Masturbation tax may be self assessed

Rabidlamb

Latest leaks from government indicate that a masturbation allowance will be granted but there is no mention yet of of the cut off point.
50c per additional fappage was being mooted by sources close to the cabinet but no minister was available to confirm or deny this figure.
It is understood that Sean Sherlock has looked into readily available fappage meter software that uses your devices webcam to record instances of masturbation.
Minister Phil Hogan is worried about the reluctance of many to admit to the "sneaky one" but believes the major source of income will through self assessment forms which can be filled out online at recordmywanks.ie.
The site is currently under beta testing but was hacked last week where users were redirected to spankwire, the irony of these teething errors are not lost on the Minister Hogan who joked about the lost revenue.

Mothers Untied Under God have complained about receiving an allowance for something they would consider sinful, "you wouldn't be given a safe amount to steal" expressed someone who would bore the pants off you.
The Catholic Church have come out strongly against the government proposal but nobody cared for their opinion.

FatherLen

are teenagers going to get a fap allowance?

Well.

I'll be in debt for the rest of my life.

davet82

This will never go through as we all know all elected TDs are wánkers

candy-gal1

WTF, better be a fecking joke!!
i thought the best things in life were free?! tax free etc :D

Captain Darling

Pull the other one!!!

Seachmall

Come again?!

Mr.Biscuits

Ah, I knew it was only time before the Government bailed out the **** banks too.

Immaculate Pasta

Does this mean that I have to go to the Isle of Man for a tax free fap?

Littlehorny

Is revenue looking to get paid straight into the hand?

44leto

Self assessed

Well in that case I never ****, its against my catholic upbringing.

(Right erase all search history and throw out fap mags)

Rabidlamb

44leto wrote: »

Self assessed

Well in that case I never ****, its against my catholic upbringing.

(Right erase all search history and throw out fap mags)

Yes, I also belong to the staunch 84% who would like a nice long mass as gaelige as 1.7 million of us are fluent.

admiralofthefleet

Seachmall wrote: »

Come again?!

the quiet words of the virgon mary

kfallon

Tax evasion is gonna reach an all time high in this country now

44leto

Just reading the fine details of this legislation, we are to have meters installed on our mickeys, and we have to pay the cost.

Mr Benevolent

What if I get my gf to fap me? Will that be taxed? Or classed as tax evasion?

LK_Dave

For the love of God, will someone please think of the effect this will have on Kleenex and the consequences of the tissue paper industry in general?

Stiffler2

TD's being the biggest **** of them all means that they would over masterbate and then we would have to cover them.








in our ecto-plasm

44leto

Confab wrote: »

What if I get my gf to fap me? Will that be taxed? Or classed as tax evasion?

Typical use your wife or gf as tax evasion purposes, all the golden circle are at that.

General Relativity

The Government are rubbing me up the wrong way with this one.

44leto

To masturbate latin; to defile by hand

So even if you use another persons hand, you are still defiling by hand, so you have to pay your masturbation tax.

This tax will catch all the ****. Thank God, holy mary, jesus, the holy spirt and all the saints I am Catholic. I am a no **** zone.

Sex for babies and nothing else.

foxyboxer

Féin Truallú

So in effect the polluter pays?

Snowie

chewing gum on the web cam :cool:

brandon_flowers

Checks Location.


BOOM...

foxyboxer

Crying in self pity during the **** renders one exempt from payment.

Krispie

Aha. A loophole.

Big Bang Theory and Howards Robotic Arm

See attachment, if it worked

iamstop

Discounted fleshlights at all?

44leto

Would stained bed linen be tax deductible?

working fool

Will there be a rebate for premature ejaculation ????

Sparks43

More Money slipping through my hands :mad::eek:

Tazio

Confab wrote: »

What if I get my gf to fap me? Will that be taxed? Or classed as tax evasion?

No, that'll be classed as joint assessment.

44leto

There is an element of sexism about this law. It will be difficult to prove women are paying their fair share.

44leto

Tazio wrote: »

No, that'll be classed as joint assessment.

But the problem will then arise with the masturbations free allowance you will be allowed 100 **** if you are single but only 25 if you have a partner.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Does it count if you do it under the blankets and with the lights off?

If this cums in then i'm simply going to nip across the border, bang on off and go home again...satisfied.

44leto

CJC999 wrote: »

Does it count if you do it under the blankets and with the lights off?

If this cums in then i'm simply going to nip across the border, bang on off and go home again...satisfied.

The carbon saving will be deductible.

The Davestator

If our tennage brethern have a wet dream, will there be a statuatory obligation on the mother who washes the sheets to report the tax avoidance?

Mr Benevolent

This is a sexist law. I bet women won't be taxed as they don't do it nearly as often.

Daftendirekt

In other news, the "Don't Register, Fap Away" campaign is being spearheaded by Sinn Féin and Socialist TD's, with the intent of encouraging mass non-registration amongst the 100% of the population believed to be eligible for the charge. A Government spokesperson has called the campaign "irresponsible" and criticised it for "promoting law-breaking and tax evasion."

shopaholic01

44leto wrote: »

But the problem will then arise with the masturbations free allowance you will be allowed 100 **** if you are single but only 25 if you have a partner.

If you're married I think your free quota will increase on a yearly basis

snuggles09

Confab wrote: »

This is a sexist law. I bet women won't be taxed as they don't do it nearly as often.

that's only what we want ye to think

Rented Mule

Captain Darling wrote: »

Pull the other one!!!

Uhm .....nevermind.

Mickey H

Snowie wrote: »

chewing gum on the web cam :cool:

Knickers on the web cam.

working fool wrote: »

Will there be a rebate for premature ejaculation ????

Of course. You get half a service and pay for half a service.

CJC999 wrote: »

Does it count if you do it under the blankets and with the lights off?

Yes it does. Catholic **** are not exempt.

Robdude

I think this is a good idea.

I like to contribute to the financial success of businesses/artists/service providers/etc, etc... that I enjoy.

If I hear a band I like, I buy a T-Shirt to support them or a CD. If a frequent a website, I click on an ad or two.

But, for my whole life, I've been spankin it to naughty thoughts of women that get nothing! Why do you think we've got such an obesity problem?

From now on, I'm donating one euro to each girl that provides my motivation.

44leto

Robdude wrote: »

I think this is a good idea.



From now on, I'm donating one euro to each girl that provides my motivation.

HUH
Are you Warren Buffet or bill gates.

iamstop

I was hoping for tax relief, NOT relief tax! Gosh.

BillyMitchel

What about a wet dream?

44leto

BillyMitchel wrote: »

What about a wet dream?

You would have to present the soiled jocks and sheets as proof to get a deduction.

BillyMitchel

44leto wrote: »

BillyMitchel wrote: »

What about a wet dream?

You would have to present the soiled jocks and sheets as proof to get a deduction.

Fcuk that I'll be sleeping with a johnny on so.

Baneblade

So this will be the Pay As You Fap tax

DaveNoCheese

I hope there's nobody out there like the Lonely Island boys, ye'd be jizzing your pants every hour on the hour!!

Redzer7

If I have a **** in me nanny's gaf with a balaclava on will I still get taxed?