Mr/Ms Right or Mr/Ms Right Now?

Frank Black

Now I'm lucky that I met my wife when we were in our early 20's, we went out for years before getting engaged/married/had kids.

I've noticed that as I've got older (mid 30's) that my single friends spend far less time before committing.

A friend of mine recently got engaged to a girl who he has been going out with for less than 6 months.

While I'm delighted for him, I can't help wondering if you can really know if you've found 'the one' after this amount of time.

Do people think that you can be sure about finding 'the one' after this amount of time?
Are these relationships as likely to work out than people who've been together longer before committing?

I'm hoping the answer is 'yes'.

Anyone any experiences of whirlwind romances?

dory

I'm sure it's possible to know whether you'll like someone long term after that amount of time. Marriage is always a gamble tbh. Doesn't matter if you do it after a year or ten.

starbelgrade

black francis wrote: »

I'm lucky that I met my wife when we were in our early 20's

I'm luckier. I met my missus when she was in her early 20s.

Fromthetrees

starbelgrade wrote: »

I'm luckier. I met my missus when she was in her early 20s.

Ha, I'm even luckier, I don't have a missus so I'm free to do whatever I want, like cry in the corner of my bedsit **** into a sock trying to remember what a pair of boobs look like...:(

kfallon

Thinly veiled "Look at me I have a missus" thread :pac:

Ricardo G

Yeah well i had 3 wives during the boom !, now i'm down to one

Kiera

I think it's kinda normal when people hit their 30's. I'm not one for rushing but i remember my last bf saying he asked me to be exclusive so soon because he was afraid i'd be snapped up by someone else. It's as if there's a race to settle down in your 30's if you're still single.

Chuck Stone

Insecurity and a fear of dying alone is a great motivator for the ol' 30+ quick marriage folks.

I've seen it.

Captain_Generic

A good friend of mine recently got engaged to someone he met after christmas. I've never met her but i'm going to the wedding because i was promised snacks

Kiera

Captain_Generic wrote: »

A good friend of mine recently got engaged to someone he met after christmas. I've never met her but i'm going to the wedding because i was promised snacks

2 months? :eek:

bfocusd

A mate of mine is in her early thirtys, she met her fella march 2011, since then they've got an place together, she's 6 months pregnant and they got married before xmas!

I think that's way too fast, the were engaged before she was pregnant too, it wasn't for the sake of being married before the birth.

The thing I question about it is the lad needs a green card thingy, he's already got a half Irish kid (2) and was due to be married, but it never happened. So we all are wondering what his deal really is, but shes happy so it's not down to us to question her choices

antodeco

I've been engaged 12 times the past 5 years. In fairness though, the girls didn't know they were engaged to me. I promised myself that if I ever met them, I'd tell him. Seemed only fair.

Ricardo G

bfocusd wrote: »

A mate of mine is in her early thirtys, she met her fella march 2011, since then they've got an place together, she's 6 months pregnant and they got married before xmas!

I think that's way too fast, the were engaged before she was pregnant too, it wasn't for the sake of being married before the birth.

The thing I question about it is the lad needs a green card thingy, he's already got a half Irish kid (2) and was due to be married, but it never happened. So we all are wondering what his deal really is, but shes happy so it's not down to us to question her choices

Sounds a bit "Deirdre Rashid" alright

CrackisWhack

black francis wrote: »

Now I'm lucky that I met my wife when we were in our early 20's, we went out for years before getting engaged/married/had kids.

I've noticed that as I've got older (mid 30's) that my single friends spend far less time before committing.

A friend of mine recently got engaged to a girl who he has been going out with for less than 6 months.

While I'm delighted for him, I can't help wondering if you can really know if you've found 'the one' after this amount of time.

Do people think that you can be sure about finding 'the one' after this amount of time?
Are these relationships as likely to work out than people who've been together longer before committing?

I'm hoping the answer is 'yes'.

Anyone any experiences of whirlwind romances?

Personally, I don't think you really know somebody after 6 months.

Frank Black

kfallon wrote: »

Thinly veiled "Look at me I have a missus" thread :pac:

Thinly veiled " thanks whore" post.:pac:

44leto

I have promised everlasting love on the first night, but then after the sex, I would become feint hearted and "a faint heart never won a fair lady".

bfocusd

Ricardo G wrote: »

Sounds a bit "Deirdre Rashid" alright

Yeah I know, she really rushed into it, I just hope for her sake it lasts and she wasn't played. She's always been the girl on the side before this, which I find hard to grasp, to go from having flings and no serious relationships to that in a year is extreme, she left everything behind for him.. Maybe he's a hypnotist?

stupidusername

eeek, who seriously believes in 'the one'?

as a rule I would say no, you can't know someone that well after a short time, but then it depends on how much time you spent together bla bla bla. plus it's all about feelings and other gay shit like that nowadays isn't it?

Ricardo G

44leto wrote: »

I have promised everlasting love on the first night, but then after the sex, I would become feint hearted and "a faint heart never won a fair lady".

