Supermarket tantrums and nosy people

xzanti

Can anyone tell me the best and most polite way to ask strangers to mind their own business?

I was in the supermarket today and my 15 month old was having a grizzle to himself in the front of the trolly.. For no other reason than he was bored and wanted to pull stuff off the shelves.. I had given him a bottle of water and he threw it on the ground, he wasn't hungry and he was freshly changed before I left the house..

Out of nowhere comes this old Gentleman who initially just walked over and was playfully asking my Son "ah what's wrong with ya" etc which was grand, I chatted with him for a moment and told him that he was just bored and maybe a little tired, but cheers anyway.... and walked on with my shopping..

He came up to me again a few minutes later asking was he hungry or dirty maybe.. I politely said that he was fine, and just at THAT AGE.. gave him a smile and walked off..

Then he comes over AGAIN while I queuing for the checkout and starts asking my Son, in a playful voice "ah are ya thirsty little fella?..will Mammy not give ya an oul drink of juice?" at this point I was getting pretty peeved off and then, as politely as I could, laughed back "no no, he's fine, thanks anyway"... Jesus talk about drawing people attention to his wobbly even more.. I couldn't get out of there fast enough..

And then, when I was packing my stuff, he came over a FOURTH time :mad: and wanted to stand with me while I was packing, to "keep him quiet" for me.. I just told him there was no need and we were fine.. So he finally left.

I know he had the best of intentions bless him, but it's very annoying.. If there was anything really wrong with him I wouldn't be pushing him around in a Supermarket would I?

Sorry, Just needed to vent

How Strange

He was definitely persistent!

Lola92

I know what you mean, I have often had similar friendly 'advice'. I have taken a similar approach to you but thankfully have met nobody quite so persistent!

cbyrd

"oh maybe i shouldn't've stolen him from his mammy and beaten him up after we got in the high speed chase with the police before we came here" while staring pointedly .:cool: :pac: sometimes people just drive you mad :rolleyes:

Hannibal Smith

There's not much you can do...when people think they know best they just don't back off.

I absolutely hate it. My sis in law got told off in the zoo the other week because her kid kept screaming....outdoors...in the zoo! Good job the monkeys didn't pipe up she'd have had them all put down

Vego

I would have called security on the aul fella

mikemac1

Old gentleman, could well live on his own

Probably just lonely and desperate to talk to someone

iCosmopolis

Oh, sounds so much like an old guy I've bumped into in Dunnes a few times with my 12 wk old :pac: he's all about her. It's hard to try and be diplomatic when someone's interfering but trying to be helpful in their own mind. I have been practising creating a diversion to deflect the attention! Hopefully I'll have perfected it by the time she's a toddler
I find people tutting or muttering at you when babies cry or have a bit of a wobbly in the shops even worse tbh, you'd swear you were going over to their house to have them do it deliberately, or interrupting something..in a noisy public place, the nerve of us!:)

carolinespring

Maybe i am wrong but I see no harm in what the old gentleman did. He was trying to be helpful and was most lightly very lonely and delighted to have someone to talk to.

I know it was a pain i n the ass for you and it must be awful to have someone coming up to you 4 times when you are doing your shopping but makes a change from people who are just plain rude to see someone interested in a little chat with yolu and your little man.

xzanti

No, he wasn't doing any harm, and I said that in my OP

I think I worded the thread wrong.. what I really wanted to know was, how do others deal with people asking you is this, that or the other wrong with your child, when you as the Parent know your child better than anyone else.. it's just a little annoying..

Also, I was having a b1tch of a day when I wrote the thread

Lisha

I agree OP, It is very annoying when you are in supermarket, which with small kids, is an endurance at the best of times.
I seem to attract these people to me, it drives me cracked.
If the person is being genuinely nice in their intentions, I (try) to smile and say No, No the child is just bored/tired...we just need to get out of here asap and laugh (if possible) . I've found that if people see me as being calm they shag off a bit quicker.
Ive a 2 year old and a 4.5yr old so the checkout is a major stress point for me. (Normally older child is trying to climb into trolley and younger is valiently to climb out. Bread always comes home squished )
If anyone is being less then complementry towards us I try to ignore as best I can, a dirty look can speak volumes. If they are being very horrible I have asked them to HELP ME, nothing sees them off quicker.
I some times while packing bags at full speed I say kids, just a bit longer now, I know you re tired poor baby blah blah, while pointdly ignoring rude people , they can hear me and soon get the msg.
One supermarket I go to in a rural town literally teems with these friendly aould wans both male and female. I dont go there as much anymore. THere also is a shop worker there who used to hold me up for ages while chatting to kids, this always ended badly for me as kids get bored easily so I fly past her now saying to kids 'we in a hurry now cos nana s calling ' or some other such excuse she got msg eventually.
Sorry this turned a bit Too long to read.
Basically I now just say we are in a hurry, kids get cranky, smile and walk on fast.
I get a bit freaked by old men hovering over the kids too. Sad sign of the times I suppose

My friend is really strict with her kids sweet intake, one morning she had a few different errands to run but her 3 yr old son was like a weasel. She gave him a lollypop in the buggy. She in a queue some where and this old bag passing on her phone said 'I can't beleieve it I've just seen a baby in a buggy eating a pop at 11am' THe old bag does not know how lucky she was not to get shouted at. Funny how people think they invivible when on phone

lynski

I hate when strangers try to cajole children into things. i was in the supermarket the other day and a charity bag packer was asking my 2 if the easter bunny was coming and they said no, there is no such thing as the easter bunny. he insisted that the easter bunny brought the eggs and my 5 yr old told him 'no, we just bought out eggs'. He persisted with 'that extra egg you get on easter morning is from the bunny'. my 5 yr old was looking at me for reassurance at this point, and the 3yr old piped up, 'Nooo, MY mommy told ME SHE gets the easter eggs and makes the easter hunt'.
I was going to intervene, but i thought they were handling themselves well enough. what a bleeding dope though!

mine are more then well able to speak up for themselves at this point so hope that no one will try to talk them down from a tantrum, the 5 yr old might hit them ;-)

caprilicious

No advice but bless your patience!

