Horrible things you've done under the influence

Gillo

begrandshur wrote: »

Vomiting.
Pissing off balconies and all over someones kitchen when i couldnt get into there bathroom.(disgusting i know)
Saying completely innapropriate things.
Threating to stab people with a 8mm knife??
Eating almost anything i find.

8mm ain't going to do much damage.

TwoBirds

Went on a session at UCD once, around their campus accommodation area. Very inebriated, I knocked on some poor student's door begging to use their bathroom, to which they reluctantly agreed. Went to the loo, puked my ring up in their toilet, then brushed my teeth using one of their toothbrushes. Thanked them for their hospitality and made a swift exit before they realized!

Asked a girl if she was adopted, because I'd heard my parents talking about it once (I barely knew the poor girl).

Got sick in a girl's handbag at a house party, and blamed someone else.

Wrote some awful graffiti on the wall of a pub toilet about an ex-boyfriend.

Along with all the usuals, obviously - puking, insulting people, telling secrets, kissing inappropriate people, falling over and the like. There are alot more stories that I don't care to remember!

mackg

cojomo2 wrote: »

Do I know you?

Maybe? Is the guy in question from Tralee?

SerialComplaint

Fallen asleep naked on the bathroom floor, and being woken by my elderly mother to put me back into bed. I can distinctly remember the what-seemed-logical-at-the-time thought along the lines of "I'll just lie down here for a little rest now".

Grayson

I woke up in work. I have no idea why. It was 7am. I just went home.

forfuxsake

I studied in the US. On the first night out I went to a nightclub and was amazed to witness a hot body contest in which girls from the bar stripped off on stage to nothing to try and win $1000. Anywayz I managed to pull the winner somehow using drunken Irish charm and accent. Was invited back to her place. Got into the car with her and her friends.. Forgot she was in the competition, proceeded to talk about the aforementioned competition and what dirty bitches I thought the girls were for stripping off in public. The car stopped at the gas station and I was sent in for cigs. They drove off leaving me penniless, hammered, no idea where I was, I didn't even have the address of the college.

It took me 36 hours to find my way home, without food or water. I had to sleep the next night in a park and arrived home at lunchtime the day after the next day.

Wattle

Crashed my car twice in the space of three months while hammered drunk. Second time I did it the same garda arrested me. He says: 'What you again'?
Bit of a low point but enough of a catalyst to make me quit booze. That was nine years ago. A horrible experience but enough to make me look at myself and say no more.

admiralofthefleet

i shouted soup all over a mates pool table after skulling 6 cans of cider when i was about 15

Gummy Panda

Lads, riding your mates girlfriend isn't cool.

That's bad form

Smeggy

When I was in Australia I went to see the New Years Eve fireworks display over the Harbour Bridge. .. I basically fell onto the ground and missed the entire thing because I couldn't lift my head or sit up
Few days before that I bought a new camera, lost it the same night I bought it due to drunkeness :mad:

I also fell down a full flight of stairs one time in a nightclub and didnt damage myself !

I have a habit of puking out windows when I'm hammered... Dont care whose window or where I am, if I'm too drunk I need air and vomit!

Yeahhh me and vodka have had good times but I don't get that drunk any more

cavan4sam

oh where do i start ????

removed every door from its hinges at a house party

danced of the roof of a tractor with a double barrelled shotgun (no cartridges though )

put my mates hand in a bowl of warm water at a party he was asleep at ... the end result is him kicking the sh1te out of me the next morn with his p1ssy pants

HenryChinaski

I can confess to having done a lot of horrible sh*t when drunk but these are some of the things I'd be particularly ashamed of:

- Pissing at the bar while waiting for service and puking into pint glasses
- Pissed in a bird's fridge after shagging her and when I realized what I was after doing I pulled a runner from her gaff
- Threw a kebab off the windscreen of a taxi
- Threw a cup of coffee off the window inside a McDonalds
- Grabbed a bird's handbag that was under a table in a pub and puked in it
- Sleepwalked into my brothers room and pissed on him while he was asleep in bed
- Ate a donor kebab and taco fries, puked on the table, walked down the road and got a footlong out of subway

Kevwoody

Went to a mates house when I was 15 and drank a 3 litre bottle of Lindon village with a half bottle of vodka mixed in it, think I was tryin to impress his cousin and her mate who were up visiting from limerick

Anyway after snogging the cousin I felt a bit ****ty but didn't wanna look like a wimp so I went out and threw up all over the driveway

Came back in and the two dolls were spooning coffee out of the jar into my mate to sober him up!!

