Am I a **** up in life?

Jimbob 83

Tell your parents that you have been through the education system non stop for 15 years and you need a year off to see the world and understand what all this **** is for.

Somewhere along the way in that year you will figure out what you want to do, hell im 28 and still clueless just bouncing from job to job, if i had a trade or degree i would be out of this country in a heartbeat

emigrate2012

Been in that situation a couple a times meself,not a nice feeling.It can be tempting but it's any kind of real anwser to whats bothering you.I've lost a few friends that way maybe because they felt they couldn't talk to anyone about how they felt.I've had a few freakouts like that over the years,scared the sh!t outta me.Talk to your parents(or maybe a sound uncle/aunt/trusted friend don't be thinkin "ah they'll think I'm a weirdo" if their a true friend they'll only want to help however they can),they'll be concerned(of course and will probably keep a closer eye on you,it's natural.)but trust me you'll feel much better for it in the long run.I'd definitely consider going to your GP they have all seen it before and will be able to help with getting access to counselling etc.It's not for everyone(it's fcuking hard to open up to a stranger about stuff that your not even sure of yourself) but it can be helpful and it's always good to try different solutions for a problem.(I done it for about a year,hard going and i dunno how much of it i took in but I'm still here so I suppose it helped in some way) Find something that interest's/makes YOU happy,try and get out and socialise whenever ye fell up to it(going for a long walk helps me clear me head I find) but just try to stay positive. Ye seem like a smart young fella(you realise there's something up and your talking about it if even it's only here, it's a start and a definite step on the road to feeling better)It's a long road to getting out of a funk like that but your making a start and that's always a good sign.So I hope this help's you in some little way and the best of luck to you,try not to think to much into it,everyone has their off time's,just some people get it worse,FCuk know's i do! good luck mate and take care. P.S. the other post's are right in sayin to cut back on the gargle,especially the lone ranger craic go for a few pints in the evening in the pub if ye have to have a sup,there's usually a bit craic and banter to be had and almost always someone there in a worse pisser of a mood than you,it'll might just lighten your mood a bit to hear some cranky fcuk givin out out about sh!te! does for me anyway! take care man.:)

Jimbob 83

http://troll.me/images/hulk-smash/hulk-no-like-wall-of-text-hulk-smash-wall-of-text.jpg

Kirby

emigrate2012 wrote: »

Been in that situation a couple a times meself,not a nice feeling.It can be tempting but it's any kind of real anwser to whats bothering you.I've lost a few friends that way maybe because they felt they couldn't talk to anyone about how they felt.I've had a few freakouts like that over the years,scared the sh!t outta me.Talk to your parents(or maybe a sound uncle/aunt/trusted friend don't be thinkin "ah they'll think I'm a weirdo" if their a true friend they'll only want to help however they can),they'll be concerned(of course and will probably keep a closer eye on you,it's natural.)but trust me you'll feel much better for it in the long run.I'd definitely consider going to your GP they have all seen it before and will be able to help with getting access to counselling etc.It's not for everyone(it's fcuking hard to open up to a stranger about stuff that your not even sure of yourself) but it can be helpful and it's always good to try different solutions for a problem.(I done it for about a year,hard going and i dunno how much of it i took in but I'm still here so I suppose it helped in some way) Find something that interest's/makes YOU happy,try and get out and socialise whenever ye fell up to it(going for a long walk helps me clear me head I find) but just try to stay positive. Ye seem like a smart young fella(you realise there's something up and your talking about it if even it's only here, it's a start and a definite step on the road to feeling better)It's a long road to getting out of a funk like that but your making a start and that's always a good sign.So I hope this help's you in some little way and the best of luck to you,try not to think to much into it,everyone has their off time's,just some people get it worse,FCuk know's i do! good luck mate and take care. P.S. the other post's are right in sayin to cut back on the gargle,especially the lone ranger craic go for a few pints in the evening in the pub if ye have to have a sup,there's usually a bit craic and banter to be had and almost always someone there in a worse pisser of a mood than you,it'll might just lighten your mood a bit to hear some cranky fcuk givin out out about sh!te! does for me anyway! take care man.:)

Sweet jesus man. See that big "enter" key on your keyboard? Use it!

GombeanMan

You are only a **** up in life if you stop trying.

