Limericks

SafeSurfer

There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told it was so
He said oh yes I know
But I have this terrible habit of trying to fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can.

There once was a man from Ballinlough
Who had an unusually large cock
When asked if he'd show it
He'd say I'd prefer if you'd blow it
And it was always as hard as a rock.



Any original limericks from boardsies?

Biggins

There once was a thread that was daft
So bad that on sight I laughed,
A mod then saw it and clocked
That he though it ought to be locked!
There went the last of the daft!

Spread

There were two old ladies of Fordham

Who went out for a walk 'til it bored 'em

When they went to turn back

A sexmaniac

Jumped out of a bush ................ and ignored 'em

Spread

There once was a plumber from Leigh

Who plumbed a young girl by the sea.

Said she, "Stop your plumbing -

There's somebody coming".

Said the plumber (still plumbing), "It's me".

saa

There once was a man who lived in a kip,
Who got his willy stuck to his hip,
When he yanked off the zip,
He felt a big rip
When he looked down below towards his afro the tip it did go like a swab of velcro.


That's Limerick city.

saa

I may be breaking all the rules of Limericks but I am a contemporary poet what can I say, I didn't even know it.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Boom, boom, boom,
Boom, boom, boom,
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!!!

Spread

Ikky Poo 2 .......... you am de BOOM

SafeSurfer

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Boom, boom, boom,
Boom, boom, boom,
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!!!

Nice one Baldrick

deise go deo

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Boom, boom, boom,
Boom, boom, boom,
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!!!

Ahh, the German Guns, a tragic but poingint poem.

luckyfrank

There was once a limerick about limerick
Where the men and woman were thick
The stabed all they could
Escaped in cars made of wood
Returned to the hood
and then rode there ma's to make them feel good

Fromthetrees

There once was a man with one testicle,
Most of what he said was nonsensical,
Every morning he went to the shop,
To buy a meat flavored lollipop,
Because he thought that this was hysterical.

policarp

There once was a lassie from Bray
Who went for a roll in the hay
Got a poke of a prick
Instead of a lick
And now's in the family way.

MARTINOZ

I once was a member on Boards
I'd peruse it when finished my chores
I decided to quit
When the place went to sh1t
Because it ended up just full of thank-whores

Ghandee

There was a young man from Kentucket
Whose Dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin, as he wiped spunk from his chin.
If it would only reach to my ear, I would fcuk it!




There was a young lad called Dave
Who dug up a whore from her grave.
She was mouldy as shït, and missing a tit.
But think of the money he saved!

Cú Giobach

Awaking quite early with glee,
I click boards expecting to see,
Tales of wisdom and lore,
But I found nothing more,
Than spray everything in range with your pee.

--Kaiser--

There once was a man from Rathmines
Who wrote limericks with only two lines

Loomis

A man from the Washington Post,
Once had it off with a ghost.
At the height of orgasm,
The pale ectoplasm,
Shrieked, "Coming, I'm coming. Almost."

chin_grin

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

There once was a man from Rathmines
Who wrote limericks with only two lines

F*ckin' win. :pac:

Gannicus

Cú Giobach wrote: »

Awaking quite early with glee,
I click boards expecting to see,
Tales of wisdom and lore,
But I found nothing more,
Than spray everything in range with your pee.

Pure brilliance.

davet82

damn thought it was a limerick bashing thread

Seachmall

There once was a website called Boards,
Angry folk were attracted in hoards,
They posted on sexism,
And cried about racism,
But ultimately they were just thank whores.

Edit - Bollocks, it appears MARTINOZ got here before me.

Seachmall

After Hours; A Series of Limericks.

There once was a forum online,
On which I wasted my time,
Titled "After Hours",
Full of old sours,
Twas a place where the sun did not shine.

They whinge about Public Sector,
A common attack vector,
"They're all over paid",
"Too long holidays" they claimed,
Complaints they found sweeter than nectar.

On the Justice system they were harsh,
"Tis all just a farce!",
"Murderers walk free!",
Is what they would plea,
But improvements they suggested were sparse.

They would target Christianity,
As a clear sign of insanity,
"Belief in a God?",
"You crazy old sod!"
Here atheists display their vanity.

Sexuality was common discussion,
Populated by those with concussion,
"A 7 year old is gay?!",
"Ha, you just made my day!",
Stressed their sarcastic compulsion.

