Lawncare

christ on a bike!

At the ripe old age of 29 I have become very interested in my lawn (around the house dudes)

I think it's the warm weather and the first cut with that smell in your nostrils. I don't even own the house but I'm gonna make a good job of the lawn and bask in its glory. First job is to sort out the moss, then dig a few beds.

Anyone feel this urge?

Born to Die

Nope

stupidusername

This is a euphemism, right?

I cut my grass regularly >_>

John Doe1

You OOOOOOOOOOLD:D

FearDark

Lawn/pubes joke.

Immaculate Pasta

Get yourself down to the beer garden instead. Poor showing OP

AngryBollix

I might pebble dash the weeds the next time i fall asleep in the garden drunk

christ on a bike!

Ah lads, is there a better mattress than a well kept lawn with the bees a buzzin and the birds a chirpin and the beer quite cold and the girl beside you lookin damn fine in the sun (I think women in Ireland are solar powered, the little sun we get makes them ten times hotter and a hell of a lot hornier)

It's the little things I'm telling you, create your own little Eden and be the first to sin it it too, it's f*ckin poetry

starbelgrade

John Doe1 wrote: »

You OOOOOOOOOOLD:D

You know you're definitely old when you start looking up on-line reviews of lawnmowers.

Johro

starbelgrade wrote: »

You know you're definitely old when you start looking up on-line reviews of lawnmowers.

You know you're in an economic boom when you buy a leaf blower. The shame...

FatherLen

i hate cutting the grass. i do love the smell though.

starbelgrade

Johro wrote: »

You know you're in an economic boom when you buy a leaf blower. The shame...

Especially when you don't have any leaves to blow!

Mr Benevolent

OP, your man card is up for review. Proceed with extreme caution.

DirtyBollox

christ on a bike! wrote: »

Ah lads, is there a better mattress than a well kept lawn

Yeah its called memory foam.

o1s1n

You cut your own grass?

Peasants!

stovelid

Don't kids go around offering lo cut lawns any more.

/all fields in my day

Stiffler2

This is how I do it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tNVOhtvPEw

The goat finishes the edges / corners for me....

The King of Moo

Don't bother, it's not worth it.

You'll bask in your lovely soft short grass for a day or two. So soft, so green, so fragrant! You'll love to just stand outside and look at it, even sit on the spongy, forgiving earth.

Until the first child walks past with a football under his arm.

Your heart will leap just a little, and you'll get a small rush of adrenaline, but you'll quickly calm down and realise he's just a kid walking past, he's no threat to your lawn.

But you won't really relax.

Every child you see will put you on alert. Soon, you'll find yourself occasionally standing at the window whenever you have a spare moment. After you do this a few times without realising, you'll become aware of your actions. You might laugh and tell yourself you're not becoming paranoid.

But the next day you'll be back at that window, watching to make sure no-one does anything to your precious lawn.
You'll begin to curse fine weather like this, as it will bring the children out in large numbers, with their shoes which seem so small yet seem to leave such large swathes of flattened grass in their wake!!

One day you'll come to the window and see some children out on the street playing football. You'll tense up, catch your breath.
"Relax," you'll tell yourself, "You're being silly!"

"But am I?" you'll quickly respond with. "They don't seem to care where they kick the ball, and look at how hard they hit it! If it got near the lawn..."
But you'll tell yourself to relax again, and decide to move away from the window, after just a minute more...

"THEY'RE USING THE DRIVEWAY AS GOALS!!" you scream in your head!! but no, wait... they're using next door's driveway. Not too bad, but still quite close. They could easily... THE KEEPER STOPS IT WITH HIS FOOT AND IT'S COMING THIS WAY!!... but it stays out on the footpath.
You try to breath normally. No-one takes a shot for a few minutes.
...
...
Until one of them swings his leg wildly, slices his shot across the face of the goal AND THERE IT IS, BOUNCING ON YOUR LAWN, HAMMERING DOWN THAT BEAUTIFUL GRASS YOU SPENT SO LONG ON!! AND NOW IT'S ROLLING LIKE A LITTLE STEAMROLLER OVER IT! AND THE KEEPER IS RUNNING IN AFTER IT WITH HIS HUGE, BRUTISH FEET, DOESN'T HE SEE? IT'S ALL JUST TOO MUCH TO...