Rich11

plain n simple, if you dont like civil engineering dont do it, if you dont quit you will hate yourself years from now, and dont let your parents tell you what to do, its your life, like, my ma and sister are a soliciter, da was an accountant, then theres me, a chef:eek:, parents hate me for doing what im doing, especially cause i never went to college:rolleyes: and never plan on going, but its my passion, so think about what you love doing, what you have passion for, and go from there:)

ringadingding

Your not even a third into your life yet my man, and live can go from shît to good in a matter of months.

Your not a **** up, your going through normal shît, the stuff that shapes who you'll end up as, going through rough patches is great character building stuff as they say.

Deep breath, grab your balls and tell your folks everything.

It's all gonna be good

cocoshovel

Damn I wish I got 310 points, or even 535!

mikemac1

Cut out the drinking on your own at home

Nothing wrong with a few drinks to relax but you did it for a solid week

Also get out of the house.
Go for a walk, run, cycle. Just get moving

Also mind what your influences are.
Joe Duffy show would have you reaching for that rope some days. And I'll include boards.ie in this too, there are dole bashing threads I don't read and certain other forums I won't go into
If it bothers you then stay out of it.

Sykk

Hey there,

I wouldn't worry too much about your education. I made an absolute misery of my leaving cert.. and by that I mean I barely passed, due to absolutely not giving a crap about school and other family issues that meant I missed about 2/3 of 5th and 6th year.

Anyway I'm working now and doing a degree as a mature student to fill the box. As anyone can tell you, degrees are over rated.

Find something you love doing and try to figure out a way to do it as a profession. There are ways and means to do everything. It will all come along

Glad you decided against ending everything. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel

theg81der

OP hope I`m not repeating what someone else said but have you tried apptitude testing or personality testing? You don`t seem to know yourself very well, maybe you need to study and understand yourself a bit. Money won`t be your main concern as you`ll be left lots so you have a great oppurtunity to do something really good with your life free from normal constraints. Great potential clearly thou and if you throw it away you`d be a fool.

You are in no way a f*ck up so stop thinking this right now. The smartest person I know dropped out of college twice, she tried to please parents etc but she just needs time to find herself. College is not for everyone immediately and I think iits ridiculous that we funnel people in this direction straight out of school at 17 or 18 when they don`t know who they are never mind what thy want to do for the rest of their lives - talk about pressure!

Good luck OP!xx

Nothingbetter2d

i had a similar battle with my parents regarding the college bit.... i was doing mechanical engineering in sligo which i hated.... i wanted to do IT and i stuck to my guns and battled through with my parents... ive since got a diploma in IT and im much happier.

go follow your dream and do the pharmacy course... its a far more stable industry then construction anyways, with more jobs available.

Dyr

You're not a f**k up, and the only way that you're going to be a f**k up is if you top yourself.

Despair is for people who know, beyond any doubt, what the future is going to bring. Nobody is in that position, so despair is not only a kind of sin, theologically, but also a simple mistake, because nobody actually knows.
In that sense there always is hope.

Brendog

I see where you are coming from OP.

[life story]
I was the same. Little genius in primary school. Went to secondary and just went down hill. Got 4 honours in my junior. Didn't do transition because there wasn't enough places seeing as my school ran an interview process for applying student...

Got 280 in the leaving. I didn't repeat because I got a place in NCI. Again college life got on top of me and all the new experiences seemed so much more important then my studies. I failed my repeats and left the college.

I took a year out looking for work, part-time/full-time, but to no end. I applied to hundreds of positions, desperatley hoping to get a call back. Almost everytime i wouldn't hear anything.
This was all on top of having to deal with my dads affair and my parents break up. My mam complaining that we won't have enough to pay bills. I felt like I was to blame. I knew I wasn't but I became the medium in which my mam would vent her angry. Not to mention the drinking.
It was a pretty rough time.
[/life story]

I'm sympathetic to your situation. I really am. Everyone can feel terrible sometimes.

but look at the situation you are in: You have wealthy parents, you have a brilliant leaving cert to fall back on and you are clearly an intelligent lad/lassy.

Sometimes you need to take a step back from your life and look what you've got. I know many people look down on me because I'm not in a third level degree like all my friends or have a steady job, but I know there are many others in more difficult situations.
I know I'm an asrehole for "consoling" myself with the fact that there are others worse off than me but thats the kind of thing that gets me through the day.