Good times

Tigger

New years eve 1994-1995I had not pulled and I wanted someone to kiss when the snouty started so I got my self molested By a chubby albino, she tried to eat my mouth. Acually giggddy

That was 18 years ago feels like 4

HenryChinaski

Just got reminded of the time I came home on Christmas Eve, decided to make a massive ham sandwich, and then accidentally left it out for the dog. I got a sack of coal that year!

A_Sober_Paddy

On many occasions when I was out on a college night, I'd end up making out with girls and forgetting about it...not such a big deal.

But when some of these girls where in my course it kinda got a little awkward:o

suicide_circus

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i shouted soup all over a mates pool table after skulling 6 cans of cider when i was about 15

You shouted soup? That is a truly beautiful piece of imagery, well done man

TwoBirds

Oh God, just remembered another tale from the halcyon days of frequenting Quinns in my first year at college. Drunkenly wandered outside clutching a JD and Coke, met a handsome young chap and entered into conversation while leaning against a car. Next thing, I felt someone beside me taking a hold of my drink, and woe betide anyone who dared to try and steal any alcoholic beverage of mine! So I promptly whipped around and knee'd the offender right in the crown jewels, and was about to deliver a slap to the face when he grabbed my arm and twisted it behind me. Turns out it was actually a bouncer who was reprimanding me for taking a glass outside. I sobered up pretty quickly when he held my arms behind my back and threatened to frogmarch me over to two nearby Gardai for "assaulting" him.
I recall it was actually quite a scary experience at the time, I'm not usually one for kicking gentlemen in the goolies, even while under the influence.

Duff

S'pose I may add a few to the thread.

Got sick in my jacket pocket one night when I came home. Hung it up and forgot about it for a few weeks.

Fell out my bedroom window onto a load of flower pots while trying to piss out of said window.

Got completely naked and slept UNDER my tent at Oxegen 2006.

Destroyed a mates pool table whilst trying to pole vault over it with a pool que.

Did press-ups in the middle of a T junction only to be met by a squad car.

I'll finish up with locking a mate in my garden shed one night during a house party I was throwing. Forgot all about him until the next morning when I was putting the dog out and heard him hammering on the shed door.

I tend to stay away from vodka nowadays.

Motorist

TwoBirds wrote: »

Turns out it was actually a bouncer who was reprimanding me for taking a glass outside. I sobered up pretty quickly when he held my arms behind my back and threatened to frogmarch me over to two nearby Gardai for "assaulting" him.
I recall it was actually quite a scary experience at the time, I'm not usually one for kicking gentlemen in the goolies, even while under the influence.

You do know that assault is use of force of the threat of use of force.

TwoBirds

Motorist wrote: »

You do know that assault is use of force of the threat of use of force.

I don't deny that I did assault him, I used quotation marks purely to indicate the terminology he used. It's not my proudest moment!

MaxSteele

Xmas eve last year, was in the local from 2 in the afternoon with the aul fella. Basically arseways by the time the club upstairs opened at 8, proceeded to start sweeping entire tables of drink onto the floor and slipping face first on the drink i had spilled.

Quality night

Lima Golf

I stayed out all night on a ridiculous bender...shot after shot after puke after shot... was due in work at 7am...hadn't been to bed and was still very drunk. In my drunkenness and sleep deprived state I decided to bring a blanket and pillow to work for a kip, thinking no one would notice if I disappeared for an hour or two.

Walked in the door and I was met by my supervisor in the hall, drunk head on me, last nights hair and make up, pillow under one arm, fleecy blanket under the other.

He says "it's one thing to accidentally fall asleep in work, it's another matter when you come prepared"

He took it well though, sent me home without a bollocking...that I can remember..!

Smidge

Lima Golf wrote: »

I stayed out all night on a ridiculous bender...shot after shot after puke after shot... was due in work at 7am...hadn't been to bed and was still very drunk. In my drunkenness and sleep deprived state I decided to bring a blanket and pillow to work for a kip, thinking no one would notice if I disappeared for an hour or two.

Walked in the door and I was met by my supervisor in the hall, drunk head on me, last nights hair and make up, pillow under one arm, fleecy blanket under the other.

He says "it's one thing to accidentally fall asleep in work, it's another matter when you come prepared"

He took it well though, sent me home without a bollocking...that I can remember..!

Thats one forgiving boss:D

Lima Golf

Thats one forgiving boss:D[/Quote]

He doesn't exactly lead by example...he's turned up in some pretty bad states himself!!! I've covered for him more than a few times!

