Tenant having boyfriend to stay

Sea Filly

shoes34 wrote: »

I actually don't have a deposit for her - I was just querying would you be able to keep it if there was one.

Also I wouldn't be looking for a new tenant as she is only there because of a mutual friend.

Well then, I say impose the new rules. She'll probably move out, and ye'll both be content with that.

The Big Red Button

shoes34 wrote: »

I actually don't have a deposit for her - I was just querying would you be able to keep it if there was one.

Also I wouldn't be looking for a new tenant as she is only there because of a mutual friend.

Why is there an issue, then?

If you don't need the rent money, make up some excuse about needing the room for a relative that's moving in, or something. Give her a month's notice, she moves out, you're both happy!

okiss

I understand why you are unhappy with the tenants boyfriend being in your home every weekend from a Friday to a Monday. You were good enough to rent out a room to this girl after your friend asked you and your tenant lives very close to work as a result. I would not be happy with him being there every weekend and with the other things you have told us.
When you live with people you have to make comprises but at the end of day this is your home. I would speak to your tenant and tell her that your are not happy with her boyfriend being over every weekend but you are willing to come to some agreement with her about how often he can stay over. I would also tell her that the house doors has to be locked at all times for security.
Next weekend I would have your friends/family over so the tenants boyfriend
gets the message that he can't use your home as his own every weekend.
If your tenant does not like this she can move out and they can get a flat together like other couples do.

the_syco

shoes34 wrote: »

I actually don't have a deposit for her

If something breaks whilst she has friends over, she can just move out the next day, and you'll be out of pocket.

shoes34 wrote: »

she is only there because of a mutual friend.

Sounds like she's taking the piss as she thinks you won't throw her out because of this mutual friend.

goat2

does her mutual friend know what is going on at the moment, and what is she saying,
you will have to do something and the sooner the better for your own peace of mind

iguana

shoes34 wrote: »

Also I wouldn't be looking for a new tenant as she is only there because of a mutual friend.

In that case just give her notice (for the sake of fairness and not damaging your friendship with the mutual friend) and go back to having the house to yourself. If you don't need the money and don't enjoy living with her then just end the arrangement.

Green Gelato

I've lived in a few owner-occupied houses and there's always issues like this, which is why I will NEVER consider living in one again! As a tenant, owner-occupied houses can be a nightmare and I wish more landlords would realise this when they consider letting rooms. They always seem to think the tenants are privilaged to be allowed to rent rooms in 'their lovely house'!

You never feel truely comfortable in an owner-occupied house as you feel like you're being watched constantly. Obviously there are exceptions, but most people letting rooms in their own houses do not realise that compromises such as their tenants having guests is are the price they pay for getting half their mortgage covered.

The tenants are entitled to have guests stay over one or two nights a week. If you don't like that fact, you're back to paying your mortgage yourself I'm afraid!

shoes34

Have decided to say something to the girl in the house, after she went to work on Saturday and left her boyfriend in the house. Again I know some people think I am being horrible, but it is my home at the end of the day. I just have to try and broach the subject with her as I am not really into confrontation but still I feel I need to say something. The only problem I have is that I am afraid the other tenant will move out with her, I get on fine with her and even when her boyfriend does come to stay you'd hardly know he was there.

I guess I'll just something along of the lines of I'd rather your boyfriend who is a lovely person wasn't here all every weekend and also maybe something about how the neighbours have complained about people coming and going when I am away. I have also asked to lock the door when she is in the house and yesterday at one stage the boyfriend when home to his parents house and we were in teh sitting room adn next thing he just walked into the house as she had left the door unlocked for him. Maybe I am just being a bitch but I feel like this is my home and I can't relax in it.

edellc

OP having scanned over the thread, I think that you have every right to be annoyed at your house mate, however I do not think that is up to you to say when her BF stays over, it is up to you to say that you dont like him coming and going of his own accord and him being in the house alone while she is out or while you are all out, he is not a house mate and has no right to do this.

