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Best one liners that you have heard

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Comments

  • #52
    supernova84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 972 ✭✭✭supernova84


    There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I'm stuck here just holding my rod.


  • #53
    supernova84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 972 ✭✭✭supernova84


    New anti-depressant for lesbians....Trycoxagain.


  • #54
    Zen65
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Zen65


    Jimmy Carr has some great ones:

    "Venison's deer, isn't it?"

    "Why is sex always best in a hotel? Is it just because you're doing it with a hooker?"

    "Stationery shop has moved"

    "I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing on a train, than a fat woman sitting down crying"


  • #55
    supernova84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 972 ✭✭✭supernova84


    I recently had surgery to make my cock look bigger.A hand reduction.


  • #56
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    supernova84 wrote: »
    I recently had surgery to make my cock look bigger.A hand reduction.

    jeremy beadle had a massive cock, but on the other hand it was quite small


  • #57
    poppyvally
    Closed Accounts Posts: 341 ✭✭poppyvally


    I never foget a face but in your case I'll make an exception (Marx Bros.)


  • #58
    44leto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,137 ✭✭✭44leto


    Groucho Marx

    From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

    Blood's not thicker than money.


  • #59
    Brain Stroking
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,874 ✭✭✭Brain Stroking


    On one of my mates telling another of my mates that he rode his ex-girlfriend:

    "One man's rubbish is another man's treasure"


  • #60
    humberklog
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 10,582 Mod ✭✭✭✭humberklog


    What did your last made die from?


    I fcuked her to death.


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  • #61
    Smidge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,541 ✭✭✭Smidge


    davet82 wrote: »
    never ask a fat girl to mind a cake

    I resent that:mad:
    Just because I'm large doesn't mean that I can't leave a cake alone without eatin................ nomnomscnarfscnarf










    *crying through the crumbs*


  • #62
    Yeah Yeah Yeah
    Closed Accounts Posts: 405 ✭✭Yeah Yeah Yeah


    Grafitti on a desk after teaching a class of Italian boys.

    "if you wan an udder brudder, put yourself inside your mudda'


  • #63
    emzolita
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,602 ✭✭✭emzolita


    It will all be okay in the end. if it's not okay, its not the end.


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