Tenant having boyfriend to stay

shoes34

I rent out two rooms in my home. One of the girls has had a long term boyfriend but he comes to the house very infrequently she usually goes to him at the weekends or he goes to her home place. He lives in another county. The other girl just started dating a guy about a month ago and so far he has been in the house a lot at the weekends, except last weekend she went to him and he is coming again this weekend.

I don't want to be horrible and say I don't want him there every weekend as this is the only time I have in my own home and I don't want to be uncomfortable and feel like I am playing gooseberry in my own home. But at the same time I don't want him there every weekend, I don't mind if its like once a month - does this sound terribly unfair and can anyone give me advice on how to broach the subject with this tenant as she can be very moody and I don't want to fall out over it.

Thanks.

eadire

I personally do not see the problem. Are they taking over the whole house? I use to go over to my boyfriends house when he was renting and the owner of the house made us both feel very uncomfortable so much so that he moved out.
Do they sit in the sitting room all weekend or are they just staying in the house at night? If it is a matter they sit in the sitting room all weekend and do nothing but watch your tv then talk to her about this and tell her you do not have a problem with him staying over but you would like to be able to watch television in your house.

ibarelycare

OP are they spending most of the time they're in the house in the communal areas? If they are then I'd definitely have a word with her. You're paying rent and should be allowed to enjoy your house without having to share the space with someone you feel uncomfortable with.

However if they spend most of the time in her room then I don't think it should be an issue.

I stay in my boyfriend's place a good bit but we rarely watch TV or spend time in the sitting room if his housemate is there. We'll cook dinner and eat it out there and then spend the rest of the evening in the bedroom.

shoes34

I don't make them feel uncomfortable, I just would rather not have an extra person in my home from Friday to Sunday most weekends. I rent to two people not to three or four. Its the only time I get to relax at home. I dont' mind if it was once a month.

The first time he stayed he got up during the night and couldn't find his way back to her room and ended up walking into my room. Luckily I woke up and told him he was in teh wrong room. The follow weekend when he was staying I actually left because I didn't want to sit there a be a gooseberry in my own home.

Its is my home, I don't rent it they rent a room from me.

LegacyUser

Sit her down and say you need to have some ground rules regarding overnight guests. As your renting a room in your home they aren't covered by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004 and she actually has very few rights, however not saying that as a free pass to be a dick. Be reasonable but at the end of the day its your private home if your not comfortable you might have to ask her to move out or she may opt to move out if she doesn't like your request or she might be fine with it and no even realized the BF had been over to often, you won't know unless you talk with her.

ibarelycare

shoes34 wrote: »

I don't make them feel uncomfortable, I just would rather not have an extra person in my home from Friday to Sunday most weekends. I rent to two people not to three or four. Its the only time I get to relax at home. I dont' mind if it was once a month.

The first time he stayed he got up during the night and couldn't find his way back to her room and ended up walking into my room. Luckily I woke up and told him he was in teh wrong room. The follow weekend when he was staying I actually left because I didn't want to sit there a be a gooseberry in my own home.

Its is my home, I don't rent it they rent a room from me.

I'm not sure if you were replying to me there, but I didn't say you made them uncomfortable. I said that they shouldn't make you uncomfortable in your own home.

You didn't answer about where they spend most their time. You said you feel like a "gooesberry", so presumably they spend a lot of time in the communal area?

If this is the case then I think it might be ok to ask them to cut down on using it a bit so you can relax. But if they don't use it that much and spend most of the time in the bedroom then I don't think it's really fair that you ask her to cut it down to once a month.

LegacyUser

shoes34 wrote: »

I don't make them feel uncomfortable, I just would rather not have an extra person in my home from Friday to Sunday most weekends. I rent to two people not to three or four. Its the only time I get to relax at home. I dont' mind if it was once a month.

The first time he stayed he got up during the night and couldn't find his way back to her room and ended up walking into my room. Luckily I woke up and told him he was in teh wrong room. The follow weekend when he was staying I actually left because I didn't want to sit there a be a gooseberry in my own home.

Its is my home, I don't rent it they rent a room from me.

Are they renting a room, or paying to share a house? i.e Do they have use of the kitchen, living room etc or is their agreement based on some sort of reduced rent to limit their access? When you decided to have them pay part of the mortgage, you lost the right to call it "your house" for the duration of their tenancy. I'm sorry that this isn't how you want it to be, but at least you get to keep the house afterwards - they get nothing but a rent book showing them how much of your mortgage they paid.

petethebrick

Your tenants are taking advantage a bit.

