help: what are he's rights

bluesky12

Hi everyone

This Is my first time using this.. I am at wits end with a on going problem. I got involved with my boyfriend 2 years ago, He has a little girl now almost 5 years old. The mother of the child and himself have been over for now over 4 years.

From the start I have been very patient with the situation, My boyfriend has 50/50 guardianship, have been to court about times when we have her. And maintance has been sorted. All sounds good but behind it all, since I got in this relation ship, the mother of the child is not happy that her ex has moved on, has used the child as a weapon many a time, times have gotton so bad that simple things like toilet training has been sorted. I my self have took a week out of work to sort this problem out and was satisfied with the progress this little girl made only to go back to her mother to soiling herself again... the child has now shown signs of fear of going to the toilet.
this woman hasnt even esablished a bed time routine for her child, has the child going to bed the same time she does. But can sleep perfectly in our house.
We had a problem last year, when this woman decided to move away from her mothers house, the child became over weight and did little to no exercise under her care, I do work in the line of fitness and with my help with my boyfriend we continued with healthy eating and making exercise some much fun for her, shes coming back down to a safe weight for her age.

Recently we have found out that this woman began to sell from the house, counterfeit goods while the child is there. shown signs of increase drinking patterns and grandure ideas about moving to Austrailla, looking to buy a house ( with no job)

And finally put her car up for sale, so she can move away to a different county with the child to a place she know's no one, no support.
My boyfriend will not agree to this as she has proven that she cant even look after the child with support around her. we have her enrolled for school in our town.

The plans shes making are getting extreme, I am now 7 months pregnant and I am wondering if shes starting to lose it over this.

My question is: Can she up and go with child if she chooses? Has my boyfriend got a say where shes lives and school??? And if shes goes without permission, what are the consquences??

we are looking into everything else but for now What can we do??

Tom Young

forum charter does not allow for seeking of legal advice. Are you seeking advice?

Procrastastudy

Firstly go and get married!

Tell him to see a solicitor and try and keep your nose out of it as much as possible. They made the baby togeather its up to them to sort it out. Fair play to you for supporting him as you can but don't interfere in their "family".

bluesky12

I stay out even if she drags me in.. I want a good start to my family and I want his little girl to be apart of it.
I said the same thing to him, He doesnt want to take his daughter away from her and really wants to help, but she keeps pushing him and all the support away.

bluesky12

Tom Young wrote: »

forum charter does not allow for seeking of legal advice. Are you seeking advice?

No, just looking for common ground.

Dublin_Gunner

This is the wrong place to look for advice, and the rules of the forum state legal advice really cannot be sought.

You can however be pointed in the right direction (hopefully).

I've been through a very similar situation myself unfortunately - it's more common than people would have you believe.

First things first - if there is a genuine concern that this woman is a danger to he child that is in her care, your concern should be reported immediately to Social Services.

Dublin Child Protection Social Work Services

If enough evidence can be gathered that the child being in the care of the mother is not in the best interests of the child, he may have a case for applying for full custody.

Beware that any and all routes to resolve this issue will be long, tiresome, and emotional.

For yourself, try not to have any direct contact with the mother. There is no need, and she may use that to her advantage making the situation worse.

He must try to resolve the problems, and ensure the welfare of the child is paramount at all times before making any decisions on how to sort this out.

Good luck to you, this won't be easy.

But definitely report the mother if there are genuine concerns for the childs safety and welfare.

nowayjosie

bluesky12 wrote: »

Hi everyone

This Is my first time using this.. I am at wits end with a on going problem. I got involved with my boyfriend 2 years ago, He has a little girl now almost 5 years old. The mother of the child and himself have been over for now over 4 years.

From the start I have been very patient with the situation, My boyfriend has 50/50 guardianship, have been to court about times when we have her. And maintance has been sorted. All sounds good but behind it all, since I got in this relation ship, the mother of the child is not happy that her ex has moved on, has used the child as a weapon many a time, times have gotton so bad that simple things like toilet training has been sorted. I my self have took a week out of work to sort this problem out and was satisfied with the progress this little girl made only to go back to her mother to soiling herself again... the child has now shown signs of fear of going to the toilet.
this woman hasnt even esablished a bed time routine for her child, has the child going to bed the same time she does. But can sleep perfectly in our house.
We had a problem last year, when this woman decided to move away from her mothers house, the child became over weight and did little to no exercise under her care, I do work in the line of fitness and with my help with my boyfriend we continued with healthy eating and making exercise some much fun for her, shes coming back down to a safe weight for her age.

