Controlling boyfriends/girlfriends

Mr Benevolent

TeddyTedson wrote: »

What do you mean look what happened to Flutt?

Never mind, wrong thread.

herisson

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I forget what the thread was exactly but a lot of guys were saying they'd punch a woman if she hit him first. :eek:

some of my guy friends are like that......i cant tell ya the amount of bruises ive had because of them!
they argue that if women are equal then they deserve a punch if we hit them first
ive known these guys for years they would never ever hit a girl out of sheer anger and they would never a girl first....i know that is a bit hypocritical
they do it jokingly and if one of us is seriously hurt and in pain they do everything in their power to make us feel better!

TeddyTedson

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

some of my guy friends are like that......i cant tell ya the amount of bruises ive had because of them!
they argue that if women are equal then they deserve a punch if we hit them first
ive known these guys for years they would never ever hit a girl out of sheer anger and they would never a girl first....i know that is a bit hypocritical
they do it jokingly and if one of us is seriously hurt and in pain they do everything in their power to make us feel better!

Ah yea playing around it totally different isn't it.
I mean to actually punch someone out of anger or even if a woman slaps a man, it's not acceptable for the man to hit back.

R.D. aka MR.D

johnr1 wrote: »

Every second one of the girlfriends I've had over the years has told me a story of being controlled by a previous boyfriend, usually their first serious one, he's usually a few years older, and usually not highly successful with women his own age. It's all too common.
One of my female friends, - not an ex of mine, describes herself as having had 6 years of her life 'stolen' from her. I know the guy, and when she finally got the courage to give him the heave-ho, he just moved on to another much younger version of her, to whom he's done exactly the same thing. Married now I believe, - isn't her life fun don't ya think......
At age 36, I had a woman try that crap with me, and tbh if I was 20 to 25, it might have worked, as it was it took me 6 months to work out what she was doing, and why we were constantly quarreling despite me trying my best not to.
Those b*stards, male and female deserve eternity alone, but they rarely get it unfortunately.:mad:

Sometimes I avoid AH because it annoys me but this post is worth all the crap.

It is horrible to say that the person who lets themselves be controlled is an idiot.

It's like having some one slowly convince you that you are insane. It's great that there are so many people convinced that they could resist some one slowly picking away at them day by day. It's not like the person is horrible to you all the time either, that's how it works!

Abusive relationships aren't like how they portray them in soaps, all shouting and bitch slaps. It's waaaaaaaaaay more complicated.

Grayson

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Sometimes I avoid AH because it annoys me but this post is worth all the crap.

It is horrible to say that the person who lets themselves be controlled is an idiot.

It's like having some one slowly convince you that you are insane. It's great that there are so many people convinced that they could resist some one slowly picking away at them day by day. It's not like the person is horrible to you all the time either, that's how it works!

Abusive relationships aren't like how they portray them in soaps, all shouting and bitch slaps. It's waaaaaaaaaay more complicated.

happened to me too. And it wasn't even controlling as in bossy, just constant attention needing and guilt tripping. I found myself six months later realising this.

When I look back at the whinging and guilt tripping and how she knew exactly how to manipulate me, I cringe at thinking I allowed it to happen and never saw it earlier.

Grayson

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I forget what the thread was exactly but a lot of guys were saying they'd punch a woman if she hit him first. :eek:

I have mixed feelings about that. It's wrong to hit a woman. It's how I was brought up and I do believe it. It's also wrong because of the physical size difference. For a lot of guys, it'd be similar to hitting a child.
But I hate the fact that a woman can hit a guy and get away with it.

Would it be wrong to pay another girl to hit her?

herisson

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Ah yea playing around it totally different isn't it.
I mean to actually punch someone out of anger or even if a woman slaps a man, it's not acceptable for the man to hit back.

ah yea i get ya...

hitting out of sheer anger is different.. thats just a whole new form...

it is wrong but on both parts.....people are not punch bags and they should not be treated as such no matter what gender....

FinnLizzy

I was an over protective bf in my first long term relationship. I wasn't the psychological or physically abusive type like much of the other posts. It was more of a belief that I had to spend as much time as possible with her.

A lot of that mentality was brought on by another friend who still hasn't changed with regards to attitudes towards women (in his last relationship, he wouldn't talk to other girls, provided she did vice versa).

He made me feel that her friends were trying to keep us apart, and that if she was having fun without me, there was something wrong (yeah, stupid 15 year old me).

It was so bad, that when she went to a disco that I didn't get tickets for, I blew off my friends that night and stayed home waiting to text her when it was over, and begrudgingly looked at pictures from the night on Bebo the next day.

When she dumped me, I hadn't a social life to go back to. I had actually seen her every day.

I was very nice to her, but my god was it unhealthy.

Now I enjoy every moment away from my current gf as much as I do with her.

amacachi

Adhamh wrote: »

I know this isn't quite the same thing, but I have a friend who is actually really submissive and unsure of himself and in any relationship he's been in, the girl walks all over him- not because they're controlling naturally, but rather his absence of any 'backbone' allows this behaviour to develop over the few years, and these girls wouldn't have ended up like this with someone else.

