The C&H relationshippy lovey dovey thread of love

pajor

I'm won't be.

My gf and I will continue our Valentine's tradition of sitting at home and eating kebabs. Probably will get her flowers though.

LoonyLovegood

I've never actually been in a relationship on valentines day. Well, technically...but we were 'on a break', so it doesn't count because I ignored the day despite his pining tweets.

Jhcx

I've had 2 for valentines. And while I'm single I am seeing someone so could use it as an excuse to take them on a date lol

wnolan1992

CTYIgirl wrote: »

I've never actually been in a relationship on valentines day.

Do you wanna be?

wnolan1992

HugsiePie wrote: »

Trying to get nominated for best couple at the jizzlers, real subtle guys :rolleyes:

Well since Junco rebuffed my advances...

LoonyLovegood

wnolan1992 wrote: »

Do you wanna be?

If I don't get a date at speed dating tomorrow (I won't, so that'll be a loss), then yes

Junco Partner

wnolan1992 wrote: »

Well since Junco rebuffed my advances...

I'm sorry wnolan. I'm emotionally unavailable. I pushed you away cause I FEEL TOO MUCH! and it scares me.

Please forgive me
:pac:

Junco Partner

HugsiePie wrote: »

Yeah you do





(I dont even know what Im insinuating)

That I get handsy?
Emotionally handsy.

Junco Partner

HugsiePie wrote: »

Handsy....Hansy.....Hans Solo :pac:

#foreveralone #notreally #hookingupwithprincessleia

I hope what they say about Han shooting first aren't true so.

iamanengine

Junco Partner wrote: »

I hope what they say about Han shooting first aren't true so.

Quote all of the deleted posts!! *insert meme here*

LoonyLovegood

I'm planning on walking to Aldi in the morning, buying a can of squirty cream and having fancy hot chocolate all day tomorrow. This is my valentine's day, have at it

Junco Partner

12 hour shift tomorrow. And not the fun kind.

Jhcx

I'm currently sort of seeing someone but we have not set anything in title wise. But im thinking that it's just a casual relationship with this person. Would it be wrong to still keep flirting around . Just don't feel strong connection but enjoy hanging with them having fun.

Junco Partner

Jhcx wrote: »

I'm currently sort of seeing someone but we have not set anything in title wise. But im thinking that it's just a casual relationship with this person. Would it be wrong to still keep flirting around . Just don't feel strong connection but enjoy hanging with them having fun.

If it's not serious then yeah it's probably okay. But you should talk to whoever your seeing first. If they have a different idea of where it's going and are looking towards getting serious then you could end up hurting someone.

If your seeing someone but you want to be free to sleep with others than why bother seeing someone in any type of dating capacity at all?. Why not just stick to one night stands.

I've had fwb things in the past where we've both slept around. But we never really hung out that much like.

Jhcx

Junco Partner wrote: »

If it's not serious then yeah it's probably okay. But you should talk to whoever your seeing first. If they have a different idea of where it's going and are looking towards getting serious then you could end up hurting someone.

If your seeing someone but you want to be free to sleep with others than why bother seeing someone in any type of dating capacity at all?. Why not just stick to one night stands.

I've had fwb things in the past where we've both slept around. But we never really hung out that much like.

Thanks. Ya I suppose I should see what their thinking. Like talking to them last night seemed to be OK with causal relations. But could be wrong. Well I don't want one night stands done enough those I'm looking foe a relationship nut just being picky about who I'm with. And this is probably the only relationship gonna get for now but just don't want to commit

iamanengine

:mad:

Don't you just hate when you get to that stage with someone where they do something trivial and it makes you upset/annoyed/angry/whatever whereas a few months ago it really would not have been a big deal at all.

I hate getting close to people...*sigh* Vulnerabilities suck.

sibby

Jhcx wrote: »

I'm currently sort of seeing someone but we have not set anything in title wise. But im thinking that it's just a casual relationship with this person. Would it be wrong to still keep flirting around . Just don't feel strong connection but enjoy hanging with them having fun.

Jhcx I'm actually i the same situation as you. I just came straight out and asked what they want/don't want etc. I like them but we live too far away for anything serious to happen and talking to them about it made me feel waaaaay better about seeing other people!

LoonyLovegood

iamanengine wrote: »

:mad:

Don't you just hate when you get to that stage with someone where they do something trivial and it makes you upset/annoyed/angry/whatever whereas a few months ago it really would not have been a big deal at all.

I hate getting close to people...*sigh* Vulnerabilities suck.

