fathers rights after abondoning child 7 years ago...plz help :(

shazj

hiyas,
really hope someone can help with this one especially if they were/are going throught the same situation.

my daughter is 9, her biological father abandened her when she was 18months old, after we broke up. i brought her to his house every week for months to try and keep their relashionship going but he refused 2 c her, saying their was no point as i would not get back together with him.

i brought him 2 court several times for maintenence, also in the hope that if he was paying for her he would want 2 be a part of her life and she wouldnt miss out on a father.

the last time we went the judge insisted he apply for access while he was there, so he did and never showed up once for the court appointed time.

in the meantime i got into a relationship and my partner took her on as his own, he really is the best daddy ever. stupidly though we never told our daughter that she has a biological father who is not her daddy as i fear it would break her heart to tell her that he didnt want to see her.

anyway over 7 years later he is bringing me 2 court for access (i think he must of heard of me and partners upcoming marriage because i know him and know this is only out of spite)

does anyone think he has a leg 2 stand on in court? surely the childs welfare is the most important thing? and sending her off to some stanger wouldnt be in the welfare of the child? also forcing us 2 tell her about this man before we feel she is ready is wrong?

i am speaking 2 a solicitor soon, should i bring one 2 court?

any advice would be great thanks

Big Bag of Chips

Unfortunately, nobody will be able to give you any real advice on what might happen, as a lot will depend on the judge you come in front off.

I would guess, though that he WILL be granted some sort of access, maybe supervised, for a couple of hours once a week.. to be built to to unsupervised etc.. But it's genuinely impossible to say.

But absolutely 100% bring a solicitor with you, because you can be sure he'll bring one with him!

shazj

thanks, i no exactly what u mean, the judges ive had in the past are so different...i just cant believe this could happen after so long, im hoping the judge will see she is better off without him. i think it shows what he's really like that he can dissapear for so many years then has no prob showing up and trying 2 disrupt her life.
i never had a solicitor before in the family courts neither did he so i was afraid if i showed up with one the judge might think i was being a smartass or something or had money 2 throw around (which i dont) but judges are weird, i dont know whether i want 2 come accross vunerable or a bad ass!!

MyKeyG

shazj wrote: »

thanks, i no exactly what u mean, the judges ive had in the past are so different...i just cant believe this could happen after so long, im hoping the judge will see she is better off without him. i think it shows what he's really like that he can dissapear for so many years then has no prob showing up and trying 2 disrupt her life.
i never had a solicitor before in the family courts neither did he so i was afraid if i showed up with one the judge might think i was being a smartass or something or had money 2 throw around (which i dont) but judges are weird, i dont know whether i want 2 come accross vunerable or a bad ass!!

You better believe he'll have a solicitor. In the past he didn't because he didn't care and therefore you in turn didn't need one but I would bet the house he'll have legal council this time around.

I think you're very wrong about the Judge thinking you're a smart ass. Having a solicitor will show to the court how seriously you take the issue and how serious you are about making sure your child has nothing to do with this man until you as the responsible parent feels she is ready.

Whether his chances of success are good or not don't take his challenge for granted you have no idea how he plans to play this. Best of luck by the way.

yellowcrayon

Hi OP, from my experience in studying Law and also from personal experience, this man will more than likely be granted some sort of access.. as a previous poster said, it will probably be supervised visits of a few hour on a Saturday or Sunday.

A few years ago, my parents split, and whilst i was the oldest and had my own house so i didnt have to deal with any of it really, my younger brother and sister did. My brother is a good few years younger than me and he suffered a lot of physical and mental abuse, as well as neglect. The judge ordered that he go and live with my dad, but despite the abuse, my mother was still granted access to him once a week (although she doesnt show up).

Sometimes it just boils down to which judge you get on the day and how they see the situation. Its unfortunate, but its them who has the ultimate decision, and if he/she decides he is the biological father and deserves access then it will be given. Judges cant get their feelings involved, and so, they wont really take into account how their decision will affect your daughter.

