The Thread of Sex Adventures

IrishGeordie

Come on now, the lights are off (or on, who knows), there's a nice set of arms and legs thrown into the mix. Perhaps a chandelier or two, perhaps some wine?

But, jokes aside. This is the thread for sex adventures, where you can detail all the strange sides of the act, from crazy one night standers to dreadfully dreadful partners.

And so we begin....

I once brought a bird back who was into Lord of the Rings in a big way, and made me dress up as Frodo. She had Gollum bedsheets too, and also started screaming what I can only fathom was 'Elvish' mid-act. It was unnerving. I was out of there in a flash, back to my much cooler life of Internetzing.

Mr Benevolent

There's no point, every story here will be a complete lie.

galwayrush

So OP, you're a midget with hairy toes?

im invisible

*I put on my robe and wizard hat*




EDIT post 1999, better make the next one a good one

Tonto86

Confab wrote: »

There's no point, every story here will be a complete lie.

Wats even more annoying is the growing collection of self appointed killjoy police

some random drunk

I've mentioned it on here before, but I once went back to this girl's house after a night out and went to the bathroom. Came back out and she was breastfeeding her child in front of me. Her child was 5 years old!

mardybumbum

some random drunk wrote: »

I've mentioned it on here before, but I once went back to this girl's house after a night out and went to the bathroom. Came back out and she was breastfeeding her child in front of me. Her child was 5 years old!

She was trying to get rid of you.

Johro

Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 2
?
And now this.

Mr Benevolent

Tonto86 wrote: »

Wats even more annoying is the growing collection of self appointed killjoy police

Buzz Killington, that's me.

some random drunk

mardybumbum wrote: »

She was trying to get rid of you.

Nope, we still got it on.

Jesus Shaves

I have an invisibility cloak, when i put it on, the sex adventures begin

al28283

IrishGeordie wrote: »

I once brought a bird back who was into Lord of the Rings in a big way, and made me dress up as Frodo. She had Gollum bedsheets too, and also started screaming what I can only fathom was 'Elvish' mid-act. It was unnerving. I was out of there in a flash, back to my much cooler life of Internetzing.

This didn't happen and nobody here thinks it did

SunnyDub1

Friend of mine went back to a lads house last week , went to have sex with him , the lad started dry humping the **** out her after about 5 mins he gets off her and says "I enjoyed that" she got up and realised he had spunked himself and it was coming threw his jeans.

She then left straight away

im invisible

some random drunk wrote: »

Nope, we still got it on.

and the kid?









post 2000

GHOST MGG2

a friend of mine went back to some girls apartment and during the night got up to goto the bathroom...
He went inside and took a tumbler of water from the tap..
next morning your wan is screaming cos she cant find her expensive contact lenses that she left in the tumbler beside the sink...gas:D

Gummy Panda

I had sex with a girl and we snuggled afterwards. I was big spoon. I like snuggling.

The end

some random drunk

im invisible wrote: »

and the kid?









post 2000

She was put to bed in her own room. Obviously we didn't get it on in front of her.

Sky King

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191&page=1

/ Thread

My name is URL

I remember having sex one time. I hope to do it again some day.

hairyprincess

some random drunk wrote: »

I've mentioned it on here before, but I once went back to this girl's house after a night out and went to the bathroom. Came back out and she was breastfeeding her child in front of me. Her child was 5 years old!

Oh no, not another breast feeding bashing thread

The child had to be fed, what did you expect her to do? :eek:

some random drunk

hairyprincess wrote: »

Oh no, not another breast feeding bashing thread

The child had to be fed, what did you expect her to do? :eek:

Maybe cook something or get something from the fridge? You know, the way most parents would feed their 5 year old child.

Meauldsegosha

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

Friend of mine went back to a lads house last week , went to have sex with him , the lad started dry humping the **** out her after about 5 mins he gets off her and says "I enjoyed that" she got up and realised he had spunked himself and it was coming threw his jeans.