Recently we have found out that this woman began to sell from the house, counterfeit goods while the child is there. shown signs of increase drinking patterns and grandure ideas about moving to Austrailla, looking to buy a house ( with no job)

And finally put her car up for sale, so she can move away to a different county with the child to a place she know's no one, no support.
My boyfriend will not agree to this as she has proven that she cant even look after the child with support around her. we have her enrolled for school in our town.

The plans shes making are getting extreme, I am now 7 months pregnant and I am wondering if shes starting to lose it over this.

My question is: Can she up and go with child if she chooses? Has my boyfriend got a say where shes lives and school??? And if shes goes without permission, what are the consquences??

we are looking into everything else but for now What can we do??

You are about to become a mother yourself - you cant be sure your relationship with your partner will last - put yourself in this woman's shoes - would you like another woman (the new woman) to interfere into your life? would you find it acceptable? You keep referring to your partners daughter as the child quote from your post "Can she up and go with the child" your talking about a mother and her daughter! at one stage your partner was in love with her try to remember that - I get the impression your more bothered about it than he is???

Procrastastudy

bluesky12 wrote: »

I stay out even if she drags me in.. I want a good start to my family and I want his little girl to be apart of it.
I said the same thing to him, He doesnt want to take his daughter away from her and really wants to help, but she keeps pushing him and all the support away.

Maybe she doesn't want that and perhaps that's having a affect on her mental health; driving her to drink and effecting the care she is giving to the child?

I know this is more a case of playing devils advocate here but you need to let the courts set the rules based on what's in the best interestes of the child and return to them if it's not being obided by. Regardless you need a solicitor.

bluesky12

nowayjosie wrote: »

You are about to become a mother yourself - you cant be sure your relationship with your partner will last - put yourself in this woman's shoes - would you like another woman (the new woman) to interfere into your life? would you find it acceptable? You keep referring to your partners daughter as the child quote from your post "Can she up and go with the child" your talking about a mother and her daughter! at one stage your partner was in love with her try to remember that - I get the impression your more bothered about it than he is???

I totally under stand ur point, My first time posting and I just want my point across, If you had the full story I think Ud quickly understand my postition. I stand back for these two people to sort it out but its got nasty, I am looking for common ground to see if any one has being in this situation, I am helpless watching this tear my partners family up while this lovely lil girl is in a war.. I am not bothered, I am deeply concerned for all parties. the end of the day this little girl needs Both parents

Procrastastudy

I think the parenting forum may be more appropriate.

bluesky12

GCDLawstudent wrote: »

Maybe she doesn't want that and perhaps that's having a affect on her mental health; driving her to drink and effecting the care she is giving to the child?

I know this is more a case of playing devils advocate here but you need to let the courts set the rules based on what's in the best interestes of the child and return to them if it's not being obided by. Regardless you need a solicitor.

Thank you

nowayjosie

bluesky12 wrote: »

I totally under stand ur point, My first time posting and I just want my point across, If you had the full story I think Ud quickly understand my postition. I stand back for these two people to sort it out but its got nasty, I am looking for common ground to see if any one has being in this situation, I am helpless watching this tear my partners family up while this lovely lil girl is in a war.. I am not bothered, I am deeply concerned for all parties. the end of the day this little girl needs Both parents

Its commendable if you genuinely feel this way – but your wording suggests otherwise. You floor her as a mother – your description is of a delusional drunk – its real daggers out. I imaging this woman is at her wits end and needs help. I don’t think you really want to help her at all, do you? Underneath it all you know that if you did want to help you’d find a way - if not by direct contact then her by going through her family and friends you haven’t done that for the last two years.

MagicSean

He should get a solicitor and seek full custody. He should also go to the HSE in relation to her neglect of the child.

Zambia

She cant move here without a visa and from what you have said she wont get one.

Procrastastudy

Because the Irish are so well known for obeying immigration laws!

To be fair though if she moves illeglally with the child you'll have all kinds of courses of action.

nowayjosie

MagicSean wrote: »

He should get a solicitor and seek full custody. He should also go to the HSE in relation to her neglect of the child.

