Thursday Funnies

MonkieSocks

There once was a good Baptist Minister, who in order to make his family's budget go a little further, rode a bicycle to Church and to Church functions.

One day his bike turned up missing.

He searched everywhere, but could not find it.

Since it was a very small town he lived in, and most of the town was in his parish, he assumed that one of his flock had strayed and stolen his bicycle.

He spoken with his Deacon about his quandry.

The Deacon suggested that at the Sermon next Sunday, the Minister talk on the Ten Commandments.

When he got to the Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Steal", the Minister should turn on the Fire-and-Brimstone and preach like he had never preached before.

The guilty part should then feel such remorse for their wrongdoing, that they would return the bike.

So Sunday came and the Minister gave his sermon.

It was a good sermon but when he reached "Thou Shalt Not Steal", there was no Fire-and-Brimstone.

The Deacon was puzzled and asked the Minister why he hadn't really socked it to the thief.

"Well" said the Minister, "I was all set to turn on the Fire-and-Brimstone like I had never done before.

That part was to be my sermon to end all sermons.

But when I got to the "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" part, I remembered where I had left my bicycle!"

______________________________

Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla,

'How do you spell 'dumb'?

"Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."

The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence.

"She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."

"Now spell 'stupid'."

Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."

The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."

Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."

Then the teacher call on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."

Buckwheat stands up and says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."

The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."

"I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

getz

a survey in the UK asked 3,000 married couples,what was the most common sexual position the answer back was the doggy position,he sits up and begs,and she rolls over and plays dead.