Honest = Mean?

Hill runner

After dating someone for a short time, you decided not to see that person again. He/She said " I deserve an honest answer ". Would you say one or more the following truths? YOU ARE A NICE PERSON but...

- You have no ambition.
- You are so boring.
- You are so insecure.
- You are 1% romantic.
- You are stingy.
- You are not intelligent.
- You lack personal hygiene.
- You have bad dress sense.
- You are terrible in bed.
The list goes on....

Would you so ? or do you have similar stories when she/he doesn't accept I'm just not into you answer.

frag420

Its not me its you OP!!


That and you you have fat ankles usually does the trick.

Old Tom

Hill runner wrote: »

After dating someone for a short time, you decided not to see that person again. He/She said " I deserve an honest answer ". Would you say one or more the following truths? YOU ARE A NICE PERSON but...

- You have no ambition.
- You are so boring.
- You are so insecure.
- You are 1% romantic.
- You are stingy.
- You are not intelligent.
- You lack personal hygiene.
- You have bad dress sense.
- You are terrible in bed.

Would you so ? or do you have similar stories when she/he doesn't accept I'm just not into you answer.

I would and do. If a person asks for something and then can't take it - well, not my problem, because...

... I don't care

Madam

Why not just tell the truth if your not into someone anymore? Kindest thing in the long run really:p

sheesh

I think you should tell the truth. that way the person can see how shallow you really are OP and not feel so bad about the relationship being over.

eviltwin

Important to be honest but just as important not to be unkind. Critique don't critiscise.

ibarelycare

Hill runner wrote: »

After dating someone for a short time, you decided not to see that person again. He/She said " I deserve an honest answer ". Would you say one or more the following truths? YOU ARE A NICE PERSON but...

- You have no ambition.
- You are so boring.
- You are so insecure.
- You are 1% romantic.
- You are stingy.
- You are not intelligent.
- You lack personal hygiene.
- You have bad dress sense.
- You are terrible in bed.
The list goes on....

Would you so ? or do you have similar stories when she/he doesn't accept I'm just not into you answer.

I wouldn't say any of those things. I'd just say that I don't think we're compatible and I don't see the relationship going anywhere. That way, you're being honest but you're not being a bitch about it.

highfive

Hill runner wrote: »

After dating someone for a short time, you decided not to see that person again. He/She said " I deserve an honest answer ". Would you say one or more the following truths? YOU ARE A NICE PERSON but...

- You have no ambition.
- You are so boring.
- You are so insecure.
- You are 1% romantic.
- You are stingy.
- You are not intelligent.
- You lack personal hygiene.
- You have bad dress sense.
- You are terrible in bed.
The list goes on....

Would you so ? or do you have similar stories when she/he doesn't accept I'm just not into you answer.

I was probably in this situation once or twice myself. But, would you not have seen the warning signs before you said 'I do'? While breaking up just say one or two things to them and then if they don't take no for an answer just start listing the rest of the stuff! That's what I would do! And start with the personal hygiene one!!

biko

I once told a gf I thought she was shallow.
All hell broke loose.


We're not together any more.

Mickey Dazzler

Just tell her breath smells like anus.

Hill runner

sheesh wrote: »

I think you should tell the truth. that way the person can see how shallow you really are OP and not feel so bad about the relationship being over.

I'm definitely not a shallow person. I have tried to say nice and kind things:

- I'm not ready for a relationship.
- I'm very busy with work at the moment.
- We are not compatible.
- I'm not over my ex...
( and what if weeks later she/he saw you with someone else?)

The list goes on but I WAS NOT HONEST...
I haven't said anything mean to anyone yet, that's why I'm posting here to see what people think.

The Radiator

Honest = honest

seanmc1980

90% of the time "it not you, it me, i'm not in the right frame of mind for a long term relationship" will work. the other 10% is a mine field of bunny boilers and head cases. Its the "i have my next 5 yrs planned out methodically" person who cant handle when you throw a spanner in the works and fight to keep you cos you will **** up their plan.

foxyboxer

"I no longer want to be on you"

Nothingbetter2d

tell that person all of the above.... it might make them make more of an effort in the future... also give them the samarithans phone number just incase

Ghandee

Being direct and honest makes for a better relationship than being two faced and false.

Being deceitful and lying (basically fooling yourself) will inevitably catch up with your relationship some time.

Better it be sooner, rather than later.

davet82

best lying imo, here are some you can use

- i'm gay
- i'm going into the witness protection program
- i'm dying
- i'm your half brother
- i'm now a scientoligist
- i was the guy in the paper that molested that horse

the list goes on

foxyboxer

If you're going to be honest, then be prepared for a barrage of criticisms coming your way too.

Hill runner

seanmc1980 wrote: »

90% of the time "it not you, it me, i'm not in the right frame of mind for a long term relationship" will work. the other 10% is a mine field of bunny boilers and head cases. Its the "i have my next 5 yrs planned out methodically" person who cant handle when you throw a spanner in the works and fight to keep you cos you will **** up their plan.

