Controlling boyfriends/girlfriends

steddyeddy

LilyCricket wrote: »

where are her parents in all this?

ff sakes

Sorry for the reply both parents are dead unfortunatly. She lost them at an early age and she has no brothers or sisters

LilyCricket

steddyeddy wrote: »

Sorry for the reply both parents are dead unfortunatly. She lost them at an early age and she has no brothers or sisters

That is awful, God love her.

I can't believe the amount of people saying that to let yourself be controlled makes you an idiot.

It's called being CONTROLLED for a reason. You have no control over it yourself.

It's also not an insecurity thing. In my experience of being controlled, and from what I've seen of it happening to people I know, the person starts off being pretty popular, loud, sociable, and it's almost like it's those very qualities about them that makes their boyfriend jealous. I'm sure plenty of insecure people get controlled, but I really think it's ridiculous that some people here are blaming the person who slowly gets broken down into a scared wreck.

The controller, however, is most definitely insecure. And idiotic, and at fault. Not the other way round.

JohnMarston

I've known a few guys like that, controlling their girlfriends with intensity. But then when they are alone with just the guys they talk about other girls they know and "giving them one"

Thing about it is they think theyre entitled to act that way because the ego of guys like that are so bloated.
It made me so sick at one point that i started making excuses not to associate with them

LilyCricket

true-or-false wrote: »

I can't believe the amount of people saying that to let yourself be controlled makes you an idiot.

It's called being CONTROLLED for a reason. You have no control over it yourself.

It's also not an insecurity thing. In my experience of being controlled, and from what I've seen of it happening to people I know, the person starts off being pretty popular, loud, sociable, and it's almost like it's those very qualities about them that makes their boyfriend jealous. I'm sure plenty of insecure people get controlled, but I really think it's ridiculous that some people here are blaming the person who slowly gets broken down into a scared wreck.

The controller, however, is most definitely insecure. And idiotic, and at fault. Not the other way round.

Spot on

SunnyDub1

Your friend is one silly girl.
She will realise in the future that she made a big mistake.
I have friends like that to extremely annoying but there no telling someone when they are in "love"

Grayson

Dudess wrote: »

While there's nothing wrong with expressing concern to your partner if they're getting very overweight and to encourage them to live more healthily, that guy was just being a bullying, humiliating dick. If she was so huge, she was likely heavy when they met anyway, and hung up about it - jackpot to someone who likes to control and belittle.

Unless he'd had to go through hours of her whinging about her size. I'd be pissed off at that stage of she ordered a foot long. Of course he could be a bacstard. But I don't know enough so I'm not going to judge.

TeddyTedson

People will say **** like that annoys me ect because we're all here on the internet and pretending to very open about things and all that crap when really a lot of are very right wing nut jobs in real life (I'm not saying everyone but definitely most)
The truth is though you have to rule a partner with an iron first or else they stray, it's just human nature. Perhaps we just love them too much.

orchidsrpretty

TeddyTedson wrote: »

People will say **** like that annoys me ect because we're all here on the internet and pretending to very open about things and all that crap when really a lot of are very right wing nut jobs in real life (I'm not saying everyone but definitely most)
The truth is though you have to rule a partner with an iron first or else they stray, it's just human nature. Perhaps we just love them too much.

Isn't that what most abusers say,? I'm doing this because I love you so much.........

Born to Die

TeddyTedson wrote: »

People will say **** like that annoys me ect because we're all here on the internet and pretending to very open about things and all that crap when really a lot of are very right wing nut jobs in real life (I'm not saying everyone but definitely most)
The truth is though you have to rule a partner with an iron first or else they stray, it's just human nature. Perhaps we just love them too much.

Teddy I hope you are kidding here

Nah I know you are.

You are, ya?

Answer me!!!!!

suicide_circus

steddyeddy wrote: »

One of the smartest girls in my college

Negative.

