2.5 year crying an whinging

Tim Robbins

Hi,
Our funny little 2 and half year oldd cries and whinges a lot. Basically, a lot. I counted one Saturday and he hit 21 times and then I stopped counting. He does a lot around us (the parents) and never the grand parents. We have being giving in to him since day number 0 and it can be exhausting.

He does it when there is nothing wrong with, really when he just wants to get his own way.

Sometimes I try to be firm with him (wife says this is not always best approach) and other times I try to distract him - but it can be exhausting.

Otherwise he is great craic and parenting is the best thing in the world.

Any tips? Tips from fathers especially welcomed.

3DataModem

Being firm is probably the way to go, my twins are 2 years 3 months and he is a real whinger if we let him. "You can sit there until you calm down", etc

Ayla

If your son has been doing this since birth I would suggest that it has nothing to do with being whingy. Have you had a good consult with your GP to rule out any medical issues? Food intolerances? Soreness anywhere?

Our second daughter (also about 2.5 yrs old) was a struggle from day one & we were on our wit's end...until we discovered that she had food intolerances that were causing her a lot of discomfort. She was "good" for everyone but us, but whenever we (or esp me, her mother) were around she was a nightmare. We got a lot of the "she's just being a cranky baby & you need to be firm with her" but when we found out about her intolerances & took measures to fix them she was a completely different child. Poor thing was just in pain.

So, if you haven't really done all the medical tests, I would suggest getting them down. Kids aren't whingy for no reason.

Tim Robbins

Ayla wrote: »

If your son has been doing this since birth I would suggest that it has nothing to do with being whingy. Have you had a good consult with your GP to rule out any medical issues? Food intolerances? Soreness anywhere?

Our second daughter (also about 2.5 yrs old) was a struggle from day one & we were on our wit's end...until we discovered that she had food intolerances that were causing her a lot of discomfort. She was "good" for everyone but us, but whenever we (or esp me, her mother) were around she was a nightmare. We got a lot of the "she's just being a cranky baby & you need to be firm with her" but when we found out about her intolerances & took measures to fix them she was a completely different child. Poor thing was just in pain.

So, if you haven't really done all the medical tests, I would suggest getting them down. Kids aren't whingy for no reason.

That's tough.

I think our little fella is more just on a manipulation buzz. His mood can change rapidly when he gets what he wants.

My question is on how strict I can be with him? One line of thinking is he is only two so can't really understand what I am saying so there is no point giving out to him? But I am convinced he is taking liberties.

Oh.. the world of parenting...

samina

I agree with the previous poster. I find boys whine a lot my first whined for years about everything. with my second from an early age I started telling him I will listen to what he has to say when he calms down and we can talk about it properly. I only had to do this a few times until he realised talking about what was wrong was the way to go.

Tim Robbins

samina wrote: »

I agree with the previous poster. I find boys whine a lot my first whined for years about everything. with my second from an early age I started telling him I will listen to what he has to say when he calms down and we can talk about it properly. I only had to do this a few times until he realised talking about what was wrong was the way to go.

Our fella is so so with speech. Sometimes he finds it hard to communicate. So he gets frsutrated but the whinging has me pulling my hair out at times.

samina

Tim Robbins wrote: »

samina wrote: »

I agree with the previous poster. I find boys whine a lot my first whined for years about everything. with my second from an early age I started telling him I will listen to what he has to say when he calms down and we can talk about it properly. I only had to do this a few times until he realised talking about what was wrong was the way to go.

Our fella is so so with speech. Sometimes he finds it hard to communicate. So he gets frsutrated but the whinging has me pulling my hair out at times.

I know it can be frustrating, used to drive my partner potty but I used to zone out and was able to have conversations without noticing my first sons whining it was that common.

I would try it on occasions when you know what his problem is, or he can let you know what's wrong. Most of the time we know what theyre after. Maybe even a little treat if he does manage to calm himself down. Just being a little but firm now could save you a lot of stress and it will help him too in the long run. I have to say I'm do glad I did it my son never whines and is very vocal about things whereas my older son can still throw a strop and doesn't express how he feels about things very well at all. I really hope this helps

Ayla

Tim Robbins wrote: »

I think our little fella is more just on a manipulation buzz. His mood can change rapidly when he gets what he wants.
...

I hear you, really I do. But, just think, imagine you've got the man-flu & putting up with all sorts of crap at work, and then one more thing goes wrong - you flip right? Then, someone can come around, do one nice thing for you & it completely changes your entire day.

It's not all that unrealistic to imagine that moods can completely alter at the drop of a hat - we adults do it too & it doesn't always mean that we're spoiled or just throwing a wobbly.

