thinking of breaking up with live in gf of 6 years

I am a friend

andreakobe44 wrote: »

She would say it has to be in the right setting and that she couldn't just have sex anywhere. I get handjobs maybe once every 2 weeks or so. BJ's maybe once ever 8 months.

Well you put up with it, effectively giving her the green light to act like that.

KKkitty

She held you over a barrel. You enabled her unwittingly I think. You were probably always thinking tonight is the night but some excuse was made and hand jobs or bjs were used as a lame replacement. You deserve better than that trust me. You can't beat the intimacy of sex and how it makes you feel.

andreakobe44

KKkitty wrote: »

She held you over a barrel. You enabled her unwittingly I think. You were probably always thinking tonight is the night but some excuse was made and hand jobs or bjs were used as a lame replacement. You deserve better than that trust me. You can't beat the intimacy of sex and how it makes you feel.

Yeah it's my fault for putting up with it. I guess I just got so used to it and assumed it would change. I got kind of numb and didn't even think of it.

KKkitty

You're going to be ok OP Don't prolong the break up any longer and start afresh. Allow yourself some you time for a bit first and if you have some single friends head out for the night and have some fun.

newuser30

ok so she was waiting for marraige, what were you waiting for? She stated this from the start. She was clearly not going to be jumping into bed with you every night if this is her belief? Some women believe they shouldn't give all of themselves physically or emotionally before marraige. You clearly do not have the same views, therefore you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone like this. You have very different values, have you both been holding out in the hope that one or the other will change?! She probably has completely checked out of the relationship emotionally too, I wouldn't think she's over the moon with the state of things. You are both comfortable though, so it will be hard but you need to end it.

andreakobe44

I really loved her in the beginning. I think I still love her, but I'm not in love with her because there is no passion. I care about her a lot and the worst part will be to hurt her feelings. I know I need to do it. I was waiting thinking that she would change her mind about sex. She eventually did change her mind(well once), but I think it was too late and I already gave up to a point.

KKkitty

A part of you will always care for her I know but I have to commend you on one thing. From all you've said about her I didn't see one word about you cheating. As bad as things got you never strayed. Well done.

I am a friend

You expected her to change....

So would marrying her not give you the keys to the kingdom? Why hasn't anything happened after 6 years and living together?

newuser30

Yes that is the most obvious question why did you not marry her? The girl has to be commended on holding steadfast on her values thats for sure (bar once but i think we can forgive lol) You obviously wanted the sex without commitment, so maybe you should be thinking why you didn't want to commit to her, instead of it all being about the no sex which is kind of a given with her? I mean you say you love her.
When she stated she didnt believe in sex before marraige why didnt you have a frank discussion, something like yea i want to marry you, but of course it would have to involve a normal sex life? And then gauge her answer. No its not romantic but its an important conversation to have. I dont know if its too late only you know whether you can start proper communication. I think after 6 years is it not worth that?

andreakobe44

I wouldn't marry anyone unless I was pretty sure that it would work. If sex or even handjobs or any passion is so seldom I'd assume with marriage it would get even worse. I love her as in care about her, but I don't think I'm in love with her. I don't really get excited to see her and when she's gone I kind of enjoy it and look forward to when she's gone so I can have my space.

Taltos

andreakobe44 wrote: »

I don't really get excited to see her and when she's gone I kind of enjoy it and look forward to when she's gone so I can have my space.

OP - I think you have answered your own question right here.
Sounds like this relationship has just become a habit - and not a good one. If this is really how you feel then it might be best for all for you to do what you know you need to...

I am a friend

andreakobe44 wrote: »

I wouldn't marry anyone unless I was pretty sure that it would work.

But sure she told you at the start that she wouldnt have sex before marriage... TBH, you are at fault here not her. You chose not to listen to her and have taken 6 years to come up with the above statement. She wont have sex before marriage adn you wont marry someone unless you know it will work - a word to the wise - people who marry cos they think it will work also break up.

you shouldnt have wasted her time if you knew you would not marry her due to the sex issue

andreakobe44

I am a friend wrote: »

andreakobe44 wrote: »

I wouldn't marry anyone unless I was pretty sure that it would work.

But sure she told you at the start that she wouldnt have sex before marriage... TBH, you are at fault here not her. You chose not to listen to her and have taken 6 years to come up with the above statement. She wont have sex before marriage adn you wont marry someone unless you know it will work - a word to the wise - people who marry cos they think it will work also break up.

you shouldnt have wasted her time if you knew you would not marry her due to the sex issue

My point was that I would wait longer than most to get married. I wouldn't ever marry someone I dated for less than 3 years. It was my fault assuming she would change. She did say it would just take the right setting and apparently one time that was right. Even the slightest sexual thing like a handjob which she didn't mind should be more than once every two weeks.

I am a friend

andreakobe44 wrote: »

My point was that I would wait longer than most to get married. I wouldn't ever marry someone I dated for less than 3 years. It was my fault assuming she would change. She did say it would just take the right setting and apparently one time that was right. Even the slightest sexual thing like a handjob which she didn't mind should be more than once every two weeks.

You have waited longer than most to get married or not as the case may be....

You knew what you were getting 5 years ago so why stay?

andreakobe44

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

You sound like I did, right before I finished a 5 year relationship. It was like yours, more like living with a cousin/roomate than a lover. Didn't miss him when he wasn't there, that's actually when it dawned on me that I didn't love him anymore. I was waiting for him at the airport and when he came through the gates I felt nothing. Eventually I broke up with him, met the love of my life 2 months later and it couldn't be more different.

I miss him if I don't see him every day, and he's waiting for me at the front door for a hug when I get home from work every day. We get each other little presents all the time, just little things like a cadbury's creme egg if we go to the shop. I love doing all his laundry and handing it back to him all clean and he loves making me delicious dinners and the sex? well not to brag but it's regular and deeply satisfying:D. Honestly OP, I really would kill for him and can't imagine my life without him. That's how true love is OP and you're missing out on it

So yeah just finish it with her and promise yourself you'll never put up with a pseudo-relationship again. If you're like me and you certainly sound like it, you'll cry for a day from the shock of it and then you'll live like you've never lived before.

You're going to be grand,
Best of luck.

I know it's been a while. I've been just trying to figure out how to do this. How was the break up because you lived together? End of lease thing so you just both went your seperate ways? Or did you bring it up and just end up leaving in the middle of the lease? I'm just not sure how to do this. I don't really have the cash to pay for two rents at the same time. My lease is over end of july. I'm thinking I could just move far away, but it seems strange to move far away just to get away from someone. I'll be fine, I just worry about her. I'll probably be sad not to see her everyday because I'm so used to it. But I kind of look forward to when she's gone and don't get excited when she comes back.

_dublinlad_

Relationship is dead. Break up. You are just friends at this stage anyway.