TeddyTedson

orchidsrpretty wrote: »

Isn't that what most abusers say,? I'm doing this because I love you so much.........

only in the soaps and that though I think.
I'm just putting the other side of the argument out there. I don't always agree with myself.
For the record I'm (Teddy) an absolute gent and would/have never hit a woman even after several occasion women have been smacking the face off me.
Besides you can do a lot more damage mentally as well If you know what you're doing.

superstoner90

I had a gf that dident want me to talk to my mate and his gf (a fat ugly bird) becouse my mate and his gf, wanted to know everything. I broke up with my gf as it wasent fair on her. I then stopped talking to my mate and his gf. I told them I moved to canada.

TeddyTedson

Born to Die wrote: »

Teddy I hope you are kidding here

Nah I know you are.

You are, ya?

Answer me!!!!!

I remember a lot of people right here on boards actually saying they'd hit a woman if she hit them first. Not Teddy. I was surprised by the amount of people will to actually hit a woman right here on the internet.

MugMugs

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Born to Die wrote: »

Teddy I hope you are kidding here

Nah I know you are.

You are, ya?

Answer me!!!!!

I remember a lot of people right here on boards actually saying they'd hit a woman if she hit them first. Not Teddy. I was surprised by the amount of people will to actually hit a woman right here on the internet.

Id hit a woman in the uterus but NEVER on the internet.

Born to Die

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I remember a lot of people right here on boards actually saying they'd hit a woman if she hit them first. Not Teddy. I was surprised by the amount of people will to actually hit a woman right here on the internet.

I remember that thread, shocking bunch of hard men in AH.

Agreed with you, but if you ever take as much time to respond to my post again, I will bitch slap you off this thread and home. You are constantly talking to strangers and you know this is not allowed.

TeddyTedson

Born to Die wrote: »

I remember that thread, shocking bunch of hard men in AH.

Agreed with you, but if you ever take as much time to respond to my post again, I will bitch slap you off this thread and home. You are constantly talking to strangers and you know this is not allowed.

..and still, I wouldn't hit you back:)




see what I did there?:P

Mr.Biscuits

It wasn't until I was peering out the window at her throwing my dart board in the skip that I realised things had gone too far. When she came back in and up the stairs I had it out with her and told her enough was enough and how I was going to my own man from now on. That I needed her permission for nothing. That I wasn't going to be a push over no more and that she should find herself another door mat if that's what she wanted but she seemed pretty pissed off with that and refused to uncuff me. I think she got the message though, kinda.

LilyCricket

TeddyTedson wrote: »

People will say **** like that annoys me ect because we're all here on the internet and pretending to very open about things and all that crap when really a lot of are very right wing nut jobs in real life (I'm not saying everyone but definitely most)
The truth is though you have to rule a partner with an iron first or else they stray, it's just human nature. Perhaps we just love them too much.

You have said a lot there

Very insightful

Born to Die

TeddyTedson wrote: »

..and still, I wouldn't hit you back:)




see what I did there?:P

Do not back chat me!!

Born to Die

LilyCricket wrote: »

You have said a lot there

Very insightful

It is quite insightful alright.
I am honestly shocked that he wrote that considering he is such a pushover IRL.

Internet alter-ego at play.

Born to Die

Mr.Biscuits wrote: »

It wasn't until I was peering out the window at her throwing my dart board in the skip that I realised things had gone too far. When she came back in and up the stairs I had it out with her and told her enough was enough and how I was going to my own man from now on. That I needed her permission for nothing. That I wasn't going to be a push over no more and that she should find herself another door mat if that's what she wanted but she seemed pretty pissed off with that and refused to uncuff me. I think she got the message though, kinda.

Did you ever get the dart board back?

LilyCricket

Born to Die wrote: »

It is quite insightful alright.
I am honestly shocked that he wrote that considering he is such a pushover IRL.

Internet alter-ego at play.

Worse than that...

LilyCricket

TeddyTedson wrote: »

only in the soaps and that though I think.
I'm just putting the other side of the argument out there. I don't always agree with myself.
For the record I'm (Teddy) an absolute gent and would/have never hit a woman even after several occasion women have been smacking the face off me.
Besides you can do a lot more damage mentally as well If you know what you're doing.

You do not have to, abuse is more than just physical.

steddyeddy

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

Your friend is one silly girl.
She will realise in the future that she made a big mistake.
I have friends like that to extremely annoying but there no telling someone when they are in "love"

Its really annoying. Even hearing her speak is disturbing. She thinks her only destiny in life is to marry him. I would seriously love to knock him out!

