How does it work?

LegacyUser

When your ex lives with someone, how does the expenses sheet for maintenance work? i.e. is it presumed expenses are shared? expenses such as morgage, esb, heating etc?

My ex has a history of providing false information so I want to make sure he is pulled up on his expenses sheet if this is the case.

Thanks.

campo

I would say never presume anything as he may well say he pays full rent but she buys the shopping etc , But I would make sure that your soliciter knows his sitution so in court he can pull him up on his expenses

Abi

Maintenance wrote: »

When your ex lives with someone, how does the expenses sheet for maintenance work? i.e. is it presumed expenses are shared? expenses such as morgage, esb, heating etc?

My ex has a history of providing false information so I want to make sure he is pulled up on his expenses sheet if this is the case.

Thanks.

Definitely bring this up with your solicitor. If he has somebody living with him, it is assumed that they share the expenditure of the home. All cards will have to be laid on the table in order for the judge to be able to make a decision on what should be paid.

Is it likely that he will deny anyone is living with him? If so, this could make things a little trickier.

Fittle

I was in court 2yrs ago applying for an increase in maintenance. My son is 10 and has never seen his dad.

Myself and my solicitor spoke at length about the fact that his dad is living with his girlfriend and that all of his costs would be shared in their household. So we were all set to state my case in court.

The judge wouldn't allow me to speak - I barely got to swear on the bible and confirm that all the written documents he had in front of them, were correct. I was excused and my sons dad took the stand, where he spoke for 20 minutes all about how difficult he was finding things financially at that time.

The fact that he lives with his partner was disregarded by the judge, given that the mortgage is in his name (although they have been living together for years) etc. I didn't get an increase, needless to say:rolleyes:

I could seriously do with more financial support from my sons dad these days - but I just wouldn't be bothered going through that humiliation again - I've heard of others where the judge did consider a second income in a household, but that wasn't the case with me:mad:

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses.

I know what you mean fittle about judges. It really depends on who you get. The child in question would have substantial costs involved in their car and the other party is getting away with murder so I reckon I have a strong case.

So I will fire away with it and hopefully I will get on ok. There is always the appeal route.

Orion

Moved to Separation and Divorce

Abi

Fittle wrote: »

I was in court 2yrs ago applying for an increase in maintenance. My son is 10 and has never seen his dad.

Myself and my solicitor spoke at length about the fact that his dad is living with his girlfriend and that all of his costs would be shared in their household. So we were all set to state my case in court.

The judge wouldn't allow me to speak - I barely got to swear on the bible and confirm that all the written documents he had in front of them, were correct. I was excused and my sons dad took the stand, where he spoke for 20 minutes all about how difficult he was finding things financially at that time.

The fact that he lives with his partner was disregarded by the judge, given that the mortgage is in his name (although they have been living together for years) etc. I didn't get an increase, needless to say:rolleyes:

I could seriously do with more financial support from my sons dad these days - but I just wouldn't be bothered going through that humiliation again - I've heard of others where the judge did consider a second income in a household, but that wasn't the case with me:mad:

Would you not try again Fittle?

I know you're exhausted from the whole thing, but you know what? This is about your little man. Just because he's not in nappies and bottles anymore, it doesn't mean hes any less expensive to keep. If anything it's worse! Non stop growing and eating, their interests and after school activities pile up, and as for the Christmas and birthday presents :rolleyes:

Their books and uniforms, school trips and fees tot up to- youre cutting your nose off despite your face.

Get the fight back in ya. You think you're just doing without? You're not. Your son could have a better quality of life if your ex was contributing to his upbringing, you're only depriving yourselves.

If I were you, I'd request an attachment of earnings, and based on the fact that your ex isnt obeying a court order, id request that it be removed from source, his wages. That way he cannot stop paying for your sonif the mood takes him.

What if you stopped clothing and feeding him, gave him no roof over his head and other basic needs? You wouldn't have him for long.

Find your fight for your son again Fittle. All the best with it x

Fittle

Thanks for that Abi!.

He is paying something and is obeying the original court order, which was when my son was 4 and hadn't started school yet.

I honestly couldn't put myself through the stress and disappointment of it all again though, and the truth is, I would never have asked him for a penny if he had been involved in his sons life. This whole issue almost drove me over the edge (the fact that I thought I'd failed my son by not having a relationship with a man who was decent enough to be his dad:(). But as he's gotten older, I've realised that he's a great, well adjusted kid and that I it's not my fault that his dad isn't involved in his life (although I'm under no illusion that if you were to ask his dad why he doesn't see him, he'd blame me;)).

It's only money Abi - we aren't doing 'without' persay - I've always worked and am probably no worse off than the rest of Ireland at the moment...yes, it's hard when my son asks me 'I wonder what it's like to actually HAVE a daddy, Mam?'....but he doesn't seem sad or lacking because of it, so we'll soldier on;)

Abi

Fittle wrote: »

Thanks for that Abi!.

He is paying something and is obeying the original court order, which was when my son was 4 and hadn't started school yet.

I honestly couldn't put myself through the stress and disappointment of it all again though, and the truth is, I would never have asked him for a penny if he had been involved in his sons life. This whole issue almost drove me over the edge (the fact that I thought I'd failed my son by not having a relationship with a man who was decent enough to be his dad:(). But as he's gotten older, I've realised that he's a great, well adjusted kid and that I it's not my fault that his dad isn't involved in his life (although I'm under no illusion that if you were to ask his dad why he doesn't see him, he'd blame me;)).

From all of your posts that I've seen, he seems like a grounded, well adjusted boy, and a credit to you Fittle

It's only money Abi - we aren't doing 'without' persay - I've always worked and am probably no worse off than the rest of Ireland at the moment...yes, it's hard when my son asks me 'I wonder what it's like to actually HAVE a daddy, Mam?'....but he doesn't seem sad or lacking because of it, so we'll soldier on;)

Maybe you're not doing without, but it's about entitlement. You didn't go makin' the little fella on your own

If you're happy enough just to leave it be, then I'll say no more on it. Though, I thought I'd ask - you know when the little man says things like 'I wonder what it would be like to have a dad' etc., how are you broaching that with him? I know you said he doesn't seem sad about it, but littlies can seem indifferent about stuff, but they can hide things well too.

I get the impression that while theres one parent missing, you give him double the love, and is well balanced as a result

Fittle

Well, he spends time in other kids houses where he sees dads...he's never overly impressed and reckons they do very little with their kids anyway! There's one dad who is a the hubby of a very good friend - he's fab, and is very hands on and when he asks, we both agree that if he were to have a dad, we'd both love if it was that guy:D

I ask him what he thinks dads 'do' and he says they bring their boys to football and talk to them about Man utd, but then says 'but sure you do all that anyway mam!'.

I know I've said it before, but he genuinely doesn't seem lacking in having a dad - I grew up in a home with quite a bit of dysfunction, even with a mam&dad, and he is a million times more self-assured than I was at his age.

I dunno..I do my best and so far, he's doing great. First sign of hormones lately though and defo a bit of a change in attitude, so no doubt this issue will raise it's ugly head over the next few years...haven't a clue how I'll handle it, so I'll just deal with it as it arises;)

Taltos

It really sounds like you are approaching this really well Fittle. One thing that might help with the hormones is getting him involved in well organised sports or groups.

It might also give him a chance to develop some male role models (if he needs them, personally I didn't) but even better as well as helping his self esteem will help burn off the extra energy his hormones kicks up on him. Puberty can be a nightmare for some but once the energy is directed in a constructive fashion it doesn't have to be.