Or when you're starting to get close to someone and they come out with something and you're just like "nope, can't do this anymore"

Junco Partner

Who needs a date on Valentine's when you can have one on Pancake Tuesday.

iamanengine

LoonyLovegood wrote: »

Or when you're starting to get close to someone and they come out with something and you're just like "nope, can't do this anymore"

I think I'm in the other category. As in, there is a couple things about me that terrifies me if I tell people they'll be like..."nope, can't deal, k thx bai"

LoonyLovegood

iamanengine wrote: »

I think I'm in the other category. As in, there is a couple things about me that terrifies me if I tell people they'll be like..."nope, can't deal, k thx bai"

The fact that you're a law student who's looking at a minimum of close to a decade in poverty? I joke, I joke.

iamanengine

LoonyLovegood wrote: »

The fact that you're a law student who's looking at a minimum of close to a decade in poverty? I joke, I joke.

It hurts because it's true :P

LoonyLovegood

iamanengine wrote: »

It hurts because it's true :P

The life of loving Lady Justice and her friends.

pajor

One lad in my year in college was always doing that. Was with his gf for 2 years+ before they broke up. A few others I've known as well would have the attitude "it's just the shift".

Wouldn't necessarily agree with that myself.

Jhcx

It's pretty unfortunate that it does happen. I knew a lad who was in a relationship. But had this weird agreement (which I don't think was agreed on) that When they weren't together they could sleep with anyone they wanted shift anyone they wanted. Needless to say it didn't work out. But ya some are just always at it. I'd shift anyone myself but imagine not in a relationship .

wnolan1992

HugsiePie wrote: »

Bit of a random question, just wondering what are yeer opinions on this....

My friends and I have tended to notice there are alot of guys who are in relationships will try to/and get the shift in a nightclub (maybe lots of girls do this too, idk)

The last time I was in a club my friend saw a guy we both know shifting some randomer even tho hes been with his gf for 4 years, last year my flatmate caught her bf of only a few days shifting some randomer in the club and promptly broke up, my room mate last year caught her bf of now 3 years shifting someone the night (after) he had first asked her out.

So like what do yee make of that, does it happen really often, what would you do in that situation, it seems really common....

Think it's pretty common tbh. One of roommates recently had a girlfriend up the country where he came from, but basically every night he went out it was a mission to get the shift (minimum).

TBH I think that section of guys just don't want to be classed as "single", yet don't want to actually commit to something.

HugsiePie wrote: »

Would yee consider it cheating, and breakup worthy?

Yes and yes.

thelad95

HugsiePie wrote: »

Would yee consider it cheating, and breakup worthy?

If it's a once off drunken mistake, it's forgivable. If it's something that's happening constantly or if it emerged that he/she deliberately went out that night looking for the shift it's unforgivable.

It is definitely cheating, I don't possibly see how anyone else could see it as anything else. 'It's just a shift' is a very childish attitude to be honest.

pollyannawins

if you knew your best friend was cheating on his long time girlfriend and she was in hospital with plague would you lmake a pass on her? any one else have this problem?

pollyannawins

pollyannawins wrote: »

if you knew your best friend was cheating on his long time girlfriend and she was in hospital with plague would you lmake a pass on her? any one else have this problem?

this not to be 'unduly provocative or derogatory of other members' but to warn that we are getting dangerously off topic

Insect Overlord

pollyannawins wrote: »

if you knew your best friend was cheating on his long time girlfriend and she was in hospital with plague would you lmake a pass on her? any one else have this problem?

Why would you make a pass at someone who has the plague?! You'd end up turning into a zombie too! :eek:

wnolan1992

pollyannawins wrote: »

if you knew your best friend was cheating on his long time girlfriend and she was in hospital with plague would you lmake a pass on her? any one else have this problem?

If he was my best friend, why would I go behind his back like that? I mean, he's clearly a douchebag, but becoming a douchebag yourself using his douchebaggery as an excuse is douchebaggery of the highest order.

Macavity.

Depends on many factors.

iamanengine

I once got with a girl who my best friend had an absolutely huge thing for but he never told me until after...that was bad vibes.

pajor

Two wrongs don't make a right..?

LoonyLovegood

But three lefts do!

thelad95

pajor wrote: »

Two wrongs don't make a right..?

Two wrights make an aeroplane....

Junco Partner

If the guy is an ass and carries on like that. Well then yeah, if the girl had reciprocating feels, go for it.
Two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes karma needs a little push (or just plain doesn't exist)'when it comes to bad people, sometimes you go batman on it. If you get to be the vessel of karmic retribution AND get laid. Than why not.

pajor

LoonyLovegood wrote: »

But three lefts do!

Now I'm lost. :pac:

pollyannawins

wnolan1992 wrote: »

If he was my best friend, why would I go behind his back like that? I mean, he's clearly a douchebag, but becoming a douchebag yourself using his douchebaggery as an excuse is douchebaggery of the highest order.

thank you for your response. that is food for thought. though the end factors might include the feelings of the girl as well as the tried and trusted 'friends don't rob girlfriends' (its the modern age and women have been known to where pantaloons). the severity of the plague is also a factor as a sudden change in familiar relations might adversely affect the girl's recovery.
but I will take your advice and side with just sending her flowers instead.