Ms. Pingui

Another one:

Came home to my parents house one night absolutly hammered. Doing my best to act sober, I decided to take off my make up but couldn't find my wipes anywhere. Reheated a chinese anyway and took it into the living room to chat to my mam. Found her hand cream on the table and decided I'd do a bit of moisturising.
So I ended up sitting on the couch with a chinese all over me and all over my face, rubbing really thick hand cream over a full face of make up and trying to have a slurred conversation about the price of hair detangler. In my drunken state I thought that this topic of conversation would convince my mother that I was sober.

My favourite lines when I drunk are: "I appriciate a man in a nice shirt/ jumper/scarf" etc.

"You look like Alan Carr"

Say em to everyone without fail on a night out... haven't a clue why!

Smidge

Lima Golf wrote: »

Thats one forgiving boss:D

He doesn't exactly lead by example...he's turned up in some pretty bad states himself!!! I've covered for him more than a few times![/QUOTE]

Holy Moley are you sure you all work in a "Job"???;)
Would have never gotten away with that, mores the pity:(

Namlub

Was sick in my own tent at Oxegen, woke up at the other end of the campsite wearing a GAA jersey and no shoes or socks. Whoever was looking after me wouldn't let me leave in my bare feet, so I found a pair of random golf socks and wandered around looking into people's tents until I found people I know.
That wasn't great...

Squ

Lima Golf wrote: »

I stayed out all night on a ridiculous bender...shot after shot after puke after shot... was due in work at 7am...hadn't been to bed and was still very drunk. In my drunkenness and sleep deprived state I decided to bring a blanket and pillow to work for a kip, thinking no one would notice if I disappeared for an hour or two.

Walked in the door and I was met by my supervisor in the hall, drunk head on me, last nights hair and make up, pillow under one arm, fleecy blanket under the other.

He says "it's one thing to accidentally fall asleep in work, it's another matter when you come prepared"

He took it well though, sent me home without a bollocking...that I can remember..!

Your not a guard by any chance?

Princess Peach

I was just talking to my friend and I remembered a really great night when I came home with a hood on, did I steal the hood from somebodies coat??

And she made this French guy I'd been kissing buy us loads of chicken and then we ran off with it.

But the best part of the night was when I had to ask the lad she had been kissing if he was himself or his identical twin, cause she couldn't tell.

And a different night with same girl when these lads were coming on to us so we told them we were Swedish twins.

Damn we had some great times. Oh to be young and drunk again!

shellib

First year in Galway and went to a party on my own an no money for a taxi so I went outside an asked a council worker was he goin any where near where I lived.. He said he was so I jumped in.. He went into town an left me in the van to go into a house.. I fell asleep an he came out to tell me he was goin to Ennis an would leave me home when he got back...On the motorway I freaked out an told him to drop me off.. Standing on the motorway on my own with no idea where I was an no money seen a bunch of people across the road eating charcoal grill... ran over to them an proceeded to eat their takeaway.. ended up goin to a party in their house an they dropped me home the next day... Happy ending BUT it could have been much worse!!! Silly drunk!!! :rolleyes:

Superbus

Domo230 wrote: »

carolmarx wrote: »

Passed out on a railway track..

Is this a video of you by any chance?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SukTBSJJ4KM

Hey that's not on, sicko.

>>
<<

Lima Golf

Your not a guard by any chance?[/Quote]

No, I said supervisor not superintendent! I do work shift work but at a rather large...nameless... factory!!!

There's a Garda bashing/loving thread at the minute in AH if you're partial!

girl in the striped socks

At a BBQ at a friends house I decided to get up on a horse bareback, with no bridle & the horse wasn't broken at the time. I lasted about 30 seconds before I was bucked off.
Got to the top of the stairs one night & proceeded to fall the entire way down. That one hurt.
Puked in various places, most notably my mother in laws bathroom, which happens to be next to her bedroom so she heard everything. I then decided to try to get into bed with her whilst wiping the excess puke drool off my chin.
Abused many people for no reason, I can be a mean drunk when I drink certain things.
Wet myself before I could get the front door open. The taxi driver had kindly put the headlights on so I could see what I was doing. I presume he saw the wet patch developing.
Told one of my bosses that he's a spineless dickhead. Which he is really, I'm still working there but funnily enough I don't drink at work events anymore.
Harrassed different guards in squad cars to drive me home because as a tax payer I deserve it.

Basically I gave up drinking vodka about two years ago. The best thing I ever did. I can knock back brandy like its going out of fashion but give me a few vodkas & I turn into a horrible ****.