I had few of this 10% :-(. One is right next to me in work now.

ibarelycare

Hill runner wrote: »

I'm definitely not a shallow person. I have tried to say nice and kind things:

- I'm not ready for a relationship.
- I'm very busy with work at the moment.
- We are not compatible.
- I'm not over my ex...
( and what if weeks later she/he saw you with someone else?)

The list goes on but I WAS NOT HONEST...
I haven't said anything mean to anyone yet, that's why I'm posting here to see what people think.

You're not shallow but you'd dump someone for having bad dress sense?!

Borat_Sagdiyev

Giving the "it's not you, it's me" line is not helpful. What happens is that they go on thinking they're perfect and keep the bad habits in the next relationship.

You need to tell them what you didn't like about them and then they'll hate you for a while but when they've calmed down they should come to the conclusion that you were correct and they will make that change in their lives. They should realise "Ok I messed up badly there, so I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen in the next one".

You're making the world a better place by being honest

Lionel Messy

Being honest is great but you have to know what the f.uck your on about. I said the Guru Maharaja thing was a hippy movement, if someone took it up further after i said that, then they could of verbally killed me because i didn't know what the fu.ck i was on about. I just saw him waffling on telly and all the pie eyed people in awe of him and thought it was a hippy movement.

ibarelycare

Lionel Messy wrote: »

Being honest is great but you have to know what the f.uck your on about. I said the Guru Maharaja thing was a hippy movement, if someone took it up further after i said that, then they could of verbally killed me because i didn't know what the fu.ck i was on about. I just saw him waffling on telly and all the pie eyed people in awe of him and thought it was a hippy movement.

What.

davet82

ibarelycare wrote: »

What.

you need to be on drugs to understand

Hill runner

davet82 wrote: »

you need to be on drugs to understand

Oh dear, This is getting funny..lol

Roadtrippin

Madam wrote: »

Why not just tell the truth if your not into someone anymore? Kindest thing in the long run really:p

Couldn't agree more. As long as it's done with a bit of tact like...

"No offense like, but you've become ugly and I met some other biatch to hang out with and she agreed to do all things you wouldn't!"

Along them lines :P

Jokes aside,
I always found when it comes to breakups/dating, honesty is best.
Nothing worse to find out later that he/she just made up BS to get out of the relationship. You can't really learn from your mistakes either unless you know the truth!

And I don't actually think that honesty = mean. That's an Irish thing. I reckon here people can't confront or be honest about stuff, it's all bla bla BS and diplomacy/politeness over truth.

mongdesade

I would...insensitive cúnt me ! :eek:

smash

"Does this make me look fat?"
"No, but the other one does so don't change again"
"you bastard!!!!!"

stupidusername

I would tend to go the more honest route. but then I don't know that most people actually want honesty.

Of the reasons you have for not wanting to be with her, think of the real reasons (not including dress sense like) for it, and if they come down t compatibility, then say that your personalities are too different to go any further. Because mostly that's what things come down to. it's not that you're right and she's wrong, but the two of you just don't match well.

ibarelycare

Borat_Sagdiyev wrote: »

Giving the "it's not you, it's me" line is not helpful. What happens is that they go on thinking they're perfect and keep the bad habits in the next relationship.

You need to tell them what you didn't like about them and then they'll hate you for a while but when they've calmed down they should come to the conclusion that you were correct and they will make that change in their lives. They should realise "Ok I messed up badly there, so I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen in the next one".

You're making the world a better place by being honest

Just because there's something that YOU don't like about them, it doesn't mean that they messed up or that they should change It's all subjective. If you don't like an aspect of someone's personality or whatnot, it doesn't mean someone else won't.

Hill runner

ibarelycare wrote: »

You're not shallow but you'd dump someone for having bad dress sense?!

I don't comment on a lady with bad dress sense ( not on her face) and never dump anyone for this reason but this one of the reasons a girl might not find a guy attractive or vice versa...

The one of the many things in the list...It can be any harsh truths.

comeback_kid

The Radiator wrote: »

Honest = honest

correct but brutal honesty = mean disguised as forthrightness

stupidusername

Hill runner wrote: »

... with bad dress sense ( not on her face) and never dump anyone....

I soooooooooo read this wrong

IrishEyes19

being honest when breaking up with someone is hard if the relationship has been a short one. If its a longer one, usually both feel something isnt right and not there.

It's hard to break up with someone and be truthful, but the most honest I ever was when I had to break up with someone was just to say , I didn't feel the same way and I didn't want to hurt them in the long run. To be fair it was the absolute truth. But its very hard to say.

ash23

Surely it's possible to be honest and kind about it.
Just because you think a person is boring, not funny, stingy etc, doesn't mean that they actually are. Someone else might find them hilarious, entertaining and generous. We all want different things.