Born to Die

steddyeddy wrote: »

Its really annoying. Even hearing her speak is disturbing. She thinks her only destiny in life is to marry him. I would seriously love to knock him out!

Do it, or at the very least pull him on it while she is present. It might be the catalyst for her seeing him for what he really is.

TeddyTedson

LilyCricket wrote: »

You do not have to, abuse is more than just physical.

I alluded to that in my post!

Born to Die wrote: »

It is quite insightful alright.
I am honestly shocked that he wrote that considering he is such a pushover IRL.

Internet alter-ego at play.

What? Are we friends in real life?
What languages do I speak...:cool:

johnr1

Every second one of the girlfriends I've had over the years has told me a story of being controlled by a previous boyfriend, usually their first serious one, he's usually a few years older, and usually not highly successful with women his own age. It's all too common.
One of my female friends, - not an ex of mine, describes herself as having had 6 years of her life 'stolen' from her. I know the guy, and when she finally got the courage to give him the heave-ho, he just moved on to another much younger version of her, to whom he's done exactly the same thing. Married now I believe, - isn't her life fun don't ya think......
At age 36, I had a woman try that crap with me, and tbh if I was 20 to 25, it might have worked, as it was it took me 6 months to work out what she was doing, and why we were constantly quarreling despite me trying my best not to.
Those b*stards, male and female deserve eternity alone, but they rarely get it unfortunately.:mad:

Born to Die

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I alluded to that in my post!

What? Are we friends in real life?
What languages do I speak...:cool:

Not telling :P

You blouse you. (hint)

LilyCricket

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I alluded to that in my post!

Yes?

And do you think that is OK? Mentally abusing someone?

TeddyTedson

Born to Die wrote: »

Not telling :P

You blouse you. (hint)

If you can name the language I speak I'll believe you other than that I'm calling BS:D:p

LilyCricket wrote: »

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I alluded to that in my post!

Yes?

And do you think that is OK? Mentally abusing someone?

Well, no.
But people are probably do it sub consciously all the time.
It's not as black and white as a storyline in a soap now is it.

Born to Die

TeddyTedson wrote: »

If you can name the language I speak I'll believe you other than that I'm calling BS:D:p

And ruin my fun, no way.

TeddyTedson

Born to Die wrote: »

And ruin my fun, no way.

Dies ist nicht die wahrheit:P

LilyCricket

TeddyTedson wrote: »

If you can name the language I speak I'll believe you other than that I'm calling BS:D:p

LilyCricket wrote: »

Well, no.
But people are probably do it sub consciously all the time.
It's not as black and white as a storyline in a soap now is it.

Ruling someone with an iron fist, because if you don't they will stray

sounds like a soap plot to me

Born to Die

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Dies ist nicht die wahrheit:P

I know, nothing is true on the internet.:)

TeddyTedson

Born to Die wrote: »

I know, nothing is true on the internet.:)

I might not even be a real person. Just a program running here on boards to generate more chat. A badly written program however.

LilyCricket

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I might not even be a real person. Just a program running here on boards to generate more chat. A badly written program however.

With your views on this particular topic, I hope not.

Born to Die

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I might not even be a real person. Just a program running here on boards to generate more chat. A badly written program however.

That would mean you have no soul :eek:

TeddyTedson

LilyCricket wrote: »

With your views on this particular topic, I hope not.

I think you've misunderstood where I was coming from on this matter tbh.

Call Me Jimmy

Dudess wrote: »

I know a few - male and female. It's easy to say they're idiots but you don't know 'til you're caught up in that situation. I love how the badmouthing here isn't directed at the controller but at their target.

I agree but I'd say the reason is because it's so obvious that someone who controls someone like that is a bastard. I don't have strong feelings for either of them because they are concepts to me but they have a symbiotic relationship, both with equal self esteem issues. The only difference is that one seeks to control and the other seeks to be controlled.

Shryke

LilyCricket wrote: »

With your views on this particular topic, I hope not.

