Table Manners

yellowcrayon

Hi, Im finding it hard to teach a 2 and 4 year old table manners. I know some people will say to wait until they are older or that i should be grateful that they are eating their food, but i know when i was younger table manners were drilled into me and id like to pass that etiquette on.

The 2 year old has mastered her fork and spoon (still using hands sometimes though, which i dont really mind), but 4 year old isnt mad to use his cutlery and will have food everywhere by time he finishes.

Im just looking for some tips please; how to get them to chew with their mouths closed, use cutlery, stay seated.

Sorry if im sounding too strict

Moonbeam

I lie mine to have table manners and for meals here I have a 1,2 and 3 year old. 2 in high chairs 1 at the table.
I think it is important to all sit down together as they learn by example.
I don't mind eating food with their fingers once it is not yogurt or custard or anything like that.
I think once they say please and than you and don't spread the food everywhere then it is age appropriate manners.
No one leaves the table until everyone is finished.

yellowcrayon

They're good points, thanks Moonbeam

2 year old is excellent at saying her please and thank you's.. has only taken her a week or so to catch on that when she wants somethin she has to use her manners.

4 year old not so cooperative and refuses to use manners at all.
And im trying my best, so that they'll be good and mannerly when they visit other people's houses.

How Strange

I agree with Moonbeam and that's pretty much what we want to set in place for mealtimes. I think you need to set your expectations to suit the 2 and 4 year old. You can't reasonably expect a 4 year old child to behave like an adult and I think if you're realistic in your expectations of them you'll find it's less stressful all round.

Hannibal Smith

yellowcrayon wrote: »

They're good points, thanks Moonbeam

2 year old is excellent at saying her please and thank you's.. has only taken her a week or so to catch on that when she wants somethin she has to use her manners.

4 year old not so cooperative and refuses to use manners at all.
And im trying my best, so that they'll be good and mannerly when they visit other people's houses.

Is the 4 year old going through a rebellious/independent stage by any chance? I know my lad, who is two will says please and thank you because he's trying to impress me. But the 4 year old may think he's too old for that kind of thing?

I think you're right to persist though, whether it sinks in now, or sinks in eventually it is important to have good table manners. My 8 year old niece has the worst table manners I have ever seen because she was always let away with things.

Davidth88

You know table manners is something that really gets my goat ( so to speak ).

The amount of kids that just graze , and then parents wonder why when they go to a restaurant they won't sit for even a short time .

We make sure we sit sit down as a family most nights of the week, and every Sunday ( if possible ) . This is to teach our 6 YO how to behave at table . It also has a nice side effect that she learns how to hold a conversation etc.

We had a couple of kids over night , they refused to sit and eat with us . They were rather surprised when they returned to the table 20 mins later to eat some more to find the food gone. They learnt pretty quickly ! They fully expected to run around the house eating their food one handful at a time .

In the Jamie Oliver school dinner programme , they mentioned that they find that a lot of kids now can't use a knife and fork .

Now to the OP , tips , EAT together and not in front of the TV. It's more fun eventually and you will be surprised how much the kids will open up and talk.

yellowcrayon

Thanks for the replies

@Hannibal Smith: I think he is just being rebellious just for the sake of it. Cos when i give him somethin he stares at me waiting to see if il make him say thank you. Im gonna keep going with it though because, as you were sayin, its important to have table manners.

@Davidth88: That was the perfect thing to do in that situation .. i think sometimes kids have to learn the hard way (hope i dont sound cruel). Sitting down together every night is actually a good idea, because il be honest, i tend to start the washing up whilst they're eating sometimes just to get it out of the way, but most of the time i do try to sit with them. And always at the table, cant stand when families sit in front of the tv, i never done it when i was brought up so it makes me cringe a little to see it

looksee

This level of discipline is very good for children imo. My suggestion would be to find the fine line between insisting on good manners on the one hand and nagging and confrontation on the other. It doesn't help to turn mealtimes into battlegrounds. Don't pile on too many expectations at once, let one point get established before gently nudging at the next.

It will work though, I am glad to see these kind of social skills are being taught. My little granddaughter (3) has been taught by her mother to set the table, and she does it very well. My sister tells me of young adults where she works who do not know the difference between a dessert spoon, soup spoon or tablespoon. Its not earth-shaking stuff, but it is pleasant when people can behave gracefully in a social situation.

Cat Melodeon

Dinnertime with my two and a half year old is a bit like scat-throwing time in the monkey-house at the moment. He's getting the hang of using the fork and spoon but if there's anything he doesn't like on the plate it either gets thrown on the floor or mashed up in his hands and spread nicely through his hair. We're trying to get him to learn to stay seated at the table for the duration of mealtime but more often than not have to strap him into the high chair as he won't stay at the table. He also shouts over us when we try to have a conversation. He does say please and thank you in between shouting sessions, and is eating enough to maintain eardrum-shattering volume levels so I guess we just persevere.

It really is worth sticking with it though. There is so much research showing the link between shared mealtimes and behaviour. Even if there's just one meal a day where you all sit down together (or at least with one parent if you're a singleton or if a partner works irregular hours) and if that meal is at roughly the same time each day, those children tend to have much lower rates of emotional and behavioural problems, addiction and criminality than kids whose mealtimes are more erratic and unsupervised. There are always exceptions of course, but it's a fairly consistent finding across studies, so it's definitely worth switching off the tv for 20 mins and attempting a shared mealtime. Although that might be hard to appreciate when your toddler brazenly flings spaghetti in your face for the umpteenth time that week.