Groaners.....

Bootup

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic.
Old friends, they began their usual banter. "This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."





A lady fixed her husband a special meal for his birthday. After dinner she fixed him a pitcher of martinis then poured him a drink. Then she left to pick up his favorite dessert from the local bakery.
When she returned from her errand she found her husband, drink in hand, prancing about the living room wearing her bra, panties and high heels. "What the hell is going on!" she exclaimed.
Her husband got a quizzical look on his face and said "What? You asked what I wanted for my birthday and I told you. I wanted to eat, drink and be Mary."


A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like tobuy a bra for my wife.
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
'Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.?
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The sale slady replied
'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
‘The Catholic type supports the masses;
‘The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
‘The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
‘The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.’





A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin, and they are both waiters at the same restaurant. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets, as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting jussany ting you want. You juss ask.Wha u want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly,which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows, and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try something I have heard about from other girls... Nummaa 69".
More thoughtful silence, but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....

"You want ... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?"