She then left straight away

No your mate watched Bad Teacher with Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake because that is a scene from that film.:)

amacachi

How long til a story that involves a clear rape?

BopNiblets

Define "clear"...

Jesus Shaves

some random drunk wrote: »

Maybe cook something or get something from the fridge? You know, the way most parents would feed their 5 year old child.

did you take the other breast?

Snowie

i don't have any sexcapades

Mickey Dazzler

I went out one night with the misses at the time and proceeded to drink too much. Came home and barely got a lob on and had to thumb it in. After a few moments she said "get off me ye useless prick" so I rolled over and passed out.

I woke up at around 06:00am only to find myself pissing myself. Completely soaked. Terrified of what the missus was going to say I suddenly had a brain wave. I jumped over her and proceed to nudge her onto the side of the bed I had just soiled. Delighted with my stroke of genius I dozed back off to sleep. I awoke around 10:00 to see my lady looking around bewildered. I said "oh Jesus baby do you have an accident? You poor thing, you must be morto."

I said "don't worry baby it will be our little secret".

I'm such a ledge.

amacachi

BopNiblets wrote: »

Define "clear"...

When it happens you'll know.

Defiler Of The Coffin

I had sex once with a bird with nice long legs and a good long neck. It was an ostrich.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Mickey Dazzler wrote: »

I went out one night with the misses at the time and proceeded to drink too much. Came home and barely got a lob on and had to thumb it in. After a few moments she said "get off me ye useless prick" so I rolled over and passed out.

I woke up at around 06:00am only to find myself pissing myself. Completely soaked. Terrified of what the missus was going to say I suddenly had a brain wave. I jumped over her and proceed to nudge her onto the side of the bed I had just soiled. Delighted with my stroke of genius I dozed back off to sleep. I awoke around 10:00 to see my lady looking around bewildered. I said "oh Jesus baby do you have an accident? You poor thing, you must be morto."

I said "don't worry baby it will be our little secret".

I'm such a ledge.

what was that you were saying about pubic and civil servants again?

some random drunk

darokane wrote: »

did you take the other breast?

It was offered to me but I declined....until both breasts were freely available.

I have another story. A couple of years ago I met a girl online and agreed to go on a date. She was from Belfast and I'm from down south so we agreed to meet in a town near the border. So I meet up with the girl and we go to the cinema. Its a nice sunny day so the cinema is practically empty. We sit in the back row and hold hands, then start kissing, then it leads to more and eventually she sits on my lap and we do the business. Coming out of the cinema afterwards I was praying they didnt have CCTV in there. Date over, I got back on the bus and headed back home. We texted each other a few times, but never did meet again. It was a very brief but certainly memorable encounter.



*She was obese and smelt of chicken curry but I usually don't mention this bit.

corktina

Defiler Of The Coffin wrote: »

I had sex once with a bird with nice long legs and a good long neck. It was an ostrich.

Yeah? more likely a Cockatoo.:rolleyes:

smcgiff

mardybumbum wrote: »

She was trying to get rid of you.

That was no kid - it was Frodo aka irishgeordie

Defiler Of The Coffin

corktina wrote: »

Yeah? more likely a Cockatoo.:rolleyes:

A cockatoo?! That's perverted! What the hell is wrong with you?

I accidentally the whole fleshlight.

cloptrop

Caught my younger brother watching gay porn , I was so disgusted I bent him over and proceeded to horse him out of it right there screaming is this what you want you homo. Thatll teach him to stay straight .

cassel16

We were having it out in the kitchen.... long story short, she went at me mickey with a cheese grater.

Speedsie

cassel16 wrote: »

We were having it out in the kitchen.... long story short, she went at me mickey with a cheese grater.

Ah, yes, the old 'Lioness on the Cheesegrater' position, so beloved of the ancient Greeks.

holystungun9

Gummy Panda wrote: »

I had sex with a girl and we snuggled afterwards. I was big spoon. I like snuggling.

