Am I wrong to feel this is wrong? Or....

Unknown Soldier

OK there are a couple of things wrong with this. One is that I was reading the Sun. But in my defence I was only doing that because I enjoy their Coffee Crossword, mainly because I don't have the smarts to do any of the harder ones.

I still find it hard though. The use the odd latin word to mix it up

Anyways yesterday I came across this Dear Deridre letter.

http://omg.wthax.org/photo_63.jpg


I was aghast. Am I right to be?

It would be good to know as I am thinking of sending her a rather strongly worded email on the matter. I might even throw in a few of the new fancy words I have learnt while doing cross words.

krudler

Dear Deirdre? dont you mean Dear whoever in The Sun office has nothing better to do before the end of the day so makes up letters to make readers feel better about their own fcuked up lives?

The Snipe

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

One is that I was reading the Sun.

You can not read boobs! :p:p

karl_m

I'm not sure I get what you feel wrong about.

The King of Moo

Why do you think it's wrong?

If it's because you don't think a woman can rape a man, rape can be committed by either sex against either sex.
And this sounds like it might have been a case of rape.

MagicMarker

You're aghast at what? His story or her reply?

I don't see your problem tbh.

stupidusername

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

I was aghast. Am I right to be?

It would be good to know as I am thinking of sending her a rather strongly worded email on the matter. I might even throw in a few of the new fancy words I have learnt while doing cross words.

What are you aghast at?

I find it odd that the responder refers to it as 'sexual assault'. even if that's legally all it can be, it doesn't make it not rape. they really shouldn't be saying ****e like that. and saying that it'd be tough going to court over it...who ever says that to a female rape victim at the early stages!?

Unknown Soldier

OK..

I just thought the part where is was suggested that "....though she genuinely may have thought that you were happy about with what was taking place"


Must just be me so.

IM0

karl_m wrote: »

I'm not sure I get what you feel wrong about.

or the latin words

Where To

What's the story with the four-letter political thing?

karl_m

stupidusername wrote: »

What are you aghast at?

I find it odd that the responder refers to it as 'sexual assault'. even if that's legally all it can be, it doesn't make it not rape. they really shouldn't be saying ****e like that. and saying that it'd be tough going to court over it...who ever says that to a female rape victim at the early stages!?

I suppose she gets the feeling that he is in two minds over taking legal action, and by telling him it will be hard would prepare him for the physical and mental toll a court case like that would have on him at this time. I think she gives fair advice on this.

Unknown Soldier

Where To wrote: »

What's the story with the four-letter political thing?

I'm stuck on that one...currently...In my crossword.

stupidusername

karl_m wrote: »

I suppose she gets the feeling that he is in two minds over taking legal action, and by telling him it will be hard would prepare him for the physical and mental toll a court case like that would have on him at this time. I think she gives fair advice on this.

But there's no mention of legal action at all

IM0

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

I'm stuck on that one...currently...In my crossword.

PACT

frozenfrozen

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

I'm stuck on that one...currently...In my crossword.

part(y)

karl_m

stupidusername wrote: »

But there's no mention of legal action at all

She mentions a court case and I just assume legal action. :O

minidazzler

The King of Moo wrote: »

Why do you think it's wrong?

If it's because you don't think a woman can rape a man, rape can be committed by either sex against either sex.
And this sounds like it might have been a case of rape.

No, in this country a man can only be sexually assaulted, not raped. Our definition of rape clearly spells out a vagina is required to be penetrated.

That said, I'd say the same thing to this guy as I would to a girl, you got drunk and you fcuked someone, that's your mistake. Though with the caveat that a sober person having sex with a very drunk person is a very odd thing indeed.

Where To

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

I'm stuck on that one...currently...In my crossword.

Pact.

IMO beat me to it

unless it's bloc of course. . . . .

ejmaztec

I'm aghast that someone used the word aghast in AH.:eek:

stupidusername

karl_m wrote: »

She mentions a court case and I just assume legal action. :O

...and he does mention going to the guards. hmmm.

karl_m

stupidusername wrote: »

...and he does mention going to the guards. hmmm.

It's a tough situation, cause I could imagine him being laughed at "for getting the ride" ya know?

BornToKill

The King of Moo wrote: »

Why do you think it's wrong?

If it's because you don't think a woman can rape a man, rape can be committed by either sex against either sex.
And this sounds like it might have been a case of rape.

Ah, nope. Legally, a woman cannot rape a man.

IM0

Where To wrote: »

Pact.

IMO beat me to it

unless it's bloc of course. . . . .

oh could be that too, OP which fits better with the other letters in the CW?