I know he meant well and probably had the best intentions at heart and/or was lonely.
However I am a quiet person that keeps to myself, that would have been my idea of hell having a stranger approaching me like that repeatedly!

If it's any consolation my 2 year old normally invites strangers to us in the likes of doctors surgery's with her cheery 'hiya' and chatting away with them.
Grand most times, not so much when I'm feeling like muck and/or sitting there with a urine sample in my hand trying to conduct polite conversation/idle chit chat when I'd least like to!

xzanti

caprilicious wrote: »

However I am a quiet person that keeps to myself, that would have been my idea of hell having a stranger approaching me like that repeatedly!

If it's any consolation my 2 year old normally invites strangers to us in the likes of doctors surgery's with her cheery 'hiya' and chatting away with them.
Grand most times, not so much when I'm feeling like muck and/or sitting there with a urine sample in my hand trying to conduct polite conversation/idle chit chat when I'd least like to!

God, you sound just like me I generally keep to myself and try to get on with my business as quick as I can but my Son just loves to invite strangers over, he'd chatter to the walls if it would talk back lol

foxinsocks

Lynski, out of curiosity, what is your little ones' opinions of Santa Claus? What are your plans about the tooth fairy? Honestly I'm just curious.

lynski

foxinsocks wrote: »

Lynski, out of curiosity, what is your little ones' opinions of Santa Claus? What are your plans about the tooth fairy? Honestly I'm just curious.

we have santa and tooth fairy, but they are not a big deal or as small a deal as you can make santa for a 5 and 3 yr old ;-) the 5yr old has questioned the existence of both already, based on the easter bunny and on other discussions we have had about what is real and not.
I am not, as much as possible, going to lie to them, and i would prefer to tell the truth from the start, but i think growing up without santa in ireland would be a step too far.
it could be interesting if some old dear decides to talk to them about 'holy god' we will have some discussion. ;-)

foxinsocks

Ha, any religion based questions in our house are answered starting with "Well, some people believe". We have santa and the tooth fairy, but I don't consider them lies, they are make believe. I can see why some people don't do santa, but although I was devastated enough when I discovered the 'truth' about him to still remember the moment, I am still glad I had those years when the magic was real.

My daughter has Asbergers, so we had to come up with a reasonable way to explain the difference between 'lies' and 'pretend'. It forced me to think about it. We came up with the main difference: Intent. If the intention is deception for your own benefit, it's a lie, if the intention is entertainment or happiness for everyone, then its pretend. Obviously it's a pretty simplistic way to look at it, but she's 9, so it'll do for now.

Apologies for the wild veering off topic.

lynski

foxinsocks wrote: »

Ha, any religion based questions in our house are answered starting with "Well, some people believe". We have santa and the tooth fairy, but I don't consider them lies, they are make believe. I can see why some people don't do santa, but although I was devastated enough when I discovered the 'truth' about him to still remember the moment, I am still glad I had those years when the magic was real.

My daughter has Asbergers, so we had to come up with a reasonable way to explain the difference between 'lies' and 'pretend'. It forced me to think about it. We came up with the main difference: Intent. If the intention is deception for your own benefit, it's a lie, if the intention is entertainment or happiness for everyone, then its pretend. Obviously it's a pretty simplistic way to look at it, but she's 9, so it'll do for now.

Apologies for the wild veering off topic.

great explanation. and santa is such a tough one in this as it is used a behavior modifier by so many people and the some people believe is exactly what we do here, oldest is in an ET school so we are lucky.
we get a lot of questions in supermarkets to do with school as their school hours are different to the local school and my oldest boy has long hair so we are a target, thankfully he is not bothered by the 'lovely girls' comments

foxinsocks

lynski wrote: »

great explanation. and santa is such a tough one in this as it is used a behavior modifier by so many people and the some people believe is exactly what we do here, oldest is in an ET school so we are lucky.
we get a lot of questions in supermarkets to do with school as their school hours are different to the local school and my oldest boy has long hair so we are a target, thankfully he is not bothered by the 'lovely girls' comments

I wish there was a non religious school near me, but I'd have to drive like 40 minutes to the nearest one. The best I can do is keep up the 'Well, some people believe that, but that is not what I believe'.

Hannibal Smith

lynski wrote: »

oldest is in an ET school so we are lucky.
we get a lot of questions in supermarkets to do with school as their school hours are different to the local school and my oldest boy has long hair so we are a target, thankfully he is not bothered by the 'lovely girls' comments

There's supposed to be an ET school opening near us, due to be finished by 2013, just in time for when our guy starts school. Fingers crossed!