long distance relationships

IM0

how long have you been in it, or how long did it last before the need for physical contact got too much?

I wouldnt be able for one, I like cuddles and sex too much

Praetorian Saighdiuir

Bout 8 inches

Lawrence1895

They don't work, I tried already

Peetrik

Never tried it myself but I reckon you'd get away with about a month of LDR for every year you've been together.

IM0

Lars1916 wrote: »

They don't work, I tried already

how long did it last?

judgefudge

I was in one for 1 and a half years. Between Irl and Oz. Didn't end well. I'd say they can be done if the distance isn't that far and its not for an unrealistic amount of time.

Micky Dolenz

They don't work.

Temptamperu

Three years thus far, its very hard without the physical intimacy but I am closer to her than I have ever been with anyone else. Im saving to go to america with her but with tax out the ass and the price of living it is very hard to save up.

eth0

They're feckin terrible yokes

Aidric

Forget about it.

stovelid

Did it for 3 years, albeit in the same country. We're married now.

IM0

stovelid wrote: »

Did it for 3 years. We're married now.

but are you living together

Where To

Here's a long distance relationship that works;


10 000 miles = 52 800 000 feet

stovelid

IM0 wrote: »

but are you living together

Yes.

Susie_Q

I'm in an LDR this year as I've moved overseas for work. I left in August of last year and travelled home for 3 weeks at Christmas, then himself flew over to India to see me last month, so we've managed to see each other every few months. I'll be home in August so only 4 more months to go.

It's not ideal but it's not nearly as difficult as people make out. We're together over 4 years and very committed so there was no question of it not working. We talk every day and use Skype a lot, being able to see the other person really helps.

In saying that, I've decided I won't do another overseas job unless he's coming with me - I do miss him a lot and can't wait to see him again. LDR is doable though, if you're really in love and want to make it work then it's possible.

Fiona

Depends on how much you want to be with the person, if you love them and think it's worth it then it can be done.


And sure there is always Skype!!

ChaseThisLight

I've had two.

They work when the person means something to you, when you love them, when you don't give up if things get tough.

opinion guy

ChaseThisLight wrote: »

I've had two.

They work when the person means something to you, when you love them, when you don't give up if things get tough.

Um.....your using the past tense though......can't have worked that well.


LDR's never work. Simple as. The reality when you finally are reunited never lives up to the fake persona's and fantasy created by the need not to fight on skype etc etc.

mikom

Most of Afterhours are in a long distance relationship.......

because their girlfriend lives in the future.

jaffacakesyum

opinion guy wrote: »

Um.....your using the past tense though......can't have worked that well.


LDR's never work. Simple as. The reality when you finally are reunited never lives up to the fake persona's and fantasy created by the need not to fight on skype etc etc.

What a stupid thing to say Just because her relationships didn't work doesn't mean "LDR's never work. Simple as"

I know of two people in particular who have had long distance relationships and they are still together, one of those couples is now married.

AboutTwoFiddy

I've dated a few girls that were in LDR's, good fun.

opinion guy

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

What a stupid thing to say Just because her relationships didn't work doesn't mean "LDR's never work. Simple as"

Read it again - those are two different sentences. I didn't use the word because between them. I was not implying that because hers didn't work that LDR's don't work. No for that I rely on my extensive experience of the phenomenon both as a participant and as an observer.

I know of two people in particular who have had long distance relationships and they are still together, one of those couples is now married.

Exception that proves the rule. The .000001% that works. So far.....


Oh by the way - reported for personal abuse

Galwayguy35

I've done it twice, both times doomed to failure. Eventually someone has to move and in my case it wasn't possible and it was the same story with the OH. Wouldn't try it again, only Galway women for me now.

Sofaspud

I'm in one. Got with my girlfriend after I'd been accepted to a uni in Cardiff, When I was with her I deferred it for a year to get what we could out of the relationship expecting it to be over by the time I came here.
I moved in with her 9 months before I came to Cardiff, and after a while didn't want to move here at all, but she encouraged me to (I had no job in Ireland despite looking hard).

I've been in Cardiff since september, and I visit her as much as possible, usually every 2 months, sometimes with only 1 month gap, and it can be tough at times but we make it work.

pragmatic1

Depends how long the distance is. If its just a few hundred miles, they're deadly. You get to see them often enough without feeling cramped.

jaffacakesyum

opinion guy wrote: »

Read it again - those are two different sentences. I didn't use the word because between them. I was not implying that because hers didn't work that LDR's don't work. No for that I rely on my extensive experience of the phenomenon both as a participant and as an observer.