Abi

If you were to take that shyte seriously for a second, he could have stripped off with the intention of doing something but passed out. Her comment about doing all the hard work could have meant she finished herself off.

Now, back to reality. It's made up horse shyte.

BornToKill

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

I'm stuck on that one...currently...In my crossword.

PBPA - People Before Profit Alliance.

upandcumming

I'm sure someone sees the similarities to the Ched Evans case!

MyKeyG

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

OK..

I just thought the part where is was suggested that "....though she genuinely may have thought that you were happy about with what was taking place"


Must just be me so.

She probably did think he was well up for it. I see nothing wrong with 'Deirdre' suggesting so. I mean I don't pay much seriousness to these sorts of things but she's merely covering all the possibilities. The guy was putting himself about so the girl figured hey here we go. I have to wonder if it was indeed sexual assault but there again it's a toughie. I have no doubt if the roles were reversed the lad would have been arrested.

I went home with a girl three weeks ago. Smoking body great laugh CRAP in bed but what could I do by then? So I wake up at about half twelve the following day. Yer one tells me she tried to have morning surprise with my morning surprise while I was asleep but but my morning surprise was only half surprised. WHICH NEVER HAPPENS BY THE WAY:D Ah no sure I'd been drinking like a mad man the night before and I'm on a course of anti depressants at the moment which affect the libido. ANYWAY! I called her a dirty rapist joking and we all had a good laugh about it.

Now for all she knew I had regretted my decision to sleep with her in the first place for god knows whatever reason but she decided to help herself anyway. When it didn't work out she took a picture of my 'halfy' for as she said 'the **** bank'. Was i sexually abused? I don't know! Do I give a f**k? Not in the slightest!

Now that's not meant in anyway to belittle people who have been taken advantage of and it genuinely bothered them. It's merely my take on my own situation.

Unknown Soldier

Where To wrote: »

Pact.

IMO beat me to it

unless it's bloc of course. . . . .

You are, I think, correct. Not that I really would have got that in a million years.

C was the last letter as I figured out the following.
9 Letters: Spanish Instruments. The Cryptic was " Start fishing with pole for Spanish instruments" Cast!

I use the Sun one as it has twofold clues and it is teaching me how to do Cryptic ones. Teaching me rather slowly I might add.

The King of Moo

minidazzler wrote: »

No, in this country a man can only be sexually assaulted, not raped. Our definition of rape clearly spells out a vagina is required to be penetrated.

That said, I'd say the same thing to this guy as I would to a girl, you got drunk and you fcuked someone, that's your mistake. Though with the caveat that a sober person having sex with a very drunk person is a very odd thing indeed.

BornToKill wrote: »

Ah, nope. Legally, a woman cannot rape a man.

Ok then, according to Irish law he was sexually assaulted, not raped.

I'm sure no-one would argue that it's not a pretty nasty thing to happen to anyone of either gender regardless of its definition.

Unknown Soldier

Abi wrote: »

If you were to take that shyte seriously for a second, he could have stripped off with the intention of doing something but passed out. Her comment about doing all the hard work could have meant she finished herself off.

Now, back to reality. It's made up horse shyte.

Let me put this another way. I like the picture stories in the personal problems in the tabloids. They are like mini soap operas that suite my short attention span. In short... I have read quite a few of those type of things. All bar that one are women who woke up in similar circumstances or went home and later regretted it.

I don't recall once having having see an "answer" suggesting that the man "genuinely may have thought that you were happy about with what was taking place"

As such that is why I was shocked at the reply.

Then again maybe I shouldn't be. It could just be "me"

Thats why I decided to come to the well read and intellectual behemoth that is AH. Seeking its wisdom on the matter.

minidazzler

The King of Moo wrote: »

Ok then, according to Irish law he was sexually assaulted, not raped.

I'm sure no-one would argue that it's not a pretty nasty thing to happen to anyone of either gender regardless of its definition.

He may have been well up for it, and maybe the one who got it to happen. He doesn't know what happened, he just knows he regretted it after the fact.

As I said, the sober person picking up the drunk person, always weird regardless of gender, but if the person seems up for it, what's one to do?

Herb Powell

It's great, there's even an oral sex helpline

hondasam

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

I don't recall once having having see an "answer" suggesting that the man "genuinely may have thought that you were happy about with what was taking place"

Do you think she would have had a different attitude if it were a woman asking the same question?

GowlBag

Haha! That dude is some eejit. He should learn how to handle his liquor in future. He was passed out and missed all the fun. Now he's cryin' like a pussy. Man-about-town my bollix.

prinz

Yes you were OP. Wanting to meet your siblings? Whatever will the sickos think of next...