You are completely within your right to request them to not have guests so often hanging around the kitchen/living room. Renting a room in someone else's house is different than sharing a house or an apartment with some friends and your tenants should be aware of that.
Explain to them that you expect peace and quiet in the kitchen/living room at weekends and that if their boyfriends stay over they either go out for the day/night or confine their activities to the bedroom.

A lot of owner occupiers would not allow tenant's guests to stay over regularly at all, never mind having the full run of the kitchen and living room.

MissFlitworth

shoes34 wrote: »

I don't mind if its like once a month - does this sound terribly unfair and can anyone give me advice on how to broach the subject with this tenant as she can be very moody and I don't want to fall out over it.

I guess it depends on how much you depend on your tenants. You get a lot of people who would never live with an owner occupier for that specific reason, you have no rights & they can ask you to do stuff like that. Once a month to have your boyfriend over, to me, sounds ridiculously little and if I was living somewhere that I was asked to do that I'd leave & move into a houseshare where I wasn't living with an owner. Could you compromise on one night a week maybe? Or have a general house discussion on having people stay over and come up with something that works for all three of you

wylo

2 sides to this:

1. Its your house , you shouldnt feel uncomfortable in your own home.

2. You are renting to people, which means there are elements of your lifestyle and expectations that you must give up. You cant have it both ways, i.e. "your own home" but also making money from tenants, if they feel they cant relax in their own home then you just gotta pay the full mortgage yourself.


I have a friend/flatmate. We often talk about how you have to compromise when living with other people. He said something like "if I owned the house Id make sure things were done this way", and at the same time hes been talking recently of buying a house and us all moving in there. I told him that if I felt uncomfortable where I lived and felt i was being bossed around Id probably move somewhere else. Point being, its their home too you know.

Your decision really is based on whether they are spending time in the communal area or not, tbh, if theyre staying in their own room you dont have a leg to stand on imo. You may be the boss, but its their home too and thats the sacrifice you have to make if you want people paying rent. If they ARE in the communal area, then yea, I can see how that would be annoying.

eadire

The thing is you are renting two rooms and unless you put in their contract they could not have guests over they have ever right to invite people over. Especially if they are not causing trouble such as fighting or ruining the house. They are paying you rent to stay their and they have rights too. I understand where you are coming from but from being on the other side I know exactly what this is like. It is horrible to be told you cant stay over with your boyfriend because the owner of the house doesnt want it. If they don't pay their rent on time then you can fight them on it but if they are no problem as tenants then you cannot argue with them.

Eroticfishcake

I think it's completely unreasonable to expect someone to only have their boyfriend over once a month. So if you had a boyfriend, would you not have him stayover or are there different rules for you because you own the house?

If you need the rent, you give up the right to having everything your own way and you need to compromise with the other tenants.

I rented rooms in my own house and never had an issue with partners staying over.

iguana

shoes34 wrote: »

I don't make them feel uncomfortable, I just would rather not have an extra person in my home from Friday to Sunday most weekends. I rent to two people not to three or four. Its the only time I get to relax at home. I dont' mind if it was once a month.

You have every legal right to lay down a rule about monthly visitors if you wish however having a boyfriend over a couple of nights a week/6-7 times a month is not an unreasonable expectation for a tenant and most people would move out asap if you tried to bring in such a rule. If they are taking over the living room/kitchen for the whole weekend then it's fair enough to say that this isn't on, but if they are spending most of the time in the girl's bedroom then you're being unreasonable.

I can understand how it's your house and you feel proprietorial toward it, but they are paying rent for a home which they can live in like adults. If you rent out rooms in your house you have to take the negative (not having the house to yourself) with the positive (their money).

I am a friend

iguana wrote: »

I can understand how it's your house and you feel proprietorial toward it, but they are paying rent for a home which they can live in like adults. If you rent out rooms in your house you have to take the negative (not having the house to yourself) with the positive (their money).

I agree with this. Its their home too and as long as they are not being destructive then you cant say anything.

LegacyUser

mewriti exam wrote: »

they get nothing but a rent book showing them how much of your mortgage they paid.