Thats called going into "limp mode"

ChippingSodbury

I married Ms Right

I didn't know her first name was Always

But seriously, if you get on with someone over a 3 month period, there's no reason that you can't marry them (other than lots of reasons that have just come to mind while writing this sentence). This horse****e about "the one" and all that other crap that gets peddled in the glossy magazines really bugs me: if you want a relationship you need to work at it: there has to be compromises on both sides. Believe it or not, there isn't someone who has been put on this earth purely for the function of being your partner/ they will do everything to make you happy and you needn't do anything.

44leto

I know someone who is seeing someone for at least 10 years and they are still not engaged or living together. Their relationship always baffles me but I never ask.

Captain_Generic

Kiera wrote: »

2 months? :eek:

Yeah the guy was always a bit nuts, how he managed to involve someone else in his insanity is beyond me

Kiera

Captain_Generic wrote: »

Yeah the guy was always a bit nuts, how he managed to involve someone else in his insanity is beyond me

Things like that always make me think its gonna end in tears.

kfallon

Kiera wrote: »

Things like that always make me think its gonna end in tears.

Hankies at the ready

Christ it sounds like I'm giving a night class in **** :rolleyes:

No rush for me to settle down, no siree

Kiera

kfallon wrote: »

Hankies at the ready

Christ it sounds like I'm giving a night class in **** :rolleyes:

No rush for me to settle down, no siree

Like they're beating down your door??? :P

kfallon

Kiera wrote: »

Like they're beating down your door??? :P

For the **** class? They sure are, 3 month waiting list!

First come first served :pac:

oppenheimer1

I houseshared with a chap whose parents were engaged within a week and married within the month after first meeting. They were married 30 years when I met them.

People rushing to settle down at 30+ can hardly be surprising. A womans clock is ticking louder at that age if they want a family. Its like the "quarter past two, you'll do" feeling. If the person isn't half objectionable they'll settle down with them. People are good at convincing themselves they've made the right decision.

holystungun9

Should we do a Boards Back Up Plan lottery for all us 30+ singletons? Just in case, like.

Sauve

I drunkenly made a pact with a friend one night years and years ago that if we hit 30 and were both single then we'd marry each other.
I wonder what'd happen if I called him out on it now? :pac:

creditable

.

Kiera

creditable wrote: »

Funny how most women watch and thereby support porn but are adamantly against prostitution. :rolleyes:

Wrong thread?

theneed2rock

Sauve wrote: »

I drunkenly made a pact with a friend one night years and years ago that if we hit 30 and were both single then we'd marry each other.
I wonder what'd happen if I called him out on it now? :pac:

Go for it...whats the worse that can happen...

The Mollusc

Sauve wrote: »

I drunkenly made a pact with a friend one night years and years ago that if we hit 30 and were both single then we'd marry each other.
I wonder what'd happen if I called him out on it now? :pac:

This has all the makings of a quality thread.

hattoncracker

I'd never settle, body clock or not.
I have a friend atm that's been with her bf a month, both knowingly having unprotected sex and now she's pregnant, and having their kid together. She already has one child that she doesn't have custody of, because she's unstable. They're both delighted.

If ever there was a case for a trip to the UK..

Sauve

The Mollusc wrote: »

This has all the makings of a quality thread.

Next time I see him I'll bring it up and see if he's still on for it.
Keep an eye out for upcoming 'getting married for the laugh' thread...
:pac:

hattoncracker

hattoncracker wrote: »

I'd never settle, body clock or not.
I have a friend atm that's been with her bf a month, both knowingly having unprotected sex and now she's pregnant, and having their kid together. She already has one child that she doesn't have custody of, because she's unstable. They're both delighted.

If ever there was a case for a trip to the UK..

Wow cant you be happy for them ??? Like wow and ur her friend !!

Sauve

hattoncracker wrote: »

knowingly having unprotected sex and now she's pregnant, and having their kid together. She already has one child that she doesn't have custody of, because she's unstable. They're both delighted.

If ever there was a case for a trip to the UK..

What has this got to do with the thread title?
It's not really your business what they decide to do with their baby...

44leto

hattoncracker wrote: »

I'd never settle, body clock or not.
I have a friend atm that's been with her bf a month, both knowingly having unprotected sex and now she's pregnant, and having their kid together. She already has one child that she doesn't have custody of, because she's unstable. They're both delighted.

If ever there was a case for a trip to the UK..

Holy sh*t, they sound like a delightful, mature and responsible couple.

Duiske

I met my OH when we were 16/17. Went out for a year then broke up and didn't see each for over twenty years. A friend gave her my number at a wedding 6 years ago. She called the next day, we went out that night and have been together since. Not married yet, but if I don't succumb to the 7 year itch, who knows !!

hattoncracker

44leto wrote: »

hattoncracker wrote: »

I'd never settle, body clock or not.
I have a friend atm that's been with her bf a month, both knowingly having unprotected sex and now she's pregnant, and having their kid together. She already has one child that she doesn't have custody of, because she's unstable. They're both delighted.

If ever there was a case for a trip to the UK..

Holy sh*t, they sound like a delightful, mature and responsible couple.