So while I understand that the weekend was the last straw for you, be prepared as you said for both your housemates to move out and having to find new ppl, if that does happen maybe next time have a set of house rules printed up and put in the kitchen for all to see and obey that way the rules are there from day one and if they are broken then the house mate can be asked to leave.

Also not sure if you own the house and are a owner occupier tenant and if so why dont you let people rent on a monthly basis that way if it isnt working out in month one then you are not obliged to let them stay longer and visa versa, its not for everyone but it may work for you

OldNotWIse

edellc wrote: »

OP having scanned over the thread, I think that you have every right to be annoyed at your house mate, however I do not think that is up to you to say when her BF stays over, it is up to you to say that you dont like him coming and going of his own accord and him being in the house alone while she is out or while you are all out, he is not a house mate and has no right to do this.

So while I understand that the weekend was the last straw for you, be prepared as you said for both your housemates to move out and having to find new ppl, if that does happen maybe next time have a set of house rules printed up and put in the kitchen for all to see and obey that way the rules are there from day one and if they are broken then the house mate can be asked to leave.

Also not sure if you own the house and are a owner occupier tenant and if so why dont you let people rent on a monthly basis that way if it isnt working out in month one then you are not obliged to let them stay longer and visa versa, its not for everyone but it may work for you

Agree. No point letting someone move in and taking their money and then making up rules as you go along. I personally wouldnt have a problem with a potential landlord saying this to me...at the start - but I wouldn't be moving in on those terms, I'd find somewhere else. You are entitled to set your own ground rules, but I think these should be laid out in the beginning and not as you go along.

shoes34

I don't want to live by a set of rules either - I have decided to just say that I would prefer if maybe her boyfriend wasn't there all the time. I guess whatever I say is going to come across as bitchy and she'll go whinging to the other girl in the house and then i guess I run the risk of both of them moving out. also another I never mentioned in this thread is that she is very moody, and its not just at home as my friend works with her and she is the same at work but everyone is afraid to say something to her so going to mention that I can't cope with her mood swings either.

OldNotWIse

shoes34 wrote: »

I don't want to live by a set of rules either - I have decided to just say that I would prefer if maybe her boyfriend wasn't there all the time. I guess whatever I say is going to come across as bitchy and she'll go whinging to the other girl in the house and then i guess I run the risk of both of them moving out. also another I never mentioned in this thread is that she is very moody, and its not just at home as my friend works with her and she is the same at work but everyone is afraid to say something to her so going to mention that I can't cope with her mood swings either.

Sounds like you would all be better off if she moved out. I think its reasonable though if you say you dont want him there when she's not (thats really taking the proverbial). I was actually outright banned from my girlfriends apartment (and the guy wasn't an owner occupier, he was just sub letting a room to her). The hurtful thing was he didn't ban friends and family. He and his wife are just biggoted homophobes who probably thought the big dirty lesbian would molest their child when their back was turned or transmit the "gay germs" to him :rolleyes:

djimi

I cant beleive you havent said something before now tbh; the longer you let this go on the harder it will be to sort.

The bottom line is that you are not happy with the current arrangement. Part of this is of your own making by not setting out the ground rules from the start, and hopefully you have learned from this for the future. For now, you need to sort this out for your own sake. She is crossing a line with the freedom she allows her boyfriend to have. She doesnt understand the boundaries that should exist in this situation, and tbh he sounds like a bit of a plank also (what right minded respectful person thinks that they have the right to just walk into a persons house whenever they please, especially when the tenant is not there?), so she needs to be spoken to about it. Do not let the other tenant put you off; she is not part of the problem but if the consequence is that she moves out also then so be it.

shoes34

djimi wrote: »

I cant beleive you havent said something before now tbh; the longer you let this go on the harder it will be to sort.