Actually they don't get a rent book if the OP doesn't want to give them one. They are a licensee or lodger and not a tenant. They are not covered by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004 and as such have few rights.

eadire wrote: »

The thing is you are renting two rooms and unless you put in their contract they could not have guests over they have ever right to invite people over. Especially if they are not causing trouble such as fighting or ruining the house. They are paying you rent to stay their and they have rights too. I understand where you are coming from but from being on the other side I know exactly what this is like. It is horrible to be told you cant stay over with your boyfriend because the owner of the house doesnt want it. If they don't pay their rent on time then you can fight them on it but if they are no problem as tenants then you cannot argue with them.

They don't have rights. They have no contract with the OP as they are not a tenant, they are renting under the rent a room scheme and are not protected by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004. The OP can ask them to leave at any time and does not need to give them any reason nor any notice. I'm not saying the OP should do this but just pointing out that it's misinformation to claim the lodger has rights that they don't have. OP go check the citizens information page on the rent a room scheme. As you can't go via the PRTB as your not covered by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004 they rec you should try discussing the situation with them and attempt to resolve any issues between you. If you can't then you have to make the choice of either living with it or asking her to leave.

iguana

cant log in right now wrote: »

They don't have rights. They have no contract with the OP as they are not a tenant, they are renting under the rent a room scheme and are not protected by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004.

Of course they have rights - it works both ways. They have the right to up and leave on an instant's notice if the landlord starts being unreasonable. If the OP relies on the rent money for her mortgage she will then be in a bit of a hole as she won't have tenants jumping all over her for a room that comes with such restrictive rules. Legally she can lay down pretty much any rule she wants, realistically nobody would put up with that.

gubbie

cant log in right now wrote: »

Actually they don't get a rent book if the OP doesn't want to give them one. They are a licensee or lodger and not a tenant. They are not covered by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004 and as such have few rights.




They don't have rights. They have no contract with the OP as they are not a tenant, they are renting under the rent a room scheme and are not protected by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004. The OP can ask them to leave at any time and does not need to give them any reason nor any notice. I'm not saying the OP should do this but just pointing out that it's misinformation to claim the lodger has rights that they don't have. OP go check the citizens information page on the rent a room scheme. As you can't go via the PRTB as your not covered by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004 they rec you should try discussing the situation with them and attempt to resolve any issues between you. If you can't then you have to make the choice of either living with it or asking her to leave.

Honestly, if that's the case, and the OP came to me with this situation, I'd give her a months notice there and then and move out. I wouldn't want to live somewhere where the landlady deems that I have no rights.

OP now has to decide if that's what she wants

saa

Getting rid of her isn't solving anything a new tenant will probably have a partner I think its fair enough for someone to stay over for one or two nights at the weekend as long as they're not taking long showers or doing their washing. They should have as much time to cook or watch tv as the tenant would normally at the weekend, so lay down ground rule of what times you want the tv room to yourself and when she wants to watch tv so you know no one is going to be sitting in there when you want alone time. I was always very lonely in house shares and having someone over at the weekend was the only thing that kept me sane or else I'd be sitting alone somewhere I was paying a lot of money for and "not being allowed" to have a visitor isn't a nice environment to live in, as long as there are boundaries and rules you shouldnt be uncomfortable.

I've rented many a room before OP isn't just saying that we actually have no rights I had to go to the PTRB before as my room was mouldy and I was told there was nothing that could be done and lost my deposit because I was made sign a contract the landlord made up and agreed to a term it was horrible he wanted people to ask him if you could have someone stay over it made things very uncomfortable.

tbh

I have to say, I don't think the OP can or should do anything here. The renters are entitled to have people round and it doesn't sound like they are taking the piss, to me anyway.

Johnny_BravoIII

Its called living with people.
It's perfectly normal that she have her bf around at the weekends.
You sound very highly strung & self-conscience.

You don't have to vacate the area just because 2 people happen to be in a relationship.

lifeandtimes

I agree with most posters,i would go stay with my girlfriend once a week because i lived out of the county and once a week was our together time during the week and my girlfriend would come stay at my house at the weekends but everytime i was there her landlady would make us feel really uncomfertable as she would take 2 hours to cook her dinner as she made up sauces and other things so we could not use anything to cook our dinner(which only took 20 mins) and then she would mention to my girlfriend that she tought i was staying over too often and that i should have been paying rent anyways long story short my girlfriend moved out when the lease was up and we have a house together and couldnt be happier

But id like to ask the op,if you had or have a boyfriend would he only be over once a month,how would you relantionship blossom if thats the allocated time youd give seeing as that what you expect the other people in your house to have?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

So here's my experience. I've had room-mates which were at both extremes in relation to this sort of thing, cleanliness, etc and the main point is... you're house-sharing. You can't have it all your own way, even if it's your house, if you want to continue to rent it out. Unfortunately that's the case. You aren't housing a child or something, as adults sharing, both will live their lives and both have to make some compromises.

