Not having any visitors in hospital?

lazygal

The more I think about it the more I'm sure I don't want my parents or inlaws visiting me after the birth. I know I'll be all over the place and want to bond with my new baby. I am quite sure my parents will be okay with this but I am not sure about my inlaws, as my father in law can be quite overbearing and doesn't take hints, rather suits himself. Did anyone else feel like this? What did you do or are you planning to do? Will I regret asking them to stay away until we're at home?

Neyite

I've already told the mother that I wont be telling her I'm in labour. She is one of those worriers that has no patience whatsoever, and I dont want her ringing my OH every 30 mins, or worse, show up and wear out the lino in the hallway of the hospital. I want to concentrate on the job at hand and want my OH there beside me, not out in the hall, reassuring hyper grannies. They will get a phonecall when the baby has arrived, and the rest of the family are getting a text. She didnt like it much, and kinda got the hump, but she'll get over it.

Our hospital has an early release scheme if you live nearby, so if its a straightforward birth, I may not even be in 24 hrs. I think I'd like to recover at home and have my own loo and shower and stuff. (plus a bit fearful of MRSA and the like, due to a relative contracting it and hastening their demise, in my opinion) The midwife visits daily for 5 days after to ask any questions I might have.

I've decided that I might do a day (or an afternoon) for either side of the family to visit at home, that way they wont be turning up in drips and drabs and us not getting a minute to ourselves.

lazygal

I know my father in law will drive me mad in hospital. He's really into photos and making recordings of the most mundane family events, so I can see him doing my head in taking pictures of me looking like sh!te and the baby. It annoys me at the best of times but at a sensitive time like this I can see me snapping at him. We've already told both sets of parents that we won't be making an 'I'm in labour' call, they'll be told when baby has arrived and we're both okay. The more I think about it the more I dread having visitors to hospital, I won't mind them dropping in at home when we've settled in after a couple of days but I just don't want to face them straight after labour.

Neyite

I know exactly what you mean. You really are at your worst and someone shoving a camera in your face is the last thing you want. Maybe I will be too knackered to care at the time.

Can you arrange it so that they visit while you take a shower and leave the OH and family minding and cooing over the baby? Or forbid cameras until you get home?

Thank god we are pretty strict here on one person in the delivery room - some american forums the women have to contend with their OH, their Mother, Father, Mother in law, Father in Law and other assorted relatives watching and taping it in the delivery room. I'd never open my legs!!! :eek:

wdmfapq4zs83hv

I had no visitors when I had my baby. I was scheduled for an elective section & given the date. I told my family (& his) that we would not want any visitors that day as I would be recovering from surgery. As it happened there were complications & I spent 4 days in intensive care. There were no visitors allowed in there (apart from husband) After that I was moved down to the ward for 3 days & told my husband under no circumstances were there to be any visitors, that if anyone showed up they would be turned away. I told the nurses too. I just wasnt up to seeing anyone I was in bits physically & mentally after the whole trauma. When I came home we made sure to have visitors every 2nd day only. I dont care what people thought, giving birth is a big deal & I choose to deal with it whatever way I want & everyone else will have to accept that! All the best

Mink

I don't know why those women have all their extended family in the delivery suites while giving birth. Each to their own but that would drive me up the wall. If I'm in pain I want to be left alone.

I'mmuch more inclined to have a 2-3 day ban on visitors but OH thinks it would upset his mother to not allow her see the baby the next day. Ultimately it will be our choice and I think we'll organise it so the visit is no more than an hour say.

My poor sister in law had her whole family & husband's family and all their kids in her house less than 24hrs after giving birth (early release) and they were there all day late into the evening. I was there for a bit also but now I'm pregnant I realise it was so insensitive at the time. She's the type she would never say anything or show she's annoyed.

I think I'm going to play it by ear and just see how I am. I might be too excited to wait as I'll want to show baby off, it really depends how the delivery and recovery goes.

Janedoe10

U do what u think is right for u . U will be exhausted enough

iCosmopolis

I had my little girl 13th Jan this year and the Rotunda had a strict one designated visitor policy in place due to the vomiting bug (so could only be my husband), maybe where you're attending might be the same or you could tell them that's the case?
I know what you mean I think, I was in for 10 days total and had a section and even with the one visitor, sometimes it was my only time that I could have gotten some sleep and couldn't, or was having alone time with the baby xx

cyning

I think I'll be delighted to see people in hosp: I'll be kept for 3/4 days depending what time I have baby, or 5 if I have section. I know I won't see my father in law when I'm in hosp as he's not really allowed on hospital wards unless he's a patient himself (heart transplant!).

Days in hosp are really, really long. And I know I'll want to show my baby to my family and close friends: I'd be far more likely to ask people to give us a bit of peace for the first week or two at home rather than in hospital to be honest!

And I will not be telling anyone when I'm in labour because they would drive me scatty texting and ringing

crazy cat lady

I got snowed into hospital and my husband was snowed out when I had my daughter so I literally had NO visitors for 2 days.