She doesnt understand the boundaries that should exist in this situation, and tbh he sounds like a bit of a plank also (what right minded respectful person thinks that they have the right to just walk into a persons house whenever they please, especially when the tenant is not there?), so she needs to be spoken to about it.

oh she was in the house as well, when he let himself in but I had asked her on Friday to lock the door even when she was inside. I just don't like confrontation and unfortunately need the other tenants rent! I know I am going to have to say something and I've gotten plenty of advice on here about it so going to bit the bullet and mention something.

djimi

shoes34 wrote: »

oh she was in the house as well, when he let himself in but I had asked her on Friday to lock the door even when she was inside. I just don't like confrontation and unfortunately need the other tenants rent! I know I am going to have to say something and I've gotten plenty of advice on here about it so going to bit the bullet and mention something.

You are going to have to grow a pair and get used to confrontation if you wish to be a landlord unfortunately! Youre in charge; if the tenants think you are a soft touch then they will walk all over you. Its your house; dont be afraid to let them know that.

shoes34

I said something to her at lunchtime, shaking while saying it!! Just said to her that I didn't want to come as a bitch but just before things get too out of hand I would rather if her boyfriend wasn't over every weekend as its the only time I have off work and I don't want to play gooseberry in my own house. Said I think he's a lovely guy but just before things get too out of hand that its my home and just that would like to be able to enjoy my weekends in my home. She was like what do you want me to do about it not have a boyfriend and I tried to explain to her that that was not what I was saying and maybe it was coming across wrong and I didn't want to sound awful. Didn't bother saying anything about the neighbours. I texted my mate who works with her to warn her that she'd probably be moody this afternoon.

Now for a lovely evening at home where no doubt she'll mention it to the other tenant.

the_syco

shoes34 wrote: »

but I had asked her on Friday to lock the door even when she was inside.

Get a door that locks when you close the door, or it'll always play on your mind.

shoes34 wrote: »

She was like what do you want me to do about it not have a boyfriend

All or nothing, rather than any sign of compromise? Sounds like this tenant will not go lightly.

cafecreme

shoes34 wrote: »

I said something to her at lunchtime, shaking while saying it!! Just said to her that I didn't want to come as a bitch but just before things get too out of hand I would rather if her boyfriend wasn't over every weekend as its the only time I have off work and I don't want to play gooseberry in my own house. Said I think he's a lovely guy but just before things get too out of hand that its my home and just that would like to be able to enjoy my weekends in my home. She was like what do you want me to do about it not have a boyfriend and I tried to explain to her that that was not what I was saying and maybe it was coming across wrong and I didn't want to sound awful. Didn't bother saying anything about the neighbours. I texted my mate who works with her to warn her that she'd probably be moody this afternoon.

Now for a lovely evening at home where no doubt she'll mention it to the other tenant.

You need to toughen up a bit:) -stick to your guns and tell her you're not interested in whether she has a bf or not but you are interested in setting down ground rules about overnight guests. Why do you care about her moods? And stop telling your mates who also know her about it-thats unfair to her imo and more than a little immature.

Its always messy letting to friends, in future stick to people you dont know and check their references thoroughly. She'll probably move out soon anyway so start again properly-as a professional landlady with ground rules firmly in place beforehand. No tricky situations then as everybody knows where they stand.

shoes34

the_syco wrote: »

Get a door that locks when you close the door, or it'll always play on your mind.
.

I got a new lock as she broke the previous one and its quite easy all she has to do in turn the lock, the one she broke she had to use her key on the inside to lock it. Its the standard door lock that came with the house.

OldNotWIse

shoes34 wrote: »

I said something to her at lunchtime, shaking while saying it!! Just said to her that I didn't want to come as a bitch but just before things get too out of hand I would rather if her boyfriend wasn't over every weekend as its the only time I have off work and I don't want to play gooseberry in my own house. Said I think he's a lovely guy but just before things get too out of hand that its my home and just that would like to be able to enjoy my weekends in my home. She was like what do you want me to do about it not have a boyfriend and I tried to explain to her that that was not what I was saying and maybe it was coming across wrong and I didn't want to sound awful. Didn't bother saying anything about the neighbours. I texted my mate who works with her to warn her that she'd probably be moody this afternoon.

Now for a lovely evening at home where no doubt she'll mention it to the other tenant.