Chin up.

SafeSurfer

Hi OP. You are a smart guy, you have lots of potential, you have to be honest with yourself about what you want out of your life and not make decisions to please other people.
From my experience if you are feeling down, even suicidal cut out or reduce your consumption of alcohol and drugs. Go talk to a GP, they see similar situations every day in the week. They may prescribe anti depressants or refer you to a counselor. If you had a broken leg you would seek medical help, when contemplating ending your life medical help should be a priority too.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are definitely not a f*ck up. Nobody's life turns out how they expect. You are intelligent and presumably healthy you just need a little focus, set yourself some goals and strive toward them.

You could consider volunteering with an aid agency like Goal. It would be a valuable life experience, helping others would be good for your self esteem and seeing how desperate some people's living conditions are could put your life in perspective and help you realise how fortunate you are and how much you have yet to contribute and get out of life.

I wish you the very best of luck and hope things work out well for you.

foxyboxer

just shy of pharmacy in <snip> which my mother really wanted me to do (I'd kind of like to do it myself too as I have a good enough interest in the chemistry of drugs).


Your mother wanted you to do it.
Did you want to do it?

That's the issue here.

OP what are you talented at? You obviously have the capacity for study based on your details from primary and the junior cert.

There's nothing worse than studying a course you have little to no interest in.

SEANoftheDEAD

Brendog wrote: »

Sometimes you need to take a step back from your life and look what you've got. I know many people look down on me because I'm not in a third level degree like all my friends or have a steady job, but I know there are many others in more difficult situations.
I know I'm an asrehole for "consoling" myself with the fact that there are others worse off than me but thats the kind of thing that gets me through the day

My feelings exactly. Your not an arsehole either man, that perspective may seem selfish, it's not, it's only to help ye appreciate what good ye have in life ye know.

It's tuff out there for many of us, but I reckon theres enough good and positives replies in this thread and hopefully the OP can gain some clarity from it and push on from there!

Guill

Hey O)P, you're not a **** up, what you described there is called LIFE. We have to put up with it day in and day out. Don't let other peoples presumptions of what you should be doing affect you.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

I see your problem.

Why are you living YOUR life to make others content? What are you doing for YOURSELF???

To hell with your parents and their wishes. Do what makes you happy or you will forever be a slave to their happiness.

You are not a fcuk up. That's for sure.

paddyandy

I was a mess of a young fellah and the heaviest burden can be the demands that those you love have on you .My school companions passed me by flying colours in many areas but success in life has many facets .Honour is a burden and wealth and success bring their own problems . If i were young again i would tell ambition to go and take a running **** but good health and neighbours are extremely important .Chasing success burns up your best years .Look at successful lives .Always running around in circles . Happy ???? Look at the lives of successful people...i would'nt bother . ' lazy i suppose . Lifes too short but a few things are genunely important .Get them right and leave the rest ..

Waitaphobia

I know only to well the negative effect parents can have on you .. "You can choose your friends but not you family" (But google Andrew Vaachs - he believes in choosing your family, interesting!)

I've seen alot of the replies shallowly dismissing your anguish because of the money and education but I know that no amount of money can replace open supportive parenting.

I have allowed my neanderthal father hammer me down with aggressive controlling bullying and totally uneccessary negative crititism over the last 30yrs despite leaving home at 14, I finally told him where to get off on my 40th last year. No matter what I've done/do it will never be what HE wants and he's far to small minded to see outside of his own wants which is simply pub, football and cycling (he has no time for education beyond legal requirements but I began 3rd level 2yrs ago and funnily enough it helped me to see him for exactly what he is!)

Like you, I turned to drink & smoke to cope over the years but definately agree with others that it only makes things worse for you over time, they won't solve anything and you need a clear head and healthy body to develop/focus/plan your goals and ambitions whatever they maybe and I agree with paddyandy that important to include good people (your own future family, circle of true friends etc) and good health in your plan. Planning is just a suggestion that allows you to take time out for yourself every now & then to look positively to the future and remember that it's flexible and not set in stone as you don't know what unexpected opportunities will be presented to you throughout life. It's something I wish was I had been prompted/allowed to do from second level but wasn't suggested to me until recent years.