I have to say that this was lovely! I slept when she slept and didn't worry about anyone seeing my boobies when I was breastfeeding (not that I would've worried about my husband seeing of course!)

There was a 'strictly 1 visitor' policy in place anyway so i wouldn't have had any visitors anyway, but I can honestly say that I valued the time alone with my baby.

I was in a private room but I can imagine that it must be very frustrating on a public ward if you are trying to sleep/feed and mrs Bloggs in the next bed has lots of her family into visit.

Anyway, if you don't want visitors, just tell them straight! Dont worry about offending anyone, you have to think about yourself! Trust me, they will make up for it when you get home

kildareash

I'm trying to convince OH not to tell anyone Im in labour.
When my nephew was born, my brother just txt us all to say he had been born, and I'd say it was so much nicer for them not being bombarded by texts and phone calls until they were ready. I don't remember anyone in our family being upset they done it that way.

I see signs in the hospital that visiting hours on the maternity ward are 7-8.30, but I don't know how strongly they enforce it. I think I'd be lonely all day though, wldnt mind a few people
Popping in. I work within walking distance of the hospital so
Hopefully my workmates might pop in.

I know the house is going to be manic for the first few days. I'd imagine I'll have a hard time getting rid of my mum, sis and his mum.
But a girl I know who is expecting her second told me she was quiet lonely when the fuss died down and people stopped visiting. So i suppose it depends on the individual!

How Strange

I had my son in the Coombe in jan 2011 and there was a strictly enforced 1 visitor rule so it was my husband, my son and I for 3 days. It was so lovely. My mother in law was very over bearing during the pregnancy and I don't think I could've coped with her during that time.

I was also getting the hang of breastfeeding do it was nice to feed and air the boobies without fearing my dad was going to pop through the curtain af any moment.

Since then I've said I'll never visit a new mum in hospital. Just give her time to adjust and recover.

Also we told no one about going into labour so they all got texts around 6am which I think was far nicer than wondering for 24hours if anything had happened yet.

The coombe were very strict and a no nonsense security guard swept the wards and would even throw out new dads when visiting hours were up. Incidentally we were back there a week later and saw some drunk people trying to get up into the ward to visit someone and thats when I really appreciated the 1 visitor rule.

annamcmahon

I had a baby in Holles St in January of last year and was so grateful that they were only allowing partners and children in to visit because of swine flu. It meant we could tell the grandparents they weren't allowed in but blame the hospital. My mother in law was in town when she was told baba had arrived and wanted to come straight over which would have been really annoying. I know grandparents are excited to see baby but sometimes you have to put your immediate family's needs first.

We didn't tell anyone I was in labour other than my parents because my mam drove us to the hospital. We had planned to but in the end there was no time. We also restricted visitors when we got home and only invited certain people over each day for the first week. Thankfully no one was put out.

I'm due my second this week and even though I hope to be home within 24hours I'm still planning on having a no visitor policy for the first couple of days at least.

Neyite

The midwife giving us the ante-natal tour said that after delivery they leave us alone with baby for about an hour. She said that the temptation is to text /call everyone because you are so excited and in awe, but said that hour is so special as newborns are so alert and it would be a shame to waste that beautiful time getting interrupted with texts and calls...

I totally agree, and asked my sister about it. She said that she remembers the CD that was playing while she was interacting with her first born for the first time, and now every time she hears the CD, it takes her back to that hour in the labour ward, her first hour as a mother.

We have a family wedding close to my due date and I'm really hoping I dont go early. We both have big familes anyway but hordes of my visiting relatives would tip me over the edge I think. And how could you refuse them a peek at the baby before they leave the country? fingers crossed baby will go over due a bit!

notsobusy

My mother is quite overbearing she's already planning my 2nd child........I quite like the idea of not telling anyone till bubs is born!!! My mum has already expressed a wish to be there at the delivery, she's been told no!! Poor thing I know she's really excited about being a granny for the first time but I don't think I could stick her being around all the time for the first few days.

I'd say do whatever is good for you. It's you and your baby and your OH. It's a special time, they will understand eventually!!! Don''t feel bad about offending them either.

highly1111

I just had my second baby 3 weeks ago and I have to say I'd be a little bit different to most of the posters here. I couldn't wait for my mum to come in and see the baby - both times - I had both of my sons at about 4pm and my mum came in on the same evening both times. I was completely high on excitement and adrenalin and i wanted to show my sons off to the world and to anyone who would listen. My 2 sisters and my husbands parents also came in. (holles st) They were only there for an hour and it was just great to show them off and share all the excitement. I still got plenty of time with my babies and I didn't find it stressful at all. It's such an amazing experience and I did keep my mum informed throughout my labours - I knew she was worried about me and I think it would have being very unfair for me to not be in touch to let her know I was ok. I've being worried sick when my sisters etc have being in labour - you just want to make sure everything's ok.