More than one girl has said to me about a mate of mine that they'd not go near him because he's too much of a walkover. Funny thing is they're also the types who end up being very controlling in relationships, almost like they want a challenge or something rather than starting with someone submissive.

steddyeddy

amacachi wrote: »

More than one girl has said to me about a mate of mine that they'd not go near him because he's too much of a walkover. Funny thing is they're also the types who end up being very controlling in relationships, almost like they want a challenge or something rather than starting with someone submissive.

So true so many people I have heard say this about the oppisite sex end up seeking control.

sunnyjo41

if anyone out there with controlling gf or bf or partner get rid end of - they will never change. You have been warned/told

Carlos Orange

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

some of my guy friends are like that......i cant tell ya the amount of bruises ive had because of them!
they argue that if women are equal then they deserve a punch if we hit them first

Simple rule of thumb applicable to all genders, if you don't want to be hit back then don't hit first.

Missmiddleton

I haven't seen my best friend socially in months thanks to her attention grabbing, controlling boyfriend. I don't know who i'm more angry at, him or her.

Sardonicat

Missmiddleton wrote: »

I haven't seen my best friend socially in months thanks to her attention grabbing, controlling boyfriend. I don't know who i'm more angry at, him or her.

don't be mad at her. I can understand your dismay but don't let anger cloud your feelings for your friend.

Let her know you will be there for her no matter what, whenever and wherever she needs it. It might not make sense to her now but at some point in the future it will. Stay in her life, she needs you.

gordon_gekko

Grayson wrote: »

I have mixed feelings about that. It's wrong to hit a woman. It's how I was brought up and I do believe it. It's also wrong because of the physical size difference. For a lot of guys, it'd be similar to hitting a child.
But I hate the fact that a woman can hit a guy and get away with it.

Would it be wrong to pay another girl to hit her?

a sizeable number of vindictive women exploit the traditional tabboo of men never hitting women , some women will really stick the knife in with thier acid tongues , safe in the knowledge that they are pretty sure of thier immunity

steddyeddy

steddyeddy wrote: »

One of the smartest girls in my college..........

Is there not thousands of people in your college?

Meow_Meow

sunnyjo41 wrote: »

if anyone out there with controlling gf or bf or partner get rid end of - they will never change. You have been warned/told

Unfortunately I think I need to heed this advice...

I've been dating a guy recently, and it all began with me feeling as if I needed to be particularly careful about what I said or posted on facebook. Perhaps it was because of the quite sizable age difference (8 years), but something about him made me feel very self conscious about my behaviour. He frequently told me that what I just said was unacceptable to him, chastising me like a child and rephasing it in a way which was 'more appropriate'. He recently brought me to a work function, sitting beside me in silence for the majority of time. I got along very well with his work colleagues and enjoyed their company. When we arrived back to his place afterwards he literally analysed the events of the entire evening, telling me that "well, if it was ME... I wouldn't have said x, y, z" and "I don't think it was wise to tell this story, but that's just ME..." and saying that he "didn't believe that they will judge him based on my actions, but that I could only embarrass myself" -- basically, he made me feel like a stupid child.

At the moment he's gone travelling, but I just... want to feel like he can stop this and we can move past it... I tried to tell him that I didn't appreciate being lectured and treated like a child, but he acts astonished when I even mention it...

_petulia_

OP, to be honest your friend sounds like she is feeble minded. I'd never let a boyfriend order me to jack in a course. That's pathetic.

I don't have any friends who are ordered about by their partners but if I did I wouldn't stand for it. Being a friend, I'd try my damnedest to make sure what was in my friend's interests was what happened.

steddyeddy

Nina_G wrote: »

OP, to be honest your friend sounds like she is feeble minded. I'd never let a boyfriend order me to jack in a course. That's pathetic.

I don't have any friends who are ordered about by their partners but if I did I wouldn't stand for it. Being a friend, I'd try my damnedest to make sure what was in my friend's interests was what happened.

Ive said it to her again and again shes a lot more intelligent than me and im still here. She doesnt have to study yet gets 90% in maths tests :eek:. The boyfriend probraly recognised this and went into insecurity mode!

_petulia_

steddyeddy wrote: »

Ive said it to her again and again shes a lot more intelligent than me and im still here. She doesnt have to study yet gets 90% in maths tests :eek:. The boyfriend probraly recognised this and went into insecurity mode!

Yeah clearly he is very insecure, it's a sad situation, I hope she sees sense though.

--LOS--

orchidsrpretty wrote: »

Isn't that what most abusers say,? I'm doing this because I love you so much.........

This is true, telling you that they love you while on the other hand treating you like sh!t. I've tried to explain to someone like that before that they couldn't possibly love me or they wouldn't treat me like that, that's not love, fell on deaf ears ofc.