Facing an imminent breavement

RangeR

Hi all,

This is a little different from the norm in here but I would appreciate any advice. My maternal gran is, we think, on her very last days. She is in her mid 90's, has led a very active life but started to go downhill within the last 5 or so years. As with the on set of old age, the sight, hearing, balance etc started to go.

Within the last two weeks, she got drastically worse. Within the last three days she got even worse.

We had a priest out yesterday, as is her way.
We asked one of our local doctors to come out. He was "unavailable" and it was mentioned we should bring her to casualty. We are not going to let her die on a trolley, in a hallway.

She is currently in one of our houses as we want her to have her last few days / weeks living with dignity. She is not in any pain or discomfort, although she only wakes for about 30 seconds every 10 minutes. We keep her as hydrated as we can. She hasn't lost speech but she can only whisper one or two words each time she wakes.

My question is, and this is something my mother asked me about last night.

We know, this is a natural death. There is nothing untoward going on. When the inevitable happens, we do not want her body violated.

• At this stage, what is the best course of action to minimise the possibility of a post mortem?
• If we get a doctor to visit every few days to document her deterioration, will that be enough?
• Is there a process of notifying An Garda so they are aware of what's happening and can investigate, if they deem needed, BEFORE the fact?
• Anything else?

banie01

Hi RangeR,
1st off let me offer my support(even if only via a bulletin board) to you for the tough road you and your family are facing.
Its never easy to say goodbye to a loved one, and no matter how long they have been with us its only natural that we always want them to have a little bit more time and put off the last goodbye.

There is some great info on the process of registering a death here
In particular with your family's hope to avoid a post mortem, this can probably be avoided if

A doctor must be satisfied about the cause of death before he/she can certify it. If he/she didn't see the deceased at least 28 days before the death occurred, or if he/she isn't satisfied about the cause of death, he/she must inform a Coroner who will decide if a postmortem is necessary. If the deceased died as the result of an accident, or in violent or unexplained circumstances the coroner must be informed. There may be a delay in registering a death where a postmortem is carried out.

The important thing here is that if your Gran is under continuing medical from her GP or community care team and there are no other contributing factors that need investigating, then the likelihood of a post mortem and the stress that brings is reduced.

Be sure that you and your family engage with your local community health nurse, the help and assistance offered by these folks is invaluable particularly in situations such as yours.

RangeR

Thank you for that. There is a lot of useful information in that link.

NIMAN

I lost my own gran recently, she was in a very similar medical situation you described.

In the end, the family were sort of happy that she went. She was more or less unconscious for large parts of the day, and when awake didn't know where she was, or who we were. She had dementia and in a nursing home.

Also lost my father-in-law a few months back, again health deteriorated very quickly and died at home with his family but no post mortem or anything as his ill health was well documented and he was getting regular visits from GPs and health professionals.

I wish you all well, and may your gran find peace when her time comes.

The Big Red Button

I've no practical advice for you, sorry.

But I do empathise with how difficult it is, knowing that someone you love is terminally ill.

I was walking home from work this evening, and I got a call from my mother, asking if I was alone and if I was OK and could I talk. She sounded upset. I assumed you was going to tell me that my father, who has terminal cancer, was dead. Turns out she was only worried about a feckin phone bill or something! :rolleyes:

I do understand that, right now, it's (in a way) easier to focus on the practicalities of the situation. But do allow yourself to grieve, too.

Is there another local doctor that you could contact, who could inform you of the practical stuff involved? One less thing for you to worry about? I assume any medical professional in the area could give you the information you need ...

RangeR

Thanks all. She was taken into hospital yesterday, about 4pm. She is doing ok. It appeared that she was jaundice. Calling an ambulance was the best thing.

She is comfortable, not in any pain. We are keeping a family member by her side at all times. The hospital wasn't keen on this [as she is still in A&E] but they agreed to our wishes.

The hospital staff are great but they can't be with her all the time. She is mid 90's with dementia. Change scares and distresses her. A familiar face [if such a thing exists] will be her only comfort.

RangeR

RIP Rachel Hackett who died, aged 92, peacefully at 8:15pm 28 May 2012, at home with her family. Mother to three, grandmother to more and great grandmother to many. Loved, respected and treasured by all.

She had a good, active, healthy life. In the 30+ years that I've had the pleasure to have known her, she was never sick [or just didn't let on]. She was always upwardly mobile. She even went to Thailand for a holiday with the active retired, about 10 years ago. She saw some Ladyboys and was more amused than shocked

Some of you may have known her. She worked in the Kylemore Bakery, inner city Dublin. She started in North Earl Street in 1973 and soon moved to the Henry Street branch, alternating between the two as needed but spent most of her time in Henry Street. I believe that she won many awards for service during her time, but I don't have any details on them. Unfortunately, when she started, she lied about her age. Not sure why. This meant that she served an extra 4 years by skipping the mandatory retirement age of 66, that the company had. She was finally requested to retire at the grand old age of 70. She was devastated. She was healthier at 70, than most of us could dream to be at 40.


Mothers Day, 2010.

dory

RangeR wrote: »

Unfortunately, when she started, she lied about her age. Not sure why.

Well I know in India many of my students lie about their age to make them seem younger. They say it's in case they get a government or any good job so that they can keep going longer as pensions aren't much at all. They figure if anyone gets a good job they should work in there as long as they can because they may be one supporting the rest of the family. I don't know about Ireland but it could have been the case that 70 or so years ago people were afraid of being poor in old age so thought they should work longer.