What happened to "Innocent until proven guilty" the replies to this original post are very pointed in the direction of - how to get her on child neglect etc... I really think the old saying is true - there really are two sides to every story!

rolly1

bluesky12 wrote: »

My question is: Can she up and go with child if she chooses?

Not legally, she needs the consent of your boyfriend who is the child's other legal guardian jointly. Under section 16 of the 1997 Non Fatal Offences against the Person Act if she takes the child outside of the country without his consent it is a criminal offence punishable on summary conviction with a £1500 fine or up to 12 months in prison see here

He should write a registered letter to her stating his refusal of consent to the removal of his daughter to australia. In the letter he should also quote the above act to explain that it is illegal to remove his daughter to Australia without his consent.

Child abduction prevention guide here along with Irish Central Authority contact details:

the Central Authority for Child Abduction

Department of Justice and Equality
Bishop’s Square
Redmond’s Hill
Dublin 2

Phone: + 353 1 479-0200
Fax: + 353 1 479-0201
E-mail: child_abduct_inbox@justice.ie (Queries/applications under the 1980 Hague Convention and Council Regulation 2201/2003 (Brussels II bis)

E-mail: internationalchildprotect@justice.ie (Queries/applications under the 1996 Hague Convention)

ResearchWill

nowayjosie wrote: »

What happened to "Innocent until proven guilty" the replies to this original post are very pointed in the direction of - how to get her on child neglect etc... I really think the old saying is true - there really are two sides to every story!

In family there are 3 sides to every story his, hers and finally the truth, which from what little I have seen in cases is often the victim together with the children.

nowayjosie

ResearchWill wrote: »

In family there are 3 sides to every story his, hers and finally the truth, which from what little I have seen in cases is often the victim together with the children.

Ok then maybe you are right, there are 3 sides to the story - but i still say innocent till proven guilty the original post was very cutting and cold if this poster is really just very concerned and wants this child to have both parents if that's the case where will she fit in???? for this to happen she would have to be out of the picture - and if this mother was as bad as she is being portrayed then why did the father or the other relatives not report this woman to the authorities - and even this poster came on to a forum after 2 years she says, surely they have all broke the law here?

ResearchWill

nowayjosie wrote: »

Ok then maybe you are right, there are 3 sides to the story - but i still say innocent till proven guilty the original post was very cutting and cold if this poster is really just very concerned and wants this child to have both parents if that's the case where will she fit in???? for this to happen she would have to be out of the picture - and if this mother was as bad as she is being portrayed then why did the father or the other relatives not report this woman to the authorities - and even this poster came on to a forum after 2 years she says, surely they have all broke the law here?

I did agree with your post, by saying the third side was the truth I was I think accepting your point.

nowayjosie

ResearchWill wrote: »

I did agree with your post, by saying the third side was the truth I was I think accepting your point.

Sorry you probably were accepting my point but you only mentioned the first bit and I'm very concerned for this child know there is the poster out there who says she's concerned about a child for the last 2 years and she has not called the police / social workers / or who ever - I'm just very touchy about a subject that suggests child neglect and the adult reporting this on a forum does nothing to stop it.

nowayjosie

bluesky12 wrote: »

I totally under stand ur point, My first time posting and I just want my point across, If you had the full story I think Ud quickly understand my postition. I stand back for these two people to sort it out but its got nasty, I am looking for common ground to see if any one has being in this situation, I am helpless watching this tear my partners family up while this lovely lil girl is in a war.. I am not bothered, I am deeply concerned for all parties. the end of the day this little girl needs Both parents

If you really believe this child needs both parents - where will you fit into this scenario?? you are pregnant for this man and you want him to unite with his estranged partner and their daughter? how will you feel if this happens? sorry I dont understand - why have you waited 2 years and not mentioned this to the authorities???

nowayjosie

bluesky12 wrote: »

I stay out even if she drags me in.. I want a good start to my family and I want his little girl to be apart of it.
I said the same thing to him, He doesnt want to take his daughter away from her and really wants to help, but she keeps pushing him and all the support away.

shame on you for your silence

ResearchWill

nowayjosie wrote: »

If you really believe this child needs both parents - where will you fit into this scenario?? you are pregnant for this man and you want him to unite with his estranged partner and their daughter? how will you feel if this happens? sorry I dont understand - why have you waited 2 years and not mentioned this to the authorities???

