Friday Funnies

MonkieSocks

The beautiful Executive Assistant to the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client.

The client out of the blue asks her to marry him.

Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback.

However, she remembers what her boss told her. Don't reject the guy outright.

So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.

So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions.

First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara."

The Taiwanese man pauses for a while.

Then, he nods his head and says "No problem! I buy. I buy."

Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man,

"I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York.

As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."

The man pauses for a while.

He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, then he calls some brokers in France.

He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."

Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one.

She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition.

She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like to have sex, I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch penis."

The man seems a bit disturbed.

He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table.

All the while, he's muttering something in Chinese.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head, looking real sad, says to the woman, "I cut. I cut."
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A local business was looking for office help and put up a sign saying: "HELP WANTED.

Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual.

We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.

He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager.

The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least.

However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.

Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter.

He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer.

The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spread sheet and database and presented them to the manager.

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded!

He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities.

However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."


The dog looked at him and said, "Meow."