Exception that proves the rule. The .000001% that works. So far.....


Oh by the way - reported for personal abuse

How on earth do you know that it's the exception that proves the rule. I'm sure there are many people out there who have made LDR's work. I'm sure there are also many LDR's that haven't worked. Oh, and making up statistics doesn't prove anything either.

Don't know what personal abuse you're talking about but if you're that sensitive then I do apologise for offending you. This topic isn't something that I particularly care about, it's just that I think gross generalisations of 'x, y or z never work' are stupid.

It's like saying open relationships never work. I'm against open relationships myself but it doesn't mean they never work. Same goes for long distance relationships.

pawrick

Both myself and a friend were both seeing girls from England at the same time so we'd often meet up on the same flights etc. He's married to his one now and my relationship ended after about 18 months of taking turns every 2 to 3 weeks visiting each other- it will only last if there is a future to it where one or both of you agree to move, long term without that it won't last

ChaseThisLight

opinion guy wrote: »

Um.....your using the past tense though......can't have worked that well.


LDR's never work. Simple as. The reality when you finally are reunited never lives up to the fake persona's and fantasy created by the need not to fight on skype etc etc.

Just because I used past tense doesn't mean they didn't work.

The first ended mutually; and he'd gone away to school and after a year he decided to stay where he was, that he was never moving back, and I wasn't ready to move at the time, and we decided we were both too young to commit (we were both 18). And he really did never move back.

The second was a few years later, we'd been dating a year, he moved 80 miles away, we traveled to see each other, talked on the phone often, emailed, after a year he moved home, we got married, now we're divorced - also a mutually agreed ending.

As far as creating fantasies about the person you're in a LDR with so you don't fight, etc...if you can't be real with the person you're in a relationship with, if you can't truly be yourself and have them accept you for you and vice versa, then they aren't the person you should be with.


By the way, I consider them to have worked, because they worked while we were in the long distant relationship, and when they did end it was mutual and no one was hurt, and it wasn't the just the distance involved in the end, but the decisions we had to make concerning our futures.

Zaph

opinion guy wrote: »

LDR's never work. Simple as. The reality when you finally are reunited never lives up to the fake persona's and fantasy created by the need not to fight on skype etc etc.

I must tell that to my fiancée when she returns from her hen tomorrow. :rolleyes:

ihsb

I couldn't do it. If you have a bad day, who holds you?

If you are horny who shags you?

Fiona

ihsb wrote: »

I couldn't do it. If you have a bad day, who holds you?

If you are horny who shags you?

Teddy bear and vibrator?

ihsb

Unless the vibrator is attached to a hot naked man it just won't do.

opinion guy

ChaseThisLight wrote: »

Just because I used past tense doesn't mean they didn't work.

The first ended mutually; and he'd gone away to school and after a year he decided to stay where he was, that he was never moving back, and I wasn't ready to move at the time, and we decided we were both too young to commit (we were both 18). And he really did never move back.

18 ? Thsats not an LDR its an episode of Dawson's Creek :rolleyes:

The second was a few years later, we'd been dating a year, he moved 80 miles away, we traveled to see each other, talked on the phone often, emailed, after a year he moved home, we got married, now we're divorced - also a mutually agreed ending.

As far as creating fantasies about the person you're in a LDR with so you don't fight, etc...if you can't be real with the person you're in a relationship with, if you can't truly be yourself and have them accept you for you and vice versa, then they aren't the person you should be with.


By the way, I consider them to have worked, because they worked while we were in the long distant relationship, and when they did end it was mutual and no one was hurt, and it wasn't the just the distance involved in the end, but the decisions we had to make concerning our futures.

Wait wait wait - you are counting your LDR that ended in divorce as a win ???

Zaph wrote: »

I must tell that to my fiancée when she returns from her hen tomorrow. :rolleyes:

Yeah - you tell her how lucky you both are to have made it work. The vast majority don't.

opinion guy

Fiona wrote: »

Teddy bear and vibrator?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMrlFLZFdnQ

Fiona

ihsb wrote: »

Unless the vibrator is attached to a hot naked man it just won't do.

Yeah but sometimes you just gotta make do with the next best thing!

ihsb

Fiona wrote: »

Yeah but sometimes you just gotta make do with the next best thing!

Or be with someone that lives near you?

ChaseThisLight

opinion guy wrote: »

18 ? Thsats not an LDR its an episode of Dawson's Creek :rolleyes:

I'll give you that, yes...but it still counts.

Wait wait wait - you are counting your LDR that ended in divorce as a win ???