Junco Partner

So I've been kind of seeing this girl for the last few weeks. Been out probably four times and hung out a few times at home.
She was talking to a friend of mine that I work with; on Facebook. Basically trying to find out if I talk about her or what , trying to get a read on my feelings I guess. I guess I should expect that talk in the next few days.
The problem is that she told my friend basically that she's developing strong feelings for me. Which would be great except they just aren't there for me at all. I can't really figure out why: she's smart, she's pretty; but that spark just ain't there for me.
I know I need to do the decent thing and end it but I want to do it in a nice way which is where I'm drawing a blank. I just don't really know how to do it the decent way. I haven't really text her much this week at all. Running the risk of doing the blank out method. Which through experience is a nasty thing to be on the end of.

TL;DR
how do you dump someone decently?

Cherry Blossom Girl

Junco Partner wrote: »

TL;DR
how do you dump someone decently?

Just have an honest conversation with her. I can't really tell you what to say exactly but here's some do's and dont's.


Numero uno: don't do the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing. I know it's actually somewhat true in this case but that line is confusing and ambiguous and she probably won't believe you anyway. Try and give her a solid and clear explanation so she isn't left wondering what the hell she did/said to make you not like her anymore because she will wonder. If you're just not feeling it then tell her that. It's crap but sometimes it happens and hopefully she'll understand.

Numero dos: don't drag it out. You haven't been seeing her that long so just sit her down and get it over with. Don't be curt but just don't let it turn into an hours long affair. No one needs that. Say what you have to say, listen to whatever she has to say and then leave. Personally, I feel like its better to break up with someone in public rather than at their house, especially if the relationahip isn't that serious, but other people disagree. If you do do it in public, try for somewhere quietish where you can hear each other and loads of people won't see her possibly crying, etc.

Numero tres: Be nice about it obviously, but don't be overly sympathetic. This can be difficult to get right. Maybe she'll cry a bit, if she does comfort her but don't (literally) be a shoulder to cry on. It's hard for me to verbalise but basically, be kind to her, don't forget to tell her the things you like about her but don't give her hope that you'll change your mind. Make sure she knows that this is it. Give her a hug when you're parting ways if you think that'd be appropriate.

Numero cuatro: leave her her alone afterwards. Don't try and be her friend, at least not now. Don't tell her you want to stay friends either, it just sets up unnecessary expectations and someone will get hurt. If you actually do want to remain friends, wait a while until her feelings for you have dissipated.

Numero cinco: if all else fails:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=298nld4Yfds

(You can start paying me for relationship advice any day now Junco :pac: )

thelad95

I'd agree with everything Cherry Blossom said. Break-ups suck no matter what but there are definitely ways to make it less painful. Some people think whittling off a few clichés will do fine but I think it is better to just be honest, and if possible, end things relatively peacefully and give each other space for a while. I think it's a bit weird when you see two people who break up hanging out together a week later, even if it's with mutual friends. Ok sometimes, it's fine especially if the two people were close anyway before they got together but often, it's a recipe for disaster.

Macavity.

Dear Baby. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.

Jhcx

So romantic

LoonyLovegood

Just don't do a room 101 on it and text her á la a gameshow host.

sibby

Junco Partner wrote: »

TL;DR
how do you dump someone decently?

Imagine the shoe is on the other foot and she's breaking up with you. Do it the way you'd like to be broken up with (if that makes sense).

Junco Partner

sibby wrote: »

Imagine the shoe is on the other foot and she's breaking up with you. Do it the way you'd like to be broken up with (if that makes sense).

So angry break up sex ? :pac:

Junco Partner

Cherry Blossom Girl wrote: »

(You can start paying me for relationship advice any day now Junco :pac: )

Do you take cheques? .

Seriously though thanks. it's not gonna be fun but I'm feeling confident that I can pull this off with minimum tears.

Cheers to the rest of Ye too. C and H makes life that much more navigatable.

Junco Partner

thelad95 wrote: »

I think it's a bit weird when you see two people who break up hanging out together a week later, even if it's with mutual friends. Ok sometimes, it's fine especially if the two people were close anyway before they got together but often, it's a recipe for disaster.

I know, It doesn't work at all really does it. The dumped party clings to false hope and drive themselves craz. While the dumper offers friendship so they can feel like less of a bad guy/girl. big horrible maelstrom of drunken pleading and Taylor swift songs

Jhcx

Junco Partner wrote: »

I know, It doesn't work at all really does it. The dumped party clings to false hope and drive themselves craz. While the dumper offers friendship so they can feel like less of a bad guy/girl. big horrible maelstrom of drunken pleading and Taylor swift songs

In saying that I'm still waiting on my breakup sex. Maybe that's what's she's doing just lingering around to seem lesless guilty all I want is one more night