AND YOU SWING THE WINDOW OPEN AND SHAKING YOUR FIST, SCREAM: "GET OFF MY BLOODY LAWN!!"

And now you're lost.

Gevie Stee

I prefer concrete, less hassle.

44leto

I hate lawn care, but it is nicer and better then cobble or concrete.

We are in the time of genetic manipulation so why don't they get the finger out and give me lawn that only grows 5cms.

Mint Sauce

So we are still talking about actual lawns?

Thread disapoints.

WIZE

The King of Moo wrote: »

Don't bother, it's not worth it.

You'll bask in your lovely soft short grass for a day or two. So soft, so green, so fragrant! You'll love to just stand outside and look at it, even sit on the spongy, forgiving earth.

Until the first child walks past with a football under his arm.

Your heart will leap just a little, and you'll get a small rush of adrenaline, but you'll quickly calm down and realise he's just a kid walking past, he's no threat to your lawn.

But you won't really relax.

Every child you see will put you on alert. Soon, you'll find yourself occasionally standing at the window whenever you have a spare moment. After you do this a few times without realising, you'll become aware of your actions. You might laugh and tell yourself you're not becoming paranoid.

But the next day you'll be back at that window, watching to make sure no-one does anything to your precious lawn.
You'll begin to curse fine weather like this, as it will bring the children out in large numbers, with their shoes which seem so small yet seem to leave such large swathes of flattened grass in their wake!!

One day you'll come to the window and see some children out on the street playing football. You'll tense up, catch your breath.
"Relax," you'll tell yourself, "You're being silly!"

"But am I?" you'll quickly respond with. "They don't seem to care where they kick the ball, and look at how hard they hit it! If it got near the lawn..."
But you'll tell yourself to relax again, and decide to move away from the window, after just a minute more...

"THEY'RE USING THE DRIVEWAY AS GOALS!!" you scream in your head!! but no, wait... they're using next door's driveway. Not too bad, but still quite close. They could easily... THE KEEPER STOPS IT WITH HIS FOOT AND IT'S COMING THIS WAY!!... but it stays out on the footpath.
You try to breath normally. No-one takes a shot for a few minutes.
...
...
Until one of them swings his leg wildly, slices his shot across the face of the goal AND THERE IT IS, BOUNCING ON YOUR LAWN, HAMMERING DOWN THAT BEAUTIFUL GRASS YOU SPENT SO LONG ON!! AND NOW IT'S ROLLING LIKE A LITTLE STEAMROLLER OVER IT! AND THE KEEPER IS RUNNING IN AFTER IT WITH HIS HUGE, BRUTISH FEET, DOESN'T HE SEE? IT'S ALL JUST TOO MUCH TO...

AND YOU SWING THE WINDOW OPEN AND SHAKING YOUR FIST, SCREAM: "GET OFF MY BLOODY LAWN!!"

And now you're lost.

**** I am getting old


* Quickly glances out the window

RichieC

It's a patch of ****ing grass.

Snowie

RichieC wrote: »

It's a patch of ****ing grass.

I'm sorry its not just a patch of grass thats what inherently wrong with people, gardening does some things it cause's things like bumble bees ( which are in decline ) as del as other insects and animals to wonder in and provide a habitat, garden are great you can make the smallest plot of land into a place thats relaxing and peaceful

If you own a house and have a big green patch in the from and out the back you should hang your head in shame because theres tons of nice things you can do to a garden with some work and then one summer you can sit back satisfied with there 2 years of hard landscaping you've done..


Gardening requires work lots f it but the rewards are awesome :cool:

SEPT 23 1989

Lawn and Me V Kids,Dog and 10ft Trampoline

Never-ending battle:(

earpiece

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Lawn and Me V Kids,Dog and 10ft Trampoline

Never-ending battle:(

I feel your pain.:(:(

Snowie

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Lawn and Me V Kids,Dog and 10ft Trampoline

Never-ending battle:(

one reason why id never have a dog or id train the dog to **** in the litter tray thats out side its ****ing rotten **** all over the garden ick