Cheek of some people...

oppenheimer1

gerarda wrote: »

Ive been to a few weddings over the years, the one I will always remember is the one that said on the invite: "Cash only please - 200 punts minimum". The ceremony took place in the hotel which had the bride, groom and two witness's present and nobody else (brides wish). They got the absolute shock of their life when they went to have the dinner in the banqueting hall and it was completely empty! No guests showed up at all! The hotel manager did the usual "Ladies and Gentleman, please be upstanding for the bride and groom!" and sniggered to himself as he walked off. She was a stockbroker and he was an architect! The hotel insisted on payment for 250 meals (of which 4 were eaten), the band played for 4 people and the bar got paid for an extension that nobody used! The marriage lasted a year.....

Utter nonsense. If you're going to make up a story at least make it half believable. Most people are not pricks and would have RSVP that they weren't attending. There is no way you could be expecting 250 guests to turn up and not have a single one there, unless you put the wrong hotel on the invite.

I doubt anyone with half a heart would snigger at that situation either.

And to the OP, just politely decline the invitation if you are offended by the request. And if you are ever asked why you declined - say you were offended by the request for such a large gift. Honesty is always a good policy.

DERPY HOOFS

Confab wrote: »

No no no. No.

To do it properly, go to the wedding, drinks as much free booze as possible and give them €10 in an unmarked envelope. They'll never know who it came from. Better still mark it with the name of some family member you really don't like.

Simple.

Unless they open it in front of you and count it.And they seem the type ha ha:pac:

up for anything

@rti-shm@rti wrote: »

One of my friends got an invite to a wedding recently and on the wedding invite it stated that the gifts jad to be €250 minimum in cash. Anyone else think this is absolutely RIDICULOUS. I don't know where the wedding is but I don't think it's relevant, if a couple want to have a mad, lavish wedding they should surely make sure they can afford it first no?

I don't believe this story. :pac:

Lumen

I've never been to a wedding with any kind of compulsory gift. Sounds a bit mad to me. Do these people not have any skint friends/family?

If you can't afford a wedding just fornicate instead, all the cool kids are doing it.

Rolli

@rti-shm@rti wrote: »

One of my friends got an invite to a wedding recently and on the wedding invite it stated that the gifts jad to be €250 minimum in cash. Anyone else think this is absolutely RIDICULOUS. I don't know where the wedding is but I don't think it's relevant, if a couple want to have a mad, lavish wedding they should surely make sure they can afford it first no?

Absolutely bugs the crap out of me! I'd love to show up with an actual present rather than the cash and see what they say.

stovelid

Mickey Dazzler wrote: »

Ive been to countless wedding over the years an not once did I bring any kind of presents. Never occurred to me to be honest. .

That's just the other extreme and being a tightarse.

Herrick

oppenheimer1 wrote: »

Utter nonsense. If you're going to make up a story at least make it half believable. Most people are not pricks and would have RSVP that they weren't attending. There is no way you could be expecting 250 guests to turn up and not have a single one there, unless you put the wrong hotel on the invite

Not just that, but I find it hard to believe that not a single family member from either side didn't tun up.

Dudess

BrianBoru00 wrote: »

curious with some of the replies i.e. €50 will do.

In fairness, nothing particularly curious - some people simply cannot afford to give three-figure cash sums. It has become the norm for some to treat wedding gifts as a cash recouping exercise, which is rotten to the core. Nobody makes people take on the burden of a massively expensive wedding. To be fair, some people are under pressure to invite lots of people - e.g. if they have big families, but there are so many extras that are simply not necessary and really shouldn't be footed by guests, e.g. fancy cars.

stovelid wrote: »

That's just the other extreme and being a tightarse.

Not to mention a cheek - to go to a wedding and give absolutely nothing is just pig-rude.

Victor

Just give it to them in small change - just make sure that it is used, not new shiny stuff in bags.

