alternating days to do all the dishes"

BBDBB

Pettiness - so much easier than having a conversation with someone

sunflower27

bluewolf wrote: »

i was going to say this

that or leave his dishes in his bed

or say "let's do a dish washing rota yeah? alternating days to do all the dishes"

There really isn't any need for a rota. He washes up after himself and so do I except the od mug here and there which we are both guilty of - although I am not anymore.

To be honest, it is just the way he is I think. He'd never think to sweep the floor or wash down the oven if his food spits everywhere. I think he is one of those people that will do the bare minimum and that's it.

Never seen him hoover either. Think I will have to tell him the cleaning of the communal areas is now a two-way street. He can help mop up his muddy footprints from now on. I used to just do it without thinking. And the taking out of the rubbish should be a shared job, not just left there for me to do.

sunflower27

sunflower27 wrote: »

There really isn't any need for a rota. He washes up after himself and so do I except the od mug here and there which we are both guilty of - although I am not anymore.

To be honest, it is just the way he is I think. He'd never think to sweep the floor or wash down the oven if his food spits everywhere. I think he is one of those people that will do the bare minimum and that's it.

Never seen him hoover either. Think I will have to tell him the cleaning of the communal areas is now a two-way street. He can help mop up his muddy footprints from now on. I used to just do it without thinking. And the taking out of the rubbish should be a shared job, not just left there for me to do.

well that's why i suggested a rota- if it's there in black & white there'll be no "i didnt notice my stuff", it will have to be done anyway
it seems to be the least problematic way of dealing with any cleaning issues in houseshares

sunflower27

bluewolf wrote: »

well that's why i suggested a rota- if it's there in black & white there'll be no "i didnt notice my stuff", it will have to be done anyway
it seems to be the least problematic way of dealing with any cleaning issues in houseshares

I suppose I have been blessed in the past with flatmates (both the last ones were male as well) that would just do the tidying up when it needed to be done. In fact, they were always taking out the rubbish more often than not.

I am going to bring up the vacuuming and mopping the floors. It is something I have just always done, but it shouldn't be that way in a shared house. I suppose I just let him off for a quiet life as it only takes half an hour to do both.

Knowing his personality he will probably be annoyed for a few days, and that's fine. If he wants to move out, he can. I won't be stopping him.:)

yeah it can be easier to just do it and avoid the problem - but if you think of it this way, you'll hopefully only have to have the confrontation once and it'll be done with for the rest of the time

if that doesn't work smash the plate over his head :pac:

jme2010

Jesus, talk about first world problems eh?

sunflower27

bluewolf wrote: »

yeah it can be easier to just do it and avoid the problem - but if you think of it this way, you'll hopefully only have to have the confrontation once and it'll be done with for the rest of the time

if that doesn't work smash the plate over his head :pac:

Yes, that is true. I am just going to say it matter-of-factly. The kitchen area has cream tiles that really need to be swept and mopped every few days. I have been away before and come back and the area is covered in crumbs, muddy footprints, bits of food. It is very noticeable because of the colours.

He must see it. Just would never bother his arse to do something about it.

It wouldn't be so bad if he at least sorted the rubbish, but he doesn't do that either.

At 40 years of age I would have thought he'd know how houseshares work, ie. you do your bit. :rolleyes:

sunflower27

jme2010 wrote: »

Jesus, talk about first world problems eh?

Oh for God's sake, I didn't realise AH was now only for serious issues. :rolleyes:

some people really dont seem to "see" a mess lol

yeah just say it matter of factly and dont get worked up, it'll be grand

mikemac1

sunflower27 wrote: »

But usual AH repsonses I suppose

Set fire to the flat, you'll make him homeless and then he'll realize there are bigger problems in life and he won't be petty anymore :cool:

sunflower27

bluewolf wrote: »

some people really dont seem to "see" a mess lol

yeah just say it matter of factly and dont get worked up, it'll be grand

I think the 'plate' being left out was the straw so to speak. That I do everything and he cannot be bothered to put a plate away... regardless of who he thought used it. And knowing in the past I have washed up his things when doing my own.

He will either shape up or he can ship out. I don't care anymore

Stiffler2

OP - throw all your plates & cutlery in the bin.
Go to lidl or tesco and buy new cutlery that is a different colour.

problem solved ??


if that doesn't work just leave a used tampon inside his pillow, works for me !