And definitely bring a solicitor to court. From being in court, i can see that if one side has solicitors and barristers and the other side doesnt, the judge tends to listen to the side that has them more.

Good luck with it all though, its a very unfortunate situation to find yourself in.

planetX

Be prepared for the worst. I hope you get a reasonable judge, but there are some strange ones out there. It was 7 years in my case too, and he got every 2nd weekend immediately. It has been a complete disaster as far as the child was concerned.
I disagree about the solicitors, he didn't have one and was given far more time to speak. I felt like I was muzzled by having one.

shazj

thanks so much everyone, all the input has helped, unfortunatley it seems as though my first thought was right and it depends on the judge >:( wonder if theres someway to find out what judge is on that day and how 2 "play" them 4 want of a better word.........hmmmmm

yellowcrayon

You'll only really know on the day what judge is there... It says it up on the boards which judge is dealing with which section of cases i.e. family law, criminal law, etc.

If you pop in every now and then though you might see a pattern. For example, some judges only deal with family law and only work on tuesdays and wednesdays. Sometimes I do this to see who we'll get and what way to approach the situation. Also, depending on where you are and which court you go to ; district or circuit, there isnt that many judges working there.

Id recommend just popping in if you're walking by the court and make a mental note of which judge deals with family law.. usually there's only 2, maybe 3.

iguana

I know this might not be something you wish to consider but if you really believe he is doing this out of spite is there any way you can try to use that much in your favour. Tell him fine, he can see your daughter but first you need adequate time to prepare her. Explain it will be much quicker and cheaper for him than going to court and will be healthiest for the child. Tell him in a way that makes it seem you aren't upset by the thought of it and if anything are pleased (don't say anything to that effect, just let your tone make it seem as if you are fine with it). It might take the wind out of his sails and give you a bit more room to decide how to tell your daughter.

It's also worth considering that while you don't want to rush telling her, at the same time letting her know sooner rather than later might be easier on her. Children often take these things in their stride much easier than teenagers. And teenagers have more opportunities for rebellion and destructive behaviour than younger children. So if she takes it very badly the ways in which she can react to the news may be more damaging as she gets older.

CIARAN_BOYLE

Well you have to tell your daughter. At this stage that can't be avoided.

Most probably he will get some sort of access arangement so be prepared for it.

Has he been paying maintenance since you originally applied for it. Maybe you should ask for back maintenance. Sure it will be considered a separate case to him asking for access buts its an easy way of saying this man is a crappy father he doesn't even pay to support his daughter.

I would make sure you have a lawyer when you show up in court. He will definitely have one this time since he wants something.

James Jones

iguana wrote: »

I know this might not be something you wish to consider but if you really believe he is doing this out of spite is there any way you can try to use that much in your favour. Tell him fine, he can see your daughter but first you need adequate time to prepare her. Explain it will be much quicker and cheaper for him than going to court and will be healthiest for the child. Tell him in a way that makes it seem you aren't upset by the thought of it and if anything are pleased (don't say anything to that effect, just let your tone make it seem as if you are fine with it). It might take the wind out of his sails and give you a bit more room to decide how to tell your daughter.

It's also worth considering that while you don't want to rush telling her, at the same time letting her know sooner rather than later might be easier on her. Children often take these things in their stride much easier than teenagers. And teenagers have more opportunities for rebellion and destructive behaviour than younger children. So if she takes it very badly the ways in which she can react to the news may be more damaging as she gets older.

+1

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

Has he been paying maintenance since you originally applied for it. Maybe you should ask for back maintenance.

This could cost him quite a lot, given that the law on back-dated maintenance changed recently. It used to be back-dated for a maximum of 6 moths but that changed (last August I think) and it can now be back-dated to the birth of the child. I do not know the exact piece of legislation but I remember posting it here before.

EDIT: I found the link HERE.