Smidge

I gave a set of Newbridge silver steak knives for the wedding of a kinda sorta relative for their wedding. Left it with my mother to give and got the vibe that when given, was not a wanted gift(ie it came back lol)

Jesus Wept

Defriend.

whatdoicare

danslevent wrote: »

Weddings just seem like ridiculous costly things. I think I will just elope and then come back and throw a massive party for friends/family. Weddings seem kind of tacky nowadays.

Be very, very careful how you do this - it all seems like a very simple plan but friends of mine did this and it ended up being a very obvious "I'm only having this party for the collecting of money envelopes" - they didn't have a band - crappy dj shut up shop by about 11pm, the food was only enough for about a third of the guests and was pretty much the gammy stuff you get at an afters or 21st, everything finished up by 12am on the dot and it was very much all the boring parts of the wedding without the romantic wedding part and the great drunken craic at the end.

My husband and some of our mutual pals had all brought guitars and fiddles etc (they all belong to various bands) for a sing song after and it never happened - we were all kicked out at 12 am. Supermacs got the entertainment that night as we were all starving!:pac:

They went on two honeymoons too! :mad:

They lost a lot of friends that night and people have been reading (bad mouthing) them ever since and all that happened like four years ago. People never forget meanness - especially family.

Stick to the golden rules - noone gives a ****e about the outfits/flowers/decorations/venue/religious malarchy - skimp as much as you like with these - those things are for you and your photos - never skimp with the music, the food and the bar - even two out of three will see you right.


As for the OPs original story - very greedy of the couple. Give them what you originally planned if you like but TBH I'd be declining that invitation.

_coinin_

That is really rude asking someone to spend €250 on a wedding gift/cash in hand. Its like they think that they are entitled to charge guests to their wedding day! I wouldnt go.

Sterling Archer

OP heres the Plan: Go to the wedding, bring your + 1 (a female friend if possible) dress slightly inappropriately and behave worse, yada ya -skip to meal- get buddy buddy with staff, security etc.. eat and drink your fill (if open bar) invite several mates to the afters, use connections made earlier to get them in, ruin afters by any means necessary.

Gift, give them a envelope with a card and a mortuary card (not sure if thats right) for the celtic tiger, or with a card saying the funds were now under NAMAs control.

OR go up north buy some fireworks, and light them at the meal.

a5y

Wonder how much it'd cost to commission a digital countdown clock, counting the seconds down until the duration of the average Irish divorce.

Less than €250? No problem if you hit up eBay for some pritstik and Swarovsky right?

(I'm an egotist. I could never settle for being toaster buyer number #44)

Bride2012

oppenheimer1 wrote: »

gerarda wrote: »

Ive been to a few weddings over the years, the one I will always remember is the one that said on the invite: "Cash only please - 200 punts minimum". The ceremony took place in the hotel which had the bride, groom and two witness's present and nobody else (brides wish). They got the absolute shock of their life when they went to have the dinner in the banqueting hall and it was completely empty! No guests showed up at all! The hotel manager did the usual "Ladies and Gentleman, please be upstanding for the bride and groom!" and sniggered to himself as he walked off. She was a stockbroker and he was an architect! The hotel insisted on payment for 250 meals (of which 4 were eaten), the band played for 4 people and the bar got paid for an extension that nobody used! The marriage lasted a year.....

Being legally able to get married in a hotel is very recent and you couldn't in the days of 'punts'. This story has too many holes to be true.

seamus

Bride2012 wrote: »

Being legally able to get married in a hotel is very recent and you couldn't in the days of 'punts'. This story has too many holes to be true.

Not least that he claims to have been at a wedding that nobody went to...

Nothingbetter2d

seamus wrote: »

Not least that he claims to have been at a wedding that nobody went to...

maybe he was the groom or a witness

Bride2012

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

seamus wrote: »

Not least that he claims to have been at a wedding that nobody went to...

maybe he was the groom or a witness

except he was saying they, not we.

Nothingbetter2d

Bride2012 wrote: »

except he was saying they, not we.

ok maybe he was a staff member working in the hotel

mongdesade

You & your OH decided to get wed & have a reception etc., why the fúck do you expect me / your guests to fund it ?