If I were her I would be annoyed if I found out that you had texted someone I work with to fill them in. How unprofessional is that? She is paying you to rent a room in your house, its a business arrangement and should be treated as such, regardless of her perceived wrongdoings. You want her to respect your house rules but tbh telling her colleague personal info re her living arrangements etc is bang out of order on your part. I would be furious, and would probably move out asap.

I think you are wasting far too much time wondering about what this person or that person said or might say or might think etc etc. You were worried your other flatmate might move out as some kind of show of solidarity for this girl. Then you were worried she would be sulking when you confront her. Now you have dragged someone else into the equation (her colleague nonetheless)...seriously.

Either tell her out straight what ground rules you want in place or let it go. Tipping at it and then recoiling at the first whiff of a reaction will not get you anywhere.

Dont mean to sound harsh but I really think you will tear yourself in two emotionally trying to sort this thing out. And also, people will (sadly) take advantage if they think they can.

shoes34

cafecreme wrote: »

You need to toughen up a bit:) -stick to your guns and tell her you're not interested in whether she has a bf or not but you are interested in setting down ground rules about overnight guests. Why do you care about her moods? And stop telling your mates who also know her about it-thats unfair to her imo and more than a little immature.

Its always messy letting to friends, in future stick to people you dont know and check their references thoroughly. She'll probably move out soon anyway so start again properly-as a professional landlady with ground rules firmly in place beforehand. No tricky situations then as everybody knows where they stand.

She isn't a friend she was friends with a mutal friend but they had a falling out a few months ago, nothing to do with me. Of course I am going to vent to my mates anyway its done now I've said something to her so I guess I've got all the advice I need. Thanks to everyone.

fasttalkerchat

Better off saying nothing if you're worried she will just find a new place. Also what if you decide to have a friend stay for a few days after telling her she can't?

reeta

You havent really said anything to her, well not in a direct and concise way. And now thats it has been pointed out that you should not have texted her work colleaque (whether she is a friend of yours or not) you are getting annoyed with the replies. You need to learn to toughen up and speak out straight to her, let her know the rules. Your comment "I didnt want to sound awful" and your general fear of her sounds ridiculous.

Tell her what you expect of her as a tenant and get on with life....

shoes34

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

Better off saying nothing if you're worried she will just find a new place. Also what if you decide to have a friend stay for a few days after telling her she can't?

I didn't tell her she can't have him stay I just said I don't want it to be all the time.

Also i spoke to my mate today and apologised for putting her in awkward situation and she said it was fine, I just need to vent to a friend and she is one of my closest friends. If she decides to move out that's fine, she's ignoring me now anyway. I've gotten all I need from this thread thanks again for all the advice.

The_Conductor

Shoes34- shall I close this thread?

Danniboo

shoes34 wrote: »

I don't want to live by a set of rules either - I have decided to just say that I would prefer if maybe her boyfriend wasn't there all the time. I guess whatever I say is going to come across as bitchy and she'll go whinging to the other girl in the house and then i guess I run the risk of both of them moving out. also another I never mentioned in this thread is that she is very moody, and its not just at home as my friend works with her and she is the same at work but everyone is afraid to say something to her so going to mention that I can't cope with her mood swings either.

Does her mood swings directly affect you or the other girl in the house? Does she get annoyed with you / her or create an atmosphere in the house? If not then her moods are really nothing to do with you. You should definitely tell her so she will know all the wonderful things you and her mutual "friend":rolleyes: have been saying about her behind her back.

Danniboo

shoes34 wrote: »

I didn't tell her she can't have him stay I just said I don't want it to be all the time.

Also i spoke to my mate today and apologised for putting her in awkward situation and she said it was fine, I just need to vent to a friend and she is one of my closest friends. If she decides to move out that's fine, she's ignoring me now anyway. I've gotten all I need from this thread thanks again for all the advice.

But from what you've said he's only there 1 or 2 nights at the weekend. You still haven't said (correct me if i'm wrong) whether they hang around the communal areas all weekend or keep to themselves. You sound quite passive aggressive OP.

shoes34

smccarrick wrote: »

Shoes34- shall I close this thread?

yes please.