I sincerely hope your situation has improved since you posted.
You are an intelligent person with the insight to see your predicament before ending it all. Alot of good things ahead of you if you can move away from negative people/family, develop your confidence and independance and find the life that is right for you .. sooner rather than later!

Like the saying 'if only I knew then what I know now' in that a lot of people develop healthier relationships with close family when their not so physically or emotionally close to them because you can define boundaries and be selective about what you tell them (letting them know too much opens the door for them to jump on a band wagon of negative crititism in my experience)

You've made the brave step of opening your heart to the chaplain and I would recommend continuing taking positive action for yourself by making full use of your student support services (careers guidance, counselling etc), sooner rather than later because the longer your anguish continues the more it will damage you.

Take care buddy & I wish you all the very best in your future.

FTGFOP

Work on your relationship and communication with your parents. You were thinking of hanging yourself 'cause you were skipping lectures? That speaks to either your inability to broach the subject and/or perhaps your anger at being somewhat forced into a college course you didn't want to do.

Unless your parents are bad people they can't be aware of what you're feeling.

Talk to us. Talk to them. Make them understand that one college course isn't the same as any another.

And stop drinking. Alcohol is fine to relax or blow off steam every now and then but at this point it has no place in your life and it's just a way you have of putting off dealing with things.

Andy!!

I think you're very brave for posting this. I think more people than you think have considered the rope, but aren't brave enough to post about it on here. You sound like a very down to earth guy and I think there is genuine intelligence there. I think you've just not found your path yet.

Greentopia

First off-you're not a **** up, you're just unhappy and in a rut because you're being put under pressure to conform to your parents expectations.

Perhaps have a chat with a college councellor or your doctor first about how you're feeling and then pluck up the courage to sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel and that you're not happy with the course you're doing.

No point in continuing something that's making you so unhappy. The same thing happened to the son of a friend of mine-a lad about your age-and he's ended up severely depressed on medication and has decided to drop out of college this year, but he's going back in September to do a course he wants to do.

I'd echo what a few others have said here- find your passion in life-what your talent or gift is, and it doesn't matter what it is so long as you can earn enough to pay the bills-and follow it. Make it happen.

What are you good at? any hobbies that you'd love to make a living from? is there anything you've always wanted to do, any dreams you've ever had but were knocked out of you because your parents or your friends or society tells you it's not what you should be doing because-
a. you should "get a steady job"
b. get a University education, even if you didn't want it
c. you should do something that earns you loads of money and status

-because let me tell you now NONE of those things are the key to real genuine and lasting happiness in life. None.

I've been around a few decades longer than you and I can tell you from my experience that the best thing you can possibly do for yourself is to find out what your passion or vocation is and do it. Doesn't matter if you don't know it now, take 6 months, take a year off after you quit college and put all your energy into finding out what it is.
Travel to new places, have new experiences, volunteer-SafeSurfer's post had an excellent suggestion there, learn some new skills-maybe some night classes, explore what YOU want to do, not what your parents want and if they're unhappy about that and your choice doesn't meet with their approval-tell them you're sorry but it's your life and you're going to do it anyway!

Don't worry about it-you're a clever guy, you'll find a way to acheive what you want even if they cut you off and you have to survive on your own. Be as self-reliant as you can be, don't let their money influence what you do in life.

All the money in the world doesn't come close to the joy of doing something you love. I'm doing what I love as a self-employed craftsperson.
It's not a 'job' or a 'career' it's my work, my passion in life and I'd still do it even if I won the lottery. Wouldn't matter.

You mentioned Pharmacy, if that's what you think you really want to do go for it.

Life is too short to end up doing something you hate just to try and measure up to other people's expectations.

And lay off the beer, clear your head, try and stay positive (be around supportive positive people as much as you can) and make that first step to the necessary changes to find your path in life.

Good luck

Mr Benevolent

You kept at the degree to make the parents happy. Leaving the degree will probably annoy your parents, but killing yourself will REALLY piss them off.

Lay off the day time drinking. It's all about perspective and being honest with yourself and those around you.

thebigbiffo

Basically, your OP is pretty much a mirror image of my feelings when i was 20-21 (without the rich parents!). Didn't have a f'ucking clue what I wanted from life and felt like a complete waster. Here's the good news - it's natural i think, especially at this stage of your life. Dont worry so much about the future, live for now. Do what you feel will make you happy - you'll eventually fall into a life you are content with and believe me, that's the best you cann ask for.

