Will the emptiness ever go away?

LegacyUser

I lost my younger brother (20) to cancer over two years ago now. He is the first person that I have lost in my life that has really meant something to me.

I feel I should be coming to terms with it now. But I feel he was robbed, that I was robbed... There isn't a day that goes by I don't mourn for him in some way. It doesn't matter what I'm doing where I am or who I am with... I find it worst when I am out having a drink, listening to music. I broke down during news years celebration when a song came on that we had danced to on what was one of his last nights out. Being out reminds me of him the most because he was a social creature. He loved people and he loved to see people having fun.

I just remember how much life he had. I used to believe in life after death. My feelings on that matter have changed somewhat in the last few years. Even though I see the possibility of life after death to be remote I can't comprehend how a life, a personality, my little brother could actually be gone forever.

Sometimes I get into a mental loop where I wonder what's the point. Why are humans here? Why bother doing anything, death will come and anything you were, anything you accomplished will be gone.... What's the point of experiencing something since you will die and you won't appreciate it anyway.

I don't like feeling this way but losing him has had the most profound impact on the way I view existence.

icescreamqueen

I feel your pain darling, I really really do. I think every emotion and feeling you're going through is natural after such trauma. Life is so precious. Life will bring us lots of bad times and also lots of good times. It's the good times that make it worth it. Your brother is by your side every step of the way, get courage from that. Talk to him, ask him for advice. Look after yourself and be very very good to yourself. Treat yourself to anything that you can. Your brother's life will never be replaced but I honestly think we'll all be together again.
I'd like to believe that my mother is somewhere very special, full of nature and flowers and all the people she loved who went before her. Please be brave. Your brother is in a special place too. Remember the good times with him. Remember the things he taught you. Remember but never forget xxx

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

superfish

man I feel your pain I lost my lil bro too he was only 17 I was 21 at the time he was hit by a car he was more than my bro he was my best friend too we did everything together it killed me seeing him on life support worst 15 hours of my life, im 29 now and being honest with you it still hurts and feels like it was yesterday but I know hes still here and knows what im doing and you need to live life for your lil bro yes he was robbed of his but do you seriously think he wants to watch his big bro waste the life he was deprived of you need to live every day for him now and do things you know he would like because trust me he is still with you every second of the day, I think about him every day and still talk to him in private as though he were here it took me a good 4 year for the pain to numb and fully accept he was gone so in a way it gets easier but its usually his birthday and xmas it really hits me, but please beleave me it will get easier and life is worth living to the absolute max do it for your bro make him even more proud of you than he already is, if you ever want to talk pm me im not on this much but il help when ever I can

Ickle Magoo

Superfish,

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omck80

I lost my brother almost 2 years ago too. He was 34 and just had sudden cardiac arrest, there was someone on the scene to give him cpr but lack of oxygen to brain left him with no chance of survival. Like your brother OP mine was very social too. Very time I go out I still expect to see him. I was 8 months pregnant when my bro died ans my baby was due on his Birthday I had asked him the week before he got sick to do Godfather. It breaks my heart than my daughter will never know her wonderful uncle. I feel sometimes that if I talk about him people want to run a mile.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

My older and only brother died 2 years ago as well, he was 21. I would just like to tell you I've felt everything you've described so I'm sure it's perfectly normal. One thing that I can't seem the shake off is the sense of being robbed.

We were extremely close and I looked up to him as an idol. He used to bring me with him everywhere. Now I'm constantly reminded of what I've lost. When I ever see my friends with their brothers or brothers on TV it actually rips me up inside. All I can think is that I will never have that relationship with anyone ever again, I will go through the rest of my life NEVER having a brother.

NIMAN

Yes time will heal, but it will take longer for different people.

My father more or less died in my arms after a major heart attack. It hit me very hard. He was mid 50s, I was mid 20s. Thats was nearly 20 years ago now.

Although I think about him every single day, I tend to think happy thoughts and memories and nothing really to do with his painful last moments. I have the odd bad day and miss him dearly at times, especially since I've got married and had a family since, but time does heal, it really does.

I also get the thoughts about "whats the meaning of it all", "will I ever see him again". I am not a religious person and cannot say what will happen when I go, but I like to think we will all meet again. Some might find that far fetched but its my own opinion.

Sorry for your loss.