There's no need for that. His tongue is firmly in his cheek. He's a very well meaning guy from what I see of him on boards, and he has a sense of humor as do we all I hope.
You're a bit new hear by your post count so welcome to AH. Expect a lot of stupid comments. You'll be able to tell the idiots from the rest in short time but for the record Teddy seems an OK sort. And OK is so not an endorsement! But really I think you're grabbing the wrong end of the stick there.

Dudess

Grayson wrote: »

Dudess wrote: »

While there's nothing wrong with expressing concern to your partner if they're getting very overweight and to encourage them to live more healthily, that guy was just being a bullying, humiliating dick. If she was so huge, she was likely heavy when they met anyway, and hung up about it - jackpot to someone who likes to control and belittle.

Unless he'd had to go through hours of her whinging about her size. I'd be pissed off at that stage of she ordered a foot long. Of course he could be a bacstard. But I don't know enough so I'm not going to judge.

Still no excuse for humiliating her in public though.

TeddyTedson

Shryke wrote: »

There's no need for that. His tongue is firmly in his cheek. He's a very well meaning guy from what I see of him on boards, and he has a sense of humor as do we all I hope.
You're a bit new hear by your post count so welcome to AH. Expect a lot of stupid comments. You'll be able to tell the idiots from the rest in short time but for the record Teddy seems an OK sort. And OK is so not an endorsement! But really I think you're grabbing the wrong end of the stick there.

Ah, now I feel bad


When I say things like "maybe we love them too much" it's not by accident.
Of course I'm not condoning any form of abuse be it physical or mental.
But I'm just pointing out that people aren't going to come one here and say they are all for controlling their other half.
These people probably don't realise they're doing it to be fair.
People won't just say they are all for it unless they're doing a spot of trolling.
It would be like having a thread asking is stealing right. We all know the answer to what's being asked so you're ending up with a thread with people all in agreement.

I was seriously surprised though on that other thread about how many people said they'd hit a woman if she hit him first. Bit of a shocker that one.

Shryke

I was disgusted by that other thread. I actually really hated AH for a bit. I know there's sound people on these forums but that was so out of order.
It comes up a bit but sometimes I have to wonder if some people on here ever leave the house or talk to other people with the way they carry on. And then of course there's always the question of whether it's trolling. But even when it is I have to wonder if that kind of stuff is coming from somewhere.
Sure, trolling can be a laugh but ffs I would hope that people have enough sense as to know when to do it. Because it's the internet doesn't mean that you can or should act like a tool all the time, you just won't get punched in the face or ostracized if you do.
Having said that 99% of what comes along is just a bit of fun and I enjoy a laugh. Why am I ranting anyway? God knows why I'm posting this either. *drinks wine*

TeddyTedson

Shryke wrote: »

I was disgusted by that other thread. I actually really hated AH for a bit. I know there's sound people on these forums but that was so out of order.
It comes up a bit but sometimes I have to wonder if some people on here ever leave the house or talk to other people with the way they carry on. And then of course there's always the question of whether it's trolling. But even when it is I have to wonder if that kind of stuff is coming from somewhere.
Sure, trolling can be a laugh but ffs I would hope that people have enough sense as to know when to do it. Because it's the internet doesn't mean that you can or should act like a tool all the time, you just won't get punched in the face or ostracized if you do.
Having said that 99% of what comes along is just a bit of fun and I enjoy a laugh. Why am I ranting anyway? God knows why I'm posting this either. *drinks wine*

You're right.

If something you're reading online is a bit suspect you should just dismiss it.

Gummy Panda

What other thread?

Mountainlad

KeithM89 wrote: »

Dont know anyone but was in Subway one day and there was a couple in front of me, guy behind the the counter asks the girl what she wants, she says 'il have a footlong', bf butts in angrily 'no she'll only have a six inch' he whispers her something, gf apologises to him then continues on ordering.

Maybe he was trying to keep her romantic expectations realistic...

TeddyTedson

Gummy Panda wrote: »

What other thread?

I forget what the thread was exactly but a lot of guys were saying they'd punch a woman if she hit him first. :eek:

Mr Benevolent

Ooops wrong thread.

TeddyTedson

Confab wrote: »

People are ostracized on Boards - just look at what happened to Flutt. Proper order too.

What do you mean look what happened to Flutt?