Do bullies really have low self esteem?

lazygal

The bullies in my school were invariably popular, well-liked and otherwise normal people who seemed to get a kick out of picking on people. I don't know how a lot of them ended up but the one or two I'd see around haven't suffered, have good jobs and a pretty sweet deal in life. Is the 'ah bullies are just insecure themselves and act out' excuse bull?

token101

lazygal wrote: »

The bullies in my school were invariably popular, well-liked and otherwise normal people who seemed to get a kick out of picking on people. I don't know how a lot of them ended up but the one or two I'd see around haven't suffered, have good jobs and a pretty sweet deal in life. Is the 'ah bullies are just insecure themselves and act out' excuse bull?

Yeah that's usually bollocks your parents tell you to make you feel better.

roro1neil0

high self-confidence low self esteem is the frequently quoted description

i'd say they grow out of it once they hit the office

FatherLen

Yep. They are just dicks

Napper Hawkins

You've clearly never worked in an office.

mikemac1

roro1neil0 wrote: »

i'd say they grow out of it once they hit the office

There are plenty of bullies in the boardroom too


Or jumped up little supervisors who spent their time messing with politics and putting down staff.
Give a weak person a bit of power and watch them crumble......

jimthemental

They usually just do it for a laugh.

Carter P Fly

token101 wrote: »

Yeah that's usually bollocks your parents tell you to make you feel better.

What he said

saa

People say bullies are cowards. Well, they're wrong. Bullies are brave because they're strong.

Mr.Biscuits

Bullies are created by fcuked up parenting.

Either they get spoiled at home and think they can do what they like when out in the real world or they get mentally and physically abused at home and take the inevitable anger out on whoever they can.

The latter can have be accompanied by self esteem issues, the former, rarely.

davet82

saa wrote: »

People say bullies are cowards. Well, they're wrong. Bullies are brave because they're strong.

is there a bully sitting next to you?

SunnyDub1

maybe they are not bullies and they just want to have a bit of crack and laugh.... and the person being "bullied" doesn't see the funny side of it!


People take things to heart to much these days...

token101

saa wrote: »

People say bullies are cowards. Well, they're wrong. Bullies are brave because they're strong.

Exactly. Takes balls to walk up to someone and demand their football or you'll hit them 'upside the face' with your a bike lock you've also stolen.

WindSock

Some yes, some no. Depends on the person really. Some do it to follow someone more influential and impress them. I would say the influential one is not lacking in esteem but their minions, perhaps. There are all sorts of different reasons why people bully. It is just easier to say it's done because they are cowards when it boils down to it because it gives the power back to the victim when they believe that (not saying it is not the case, it probably is in many, just not all).

Dravokivich

Bullies are gobshítes, that's it. There's no mystery behind it.

lazygal

lazygal wrote: »

The bullies in my school were invariably popular..............

Were they actual bullies though?

There are plenty of pr1cks about who deserve a good slagging during their formative years, those doing the slagging may be viewed as bullies by the pr1cks.

CrazyRabbit

Bullies can be cowards in that they normally target the weakest/smallest/most vulnerable person in the social group.

There are however, a lot of reasons why bullies are what they are. But primarily, it's a mental disorder that causes a lack of empathy for other people. This along with a high desire for negative attention due to lack of positive attention, results in the stereotypical bully.

Some are just burgeoning sociopaths though...I.E. A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience. Oddly enough, some of the most successfull people in the world fall into that definition.

cena

I use to picked on in school. I hated them all. I wouldn't hang around with the class at all during break time.

Corkfeen

RoverJames wrote: »

lazygal wrote: »

The bullies in my school were invariably popular..............

Were they actual bullies though?

There are plenty of pr1cks about who deserve a good slagging during their formative years, those doing the slagging may be viewed as bullies by the pr1cks.

The individuals who bullied me in secondary school were highly popular. Although most dogs were of far greater intelligence than them.

Da Shins Kelly

For the most part, in my experience, I found that they were cowards. They always targeted the most vulnerable, the quietest, the shyest, the people less likely to talk back or stand up against them. In that sense, they were complete cowards. If you really wanted to confidently assert your authority, why not go for the biggest, loudest, most exuberant personality and take them down? Because they're afraid to, and they know they can't. They'd also be nothing without their pack of followers.

That said, I think there are different kinds of bullies and a variety of reasons why people might become bullies. That's just my experience.

Duggys Housemate

The fact that bullies target the weakest doesn't mean they have low self esteem, it just means they target the weakest. The bullied, on the other hand, tend to have low self esteem.