Having said that... I am like you. I prefer my own space than living in close quarters with people I don't know a lot of the time and for that reason I got my own Apt last summer. It's costing me a lot but it was a decision I wanted to make to have my own space.

To be honest, yes I think you are being a bit unfair. As I said, I am like you and wouldn't fancy a guy I don't know being around most weekend but since you are sharing I don't think she's doing a lot wrong. It's not all week every week. It's weekends and not EVERY and ALL weekends. I don't think you'll get many tenants who wouldn't think that's fair. I mean the alternative is they spend EVERY weekend at his place which pushes the same problem on to HIS house-mates. Does that make it any fairer?

I know some people will spot tenant laws and all that but speaking in relaistic terms here I don't think she's taking liberties and you will find it hard to find other tenants who aren't similar.

I see some people advertising rooms now where they set out strict house rules (no visitors, lights out 9pm, etc...). It seems a little strict to me but mainly because I'm on a different schedule to these people so it wouldn't suit me. It limits your prospective renters but if you have specific requirements its better to list them out BEFORE and not just get someone to move in and then hit them with house rules.

woodchuck

So long as they’re not taking the p1ss I don’t see what the problem is. Maybe have a talk now to set some ground rules, but you’re going to have to be reasonable too. One weekend a month isn’t much at all. Personally I think a couple of nights a week is more reasonable, assuming they’re not completely taking over communal areas. Or you could suggest every 2nd weekend (so they take turns staying there and at his place).

Even if you get a new housemate the same issue will eventually come up again and to be honest this sounds very manageable compared to other stories I’ve heard.

LegacyUser

iguana wrote: »

Of course they have rights - it works both ways. They have the right to up and leave on an instant's notice if the landlord starts being unreasonable. If the OP relies on the rent money for her mortgage she will then be in a bit of a hole as she won't have tenants jumping all over her for a room that comes with such restrictive rules. Legally she can lay down pretty much any rule she wants, realistically nobody would put up with that.

That's for them to decide between them. They either come to an agreement they can both live with or the lodger moves out. The OP needs to make the choice on wither they wish to allow overnight guests and how often and if the lodgers don't like it they are free to leave. If it is a case that the OP can't afford to have the lodger move out then they'll have to just put up with the BF. It's their choice but there is no legal contract saying they have to do X Y or Z.

I only posted the information regarding the Residential Tenancies Act 2004 vs the rent a room scheme to correct posts from people claiming the lodgers had a contract and were legally allowed have guests wither the OP liked it or not. This not correct information, this is not a house share with a lease or a Part 4 [and even then most leases actual do have limits on the numbers of nights overnight guests should be allowed to stay at a property in a given time frame]. The lodgers are just that lodgers, not tenants. They are renting under the rent a room scheme and if you go read the legal information on this scheme the first thing it says is that the lodger have few rights and are not covered by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004 nor can they bring disputes to the PRTB. Move this thread over to the Accommodation and Property forum and see how quickly people will post that. There have been a number of threads on that forum about the rent a room scheme and living with Landlords and your correct alot of people wouldn't put up with it but there are some people who do prefer that living situation. The OP's lodger may not be aware that the BF has been over as often as he has and may not have issue with reducing the number of nights he stays or they may throw a fit and move out, OP won't know until they talk to her. There is also the issue of increased utilities costs if there is an extra person living there every weekend.

eadire

[/QUOTE]They don't have rights. They have no contract with the OP as they are not a tenant, they are renting under the rent a room scheme and are not protected by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004. The OP can ask them to leave at any time and does not need to give them any reason nor any notice. I'm not saying the OP should do this but just pointing out that it's misinformation to claim the lodger has rights that they don't have. OP go check the citizens information page on the rent a room scheme. As you can't go via the PRTB as your not covered by the Residential Tenancies Act 2004 they rec you should try discussing the situation with them and attempt to resolve any issues between you. If you can't then you have to make the choice of either living with it or asking her to leave.[/QUOTE]


They still have rights even though they are not covered by the PRTB. They have a right to be treated like a human being and allowed to have who they want to stay at the house which they are paying to use. These people are helping you pay your mortgage so they have right to have their boyfriend stay over.