Yup... It is a case of Mr/Mrs Right Now.. And its relevance to this thread is that you can be as irresponsible as you want, but it's reckless to bring a child into it unless you're sure. It can be all fun and games until something like this happens.

hattoncracker

Ellie Large Groin wrote: »

hattoncracker wrote: »

I'd never settle, body clock or not.
I have a friend atm that's been with her bf a month, both knowingly having unprotected sex and now she's pregnant, and having their kid together. She already has one child that she doesn't have custody of, because she's unstable. They're both delighted.

If ever there was a case for a trip to the UK..

Wow cant you be happy for them ??? Like wow and ur her friend !!

And I will support her whatever she decides to do because she is my friend, naivety and all. But I don't have to agree with it. Her behavior is reckless.

Sauve

hattoncracker wrote: »

Yup... It is a case of Mr/Mrs Right Now.. And its relevance to this thread is that you can be as irresponsible as you want, but it's reckless to bring a child into it unless you're sure. It can be all fun and games until something like this happens.

The OP was enquiring about whirlwind romances and whether they can work out?
Not about irresponsibility, pregnancy, or fun and games.

Facepalm ! How do you know that child wont be loved ? Cherished? Maybe she has learned from her past ?i hope they make it and have the child and are happy

hattoncracker

Sauve wrote: »

hattoncracker wrote: »

Yup... It is a case of Mr/Mrs Right Now.. And its relevance to this thread is that you can be as irresponsible as you want, but it's reckless to bring a child into it unless you're sure. It can be all fun and games until something like this happens.

The OP was enquiring about whirlwind romances and whether they can work out?
Not about irresponsibility, pregnancy, or fun and games.

You cant get more whirlwind than that.

But if it works fair play to them.. Some people it works for, some people it doesn't.. It depends on the situation , people can b genuinely right for eachother.

44leto

Ellie Large Groin wrote: »

Facepalm ! How do you know that child wont be loved ? Cherished? Maybe she has learned from her past ?i hope they make it and have the child and are happy

So would we all. but the chances seem slim, first, they only met a month ago and they are having unprotected sex and the girl has a record of I am assuming other bad decisions.

So if I was a gambling man the odds are stacked up for an unhappy outcome.

bfocusd

hattoncracker wrote: »

I'd never settle, body clock or not.
I have a friend atm that's been with her bf a month, both knowingly having unprotected sex and now she's pregnant, and having their kid together. She already has one child that she doesn't have custody of, because she's unstable. They're both delighted.

If ever there was a case for a trip to the UK..

It may well be completely reckless or be a concious decision between them, but at the end if the day it's her life, the relationship is moving very fast, a month is nothing, but it doesn't give anyone the right to say she should abort her baby, the relationship could (hopefully) blossom and develop or fail completely, but I just hope she doesn't fall into the same trend as previously, for the sake of the child

hattoncracker

bfocusd wrote: »

It may well be completely reckless or be a concious decision between them, but at the end if the day it's her life, the relationship is moving very fast, a month is nothing, but it doesn't give anyone the right to say she should abort her baby, the relationship could (hopefully) blossom and develop or fail completely, but I just hope she doesn't fall into the same trend as previously, for the sake of the child

I'm not getting into a pro-life debate about this because it's off topic, I made a smart comment. I would never say that to her because I know she wants to keep it, if she changed her mind I'd support her, if she changed it back and forth fifteen bajillion times I'd support her. She's my friend and that's what friends do.

I really hope it works out too, he's way nicer than the guy she was going out with last year, and he worships her. I will have to give him the 'talk' though, just to make sure he's good to her!

johnr1

hattoncracker wrote: »

I'm not getting into a pro-life debate about this because it's off topic, I made a smart comment. I would never say that to her because I know she wants to keep it, if she changed her mind I'd support her, if she changed it back and forth fifteen bajillion times I'd support her. She's my friend and that's what friends do.

I really hope it works out too, he's way nicer than the guy she was going out with last year, and he worships her. I will have to give him the 'talk' though, just to make sure he's good to her!

Forget that idea as fast as you thought of it.

A really good mate of mine got together with an absolute goldigging slag who had openly cheated on every fella she had been with.

I decided in my youth and wisdom to "have a talk with her". About fidelity, him being a very good friend, revenge, wrath, nice stuff like that.

The clown married her, tbh she more or less told him to, and fast forward a few years, we dont talk, he has no friends, she cheats away goodo.

Best left.


.

Sindri

This is her for me.

And this too.

The voice of an angel.

ash23

personally I think as people get older they become more aware of what they want and what they value in a relationship.
And if they meet someone who fulfills those needs, who they get on well with and are able to tolerate living with, then happy days for them.

My criteria now is very different to what it was 10 years ago and I know exactly what I want in a relationship now so if I find it I'll go for it.

cynder

Met my husband when i was 17 back in 97. Now in our early 30s are our friends now getting married / having kids and some are still single, depends on the person. my brother is 33 and has been in 3 long term relationships since the age of 16 but has been single for the last 2 years.

TBH i dont think he will ever get married, maybe live with someone for a few years but not get married.

I also had a cousin who got married at 22 and divorced the guy after 6 months even though they had dated for 3 years, she is 36 now and still single.