The end

Did you cry too?

Gummy Panda

holystungun9 wrote: »

Gummy Panda wrote: »

I had sex with a girl and we snuggled afterwards. I was big spoon. I like snuggling.

The end

Did you cry too?

No. I fell asleep. She said I snored but I say they were sleep growls.

AckwelFoley

Ive been a virgin since I got married

The Snipe

Sex is fun. I want to have sex. I wander if that hooker is out of prision yet?

Fiona

I went home with a fella one night, he said he was 'doing security' for two houses that were being built on Glasnevin Ave a good couple of years ago.

Fell out of the taxi and went around the side of the house to the back. There might have been a bit of a 'racket' ( ) going on outside before we made it into the house via the back door.

The 'activites' followed on inside in the hall and then there was a flash light coming in via the front door, somebody called the Garda to report a disturbance

There were no blinds on the window, I hope I didn't scar them for life :o

Kidchameleon

some random drunk wrote: »

I've mentioned it on here before, but I once went back to this girl's house after a night out and went to the bathroom. Came back out and she was breastfeeding her child in front of me. Her child was 5 years old!

That would be a major turn on for me.

Seriously

Jen Pigs Fly

No thanks I'm fine

Potential-Monke

I remember when i was in the Free Clothes Association, i was after breaking up with my missus, and we went off to the range for the day. We were all 16/17. After the day, we all got off in the local village, and decided to get some booze. There was 5 lads and 4 wimmen. We got the booze, and i convinced the brother to let us drink in his house, he fooked off with the missus and kids to allow us some peace.

So we immediately began with spin the bottle, and one of the girls had to strip down. "Rules" were made after that, which meant no immediate stripping. Boo. So each spin of the bottle, if it landed on the opposite sex it started with a kiss, then a kiss and a feel of boob, or a quick flick/pull. Clothed lapdance was next.

This went on for a while, then a few left, and it was down to me, another lad and 2 girgils. After a while and down to the underwear. Yurt! It was so heading towards a happy ending when *DING DONG* and the brother returns home. Scramble to put back on the uniforms, and that was the end of that...

Never, in my life, have i had so many tugs when i got home!

HenryChinaski

That moment right at the end of a devil's threesome where me and my mate made eye contact when both of us were just after popping on her tits was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life.

Also had a bird once with one boob significantly bigger than the other. Has anybody ever seen that before because it freaked me out? But not enough to stop me from taking care of business.

I'm partial to a bit of rimming.

ToddyDoody

Confab wrote: »

There's no point, every story here will be a complete lie.

for the record, i've never posted a lie here. (I also dont get too many thanks) thats all i really want to respond to but now i have to add a mediocre story.. Probably aged three when me and the girl neighbour discovered the fun of spreading mr freezes (the cheap icey treat) over each other's bare bodies. I nearly passed out from the sensual delight

Cavehill Red

She was half-Greek, half-German, doing her year's study abroad in Ireland. For some reason she took a shine to me in the bar, and I brought her home. Flatmates were briefly warned no shenanigans as I was on a (rare) promise, and we retired to my pit boudoir.

I'm not proud of what happened, not proud at all. It just sort of slipped out. I didn't mean it to. I never meant to cause any offence. After all, we were in my bed, and about to be intimate.

But when she removed her top, even though I knew the obvious answer, I just blurted it out: 'Why do you only have one tit?'

Somewhat astonishingly, we still had sex, once she'd stopped crying and explained about her cancer hell and subsequent mastectomy. I had no problem keeping my eyes on her face the whole time.

Royal Irish

I met a girl out clubbing in Bangkok. We exchanged numbers and a couple texts and a few days later she called round to my room.

She had a bag with her as if she was going to stay over night, which I was cool with.

But she went into the bathroom with the bag and came out wearing thigh high leather boots, leather bra with small chains hanging from it, a fecking leather whip in hand, and no knickers, and just a big erect penis pointing straight at me. :eek:

suicide_circus

Nice.