How's your social life since becoming a parent?

How Strange

We're very fortunate because my man had my brother when she was 40 and has always minded kids including my nephews for weekends so it's nothing for her to mind our son for a night. However I was very reluctant until we finished breastfeeding. We had a weekend away in November which was bliss and a night out last month; my man took our son overnight on both ocassions. We're going out tonight and my mother in law is taking him overnight so fingers crossed it goes ok.

Honestly we couldn't afford to go out more than once a month but it's great to go for a nice dinner and a few drinks and not be woken up at 6.30. Otherwise we might go to the cinema ocassionally or I might meet friends after work.

We're both in our late 30's and did all our going out abd partying so now we're quite content to sit in most nights. However I do think it's important for your relationship to get out together every so often and just be a couple again.

Special Agent Oso

me and my wife would only go out now maybe every 6 weeks or so tbh. I use to love gong out on the lash all day saturday and maybe even the sunday with the boys watching the football but now thats a big no-no and to be honest, i dont miss it. The days of me going out on the lash are over, instead we might go to the cinema or a have a bite to eat and a few drinks but nothing to serious. The hangover the next day now is unbearable and i dont feel its fair on our kids to be curled up in a ball on the sofa dying trying to fob them off to mickey mouse on tv, but if the little rugrats granny and grandad are about and are in no rush the next day, i think me and the mrs deserve a good ol' drink sometimes as well - just to get the notion out of our heads if nothing else

Jess16

nesf wrote: »

I couldn't agree more, but the reason I don't go out drinking anymore is exactly the above! A two year old bouncing up and down on top of you is not the best way to wake up with a hangover...

No, I'd imagine it's not but I think that investing in a little time out alone as an adult makes you more capable to cope with the everyday demands of bouncing two-year olds -so perhaps the hangover is simply a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain

eviltwin

It was fine with one child but since number 2 its pretty crap but that might be recession related. Even with no kids I would have a pretty lousy social life at the moment.

But I don't mind.

I was out with friends last week and I found it really tiresome going round clubs in my 30's. I do still get out but I tend to be looking to do things other than drinking till 3am.

nesf

Jess16 wrote: »

No, I'd imagine it's not but I think that investing in a little time out alone as an adult makes you more capable to cope with the everyday demands of bouncing two-year olds -so perhaps the hangover is simply a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain

Eh, there's more to social lives than drinking was more my point!

Das Kitty

nesf wrote: »

Eh, there's more to social lives than drinking was more my point!

Jesus yeah. I actually have better nights out when I don't drink.

cynder

Jess16 wrote: »

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No, I'd imagine it's not but I think that investing in a little time out alone as an adult makes you more capable to cope with the everyday demands of bouncing two-year olds -so perhaps the hangover is simply a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain

I don't know, my personal view is that 2 patents should not be drunk or hungover when they have kids to take care of. It the babysitter is staying over night or is up in the morning fare enough. My own personal view is a parent should be able to care care of their kids if they are plastered and their is a fire the patents would be in no fit state to get the kids or themselves out of the house.

This is due to my dad being an alcoholic and fell asleep drunk one night with the chip pan on. The chip pan went on fire, We could have been killed!


Also if the 2 parents are hungover who is going to take care of the kids? Do the breakfast, and mind them? Or do they get left to their own devices?

I have very strong views on getting drunk so much do 9 years ago when my husband moved in with me I told him he wasn't to come back drunk, he has done about 5 times in those 5 years, I wasn't going to live in a realtionship with alcohol being drank regularly.

You can have a good relationship and social life without alcohol and hangovers and to be honest I think it sets a good example for the kids, I'm not saying Saying dont drink at all I'm saying don't get drunk, or drink enough to give yourself a hangover. Everything in moderation.

Personally I would prefer one of us be able to drive the car, meaning only having 1 drink with the meal or none at all....

My kids are now 12, 6 and 5 I don't need a hangover, for me to enjoy their company...

An hour or 2 out of the house without the kids but doesn't need to be focused on booze.

At the end of the day whatever floats your boat,,, kickboxing is floating mine at the moment, I love it...

pwurple

It depends what you call a social life... It is certainly different. We take turns to get out. My mam babysits, but you don't want to abuse that. So we get out together maybe once a month. He plays sport three evenings a week, so i kind of make it my business to also get out once or a week so I am not a hermit. Even if one of those is doing the groceries!