FÚCK OFF !! :eek:

preddy

Depends if your planning to get Married soon, its all an investment

Bride2012

preddy wrote: »

Depends if your planning to get Married soon, its all an investment

It is if you get the same back but don't always expect it. People's circumstances and priorities can change.

d2ww

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

ok maybe he was a staff member working in the hotel

my guess would be the keyboard player in the band. Anyway, Gerarda spill the beans, which is it? Urban myth or not.

iguana

whatdoicare wrote: »

They lost a lot of friends that night and people have been reading (bad mouthing) them ever since and all that happened like four years ago. People never forget meanness - especially family.

That's not meanness that's presumptuousness on the part of the guests who were complete and utter dicks if they ended a friendship because their friend didn't have a wedding of their liking. They were having a party in celebration of their recent wedding, not a wedding, what you described them having is exactly what anyone with an ounce of common sense would expect from such an event. I really don't understand why anyone would presume it was a party they were having only for the collecting of envelopes. Gifts to celebrate a marriage are not supposed to be dependant on having a party, you either care about the couple and want to give them something to wish them well on their marriage or you don't.

This exactly why the idea of 'paying for your plate' as a wedding gift is disgusting. Whatever gift you give the couple should depend on a mixture of what they mean to you and what you can afford, absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the type of wedding they choose to have to celebrate their marriage. If my friends were eloping, having a wedding I couldn't attend or hiring Dromoland Castle for a 6 day all expenses paid hooley I'd give them a gift based on my relationship with them. I'm celebrating their marriage not the type of wedding they decide on.

whatdoicare

iguana wrote: »

That's not meanness that's presumptuousness on the part of the guests who were complete and utter dicks if they ended a friendship because their friend didn't have a wedding of their liking. They were having a party in celebration of their recent wedding, not a wedding, what you described them having is exactly what anyone with an ounce of common sense would expect from such an event. I really don't understand why anyone would presume it was a party they were having only for the collecting of envelopes. Gifts to celebrate a marriage are not supposed to be dependant on having a party, you either care about the couple and want to give them something to wish them well on their marriage or you don't.

This exactly why the idea of 'paying for your plate' as a wedding gift is disgusting. Whatever gift you give the couple should depend on a mixture of what they mean to you and what you can afford, absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the type of wedding they choose to have to celebrate their marriage. If my friends were eloping, having a wedding I couldn't attend or hiring Dromoland Castle for a 6 day all expenses paid hooley I'd give them a gift based on my relationship with them. I'm celebrating their marriage not the type of wedding they decide on.

I never said I ended the friendship- I didn't. If she didn't have a party I would still have given her something.

I'm just warning the poster that it can easily all go wrong if you do things on the cheap. That's true of a wedding, a 21st or a casual gathering. Like I said already- go as cheap as you like but don't skimp on food or music - people notice that stuff.

If you want to elope that's cool but don't have a party if you don't want to spend anything on it. Noone will care if you don't have a party at all but having a party with not enough food and a dj that plays like ten songs before he packs up screams "gimme that envelope and feck off!"

On the other side of it another friend eloped, had a close family dinner when she came back and sent us all a beautiful photo announcement- that was the classy way to go about it and she too got an envelope with money.

You can give out and say all you like that that's not how it is and people shouldn't care etc etc but people do notice and they do talk badly about a bad night. The original couples family gave out just as much as anyone else - her own Mam was visibly annoyed about how it all went down.

nlgbbbblth

danslevent wrote: »

Weddings just seem like ridiculous costly things. I think I will just elope and then come back and throw a massive party for friends/family. Weddings seem kind of tacky nowadays.

Hipster alert. :rolleyes:

Thanks a f*cking lot.

iguana

whatdoicare wrote: »

I never said I ended the friendship- I didn't. If she didn't have a party I would still have given her something.