Ballyman

lazygal wrote: »

I know my father in law will drive me mad in hospital. He's really into photos and making recordings of the most mundane family events, so I can see him doing my head in taking pictures of me looking like sh!te and the baby. It annoys me at the best of times but at a sensitive time like this I can see me snapping at him.

Trust me on this but in 12 months time when you look back at the photos he took you will be so so grateful

I have pics of my son from when he was 1 second old and now a few years on they mean more to me than any pic in the world.

Saurelin

I don't want anyone in hospital except my Hubby.
Our families live abroad so I don't need to worry about in law or my mother coming in wrong moment.
We will also let them know after baby is born (if everything will be ok).

My mum is almost not interested at all (recently she can think/ talk only about my sisters kids (she had daughter 4 months ago)) while my mum in law drives me mad with txts and emails. She started planning baby christening already (without even asking are we planning to do so, she wanted to pick up godparents, place etc). She was more than upset when I told her that it is not my priority no 1 for this moment and I will think about this when baby arrives.

A good few of our friends wanted to come over, but I know myself and I hate when people see me in PJ-s, without make up etc. and I know that phone contact will be enough for me. I just want baby and hubby with me. Of course if I will have to stay few more days in hospital then maybe I will change my mind.

implausible

I had an emergency section with the wee buck and ended up in hospital for a week, so I was happy out to have visitors (after the first day of course). There was one visiting time when no-one came in and I was so lonely hearing all the visitors around the other beds while I was there on my tod! I don't expect much peace in hospital anyway, I'd prefer to have the peace at home and at least in the hospital you aren't expected to make tea etc.

As for the pics, I was very precious and wouldn't let anyone take pics of me, with the result that I don't have any pics of us in the first few days. I'm kicking myself now and won't be doing that with this baby!

lazygal

Ballyman wrote: »

Trust me on this but in 12 months time when you look back at the photos he took you will be so so grateful

I have pics of my son from when he was 1 second old and now a few years on they mean more to me than any pic in the world.

I know some people love the pictures but I also know myself and trust me, he's a demon with his camera. My husband actually has had to tackle him on this before as he takes dozens of pictures at every family event, even a Sunday lunch, and puts them all up on Facebook, unedited, and his page is not private. The last thing I want is to be gritting my teeth while tired, emotional and leaking milk while he snaps away. My husband will take a few pictures of the new arrival, but that's all I want.
My mum would also annoy me I think, while we get on very well she'd be full of unasked for advice and can be critical at the best of times, so I think I'd rather be spending the time getting to know my baby and what works for him or her than listening to my mum's criticism of what I'm doing!

silly

I will have to tell my mom, as she will have to mind my daughter, and my husband will have to tell his mom as she will be wondering where he is if he doesnt turn up on the farm some morning. But we will be asking them not to let our siblings know that we have gone in, and just let them tell everyone once the baby is born....

tweety76

I ended up going in 2 weeks early as waters had broken. I only told dad & sis night before I was being induced. Had only a few visitors( 3 family & 2 friends) and have to say felt quite uncomfortable/anxious around visiting time as was feeding baby myself and didn't want to do it in front of people.

If I was to do it again I would say no to visitors or ask them to phone in advance as I wanted to enjoy feeding baby etc without having to worry about people looking at my b&&bs : )

carolinespring

My cousin in the UK told everyone her due date was a week or so later than it was so she had the baby was home and settled with a week old baba before they told anyone other than parents, brothers and sisters who they had warned to within a ince of there life not to let on. We all got a lovely family first photo card with name, date, time, weight etc on it. Was a lovely surprise.

notsobusy

That's such a good idea!!! Hmmmm I wonder if I can get away with changing my due date!!!

clappyhappy

My first born was born in Dubai and I would have given my right arm for mother in law or sisters to visit me, other 2 were born in limerick and sisters and partners visited and I loved it, was only looking back at photos last week of me in hosp looking wrecked but very happy having those pics of the first day with baby,dad and family. Its only for 30-40 mins visiting each day and it means so much to them. Mother in law was here for 3rd (shes Scottish) and I couldn't wait for her to see grandson. I hope my kids will do the same for me in time to come.

Zombot

I'm due my first baby in 4 weeks. We have decided that we wont be telling people I'm in labour until it's over. I haven't told my mother that though, she wouldn't be thrilled by the plan if she was thinking about it for the next 4 weeks, but she will be fine when the time comes.
In regards to visitors, OH has mentioned to his mother that they may not be able to visit in the hospital as I may not be up to it. There was complete silence on the phone after he said it so you can be sure she didn't take it too well!
Not making any decisions on that now though, we are going to wait and see how it goes. As this is all very new to me I don't have a clue how I will feel after baby arrives.
This is the first grandchild on both sides too so everyone is really excited about it. I don't want anyone to feel left out or be offended, but at the same time I will need to put myself and my baby first.
Anyway the maternity hospital is very strict on visiting hours by all accounts, and that will suit me fine!