As for your folks, they're just trying to set you on what they believe is the right path. F'uck 'em and their expectations for now - be independent, explain you have your own path to follow in life. They mightn't be happy at first but they'll come around when they realise they can't live through you.

Best of luck dude - dont go staring at any rafters again. You only have one shot at this lovely planet, dont throw it away before you get to see more of it.

Remmy

I don't know if this will help but reading that first post really reminded me of a friend of mine who committed suicide two years ago. His dad did well for himself in the fishing industry and had a few boats. My friend absolutlely loved being out on the boats working pulling in the nets, prepping the bait etc. His mam had different intentions however that he was going to be a doctor because her dad was one.

So he got sent away to a private boarding school because her dad had gone to this place and he was going too. He hated the place and kept getting himself suspended. Well that carried like that anyway through secondary school to the summer when the leaving cert results were coming out . He didn't get the points required to do medicine anywhere in Ireland and she gave him an absolute bollocking over it. He hung himself two weeks after the results were published. The biggest thing that pisses me off is that if everyone had left the chap alone to do his own thing in the first place this wouldn't have happened at all.

Sorry about the long post but OP, just do your own thing. Don't let anyone dictate what you are supposed to do with your life

Doctor_Socks

Your not a f*ck up at all OP, in fact you're stronger then a lot of people in that you seen you had a problem and went to a counselor about it! From my own experience that was the hardest part of turning my life around, just admitting to someone that I felt like crap all the time and I was fed up of everything!

You just don't like the course you picked, happens to a lot of people and its nothing to be ashamed about. It's hard to feel good when you're surrounded by something you hate, it's even worse when the people you know have huge expectations of you and ya don't want to let them down. Your parents might be mad at first but they'll be much happier once they realise that you're happy.

Remember that its your life and the direction you want to go is all up to you and no one else! Feeling like you don't have control of your own actions is horrible, drove me to the depths of my depression a while back when I was working about 12 hours a day on my postgrad work because my supervisors wanted more work from me. I thought about suicide a lot, thinking about ways that I could least hurt the people I love, I did settle on something but i'd rather not mention it here. After I spoke to a counselor, she helped me change things in my life, because of her my life is a lot better!

My best advice OP is to try and talk to your parents about it, at the very least go back to the counselor and talk more about the problem so they can help you. Just don't try to go it alone!

token101

idunnoshur wrote: »

Good evening lads, I've been feeling fairly low lately and I'd like to know what you all think of me and what I've done with my life so far.

I'll start by giving some family background. My old man milked 150 cows practically on his own on 170 acres from the age of 19 to (roughly) 30 when he married my mother, she helped out feeding calves and bringing in the cows every evening after work. In 1995 (roughly) he managed to buy another 50 acres about 30 miles from the home farm from the cash that he and my mother were earning, this farm remained rented out until 2004 when the man renting it decided to retire. My old man decided to sell this farm as land was making great money in the area for development. He out the farm up for sale and within 6 months it was sold for 11 million euro. My mother still works as an accountant and my old man drives a lorry to pass the time mostly. That's enough of the family background for now.

Next is my education so far. I've been told my mother that I was at the top of the class all throughout primary school. Once I started secondary school I stopped giving a **** about school but I still managed to get 5 As in the Junior Cert so the parents were still happy. I really stopped giving a **** about school once I hit fourth year, this is when I started smoking and drinking. I did sweet **** all throughout fifth and sixth year, when I was meant to be in after school study each day I went smoking joints with the rougher lads in the school. My leaving cert was a disaster as I expected; I got 310 points. I didn't get enough points on anything that was on my CAO form so I had no choice but to repeat the leaving.

My leaving cert results were a wake up call for me, I really put the head down for that year and I manged to get 535 points, just shy of pharmacy in <snip> which my mother really wanted me to do (I'd kind of like to do it myself too as I have a good enough interest in the chemistry of drugs). I ended up doing Civil engineering in <snip> as it was the next choice on my CAO form, I absolutely hated the first year of it but I battled through it just to keep the parents happy.