On topic, if parts of that reply were aimed at a female victim you'd be hung,drawn and quartered as being a victim hater, misogynist etc etc.

The King of Moo

minidazzler wrote: »

He may have been well up for it, and maybe the one who got it to happen. He doesn't know what happened, he just knows he regretted it after the fact.

As I said, the sober person picking up the drunk person, always weird regardless of gender, but if the person seems up for it, what's one to do?

He may have been up for it, or he may have been unable to give consent, I guess we'll never know.

I agree though that it's very strange for a sober person to pick up a very drunk person, but I do think there is something the sober person can do: not have sex with the drunk person.
If someone's very drunk then they can't really give informed consent. Even if it weren't considered sexual assault, it's still taking advantage of someone not in full command of their faculties.

Unknown Soldier

hondasam wrote: »

Do you think she would have had a different attitude if it were a woman asking the same question?

I don't think so, I know so. I have read a lot of them as I said above and that is why this one, rightly or wrongly (as I am asking).... jumped out of the page at me....so to speak.

Here is a good example.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/deidre/teenworries/1971282/Sun-Agony-Aunt-Dear-Deidre-answers-your-letters.html


EDIT...

Also what the fuk is it with the two pictures on either story? Sobbing Girl versus Smiling Guy?

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/deidre/article4279369.ece

MyKeyG

No, in this country a man can only be sexually assaulted, not raped. Our definition of rape clearly spells out a vagina is required to be penetrated

Couple of lads up in mount joy might disagree.

hondasam

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

I don't think so, I know so. I have read a lot of them as I said above and that is why this one, rightly or wrongly (as I am asking).... jumped out of the page at me....so to speak.

Here is a good example.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/deidre/teenworries/1971282/Sun-Agony-Aunt-Dear-Deidre-answers-your-letters.html

In law a man must be sure he has a woman’s informed consent before he has sex with her – which means he mustn’t go ahead if she is too drunk for him to be sure how she feels about it.

It would legally count as sexual assault if this woman had sexual contact with you when you were in no fit state to give consent. It sounds as though that is the case – though she may genuinely have thought you were happy with what was happening.

I don't think she is leaning more in favour of the woman as such when you see both replies.
The pics are a bit off.

Abi

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

Let me put this another way. I like the picture stories in the personal problems in the tabloids. They are like mini soap operas that suite my short attention span. In short... I have read quite a few of those type of things. All bar that one are women who woke up in similar circumstances or went home and later regretted it.

I don't recall once having having see an "answer" suggesting that the man "genuinely may have thought that you were happy about with what was taking place"

As such that is why I was shocked at the reply.

Then again maybe I shouldn't be. It could just be "me"

Thats why I decided to come to the well read and intellectual behemoth that is AH. Seeking its wisdom on the matter.

I'm not reading all that, you Sun reader you.

Feathers

hondasam wrote:

In law a man must be sure he has a woman’s informed consent before he has sex with her – which means he mustn’t go ahead if she is too drunk for him to be sure how she feels about it.

It would legally count as sexual assault if this woman had sexual contact with you when you were in no fit state to give consent. It sounds as though that is the case – though she may genuinely have thought you were happy with what was happening.

I don't think she is leaning more in favour of the woman as such when you see both replies.
The pics are a bit off.

Think the OP is specifically talking about the bit in bold. Could you ever imagine that being said to a woman?

Dudess

If he feels uncomfortable about it, he feels uncomfortable about it. He could have been conked out when she did her deeds, which is of course assault. And being drunk doesn't make him responsible.

Dudess

Feathers wrote: »

Think the OP is specifically talking about the bit in bold. Could you ever imagine that being said to a woman?

Sure could. Actually there's a recent thread here with such comments if you have a search.

prinz

hondasam wrote: »

I don't think she is leaning more in favour of the woman as such when you see both replies..

I think this is the bit that jumps out, for me anyway.. in the case from the male perspective she says..

Bringing a court case would probably be a nightmare for you and her but you can get help for your feelings

A nightmare for the alleged rapist..

In the response to the female she says..

The experience has left you feeling upset and disturbed, which shows it certainly felt like rape to you and you need help to get over this – and to decide whether you want to press charges.

No mention of how the fallout of reporting it might affect 'him', or that it should figure in the considerations at all. Could be completely innocent, so meh benefit of the doubt stuff.

hondasam

Feathers wrote: »

Think the OP is specifically talking about the bit in bold. Could you ever imagine that being said to a woman?

I'm taking this to mean if he had sex then he was awake for it so she might have thought he wanted it as much as she did.