Next topic in this hole,
Is those on the dole,
"Leeches on society!"
"Never known for sobriety!",
This forum begins to take a toll.

Once the day is over,
I despise being sober,
So long on AH,
So filled with hate,
My heart now darker than October.

Aglomerado

There was a young lad called James
Who got up to some terrible games
He set fire to the rim
Of his old granny's quim
And laughed when she pissed on the flames!

Kev_2012

luckyfrank wrote: »

There was once a limerick about limerick
Where the men and woman were thick
The stabed all they could
Escaped in cars made of wood
Returned to the hood
and then rode there ma's to make them feel good

That's 6 lines and secondly you spelled stabbed incorrectly, ironically in the sentence immediately after calling Limerick people thick. :rolleyes:

Spread

There was a young man from Aberystwyth

Who took out two young girls - to play Whist with

They trumped his first trick

So he pulled out his Dick

And shoved it up the holes that they pissed with.


So much for being a bad loser

belle2e

what is life?
life is like a big obstacle, in front of your optic wanna slow you down,
an every time you think you've gotten past it its gonna come back,
around and tackle you to the damn ground,
what are friends, friends are people that you think are friends,
but they really your enemies with secret identities,
and disguises to hide they' true colours, so just when you think you close enough to be brothers,
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you aint lookin,
what is money, money is what makes a man act funny,
money is the root of all evil,
money'll make them same friends come back around,
swearin that they was always always down,
but it's life...im tired of life, im tired of backstabbin' ass snakes with friendly grins,
im tried of commitin so many sins,
tired of always givin in when this bottle of hennie wins,
tired of never havin' any ends
tired of havin' skinny friends so full on crack and many things,
im tired of this Dj, playin your **** when he spins,
im tired of not havin a deal, tired of havin to deal with this bull**** without grabbin the steel,
tired of drowin in my sorrow,
tired of havin to borrow a dollar for gas to start my monte carlo,
im tired of mother****ers sprayin **** an dartin off,
im tired of jobs startin off at $5.50 an hour, then this boss wonders why I'm smartin off,
tired of being fired every time i fart and cough,
tired of havin to work as a gas station clerk for this jerk breatin down my neck,
drivin me beserk,
im tired of using plastic silverwear
tired of workin at buildin square,
tired of not being a millionare,
but if i had a million dollars i'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alchoholics,
if i had a magic wand, i'd make the world suck my d*ck without a condom on,
while im on the jon,
if i had a millions bucks, it wouldn't be enough, cos i'd still be out robbin armoured trucks,

if i had one wish, i would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss,
im tired of being white trash, broke an always poor,
tired of taken pop bottles back to the party store,
tired of not havin a phone, tired of not havin a home to have one in if i did have one on,
tired of not drivin a BM, tired of not workin at GM, tired of wantin to be him,
tired of not sleepin without atylanol PM,
tired of not performin in a packed collessium,
tired of not bein on tour,
tired of f*ckin the same blonde whore,
after work in the back of a contour,
im tired of fakin knots with a stack of ones, havin a lack of funds, an resort back to guns,
tired of bein stared at, tired of wearin the same damn nike air-hat,
tired of steppin in clubs wearin the same pair of luggs,
tired of people sayin they're tired of hearin me rappin bout drugs,
tired of other rappers who aint bringin half the skill as me sayin they wasn't feelin me or no-bodies as ill as me,
and I'm tired of radio stations tellin fibs tired of J.L.B. sayin we're hip hop lib's,

but if i had a million dollars i'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alchoholics,
if i had a magic wand, i'd make the world suck my d*ck without a condom on,
while im on the john,
if i had a millions bucks, it wouldn't be enough, cos i'd still be out robbin armoured trucks,
if i had one wish, i would ask for one big enough ass for the whole world to kiss,

you know what i'm sayin? im tired of all of this bull****,
tellin me to be positive, how am i supposed to be positive when i don't see **** positive,
you know what i'm sayin?
i rapp about **** around me, **** i see,
you know what i'm sayin?
and right now i'm tired of everything,
tired of all this, player hating that's going on in my own city,
you can't get away or play,
you know what i'm sayin',
but hey, it's cool though,
you know what i'm sayin'?
i'm just fed up, thats my world

Spread

There was an old trucker from Tring
Who said when asked to sing
"Isn't it odd
I cannot tell God
Save The Weasel from Pop Goes The King"!