Even now, when our daughter goes back into her "cranky baby syndrome", and we're going demented listening to her, 9 times out of 10 it comes about just when she's coming down with something, or her intolerance is flaring up. Of course, we only realize that in hindsight, but it's pretty consistent. No amount of firmness works.

Like your son, OP, our daughter's speech is pretty slow in development, and as a hot-headed little madam I know she gets frustrated that she can't communicate. But - honestly - the fact that you said this has always been the case w/ your son (long before the time when "spoiling" could have become an issue), I would still suggest a trip to the GP.

Hannibal Smith

Time out! It works a treat. Stop whining or you go to time out. Gives them time to come round and you a bit of peace. I presume you've done all the playing etc with them so its not a case of them trying to get any attention they can? And they've had enough naps so they're not tired? If so time out! Lol

Joey the lips

Our child has a very bad temper. he too is 2.5

What works very well for us(Provided the crying is temper and not pain if you catch my drift) is "time out". This is not a new fandangled system it was introduced by a child physcologist for our 7 year old who cants speak/talk and has a terriable tantrum at times. The principle is simple.

You have 3 cards. Red yellow and green. If the child is carrying on a bit you show him the yellow card. If he continues after a minute you show him the red card and put him out on a designated space in the hall. This is the time out. After a while he will come back in and if he says nothing then ask him if he is sorry for carrying on. If he says nothing again just end the conversation there and get back to normal.

The purpose of the green card is to show the child when he is very good or does something new you like. This actually brings the child on. This is not necessary all the time but the real reason is the child does not learn that cards are all bad.

I am amazed how well this works on my kids. No major rows since. Having said that. It does not always work.

This system is very

Moonbeam

I think you need to stop giving in to him and explain why his behavior is wrong.
Does he have speech or communication issues?

_ariadne

stop giving in to him and be firm and consistent.

give him very simple choices and choose for him if he will not cooperate. such as "share the car or come inside"

keep all language as simple and to the point as possible to avoid confusion. such as "stop, we walk inside" instead of " slow down and don't run in the kitchen, you might bump your head"

strongly encourage his use of words to explain what is wrong and do not accept a whine or whinge as an explanation if you know he is capable of communicating his needs more appropriately.

Fatscally

Loads of sound advice on here. Watch out if the crying/moaning is a symptom of something more like tummy ache etc. And be firm if it's just a whinge. The hard part is to analyse every whinge because just 2 minutes ago it could have been a whinge and now 2 minutes later it could be a tummy ache.

From 1 year on I use the stern daddy voice and say "What's that noise? hm?" and if it persists "Shutup that noise!". Generally you'll see her reaction to try and stop it and hide her shame, if it's not a whinge then she'll get louder. But that's just how my child does it.

But don't think I only earbash her, it'd be rare enough but that's how we've kept it under control I like to think but she's naturally a good kid too so !? Like the card system we've always used a challenge and reward system. Something relatively challenging and when she succeeds we clap and praise her. So that's just a contrast to poor behaviour. She does one thing we're very lovey, she does the other thing we're stern and mildly harsh.

I also allow her to express annoyance and frustration but I don't allow her to hit mammy.

When it's bedtime she's not allowed to succeed in whinging out of the bed but I will often go and cuddle her because she is only 2 1/2 after all.

A cousin of my daughter is a 3 year old boy and every word out of his mouth sounds like a whinge. He says "hello" like it's hurting him with hunger. 15 mins in a car with TVs and he's complaining. My head does be splitting in 5 minutes with him around and I think it's no wonder that some animals eat their young. His parents just tune out and I do be stunned to see them let him carry on like this but that's their way.

If you say that your child whinges a lot then I'd take an approach like the "Stop that noise now please!"

Good luck with it and try not to loose it

fptosca

Father of two here. I would agree with the posts recommending you to be more strict.
Even if they don't speak, toddlers already understand a lot at 2.5. This is in fact why he cries when he wants something. He identifies crying with getting what he wants so you need to get this idea out of his head.
Give him what he wants when he calms down only. He'll understand this after a few times.

Tim Robbins

fptosca wrote: »

Father of two here. I would agree with the posts recommending you to be more strict.
Even if they don't speak, toddlers already understand a lot at 2.5. This is in fact why he cries when he wants something. He identifies crying with getting what he wants so you need to get this idea out of his head.
Give him what he wants when he calms down only. He'll understand this after a few times.

Thanks for all feedback. This morning he was going mad saying he wanted a tractor, getting really frustrated and then I figured out he meant cracker and he was delighted when I gave him one!

wmpdd3

op, was the baby early? my aunt says her daughter was the same, she was 10 weeks prem.