I usually just go with the "you're a lovely guy and I've had a lovely time but I just feel that there is something missing. We're not compatible" or some such horsesh*t.

gimmick

comeback_kid wrote: »

correct but brutal honesty = mean disguised as forthrightness

Why is this seen as a good personality trait in people -

"ah Johnny is sound out, if he doesn't like you he will say it straight out to you"

Thats not being sound, nor is it in any way a positive trait. That is being an asshole.

It wasn't me!

"It's over. Please take a minute to fill out this helpful feedback questionnaire."

RichieC

being honest does not mean being an asshole.

Borat_Sagdiyev

ibarelycare wrote: »

Just because there's something that YOU don't like about them, it doesn't mean that they messed up or that they should change It's all subjective. If you don't like an aspect of someone's personality or whatnot, it doesn't mean someone else won't.

Yes that's fair enough, but if I was consistantly doing something wrong in relationships then I would like to be told. If I was told once, fair enough, but if two or three people said the same thing to me, I would have to sit up and take notice in fairness.

I'm not really talking personalities that clash here though - I'm just saying if one person has a habit of doing something, or not doing something, then they need to know about it - otherwise how will they ever be able to fix it ?

EDIT: Example - Person A does not put enough effort into contact. It leaves Person B feeling like they're always the one "doing the running". Person A doesn't even know that (s)he is lacking in this area. What should Person B do when breaking up ? Be honest IMO.

strobe

RichieC wrote: »

being honest does not mean being an asshole.

True, true... but at the same time people shouldn't use the excuse of 'I was just being honest' to justify being an unrelenting asshole.

I mean, I may intensely dislike a work colleague's father. But if they tell me their father just died and I respond 'I thought he was a complete prick', sure I'm being honest but I am also being an asshole.

It seems a lot of people like to use the 'it's just my opinion' or 'I'm just being honest' justifier as an excuse for plain old being a shitbag to people.

superstoner90

Id just acually sorta just blast her with piss!

Robdude

Hill runner wrote: »

After dating someone for a short time, you decided not to see that person again. He/She said " I deserve an honest answer ". Would you say one or more the following truths? YOU ARE A NICE PERSON but...

- You have no ambition.
- You are so boring.
- You are so insecure.
- You are 1% romantic.
- You are stingy.
- You are not intelligent.
- You lack personal hygiene.
- You have bad dress sense.
- You are terrible in bed.
The list goes on....

Would you so ? or do you have similar stories when she/he doesn't accept I'm just not into you answer.

Presumably, most people would try to avoid dating people with those qualities. I typically look at/speak to, people before I date them. I feel like that would really clear away most of these.

comeback_kid

gimmick wrote: »

Why is this seen as a good personality trait in people -

"ah Johnny is sound out, if he doesn't like you he will say it straight out to you"

Thats not being sound, nor is it in any way a positive trait. That is being an asshole.

increased tolerance ( if not a sneaking regard ) for insensitive bullies

comeback_kid

Domo230 wrote: »

I would like to hear the truth. How else are people supposed to learn from their mistakes if they never hear what they need to improve.

depends who,s pointing out faults , some do so out of genuine concern ( parents etc ) while some do it merely because it makes them feel important and authoritative , overbearing busybodies have little interest in your welfare

leggo

ibarelycare wrote: »

I wouldn't say any of those things. I'd just say that I don't think we're compatible and I don't see the relationship going anywhere. That way, you're being honest but you're not being a bitch about it.

^^^

What they said.

A bit of genuine-sounding diplomacy gets the message across and no feelings need to get hurt.

IM0

OP stick with it/her she sounds like a great catch

I find not washing for a week and if that fails admitting I'm a man really works for me

comeback_kid

strobe wrote: »

True, true... but at the same time people shouldn't use the excuse of 'I was just being honest' to justify being an unrelenting asshole.

I mean, I may intensely dislike a work colleague's father. But if they tell me their father just died and I respond 'I thought he was a complete prick', sure I'm being honest but I am also being an asshole.

It seems a lot of people like to use the 'it's just my opinion' or 'I'm just being honest' justifier as an excuse for plain old being a shitbag to people.

was working on a sheep station down under in 1998 , the day omagh was bombed , i asked a member of staff if they had heard about it , to which they replied " that doesnt effect us rearing lamb over here " , i thought that was closer to crass than honest tbh

pragmatic1

The truth is overrated OP. Lies make the world go round.

ilovesleep

I agree with a lot of what's written here. You should be nothing more but honest when breaking up. There is no need to sugar coat things but no need to be brutally honest as in the op. If someone has a problem with rejection and you being honest, that is their own problem and bullet dodged.

I had an ex years ago mess with my head when it came to breaking up and it was sh1te. He moved back home but had me believe that we were very much going strong but letting me down time and time again, and delivering the most nicest words with an excuse and an apology just for the same thing to happen again and again. All because I was young, believed him and loved him. It was so hard trying to figure that out. Looking back, it was clear he was finished with me and instead of telling me he played with my head dragging it out for as long as possible.

MadYaker

Ive often gotten myself in trouble for being honest with people. Everyone says I'm too blunt.... So Im supposed to lie is that it?