Psychopaths have high self esteem, and a grandiose feeling of self worth. Not all bullies are psychos, but some are.

They'd also be nothing without their pack of followers.

So would Stalin.

The low self esteem argument was mid century everybody is a victim ( even the victimisers) crap. It has been roundly debunked.

foxyboxer

Yes, bullying (in the classic sense) someone to make yourself feel better would imply a lack of self esteem.

Duggy747

From people I knew and saw they were just plain assholes who picked on others outside of the popular social clique. Years later, I see them and the majority of them hadn't changed a bit. They took the piss out of me for listening to metal and called me the usual shìte like Goth (even though I didn't dress like one :pac:). Fast forward a few years and they were going to KoRn concerts and listening to whatever shìte was popular on Kerrang.

It was a case of picking on those to make themselves appear more popular within that said group.

I remember one guy who was very quiet and a loner would get brutal punishment, I'd talk to the guy in the classes I had with him since nobody else would but his confidence was ruined by those scumbags. Even call him over to us when me and my friends were hanging out and talk about absolutely nothing, just to show him that he didn't have to be alone listening to those shìtheads everyday.

In the end he was forced to leave the school from the way people treated him. Even people who you wouldn't class as bullies would join in the taunting as it was almost uncool not to pick on him.

Cùnts, the lot of them.

Noffles

I always thought people grew out of being bullies and started acting like "normal" people... I have, in the last few years, learned differently having met someone who is still the typical arsehole bully from a school play ground... this person is around 47 years old!

It's been quite a depressing discovery too but it is good to see that they're an absolute failure in life, with no job, some sort of sickness benefit, an absolute tip of a house / garden and almost universally dislked in the area...

Some people are born arseholes (bullies) and stay that way until they die.

zenno

saa wrote: »

People say bullies are cowards. Well, they're wrong. Bullies are brave because they're strong.

I don't agree with this as I was bullied in school only once for a few weeks then one day I lost the plot after the bully gave me a slap on the face and then I went to town on him and ever since that not one person ever bullied me again so the bully thinking he was the hardman was in essence a weak person.

ntlbell

oh great, a thread for all the little girls to have a whine about the bad boys.

Fantastic.

It's like a mother telling her ugly daughter good looking girls all have piles.

It's to make you feel better.

She didn't want to tell you to man up and stop being a little jessie.

dsmythy

The way I see it, youngsters seek a certain status among their peer group. Some resort to targeting others as a cheap way of gaining that status. Even cheaper when it's somebody who you know won't or can't stand up for themselves. Some take this into adulthood and need to grow up.

foxyboxer

As for as an office/work setting, someone who is bullying is generally higher in the 'hierarchy' and utilises the inherent fear of financial loss in the victim as a weapon. The victim in this case fears to retaliate as it may jeopardise their position. This principle also applies itself to being the customer which some people take as a license to act the prick. "Let me speak to you manager" being a favourite.

Some people interact with others in these situations in a manner that would get them a slap in any external everyday situation but they know they have immunity so to speak.

zenno

As for bullying in the office or work area, Well the easy way to deal with that is a quiet word in the bullys ear so no one else can hear and this will always work. I can't tell you here what you would say to the bully but use your imagination.

The thing I have always noticed is that when you back yourself up and wisper a few words of what might happen to said bully if they keep it up always works as they just get a shock at what you have said and then think you are a nutter so they back down as usual, bullies always chance their arm until you say or show them you will not be messed with.

grindle

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

maybe they are not bullies and they just want to have a bit of crack and laugh.... and the person being "bullied" doesn't see the funny side of it!


People take things to heart to much these days...

Maybe rapists aren't rapists they just want to have sex... and the person being "raped" doesn't see the sexy side of it!

People take things to heart too much these days.

See what I did there?
Yeah, that's how retarded your notion is...

No, no bother, no need to thank me.

Scanlas The 2nd

foxyboxer wrote: »

Yes, bullying (in the classic sense) someone to make yourself feel better would imply a lack of self esteem.

What about playing a hobby or sport to feel better, would that imply a lack of self esteem?

ntlbell

grindle wrote: »

Maybe rapists aren't rapists they just want to have sex... and the person being "raped" doesn't see the sexy side of it!

People take things to heart too much these days.

See what I did there?
Yeah, that's how retarded your notion is...

No, no bother, no need to thank me.

Oh, sorry you said rape.

i thought you said something slightly relevant to the topic.

apologies.

grindle

ntlbell wrote: »

Oh, sorry you said rape.

i thought you said something slightly relevant to the topic.

apologies.

Enjoy the magic of lateral thinking.