I managed to pass all of my exams but I really didn't want to go back to finish out the degree, the parents told me that I could either find somewhere else to live or go back to college, I went back for a quite life. I went to most of the lectures for the first term but since Christmas you could count on one had the amount of lectures that I've been to, instead I passed the days by playing golf and walking around the college but the parents think that I've been going to all of my lectures and studying hard.

Last Monday I just got sick **** of it all and instead of going anywhere I just stayed at home sipping away at a couple of cans each day and browsing the internet. Last Friday after a week of staying at home drinking and smoking fags I got severely fed up with life, I went down the yard to the sheds, found a rope and spent about an hour thinking would I hang myself, thankfully I decided against it in the end, I thought of all of the people that I would hurt if I did do it. Any way this Monday I went into college and spoke to one of the chaplains, I opened my heart to him and he told me that the best thing to do was to sit my parents down and tell them everything that I had told him. I still haven't gotten my head around doing this as I don't know how they'll react.

I know you'll all probably think that I'm a right ****ing idiot for telling all of this to you all but I fell that I have to say it to someone else before the parents.

That should be enough information on my life to date for you to come to some kind of a decision on whether or not I'm a **** up.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.

Yours
ids

Jesus, you need to take a bit of a step back here. Hanging yourself because you're not happy in college? Go to the UK/Scotland and do Pharmacy if that's what you want, if not pick up a brohcure and pick something else! Tell the parents the story and if the don't like it, f*ck them. Your life, do what you like. As long as you're aware of all the consequences, you can do whatever you like and don't have to answer to anyone but you. People don't like it? Well **** them, let them deal with it or **** off away. I would imagine that once you told your parents that you have gone through all that grief they'll be grand and grateful, and if they aren't, then, being honest, they aren't very good parents.

I quit college twice, parents freaked each time but once I said I was going back they were alright about it. Went to England, did my degree there and loved it. Got a fortune into debt, but never regretted it. My spastick of a GF at the time tried to talk me out of it by constantly saying I was a **** up? So guess what she got told?

Worth knowing that Scotland has no fees either.

Davidson2k9

Yes, yes you are.

full_irish

Davidson2k9 wrote: »

Yes, yes you are.

Ah there's the classic AH compassion;)

listermint

im not sure what the 11 million had to do with the story ???

toexpress

In short yes, yes you are a complete screw up.

To sort it find something you want to do and do it but stop moaning about it. Grow a pair for christ sakes

Also, don't you think you're a bit of a sap to go back to college just so you can drain your parents of funds as opposed to actually getting off your ass and earning your own money?

Also as for hanging yourself, just remember it's the final act of a very selfish person and it sounds to me like you have taken more than enough from your parents at this stage.

monkeypants

You can sit down with your parents if you like, but what exactly are you going to tell them? All your post says to me is that you don't like engineering and you're not sure about pharmacy. You need to take some time away to figure out (a) what you like and (b) what you're going to do. Once you've that figured out, then you can start to plan and only then would I recommend sitting down with your folks and talking about it. They can probably help and probably will, but the 'what with' bit needs to be worked out by you first.

SEPT 23 1989

Did someone mention 11 million euro?

Catxscotch

I think he mentioned the 11 million to rub our ffreaking noses in it...
Ur not exactly a f*ck up OP, just a bit of a waster. Perhaps your rich parents standing by make you think in your sub conscience that you don't really have to do any work as you are already pretty well set up?
As for the college, switch courses, not exactly a big deal, definitely not worth getting the rope out over. Definitely not much point of going through the hassle of repeating the leaving to just coast through a course you hate. Change courses, and approach the parents when you have it sussed out. They might be pissed but at least they will see you have some direction and not the waster you were turning in to..

curlzy

Hey OP,

If you were my brother I'd be printing off your thread and showing the parentals. Education, money etc just isn't worth hurting yourself for! Seems to me the expectations on your head are really getting you down, you need to tell the parentals to lay off. You are definately 100% not a f*ck up, 525 in the LC? With a score like that you'll never be a f*ck up. So yeah don't be so hard on yourself and stick up for yourself to the parents.

Big hug and best of luck.

biko

A lot of very good advice so far, some less nice.
If you need more advice OP post in Personal Issues, they will hep you.
Good luck