I never said that you ended the friendship but you said that the couple in question lost a lot of friends over it, which was those 'friends' being massive dicks. Personally I think the couple in question had a lucky escape. If they lost such awful people out of their live because they chose an inexpensive wedding then that was something of a boon. Nobody needs such idiots for 'friends.'

You said meaness would be remembered but the meaness was not on the part of the wedding couple. It was on the part of the horrible people who thought they should have any say in how someone else chooses to celebrate their wedding and who act as if their 'gift' is actually a payment for a big day out.

And you can give out and say all you like that that's not how it is and people shouldn't care etc etc but people do notice and they do talk badly about people with a ridiculous sense of entitlement, like those 'friends.' If any friend told me that they ended a friendship with someone because the party they had to celebrate their wedding was not up to their standards I'd tell them what a prize wanker they were being and cool off massively toward them, and I'd be hard pressed to think of anyone I know who wouldn't feel the same. It really was disgusting behaviour on the part of those people.

As for and her mother didn't even like it. Oh yeah, Irish mammy doesn't get to throw the big show offy wedding of one of her children and has a sulk. What a massive surprise there. She should grow up and accept that her daughter is a grown woman and that this was not her own wedding but her daughter's to throw how she pleases.

jigsaw07

My wife was a bridesmaid at her "best friends" wedding once, she asked the bride what se would like for her wedding present to which she replied "oh 300euro will be fine"

No surprise that we never bothered staying in touch with her after the wedding!!

whatdoicare

iguana wrote: »

I never said that you ended the friendship but you said that the couple in question lost a lot of friends over it, which was those 'friends' being massive dicks. Personally I think the couple in question had a lucky escape. If they lost such awful people out of their live because they chose an inexpensive wedding then that was something of a boon. Nobody needs such idiots for 'friends.'

You said meaness would be remembered but the meaness was not on the part of the wedding couple. It was on the part of the horrible people who thought they should have any say in how someone else chooses to celebrate their wedding and who act as if their 'gift' is actually a payment for a big day out.

And you can give out and say all you like that that's not how it is and people shouldn't care etc etc but people do notice and they do talk badly about people with a ridiculous sense of entitlement, like those 'friends.' If any friend told me that they ended a friendship with someone because the party they had to celebrate their wedding was not up to their standards I'd tell them what a prize wanker they were being and cool off massively toward them, and I'd be hard pressed to think of anyone I know who wouldn't feel the same. It really was disgusting behaviour on the part of those people.

As for and her mother didn't even like it. Oh yeah, Irish mammy doesn't get to throw the big show offy wedding of one of her children and has a sulk. What a massive surprise there. She should grow up and accept that her daughter is a grown woman and that this was not her own wedding but her daughter's to throw how she pleases.

I just told it how it happened. I don't really know what you want me to do. It'll be an awful lot of trouble for me to go around to all their guests and try and reason with them.
They lost friends and people speak badly of them - that's what they have now - I was just trying to warn that poster.

King of Kings

jigsaw07 wrote: »

My wife was a bridesmaid at her "best friends" wedding once, she asked the bride what se would like for her wedding present to which she replied "oh 300euro will be fine"

No surprise that we never bothered staying in touch with her after the wedding!!

but did she pay?

iguana

whatdoicare wrote: »

I just told it how it happened. I don't really know what you want me to do. It'll be an awful lot of trouble for me to go around to all their guests and try and reason with them.
They lost friends and people speak badly of them - that's what they have now - I was just trying to warn that poster.

I'm not being critical of you but of the people who stopped being friends with them. I'm just saying that if they lost friends for that reason alone then they really didn't lose friends, because real friends don't act like that.

whatdoicare

iguana wrote: »

I'm not being critical of you but of the people who stopped being friends with them. I'm just saying that if they lost friends for that reason alone then they really didn't lose friends, because real friends don't act like that.

I think you're putting a few issues on me there......just have good music and enough food for everyone at a party, it's not a crazy concept, is it?