Gilldog

OP I was going to ask if he had ever lived out of home before, but then you said he was 40 :eek: - you think he'd have learned by now.

The dishes thing is like my pet peeve...i dont mind them being left overnight or for a day, but one of my flatmates literally lets them pile up for aaaages, right beside the sink and its gross. She obviously hates doing washing, but she stands there watching me do mine, and usually says things like 'oh, you must really like doing washing up' wistfully, like im gonna do hers aswell....

I live with four other people and mostly they aren't that bad...but it ended up being just me and another guy doing all the general stuff like hoovering and taking out the bins...so after about two months we put in a cleaning rota, and once every 5 weeks they have to spend half an hour cleaning the kitchen, hoovering and taking out the bins, and you'd swear it was the worst thing in the world.
I guess some people just hate cleaning stuff...but I would love to say to them; if you don't want to clean up your own mess, why the hell do you think someone else wants to do it!!

Im just glad I have my own bathroom and don't have to share with that manky b!tch..

dibkins

At least he is washing the stuff. I once lived with a guy who "washed" his stuff after he used it. I found a huge piece of smoked haddock attached to a small spoon one day when i took it out of the drawer:( I started washing everything before i used it after that.
I left the dishes of another housemate in the sink for a week to see would he clean them. Never did. When i finally caved there was mould growing on the remains of the spag bol he had made a week previous. (also, found a half eaten spag bol sandwitch on the counter one morning).

My new housemate is awesome - after every dinner we both pack the dishwasher. Then i shout "Teamwork!!!". The only issue is he is not a hi-5 kinda guy, so no high five after i shout teamwork. I can live with that.

The Princess Bride

Are you sure he's not called Dan,Scottish,late40s,very small hands and tiny feet (!) and slow to put his hand in his wallet to pay for a pint?
If so, all I can say is ,he's always been like this and will never change.

If no, then I cannot help you.

Except,perhaps, to say buy your own dish rack, and bright pink crockery and cutlery and hope he'll be too embarrassed to ever use it.

Keep smiling- he probably hasn't noticed he's doing all this yet.

username123

Take the plate away altogether and hid it somewhere. Next time he does this, do the same. Eventually all his crockery will be gone because youve hidden what he refused to put away. Thatll learn him.

sunflower27

No, he does wash his stuff, I am pleased about that obviously. It's just that is all he does. There are other things that need to be done in a flatshare and at his age his is aware of them, obviously.

I know he will get in a strop though, but it has to be said - pull your weight or move out.

du Maurier

sunflower27 wrote: »

A really big personal peeve. My flatmate is petty - as in very petty.

Something I noticed not long after he moved in is that while I will wash his cup/plate utensils up when doing mine, he would never wash my cup, say, if it happens to be sitting near the sink. He will wash all his tuff and leave my cup.

It has progressed. Now he only puts the things he has washed up away, so if there is anything else dry that he didn't use, that is left.

So I have become very vigilant now about always washing my stuff and drying it immediately and putting it away. I noticed yesterday there were two plates dried that had not been put away. I know they aren't mine as, as I said, I put mine away immediately.

So this morning I look and guess what - one is put away and the other is sitting on the dryer thing.

How long will it sit there I wonder... days? weeks?

He is a grown man, not a kid and it isn't like he is too busy as he is always here (and in fairness, if you are putting away one plate wouldn't you just do the other?).

I am holding my ground - that plate is not mine and it is staying. I have lived with a few other flatmates in the past few years and this has never been an issue

Mash him up with your car. Twice.

sunflower27

username123 wrote: »

Take the plate away altogether and hid it somewhere. Next time he does this, do the same. Eventually all his crockery will be gone because youve hidden what he refused to put away. Thatll learn him.

That made me laugh.

du Maurier

token101 wrote: »

Sounds like you've reached an impasse. You need to up the tempo of the feud. What you'll need: a paper bag, a lighter, and some high grade dog ****.

High grade?!

What, like none of that white, dusty ones you never see anymore?:pac:

username123

sunflower27 wrote: »

That made me laugh.

Begod youd need a laugh living with a petty feicer like that!!

Or you could set out EVERYTHING on the drying rack, and leave it all there and see what he puts away when he hasnt used anything, but there is nothing put away for him to use!! I wouldnt be able to resist messing with a fool like this.