John Doe1

The guy that bullied me for 2 years from 13-15 definitely had low self esteem, he was a visually repulsive, thick and the only way he could get attention was by picking on sensitive sorts on their perceived weaknesses. Thankfully I am now much less sensitive and if I see him again I will definitely "have a few words":p

ntlbell

grindle wrote: »

Enjoy the magic of lateral thinking.

yes rape was a perfect one.

:rolleyes:

ntlbell

John Doe1 wrote: »

Thankfully I am now much less sensitive and if I see him again I will definitely "have a few words":p

Oh, Internet tough guy now. I'm sure he's terrified now.

you learn him.

zenno

zenno wrote: »

.............. I can't tell you here what you would say to the bully but use your imagination.

The thing I have always noticed is that when you back yourself up and wisper a few words of what might happen to said bully if they keep it up always works ..................

How many bullies have you encountered in the workplace that you have resorted to threatening whispers in their ear?

grindle

ntlbell wrote: »

yes rape was a perfect one.

:rolleyes:

Analogies don't have to be of equal value, terror-wise, they just have to translate across. This one does.
Anyone who thinks bullies are just "havin' the craic" (probably true, from the bully's POV) is as vile and ignorant as the bully.

John Doe1

ntlbell wrote: »

Oh, Internet tough guy now. I'm sure he's terrified now.

you learn him.

Internet tough guy?

I was merely trying to illustrate how i have more confidence, i wasnt seriuously suggesting I would fight him, hence:p.

Anyway thanks for your constructive contribution there

ntlbell

RoverJames wrote: »

How many bullies have you encountered in the workplace that you have resorted to threatening whispers in their ear?

Chuck Norris whispers in All Caps

foxyboxer

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What about playing a hobby or sport to feel better, would that imply a lack of self esteem?

?

My point was if someone has self-esteem, why would they resort to bullying someone.

ntlbell

grindle wrote: »

Analogies don't have to be of equal value, terror-wise, they just have to translate across. This one does.
Anyone who thinks bullies are just "havin' the craic" (probably true, from the bully's POV) is as vile and ignorant as the bully.

Can we end it now and just talk about jews and taking the gas too seriously?

rape...ffs....

calling someone "Fat back" and lobbing the baldy fella into someone's brown without consent.

Please.

Snowie

lazygal wrote: »

The bullies in my school were invariably popular, well-liked and otherwise normal people who seemed to get a kick out of picking on people. I don't know how a lot of them ended up but the one or two I'd see around haven't suffered, have good jobs and a pretty sweet deal in life. Is the 'ah bullies are just insecure themselves and act out' excuse bull?

nothing is ever what t appears!

davet82

125863_slide.jpg

Duggys Housemate

I think the bullies have low self esteem theory might be a [URL="tp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis"]Just World Fallacy[/URL].

calling someone "Fat back" and lobbing the baldy fella into someone's brown without consent.

Bullied people have committed suicide. You are a defender of bullies, huh? Got a shady past?

grindle

ntlbell wrote: »

Can we end it now and just talk about jews and taking the gas too seriously?

rape...ffs....

calling someone "Fat back" and lobbing the baldy fella into someone's brown without consent.

Please.

How about a decade being called a "fäggot" and a "queer", being stabbed with compasses, belted with rulers and stones, and pushed around corridors because they knew I'd be too terrified to "squeal" because of the consequences if I did?
Being too scared to leave my house because my estate was littered with scum looking to abuse the weakling?
Multiple suicide attempts and hospitalisations, a short stay in a psychiatric hospital, six years of medication and counselling?
Yeah, sure, bullying's not serious.
Just havin' the craic.

ntlbell

Duggys Housemate wrote: »

Bullied people have committed suicide. You are a defender of bullies, huh? Got a shady past?

Yes, I hurt someone's feelings once.

People who have walked their dog have killed themselves.

Have that for lateral thinking sunshine!

saa

zenno wrote: »

I don't agree with this as I was bullied in school only once for a few weeks then one day I lost the plot after the bully gave me a slap on the face and then I went to town on him and ever since that not one person ever bullied me again so the bully thinking he was the hardman was in essence a weak person.

I was quoting The Simpsons ...

Ush1

ntlbell wrote: »

People who have walked their dog have killed themselves.

Have that for lateral thinking sunshine!

You're doing it wrong.

ntlbell

Ush1 wrote: »

You're doing it wrong.

Sorry, I thought this was an anti marijiwana thread,

Duggys Housemate

ntlbell wrote: »

Sorry, I thought this was an anti marijiwana thread,

Why don't you pop off and find that thread, then?