BorneTobyWilde

LOL
Like you will be turned away,
besides a present is optional,
So give none,

gdavis

an out and out pair of wankballs is what ur dealing with there im afraid

iguana

whatdoicare wrote: »

I think you're putting a few issues on me there......just have good music and enough food for everyone at a party, it's not a crazy concept, is it?

I'm not putting any issues on you. You described how some people, not you, behaved and I think they behaved abominably. That has nothing to do with you but that it's your story. I have said repeatedly that I'm not being critical of you, so if you are feeling criticised by it then that's your own issue.

As for the music and food, that's irrelevant, music and food is almost always crap at weddings, no matter how expensive, as trying to 'cater for everyone' usually means that nobody is really catered or. I enjoy a wedding based on the crowd at them. If they are good people who are up for a laugh and fun to be around then it will be a great night even if the music is provided by the Kelly Family and the food from McDonalds. If the other guests are sour faced moaners then it doesn't matter if Gordon Ramsey is catering and a resurrected John and George join Paul and Ringo for the most amazing reunion gig in history, it'll be a poor night.

This party was a party to celebrate a wedding that already happened not an actual wedding. You said it was like a 21st, which is pretty much exactly what such a party would be like, it just seems like some of the guests had ridiculous expectations along with senses of entitlement miles wide. And yeah 21st parties are generally about as naff as they come but it's possible for them to be great fun if the crowd is a good one.

whatdoicare

iguana wrote: »

I
As for the music and food, that's irrelevant, music and food is almost always crap at weddings, no matter how expensive

That's your issue - I've always enjoyed music and food at weddings. I've never gone "Yuck - this steak is just horrible - and this wine! Just dismal! Take it back!" and I'm a great lover of a live band!

We were a good crowd - like I said all musicians attending who thoughtfully brought along musical instruments for free entertainment (and I had a few sly bottles of the uncles' mead - that's a traditional honeymooner beverage, I believe) - We weren't allowed as party ended at 12am. We were all told go home - party is over! TBH we were delighted - we were all sober, hungry and bored.

We took our party to Supermacs and had ourselves a good time. I think our party including Supermacs staff ended somewhere around the 9am mark!

Also, I consider any party where we all head off to Supermacs afterwards even though food was supplied to be a flop.

jluv

whatdoicare wrote: »

Be very, very careful how you do this - it all seems like a very simple plan but friends of mine did this and it ended up being a very obvious "I'm only having this party for the collecting of money envelopes" - they didn't have a band - crappy dj shut up shop by about 11pm, the food was only enough for about a third of the guests and was pretty much the gammy stuff you get at an afters or 21st, everything finished up by 12am on the dot and it was very much all the boring parts of the wedding without the romantic wedding part and the great drunken craic at the end.

My husband and some of our mutual pals had all brought guitars and fiddles etc (they all belong to various bands) for a sing song after and it never happened - we were all kicked out at 12 am. Supermacs got the entertainment that night as we were all starving!:pac:
I think that whatdoicare is trying to say is that the party on arrival back did not have to cost a lot,but don't have a party unless you want it to be a party.Having a party means you are hosting something that you want your guests to enjoy. Those people could have had great entertainment for all their guests that night but if it did indeed finish that early then I can only feel it was an occasion that they just felt they had to have instead of something they wanted to have.Just what I read..
To the OP I would be offended to get an invitation worded like that so I would have no issue responding that although I would live to join them in their special day it is financially impossible to do so.only to push it back on them.:D

whatdoicare

jluv wrote: »

I think that whatdoicare is trying to say is that the party on arrival back did not have to cost a lot,but don't have a party unless you want it to be a party.Having a party means you are hosting something that you want your guests to enjoy. Those people could have had great entertainment for all their guests that night but if it did indeed finish that early then I can only feel it was an occasion that they just felt they had to have instead of something they wanted to have.Just what I read..

YES!! THIS! Thank you!

entropi

Is your friend mental, or what's his game? 250 minimum...I'd rather take a picture of the 250 euro, send it to him and tell him that's the closest he'll be getting to it.

Very greedy that is. Take that to the "Stingiest things" thread for sure!