We try to have people over to us once or twice a month.

Ends up with us barely seeing eachother is the only thing.

cbyrd

We go out separately and then every now and and again we'll manage a night out together.. i have an amazing friend who will take them from about 5pm the night we're going out til the following afternoon..or even an extra night so a bit of a hangover's not a problem.. although 2 drinks is enough to give me a hangover.. i'm not used to it anymore :eek: :eek:we have my brother's wedding inn Donegal the weekend after next.. i can't wait for 2 nights uninterrupted sleep i do think it's very important to spend time together as a couple without kids.. otherwise when they've all moved out (hopefully) we won't know each other

Jess16

nesf wrote: »

Eh, there's more to social lives than drinking was more my point!

Oh I'm sorry, I took you up wrong as I thought you'd said the prospect of having a hangover whilst taking care of a toddler was exactly why you didn't go out anymore. But yes of course there's more to socialising than drinking, it wasn't what I was referring to at all until you mentioned it.

My only point is that there's more to life than parenting too and in an attempt to become the best parent, it's often easy to lose sight of that. Obviously priorities and preferences change with the arrival of a child but that shouldn't mean that adult pursuits are always last on the agenda.

EDIT: @ Grindlewald, um I'm not quite sure why you're counteracting points I haven't made suffice to say I agree with yours. -J

cynder

Jess16 wrote: »

nesf wrote: »

Eh, there's more to social lives than drinking was more my point!

EDIT: @ Grindlewald, um I'm not quite sure why you're counteracting points I haven't made suffice to say I agree with yours. -J

No one has to agree with me, it's my own personal choice. It's up to each family unit, I have a few friends who put a lot into their social life more than what they do with their family life, that's their choice, it's nothing to do with me. The kids are missing out a little but they are not neglected or abused.

I don't want to come across as you have to be like me, you don't. if someone wants to be drunk 4 nights out of 7 it's their choice. They may have a great social life, if that's what floats their boat, it's their life!

ash23

I'm a single parent. My daughter is 9. When she was smaller and I was in a relationship we used to go out once a month together, usually to the cinema and dinner. His mother babysat.
We'd go out separatly once in a while aswell.

Since becoming a single parent my social life is fairly hectic. I have babysitters in the shape of 2 grannys and my niece (16), my friends son (16) and my cousin (16) so I tend to rarely be stuck for sitters.
I go out every other weekend usually and I also have friends over to my house for a few drinks on occasion.
I get to go away for weekends with the girls now and then too.

It is much easier when they're older.
I don't find it easy to date though because even though I get out a fair bit, my time without my daughter is very limited (once or twice a month) which makes it hard to get time to build any sort of a relationship and I'm not really into letting people meet my daughter unless I'm sure it's a serious relationship.
I've had relationships but none have gotten to the stage of being introduced to her yet.

scholar007

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Hannibal Smith

When we had the first it was pretty easy. We have 2 sets of grandparents so they would take him for a night and we'd enjoy the very odd night out. We never took advantage of it though. But now we have two and the youngest is still quite small, we haven't been out together since he was born, but we have been out separately and either my husband or I would do the babysitting. Not every week or anything but we do have some resemblance of a social life still, it's a little different than it was before though. It's rarely nights in pubs and more meeting in parks/playgrounds calling over to others for dinner/lunch kind of thing.

I couldn't leave them with a stranger to babysit. It sounds funny, because I was a babysitter when I was a teenager and would mind lots of the local kids. But I just wouldn't let anyone I didn't know look after them.

quad_red

Non existent.

Neither of us are from Dublin so we have no family support here which is a pain.
Having a baby has really highlighted to us how isolated we are. And with the economy in the ****ter, we really don't have much option to move to where she's from.

In regards to a social life, I look at my father in law and other guys with active vibrant social lives, great hobbies (golf etc) and wonder how?

Then the answer comes to me: you can only do this if one partner (ie. the woman) takes on 90% of the parenting responsibilities.

You live the dream - she takes care of the kids.

Sleepy

Or you can split them and have half a social life each. Head out every third week with the lads whilst she goes out every third week with the girls and you stay in together / get a babysitter for the other third weekend.

Similarly for golf etc, nothing stopping you going out for a round every second weekend whilst she pursues one of her interests on the alternating weekend / other day of that weekend.