Yes, because the divorce happened 10 years after the fact, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the LDR. When we were in the LDR, it worked for us, which is the point, not that fact that the relationship ended years later.

opinion guy

ChaseThisLight wrote: »

I'll give you that, yes...but it still counts.

Yes, because the divorce happened 10 years after the fact, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the LDR. When we were in the LDR, it worked for us, which is the point, not that fact that the relationship ended years later.

Fair enough. Never the less the point stands. The vast majority of LDR's don't work and people end up with alot of wasted time and broken hearts. I've seen it soooooooooo many times.

ChaseThisLight

opinion guy wrote: »

Fair enough. Never the less the point stands. The vast majority of LDR's don't work and people end up with alot of wasted time and broken hearts. I've seen it soooooooooo many times.

Yes, some work, some don't.

I believe it all depends on the people, and if they want it to work. As I said before, if the person means something to you, if you love them, if you don't give up when it's tough (because it is definitely not the easiest thing in the world), it can work. If you don't have that with the person, then of course it won't work; or there could be any number of reasons why...circumstances, timing, etc...who knows what else.

youreadthis

opinion guy wrote: »

Fair enough. Never the less the point stands. The vast majority of LDR's don't work and people end up with alot of wasted time and broken hearts. I've seen it soooooooooo many times.

tbh as far as I know most people's short distance relationships don't work either, hence most people have multiple partners before they settle down.

Wompa1

I'm 2 months into an LDR. It hasn't been easy. It's very difficult to sound out arguments when you are 10,000 miles apart. There's an 8 hour time difference and she says being in the town we both lived in is very difficult because of memories of the two of us around there.

It probably hasn't been as tough for me because I've been so busy since I got here. It will probably be tough the next few weeks as I get more settled in.

I do miss sex but I guess I'm not as desperate for it as other people seem to be

prinz

Long distance for four and a half years out of the last six.

Sinfonia

opinion guy wrote: »

I've seen it soooooooooo many times.

How many?

mardybumbum

My GF of four years had to get a job in Dubai for the year. We lasted about 9 months. Broke up 4 weeks ago.

Wouldn't recommend the auld LDRs. Pain in the hole.

darlett

opinion guy wrote: »

LDR's never work. Simple as.

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

What a stupid thing to say

opinion guy wrote: »

Oh by the way - reported for personal abuse

How the heck do you survive in AH if that counts as personal abuse? Cos oh by the way that was a stupid thing to say. Your slagging of Chasethelight goes far deeper yet she smiles it off while you go proudly reporting something which was fair assessment of a stupid statement. Have a word.

opinion guy

darlett wrote: »

How the heck do you survive in AH if that counts as personal abuse? Cos oh by the way that was a stupid thing to say. Your slagging of Chasethelight goes far deeper yet she smiles it off while you go proudly reporting something which was fair assessment of a stupid statement. Have a word.

Why don't you mind your own business ? Or if you have a problem with a post report it.
Its what I think. She said it was stupid. I reported it. I report personal abuse such as calling me stupid because its what your suppsoed to do and its better than getting neverending 'no your point is stupid' arguments. I didn't slag anyone(my dawson creek crack was intended as friendly banter and taken that way). Was it neceassary you comment on a conversation that has moved on ? Your just jumping on the band wagon and doing your own attempt at bullying. How about you comment on the issue instead of just trying to be a bully ? What do you think about LDR's ? You haven't said you've just had a go at me.

Touchy bunch you LDR believers are. Whats that about ?

El Weirdo

mod

/mod

davepatr07

It works. Over a yr now and counting.

Spread

I know two couples that had LDR before meeting up and getting hitched. One pair met as penpals, she went to Ireland to check him out after a year or so, came back to the States to jack in her job and then returned to Ireland, got married and started multiplying (in a Biblical sense). Three kids (including twins) and are now grandparents. That was in the 70s. The other couple met online about ten years ago ......... again after a year or so they met ....... liked what they saw and got married shortly after. She was a widow with grown kids ........... he was a single parent (in Ireland) with one grown up child. Had a nice small wedding with all sprogs attending and now they live a couple of hours away. We meet up for weekends ...... cards and a few jars etc. The Lord works in mysterious ways ....... Hallelujah!

TheMonopolyGuy

I think people need to step back and look at the bigger picture.
Because for example if 5 people say "yeah, LDR's work. My now wife and I were long distance once" etc etc it does not mean every LDR works.

We should just go on the experiences of people we have known who've been in them. For me, i've heard more people say the relationship failed than were successful. ALOT more. So yeah some people can have sucessful ones. But the majority dont.

Spread

This may be because most people in successful relationships don't feel the need to discuss.