MissFlitworth

They still have rights even though they are not covered by the PRTB. They have a right to be treated like a human being and allowed to have who they want to stay at the house which they are paying to use. These people are helping you pay your mortgage so they have right to have their boyfriend stay over.

That's just not true unfortunately, when you live in an owner occupied house you are a lodger and not a tenant and have zero rights (apart from, as Iguana pointed out, the right to eff off at short notice if you don't like how you're being treated). No one has the 'right' to have who they want stay over or the 'right' to have their boyfriend stay over in an owner occupied house, but they do have the right to up & leave and find somewhere else to live where they won't have to deal with an owner occupier

saa

They still have rights even though they are not covered by the PRTB. They have a right to be treated like a human being and allowed to have who they want to stay at the house which they are paying to use. These people are helping you pay your mortgage so they have right to have their boyfriend stay over.

Oh yeah I agree with that no real legal rights but you're hardly going to bring the tenant to court its just boundaries with house sharing so everyone gets along in reality if OP is having a tenant means using the house which means having a few friends over time to time, coming in at 3am after a night out, partners on the weekend in a perfect world OP should be able to watch tv with a tenant and a guest, but in houses with the landlord especially with a large age gap its sometimes easier to just have the sitting room to yourself Sunday and let the tenants and who ever they wish to have over (obviously not a house party but a friend or a few its their business) use it Saturday night. As once you rent a room the kitchen and TV room is never yours anymore like it was.

It seems like OP is new to this or has always had maybe young lodgers but if youre living somewhere as a lodger you're going to have other people over its your own living space you're paying for not your parents house where they control everything.

Squiggler

Actually, many leases under the PRTB contain clauses relating to overnight visitors and guests. One lease I was a party to stated that if a guest would be staying for more than 6 nights in any given month I must notify the landlord. Most leases contain some kind of similar clause.

OP, if they are preventing you from utilising common areas then maybe you could try stating that you'd like exclusive use of the sitting room (as an example) for Saturday or something similar.

Unfortunately, having other people hanging around is part of the price paid for sharing a house.

solerina

OP
Can you clarify, are they just in the house or are they taking over the couch/living room/kitchen for the entire weekend.
If they are just in the house, maybe up in the room your tenant rents, then I think you have to just get over it, she pays rent and I would assume this allows her to be in the house as often as she want (with friends too).
If however they are taking over the communal areas then you need to have a chat with her and explain that this is preventing you relaxing in your house. If you really have a problem sharing your house though, maybe you should consider not renting it because this kind of issue comes with the terretory !!

qrrgprgua

Printed rules are good when you rent a room... No Pets, No Smoking, No Guests sleeping over.

I used to rent a room from a woman in Lucan. She was ok with friends coming round ,, so she said.. but when they did I could see she was not overly pleased. She never said anything.

Just let her know your feelings that you rented the rooms for 2 people and PPS rates were not included:-)

shoes34

I have written here prevoiusly but can't find the thread. I know I probably don't have a leg to stand on and mostly just venting but having a bit of an issue with one of the girls in my house. I own it and she rents a room.

Besides her boyfriend being there at weekends which I realise I can't do anything about I have found out that when I am away my house is like Grand Central Station and her friends are over constantly. I live in a small estate where I know everyone and there are a few kids. Now some of her friends drive boy racer cars and one of the neighbours said that you can hear her friends coming in late in the evening/night and its always when I am away. Do I say something to her or I guess I just grin and bear it.

Last week she said to a mutual friend that she rents the house so she can have her boyfriend there all the time if she wants. Which I guess she can. This friend said to imagine if she was in my position having to rent a room out in the house she owned and then to have someone there every weekend when she is off work.

Also I don't mind her boyfriend coming over but I don't like people letting themselves into my house. I didn't realise she left the door open for him on Friday and he just rang the bell and let himself in. I prefer if the door is locked at all times I know it may sound silly but she knows I prefer the door locked.

Sorry just needed to vent and before anything nasty is said I don't make her feel I don't want her there or him there. I am always nice and polite never make him feel he is not welcome.