Sleepy

Giving into a toddler all the time is setting yourself up for nightmares tbh.

Time out works perfectly for 2 year olds but what you need most of all is consistency. If yourself and his mammy aren't presenting a united front on what is / isn't acceptable behaviour, he's not going to learn right from wrong and you're going to have zero control over him as he gets older.

farmchoice

I have a question re time outs. I have a two-year old who when he does not get his own way throws the mother of all tantrums. We don’t give in two him, speak to him sternly ECT but it is making no difference.

His speech is delayed which I sure is part of the problem, but he understands plenty.
now I would like to try the time out approach but the only problem is that if I put him sitting in the hall short of pinning him down there is no way I could keep him there, should I do this until he calms down, just hold him? Or should I get a play pen and leave him in It.?
If I try to restrain him he will throw head butts try to hit me ect

ziggy23

Ayla wrote: »

If your son has been doing this since birth I would suggest that it has nothing to do with being whingy. Have you had a good consult with your GP to rule out any medical issues? Food intolerances? Soreness anywhere?

Our second daughter (also about 2.5 yrs old) was a struggle from day one & we were on our wit's end...until we discovered that she had food intolerances that were causing her a lot of discomfort. She was "good" for everyone but us, but whenever we (or esp me, her mother) were around she was a nightmare. We got a lot of the "she's just being a cranky baby & you need to be firm with her" but when we found out about her intolerances & took measures to fix them she was a completely different child. Poor thing was just in pain.

So, if you haven't really done all the medical tests, I would suggest getting them down. Kids aren't whingy for no reason.

Hi I'm just wondering where I could get these tests done? My 2.5 year old is generally in great form during the day but at night wakes and cries a lot. Am just trying to rule out everything at this stage.

ziggy23

farmchoice wrote: »

I have a question re time outs. I have a two-year old who when he does not get his own way throws the mother of all tantrums. We don’t give in two him, speak to him sternly ECT but it is making no difference.

His speech is delayed which I sure is part of the problem, but he understands plenty.
now I would like to try the time out approach but the only problem is that if I put him sitting in the hall short of pinning him down there is no way I could keep him there, should I do this until he calms down, just hold him? Or should I get a play pen and leave him in It.?
If I try to restrain him he will throw head butts try to hit me ect

I used to do the naughty step with my fella when he was younger. Was grand in my house because I could leave him in the small hall and he couldnt go anywhere, but everywhere else was a nightmare trying to hold him down:eek: What works with my fella is a stern talking too. He hates being told he is bold. If he has a tantrum I literally ignore him and even step over him like he's not there! My lad has speech development problems too. Sounds very common in little boys in this age group

Ayla

ziggy23 wrote: »

Hi I'm just wondering where I could get these tests done? My 2.5 year old is generally in great form during the day but at night wakes and cries a lot. Am just trying to rule out everything at this stage.

GP is always first port of call, and they can do blood tests. We wound up going to a (gasp!) kinesiologist because our GP was useless & completely fobbed us off...kinesiology has its fair share of critics (being an "alternative" method) but it works for us & was completely non-invasive. I would advocate for it but not everyone would try it. In any case, point being, if your GP doesn't want to look into it, there are other methods of investigation. We felt like it was our job as parents to try anything (including chiropractic & osteopath).

ziggy23

Ayla wrote: »

GP is always first port of call, and they can do blood tests. We wound up going to a (gasp!) kinesiologist because our GP was useless & completely fobbed us off...kinesiology has its fair share of critics (being an "alternative" method) but it works for us & was completely non-invasive. I would advocate for it but not everyone would try it. In any case, point being, if your GP doesn't want to look into it, there are other methods of investigation. We felt like it was our job as parents to try anything (including chiropractic & osteopath).[/Q

Brilliant thanks for the advice. What sort of food was she allergic to out of curiosity? My lad is a very fussy eater so god help us if he is allergic to one of the few things he does eat!

Joey the lips

farmchoice wrote: »

I have a question re time outs. I have a two-year old who when he does not get his own way throws the mother of all tantrums. We don’t give in two him, speak to him sternly ECT but it is making no difference.

His speech is delayed which I sure is part of the problem, but he understands plenty.
now I would like to try the time out approach but the only problem is that if I put him sitting in the hall short of pinning him down there is no way I could keep him there, should I do this until he calms down, just hold him? Or should I get a play pen and leave him in It.?
If I try to restrain him he will throw head butts try to hit me ect

No. You should not restrain him. You just keep putting him back telling him why each time. Bear in mind delayed speach can actually lead to tantrums so when considering the time left consider this fact.