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At wits end

  • 01-05-2012 4:45pm
    #1
    silly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,722 ✭✭✭


    I left my partner when my daughter was 1.5. in 2003.
    We have been in and out of court ever since. I apply to the court for maintenance, they summon him, he appears in court (sometimes he doesnt bother showing up) he's told to pay x amount, he pays for a few weeks and then stops. I get onto court clerk, they send me out a form to fill up, i get a court date, i take time off work to go to the court to swear i havent recieved money, he get summoned, we appear in court, he is ordered to pay maintenance plus arrears off weekly, he says he will, he does for a few weeks then stops and back to court we go. Its like a vicious circle...
    Last year i decided to just forget about getting anything from him, my daughter is now 11. I havent recieved anything from him since April 2011 when he gaev me €20. I am broke, i am stuggling with bills, i am married now, but still struggling with every day things, i need him to start paying.
    I had a solicitor who decided it was a waste of time also, and gave me final bill (which i still owe)
    I got onto the courts office today and they are sending me a form that i must fill out and send to them, and then I need to send a summons to him myself (never had to do that before - they always sent it to him) with regiatered post 21 days before court date. I dont know his address, only his parents address, so i know he will jsut claim that he never recieved it.

    I'm at my wits end, I dont know what to do anymore, I owe more on my credit card that i have in my account. I tried to apply for legal aid, but i was told that because its a court order, its the court v him, not me v him...

    Can someone please advise me what steps i should take, or is this situation a total lost cause.


Comments

  • #2
    PammyD
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 93 ✭✭PammyD


    Does he see his child?


  • #3
    silly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,722 ✭✭✭silly


    PammyD wrote: »
    Does he see his child?

    Yes, She goes to his town during christmas/easter/summer and for occasions like family birthdays/christenings. I go out of my way to drive her part of the way for some of these trips, sometime i do 2 round trips which is 3 hours, there and back.
    I also arranged for us to meet with a mediator last summer, i arranged it closer to his town(30 min for him - an hour from me) and he never turned up. and i had to pay her €140.


  • #4
    PammyD
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 93 ✭✭PammyD


    Hard an all as it is, i would just give up and if he wants to be part of her life then let him come to her and put his hand in his pocket when doing so.. Im a single mother to a 3 year old boy who's Dad hasnt bothered with him or paid maintenance in 2 years.. If your scraping by as it is then keep on doing so, I know the extra money would very much so help but if a judge has to tell him to financially look after his own child is it really worth the stress and heartache if he cant see he should be doing this regardless and without prompt..


  • #5
    krd
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,455 ✭✭✭krd


    Has anyone advised you on trying to get his wages garnished directly.

    My understanding of a little bit of family law, is that if the parent is not paying support - or messing around, an order can be made to garnish the support directly from the parents employer.


  • #6
    silly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,722 ✭✭✭silly


    krd wrote: »
    Has anyone advised you on trying to get his wages garnished directly.

    My understanding of a little bit of family law, is that if the parent is not paying support - or messing around, an order can be made to garnish the support directly from the parents employer.
    He is on social welfare and claiming for his girlfriend and her son ( who she recieved maintenance from her ex for) another child ( I don't know who is the father of her second child) and a child they have together. I know he does work a cash in hand job for a friend, but I have no way of proving that. With his social welfare alone he is €100 better off than me a week and getting rent allowance etc.

    Pammy, I have tried that but my daughter is 11 yrs old, I wouldn't bad mouth her father to her as I don't think it's fair and she loves him. I can't stop her for wanting to see him, if I do, it would be me hurting her, something I never want to do.


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  • #7
    Procrastastudy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,224 ✭✭✭Procrastastudy


    silly wrote: »
    Pammy, I have tried that but my daughter is 11 yrs old, I wouldn't bad mouth her father to her as I don't think it's fair and she loves him. I can't stop her for wanting to see him, if I do, it would be me hurting her, something I never want to do.

    While I'm not implying Pammy was suggesting you do try and stop access - may I just say that you should probably change your name because this is exactly the right attitude to take.

    While the system isn't great - a parent preventing children seeing the other is always a bad idea. Its not the child's fault a parent is a douce! Fair play OP.

    I know thats not any help legally but I just wanted to say it. Also have you tried looking at threads in the parenting forums re this might be some info there too.

    EDIT your a better person than I - I'd be filling in the anonymous social welfare cheat form online.


  • #8
    silly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,722 ✭✭✭silly


    GCDLawstudent wrote: »
    silly wrote: »
    Pammy, I have tried that but my daughter is 11 yrs old, I wouldn't bad mouth her father to her as I don't think it's fair and she loves him. I can't stop her for wanting to see him, if I do, it would be me hurting her, something I never want to do.

    While I'm not implying Pammy was suggesting you do try and stop access - may I just say that you should probably change your name because this is exactly the right attitude to take.

    While the system isn't great - a parent preventing children seeing the other is always a bad idea. Its not the child's fault a parent is a douce! Fair play OP.

    I know thats not any help legally but I just wanted to say it. Also have you tried looking at threads in the parenting forums re this might be some info there too.
    Thank you, I have looked at the parenting forum but most of the threads are from people who are just starting and sussing out the whole maintenance / court thing, while I have been dragged through it backwards for the last 9 years.


  • #9
    PammyD
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 93 ✭✭PammyD


    silly wrote: »

    Pammy, I have tried that but my daughter is 11 yrs old, I wouldn't bad mouth her father to her as I don't think it's fair and she loves him. I can't stop her for wanting to see him, if I do, it would be me hurting her, something I never want to do.

    I would never ever tell a parent to bad mouth another parent to a child, i never have done this as i think its totally wrong!!
    Its harder with an older child as I can imagine.. As for the financial side maybe book an appointment with MABS and see can they help you manage your bills a lil better each month somehow (just a suggestion)..
    Hope you find a solution to all this, its ****ty when one parent is left with all the responsibility but we have to make do and do the best we can by the child..
    Best of luck


  • #10
    krd
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,455 ✭✭✭krd


    silly wrote: »
    He is on social welfare and claiming for his girlfriend and her son ( who she recieved maintenance from her ex for) another child ( I don't know who is the father of her second child) and a child they have together. I know he does work a cash in hand job for a friend, but I have no way of proving that. With his social welfare alone he is €100 better off than me a week and getting rent allowance etc.

    You're in a really bad situation.

    What you could do is report him to the social welfare...They will suspend his claim while they're investigating - they investigate for about two weeks. They don't really do much investigating - it's more a few shots across the bow. If however, his friend is doing one of these cash in hand, employing people on social welfare businesses, he could be in real serious trouble. They do eventually come after these guys and make them pay.

    Black mail is completely against the law. But there is no law against you intimating your intentions, and opening a dialogue.

    Pammy, I have tried that but my daughter is 11 yrs old, I wouldn't bad mouth her father to her as I don't think it's fair and she loves him. I can't stop her for wanting to see him, if I do, it would be me hurting her, something I never want to do.

    I know it's tough. But at her age, you really shouldn't drag her into this. It's not her fault, and it could make her life harder in the long run. And don't listen to anyone who tells you, you should. This kind of thing does damage kids.

    For your own benefit, you should be a little cold blooded. He might have the money and just be playing a game with you. But don't let it get to you.


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