Bullchomper

I bit my boss - yes, BIT HIM

Duff

Bullchomper wrote: »

I bit my boss - yes, BIT HIM

Apt username. :pac:

Millicent

Princess Peach wrote: »

And a different night with same girl when these lads were coming on to us so we told them we were Swedish twins.

I've just remembered doing this! Was pissed on Huzzar or some shite with my friend and some guy was a bit of a twat so (note--this made sense when we were drunk), she told him I was Swedish.

He was having none of this and was getting really aggressive with me, standing looking at him with a big confused head on me any time he said anything to me. He eventually gets really pissed off and shouts at my friend, "Oh yeah? Well if she's Swedish, get her to say something Swedish." So she mock whispers in my ear and I go, in my best Junior Cert German, "Guten tag. Wie gehts? Ich komme aus Sweden."

He immediately backs off, throws the hands up, and says to her, "Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Will you tell her I said I'm sorry?" and apologises over and over as he scarpers away.

How we didn't laugh in his face, I don't know. Oh, and I look nothing like a Swedish person.

Blondie919

I shat my pants one night after an all-day session and while sharing a taxi home with some mates everyone kept asking "Whats that stink?" I blamed the guy sitting beside me coz he was passed out.

I fell asleep in a ditch while walking back to a hotel in Co. Wicklow somewhere. When I woke up I started walking in what I hoped was the right direction. An hour or so of wobbling all over the road the guards stopped me and asked me where I was going. After I told them where I wanted to go, they told me I was 5 miles in the wrong direction. The fookers drove off and left me to wobble all the way back again.

I also used to sleep in a dog box that was parked up out the back of a pub. It was one of those little trailers for greyhounds.

ziggy23

Or being so drunk one time that I put lipstick all over my face instead of concealer I reported my ex bf missing to the guards even though I'd seen him just 2 hours earlier. They knocked on my door the next day:(

barbarians

I'm literally in stitches here reading this thread

Suppose I better add a few of my own:

- Was once chatting up a girl from school on a night out and we were getting on great but when I tried to score her she was having none of it. I then told her and several of my friends that because she rejected me I would have to rape her instead Poor girl

- Got my hand stuck up a condom machine in the toilet of a pub and it was the barman, a friend of mine, who rescued me :pac:

- Rang my best friend's mother at about 2 a.m. and told her I would smash her

Probably more that I don't want to recall

MrSnuffleupagus

I've a LOT of stupid drunk stories, the only one I'd be ashamed of would be about three weeks ago I was hammered with a buddy of mine.
On our way to the chipper this group of lads (4 or 5 I think?) started sniggering and saying things like "nice hair" (My hair's kinda long, these guys were hysterical :pac:)
For some reason I just turned around and started screaming obscenities at them- I'm a pretty quiet guy, normally just ignore that stuff.
... So I started shouting, my friend joined in, the guys backed off.
He told me what happened the next day (couldn't remember a damn thing at that point). Told me he was calling them all sorts of creative things involving inbreeding and their mothers, but he couldn't remember what I said, but whatever I said made him cringe and pull me away from them.

Sounds pretty tame, but I REALLY want to know what the hell I said! It's gonna bug me forever



Other (better) drunk stories:

- Got my shirt stolen in bathroom of old man's pub, instead of chasing the bastards I went back to the bar and kept drinking. The barman gave me a nice jacket from the lost and found, on condition that he never has to see my chest again. A win for me

- Cracked a rib at a house party, didn't go to hospital. Bollix-drunk friend jumped on me, with cracked rib. Fancy dress party- Went to doc next day dressed as Ron Burgundy.

- Same friend got me punched by some randomers, busted a knuckle from the fall. Haloween- dressed as Alex DeLarge (ironically he was a pinata- got away scott free)

- Friends tried to get me on dancefloor down some stairs, I manage to fall in spectacular fashion, twisting BOTH my ankles. Woke up next day wondering why I couldn't walk.

- Fell asleep in club bathroom after 8 hour binge and 36 hours with no sleep, left after some lad came in and started hitting on me when I woke up.

Ms. Pingui

ziggy23 wrote: »

Or being so drunk one time that I put lipstick all over my face instead of concealer I reported my ex bf missing to the guards even though I'd seen him just 2 hours earlier. They knocked on my door the next day:(

I put mascara on my lips

Overflow

Went out drinking on a Thursday night about 6 years ago, went to a night club and proceeded to get ****faced.

Me and one of my other mates had a great idea a 2am to go to Barcelona. Got a taxi back to my place, somehow managed to buy flights for a 6am flight, drank some more, ordered a taxi to the airport, passed out in the car.