Maybe I missed something, while there may be examples of bad parenting, I don't think I saw anything in the OP about neglect, if I remember the allegations are, 1. Use the child to get at ex (happens a lot in family) 2. Toilet training issues 3. Sleep pattern 4. Child putting on weight 5. Mother allegedly selling counterfeit goods from house while child is there 6. Mother seems to be drinking more, 7 mother has grand ideas to move to Australia.

While the selling counterfeit goods is illegal, I don't think it goes to neglect. So what exactly do you think the OP should report and what should social services do. In fact the OP has attempted to toilet train the child, deal with irregular sleeping and while child is with her father the diet is more balanced and exercise is introduced in a fun way.

ResearchWill

nowayjosie wrote: »

If you really believe this child needs both parents - where will you fit into this scenario?? you are pregnant for this man and you want him to unite with his estranged partner and their daughter? how will you feel if this happens? sorry I dont understand - why have you waited 2 years and not mentioned this to the authorities???

Are you saying that any parent who enters into a new relationship, that the new partner can not have a positive imput in the child's life and not exclude the ex partner.

I don't think the OP want her partner to unite with his ex, she it seems wants him to have as positive an imput with both his child and his ex, as the OP seems to understand that no matter what they are all now stuck in this together.

nowayjosie

ResearchWill wrote: »

Are you saying that any parent who enters into a new relationship, that the new partner can not have a positive imput in the child's life and not exclude the ex partner.

I don't think the OP want her partner to unite with his ex, she it seems wants him to have as positive an imput with both his child and his ex, as the OP seems to understand that no matter what they are all now stuck in this together.

Maybe it’s me who is taking the OP wrong. But in the first post she did say the mother did not toilet train the child (ok lack of parenting skills not neglect) so she took time off work to do this – only to have the child soil herself when back with the mother and now this child is showing fear of going to the toilet (so this too may not be neglect but something nasty has to be happening to this child for her to be fearful and then soil herself)
Then she mentions that the woman has not established a bed time routine for the child and that she says “she has proven she cant even look after the child with support around her”. I take all of this to mean that this mother is unfit and neglectful. Maybe I’m taking it wrong but that’s the way it reads to me. I understand that selling counterfeit goods is not neglect, however it leaves the child in a very dangerous situation in her home where this dealing is going on as the counterfeit trade in Ireland is run by the same people who run drug gangs. You go on to ask me what exactly I think the OP should report – I think she should report her concerns about this child (all the concerns she mentioned in her first post) immediately to her GP and the GP will know what department to contact, I think she should report the counterfeit dealings to the Garda. The child cant report this - the father has not reported it and neither has any of his family, so the onus lies on her she is aware the child is not in a position to help herself so she should stop talking about it and act immediately. If she's told she has no grounds for concern by her GP then no harm done. You asked me what should the social services do, my answer to that is I simply do not know but if there are any reasons for concern I am sure they would act on it - you know I am just giving my opinion on it - I don't work in any of the services and I don't have any knowledge on child law etc.. so I don't understand why you would ask me what these qualified people should do. The relationship this child is allegedly having with the 3 adults in her life in not positive - the mother does not seem capable of taking care of her. Her father has not sought outside help and her fathers partner has lots to say but remains silent and does nothing to bring this to the attention of the authorities.

FreudianSlippers

Moved to parenting.

MagicSean

nowayjosie wrote: »

What happened to "Innocent until proven guilty" the replies to this original post are very pointed in the direction of - how to get her on child neglect etc... I really think the old saying is true - there really are two sides to every story!

The HSe investigate claims of neglect and the courts decide on who is the most suitable parent. Where do you think people get proven guilty?

nowayjosie

MagicSean wrote: »

The HSe investigate claims of neglect and the courts decide on who is the most suitable parent. Where do you think people get proven guilty?

I was using this as a figure of speech! Only making a point thats what forums are about.

smcgiff

nowayjosie wrote: »

shame on you for your silence

You may have your own issues to deal with.


To the op, best of luck and hopefully there's a happy ending. There seems little fear of the child being taken out of the country.

If you don't think the child is being cared for enough by the other parent you should seek help from the hse.

nowayjosie

smcgiff wrote: »

You may have your own issues to deal with.


To the op, best of luck and hopefully there's a happy ending. There seems little fear of the child being taken out of the country.

If you don't think the child is being cared for enough by the other parent you should seek help from the hse.

I don't have issues to deal with luckily - I don't understand why you would make a remark like that. I advised her to seek help just like you have.