Set Standards Too High for New Moms

Morag

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/03/120313121723.htm

Research Shows 50 Years of Motherhood Manuals Set Standards Too High for New Moms

ScienceDaily (Mar. 13, 2012) — New research at the University of Warwick into 50 years of motherhood manuals has revealed how despite their differences they have always issued advice as orders and set unattainably high standards for new mums and babies.

Angela Davis, from the Department of History at the University of Warwick, carried out 160 interviews with women of all ages and from all backgrounds to explore their experiences of motherhood for her new book, Modern Motherhood: Women and Family in England, 1945-2000.

She spoke to women about the advice given by six childcare 'experts' who had all published popular books on the best way to raise a baby. Ranging from the 1940s to 2000, the authors were Frederick Truby King, John Bowlby, Donald Winnicott, Benjamin Spock, Penelope Leach and Gina Ford.

Dr Davis found although the advice from these experts changed over the decades, the one thing that didn't change was the way it was delivered. Whatever the message for mothers, it was given as an order with a threat of dire consequences if mother or child failed to behave as expected.

Dr Davis said: "Despite all the differences in advice advocated by these childcare 'bibles' over the years, it is interesting that they all have striking similarities in terms of how the experts presented their advice. Whatever the message, the advice was given in the form of an order and the authors highlighted extreme consequences if mothers did not follow the methods of childrearing that they advocated.

"Levels of behaviour these childcare manuals set for mothers and babies are often unattainably high, meaning women could be left feeling like failures when these targets were not achieved. Therefore while women could find supportive messages within childcare literature, some also found the advice more troubling."

During her research Dr Davis often spoke to women who were different generations of the same family. She found when reflecting back upon the changes that they had seen from when they were babies, to when they had their own children, and then watching their children raise their own families, they were still unsure of what had really been the best approach.

Dr Davis said: "I was struck by the cyclical nature of these childcare bibles, we start out with quite strict rules laid down by Frederick Truby King, whose influence is very much evident in the 1940s and following decades. The principal thread running through his books are that babies need strict routines. We then find the advice becomes less authoritarian and regimented as we go through the decades and the influences of Bowlby, Winnicott, Spock and Leach.

"However, when we reach the 1990s when Gina Ford came to prominence, we come back to the strict regimented approach of Frederick Truby King several decades earlier. More than 50 years on and experts still cannot agree on the best way to approach motherhood, and all this conflicting advice just leaves women feeling confused and disillusioned."

I have to say I am not surprised, too many of those books just were about best practice under ideal situations and they certainly didn't help when you've started to suffer from post natal depression. Once your meeting the babies needs, and finding what works best for your family and how you live your life that is what matters.

Rosy Posy

I definitely just dipped in and out of them, trying to find stuff that best suited my situation at the time and disregarded the rest. My cousin gave me 'What to Expect, the First Year' when I was pregnant and I had to get rid of it because it was making me paranoid. I don't think that its limited to books either, I found that people are always trying to tell you how to parent and the best thing that I learned was to filter out the nonsense and develop a thick skin.

Lola92

The only parenting book I have ever read is the anabel karmel weaning books! I do what feels right and natural to us, ask parents or friends (or boards!) for anything else and that suits us fine for now!

Sleepy

My fiancée, knowing how I can be a bit anal about doing things "correctly", actually asked me not to read any of these books when she was pregnant and tbh, I think it was the right decision.

I think we can all recognise the successes and failures of our parents in our own upbringings and the effects these have had on our lives. The Philip Larkin poem 'This be the Verse'' we studied in Junior Cert came back to me strongly when I became a father. While I'm trying to mimic the successes in my parents' raising of me and avoid some of the mistakes I can recognise, I'm sure I'm making my own mistakes as a father (and hopefully having some of my own successes too).

Like you say, Sharrow, once the child's needs are met and the parent(s) are genuinely doing their best, I don't think it's anyone's place to criticise.

liliq

Good to read.
I haven't read any of those peoples books apart from dipping in and out of Gina Ford, or whoever is being talked about in the media, more to realise how ridiculous they are than anything else.

There is,and shouldn't be, a "parenting manual", a one size fits all solution. The notion is quite simply stupid, in my opinion.

When we get a bit older, we celebrate our differences. Why are kids expected by "experts" to all behave the same way?!
So many things wrong with those books!

cynder

Never read a parenting book never will, find my own feet, make my own mistakes and not the make the ones my parents made....

Every child is different and cant be painted with the same brush or book for that matter.

Abi

I've mixed feelings on these, but my opinion about them would be that parents long before us didn't need them. Some basic tips from your mother and you were thrown into the deep water, and made it through with healthy children.

The way I see it is, nowadays if a woman goes looking for a book and it offers her some kind of comfort or advice, then fine.

I will say however, books produced during the 'celtic tiger' would have been written in times where there was more expendable income, which need to be revised. They need more economical takes on parenting. I know for one, when my mother was bringing us up there was no such thing as blending organic veg and traced meat. Parents will always will always want the best for their children of course, but the down turn has parent turning to cheaper produce and made to feel bad for doing so.


Take a little from what the books tell you, if it gives you some comfort, but don't forget the times that most of us were brought up in which have never done us any harm. Think about it.

Sleepy

Abi wrote: »

I will say however, books produced during the 'celtic tiger' would have been written in times where there was more expendable income, which need to be revised. They need more economical takes on parenting. I know for one, when my mother was bringing us up there was no such thing as blending organic veg and traced meat. Parents will always will always want the best for their children of course, but the down turn has parent turning to cheaper produce and made to feel bad for doing so.

I'm pretty certain I've read that the "benefits" of organic veg are extremely over-estimated. Healthy food including plenty of non-organic veg can be made extremely cheaply with a little bit of time and fore-planning (e.g. planning meals for the week and shopping accordingly: buying a 3 pack of peppers knowing which dish each will be used in etc.). By planning ahead, not only can you get all your shopping in the cheapest store rather than having to pop to the corner shop for a missing ingredient, it also leads to far less waste which will further help stretch your cash.

pwurple

Oh crikey that is dead right for the gina ford one anyway. My copy was fecked out the bedroom window at 3am some night.

The dr spock one I hang onto though, for medical bits.