Woke up in Dublin Airport when the taxi driver opened the door which was leaning on while sleeping, so i fell out of the car onto the path outside the airport.

This part is all very hazy, we somehow managed to get passed the checkin and security and got on our plane. I must have fell asleep the second i sat down. When i woke up, slightly less drunk we were flying over the Pyrenees mountains, queue my panic as i couldn't remember for a few minutes why the hell i was on a plane. and where i was going. Then the realization of what we had just done and the fact that it was my girlfriends 21st birthday party that night.

That was a fun phone call to my ex

michellie

Overflow wrote: »

That was a fun phone call to my ex

Oh brilliant, I want to know how that conversation went haha

Squ

Lima Golf wrote: »

No, I said supervisor not superintendent! I do work shift work but at a rather large...nameless... factory!!!

There's a Garda bashing/loving thread at the minute in AH if you're partial!

A friend who is a guard told me tge EXACT same story.. Thought you might be her till i read your reply.

HalloweenJack

Worst thing I can remember: Went to a friend's gaf after a night out. We got really drunk, really stoned. At one point, I threw up out his window and he thought it was hilarious. I don't know if he thought what happened after was as funny...

So, that day I'd had diarrhea and my stomach hadn't settled. After lots of drinks, I felt the need to fart. Small problem, though: it wasn't a fart. So, ran down the hall to the toilet and spent a long time in there. It was a horrible sight. Cleaned up as best as I could and just slipped out of my friend's gaf, hoping nobody noticed.

Walking home, I needed to stop for a slash, did it and as I was fixing myself I thought to myself "How did my boxers fall down? Surely, I would've noticed". Slowly, it dawned on me that I'd taken them off after crapping myself and had left them beside the toilet while I was in there. In my genius state, I, of course, had forgotten to retrieve them when I left. Needless to say, it was a long time before I could look my friend in the eye again, though he never mentioned it.

Other incidents I can vaguely remember:
- vaulting a five-foot hedge and landing on a concrete drive after banging on the door of someone's house before realising I had the wrong number.
- throwing up all over my jumper and the next day telling my mother that it was my friend who'd done it.
- trying to climb a ten metre high statue with my friend, both of us ended up falling down and smacking our heads on the concrete.
- stealing the keys from a barman and trying to open the storeroom.
- robbing some guys jacket 'cause somebody had robbed mine.
- doing drugs in the jacks of a nightclub then offering the bouncer some when he went to throw us out.

yoyo

Nothing as spectacular as many but anyways, Was down in Wexford with the family and went for a few scoops. I was in the mood to get sh!tfaced seemingly and they left so stayed drinking in the bar pairing up with a few others after a while. The next morning got up at around 7ish to vomit and mum who was awake goes were driving back to dublin in a hour :eek: .
Lets just say I was still pritty ill and fortunately there were plastic bags in the car, pritty embarassing puking your ring up in front of the parents & brother :pac: .
On a Bus Eireann journey I had got from city centre to foxrock before feeling quite ill. The stuffy bus not helping I began to feel sick and tell myself its grand but nope a few seconds later vomitted all over myself . So got out of the bus and fortunately dad was able to pick me up from foxrock, it was food poisoning in this instance though, not the few cans the night before :pac: .
Am a much more responsible drinker these days though .

Nick

Duggy747

Probably the only time I'd ever been truly fùcked on drink, almost coma-like, was back in the day of the teen discos.

Was on the bus home with my friend beside me thinking it would be funny to slap me and pull on my cheeks as I was in and out of conciousness.

He pulls on my cheeks again but Duggy's defense system kicked in, activating projectile vomit all over his hands and down his sleeves.

He then ended up getting sick as well. :pac:

I very vaguely remember it happening but I thought it was funny as hell the next day when I was told about it.

Conall Cernach

20 years ago I was out on the lash in the North when a mate invited everyone back to his place as the pubs all closed at 11 then. So I decided to get a carry out and then proceed to the mates place. I arrive and start knocking the door - no answer. So I nipped round the back and started hammering the back door. Still no answer so I figure that the hoors are letting on they're not home. So I started kicking the back door and shouting "UVF death squad! Open up ya Fenian bastards." This went on for a bit until I noticed that the door I was kicking was green and not bright yellow like my mate's. I hurredly beat a retreat up the street to the next entry where my mate's house was located.

petes

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Lads, riding your mates girlfriend isn't cool.

That's bad form

This is true which is why I'm quite ashamed of myself.